Just wanted to vent to anyone who understands what living with this is like.
My dd (7) is at her dad's house for the night. He takes her for a night every other weekend. And every other weekend he has to call me as soon as they get home (half an hour away) so I know they didn't get in a car accident. He's a great driver, and even more careful when dd is in the car.
Today he took her, and it snowed for hours, so I'm twice as stressed as usual. I know they got there okay, but I that was at noon, now it's almost 8:00 and I phoned to say goodnight to her (and really just to make sure she's okay) and there's no answer. So now I'm going to torture myself with horrible thoughts until he either calls back, (sometimes he doesn't) or cry myself to sleep after having a panic attack that lasts for hours.
Both he and my SO don't understand it at all. I would think my SO would kind of get it, because he has anxiety, but it's strictly in social settings. He seems to think "I'm sure she's FINE" will just magically lift it, and though I know he's trying to make me feel better, I get frustrated knowing he's frustrated that nothing he says can help.
The thing is, I know I'm crazy! No amount of pointing it out is going to help me. You know how you check on a newborn when they're sleeping? I still do that with dd, 4-5 times a night before I go to bed. And then I have to check on her if I get up in the middle of the night (which is frequent considering I'm pg and have to pee constantly).
I've had to phone her school in the middle of the day because I suddenly flip out and think she's been taken from the school yard or hurt. So I make up a stupid excuse like I think I forgot to pack her lunch etc so the secretary will page the class and I'll know that she's there.
I haven't yet found a medication that works, and when I somehow get engaged in an activity that takes my mind off things for a couple of hours, and I realize an irrational fear hasn't crossed my mind for awhile, suddenly I think I've somehow jinxed everything and now something bad is definately going to happen. (Trust me, I know how insane that is..)
I've wanted to homeschool dd since she was born, and haven't been able to. She's recently been diagnosed with a few problems that I just know being homeschooled would help immensely, and it would also solve a lot of my issues. I know I do a good job of not projecting my crazy worries onto her, and it kills me that the obvious answer that would help both of us isn't possible.
Anyway, sorry for the ramble..just wanted to get this off my chest to someone who might know how it feels.
My dd (7) is at her dad's house for the night. He takes her for a night every other weekend. And every other weekend he has to call me as soon as they get home (half an hour away) so I know they didn't get in a car accident. He's a great driver, and even more careful when dd is in the car.
Today he took her, and it snowed for hours, so I'm twice as stressed as usual. I know they got there okay, but I that was at noon, now it's almost 8:00 and I phoned to say goodnight to her (and really just to make sure she's okay) and there's no answer. So now I'm going to torture myself with horrible thoughts until he either calls back, (sometimes he doesn't) or cry myself to sleep after having a panic attack that lasts for hours.
Both he and my SO don't understand it at all. I would think my SO would kind of get it, because he has anxiety, but it's strictly in social settings. He seems to think "I'm sure she's FINE" will just magically lift it, and though I know he's trying to make me feel better, I get frustrated knowing he's frustrated that nothing he says can help.
The thing is, I know I'm crazy! No amount of pointing it out is going to help me. You know how you check on a newborn when they're sleeping? I still do that with dd, 4-5 times a night before I go to bed. And then I have to check on her if I get up in the middle of the night (which is frequent considering I'm pg and have to pee constantly).
I've had to phone her school in the middle of the day because I suddenly flip out and think she's been taken from the school yard or hurt. So I make up a stupid excuse like I think I forgot to pack her lunch etc so the secretary will page the class and I'll know that she's there.
I haven't yet found a medication that works, and when I somehow get engaged in an activity that takes my mind off things for a couple of hours, and I realize an irrational fear hasn't crossed my mind for awhile, suddenly I think I've somehow jinxed everything and now something bad is definately going to happen. (Trust me, I know how insane that is..)
I've wanted to homeschool dd since she was born, and haven't been able to. She's recently been diagnosed with a few problems that I just know being homeschooled would help immensely, and it would also solve a lot of my issues. I know I do a good job of not projecting my crazy worries onto her, and it kills me that the obvious answer that would help both of us isn't possible.
Anyway, sorry for the ramble..just wanted to get this off my chest to someone who might know how it feels.
