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January dating thread!!!

post #1 of 172
Thread Starter 
Happy new year everyone (about an hour early)

I have much hope for this year. It has to be better than last year, I know it...it will be fabulous! I can sense that I'm just around the corner from my next relationship.

I'm now communicating with a guy named Joe who I met online (gosh, I hope he doesn't google my username) He sounds great, I enjoyed talking to him. We are definately compatible over the phone. Wish me luck, I desreve a decent date for a change. I also want the passion, the spark, and I won't settle for anything less.

*fingers are crossed*

What about you????

Do tell...
post #2 of 172
I'm currently single. I'm not really looking for a committed relationship, since I can't seem to find a guy who can handle my life. We'll see what happens.

BelovedK ~ I hope things with Joe keep going well!
post #3 of 172
Thread Starter 
All we can do is see what happens...you never know, when you're ready, the right situation will appear. I firmly believe this. I feel ready, but I may need to do more work on myself, maybe that's why I'm not meeting anyone 'good' for me.

I just did a little ceremony clearing out the junk and old ways of thinking from my life. I hope I meet someone, but I don't want to focus too much on it...I guess I think that might jinx my chances
post #4 of 172
Quote:
Originally Posted by BelovedK View Post
All we can do is see what happens...you never know, when you're ready, the right situation will appear. I firmly believe this. I feel ready, but I may need to do more work on myself, maybe that's why I'm not meeting anyone 'good' for me.
Yeah, I agree with that. Although.. it would be great to be ready, cause I'd like for the right situation to appear.

It sounds like you have a good New Years. That's really exciting! I hung out with my parents, and with my current exhaustion level it was all I really wanted to do. I was a bit grumpy that I had free childcare for the whole night and yet I didn't go anywhere, but oh well.
post #5 of 172
HAPPY ang HEALTHY new year mamma's!!!!!!
post #6 of 172
Quote:
Originally Posted by BelovedK View Post
I'm now communicating with a guy named Joe who I met online (gosh, I hope he doesn't google my username)
BelovedK,

I think one of my matches fell through because someone did this and so I got smart and changed my username. But good luck! On a whim I signed up for eharmony because I was getting tired of match.com and I think I just wasted sixty bucks. Everyone lives so far away and while I'm not particularly fond of where I live, I don't know if I could move for an iffy relationship. But this online stuff keeps me from getting bored at work. (I know, such a terrible hobby). Good luck!!
post #7 of 172
Quote:
Originally Posted by solareyna View Post
BelovedK,

I think one of my matches fell through because someone did this and so I got smart and changed my username. But good luck! On a whim I signed up for eharmony because I was getting tired of match.com and I think I just wasted sixty bucks. Everyone lives so far away and while I'm not particularly fond of where I live, I don't know if I could move for an iffy relationship. But this online stuff keeps me from getting bored at work. (I know, such a terrible hobby). Good luck!!
You can change the proximity on eHarmony, so they will only match you with people within the proximity you chose.

I met my current DP via eHarmony. Personally, I preferred eHarmony over the other, especially Match.com. I hated have to sort though so much crap and then finding that half the guys were not as serious as I needed/wanted.

BUT...the bad thing about eHarmony, is that it takes time and is expensive.

I had been signed up with eHarmony for almost 1 year (met with 2 other guys during that time, who were nice guys, just not for me) before meeting my DP.

Good luck.
post #8 of 172
ok girls this year i am gonna get divorced, meet my man (i decided i am no longer looking for casual romantic relationships - tried it last year and wasnt happy with it), get married and get preggo this year. i am READY for it.

but first i have to really get my trembling scared self together and move to the next city i have been dying to move to for years. its time for action - and i feel if i can do that then i will have all that i want.

a community and some good friends to hang around with.

but first and foremost i want my babies. my dd and i are tired of waiting for them. lack of money stops me from adopting or fostering.

fingers crossed for u beloved
post #9 of 172
meemee....You go girl!

Yep, this is my year too. I am going to meet the man that will be my long time partner and role model to my kids. I love my life, I have an abundance of love, friends and family around me. I am grateful everyday for the wonderful life I have created and the experiences I have being a single mom. I love where I am at (emotionally, spiritually, mentally & physically) and therefore I know that when he comes into my life it will just be an added bonus to the amazing experience of life I am already creating for myself and my kids.

I deserve to be in a healthy, mutually loving and respectful relationship....and gosh darn it...I'm ready for it too!!!!!
post #10 of 172
Thread Starter 
I hope that when all of us find our perfect partners, we still visit this forum...I'd miss you guys
post #11 of 172
Quote:
Originally Posted by MsChatsAlot View Post
meemee....You go girl!

Yep, this is my year too. I am going to meet the man that will be my long time partner and role model to my kids. I love my life, I have an abundance of love, friends and family around me. I am grateful everyday for the wonderful life I have created and the experiences I have being a single mom. I love where I am at (emotionally, spiritually, mentally & physically) and therefore I know that when he comes into my life it will just be an added bonus to the amazing experience of life I am already creating for myself and my kids.

I deserve to be in a healthy, mutually loving and respectful relationship....and gosh darn it...I'm ready for it too!!!!!

That's what I'm saying perfectly said!!!

and meemee I believe that this year is going to be my year also the last few years have made me stronger wiser and defanately made me know what I will not stand for in a relationship I do believe that the perfect person is out there for each of us we just all need to met them to realize it I think they are hideing: we'll find them

HAPPY NEW YEAR everyone!!
post #12 of 172
oh MCAL u said it so much better than me.

beloved i coudl never leave. i had to take a long hiatus this year when my computer died adn when i had to work on myself and how to look at ex i had to disappear from here and figure otu my own reality without getting affected by others experiences. but now that i have all that and me sorted back i return happily.
post #13 of 172
Thread Starter 

I just had a 3 hour conversation

with a guy I met online (the same Joe I talked about earlier) We really get along over the phone. I sure hope we vibe in person...it's about time I had a good date.

Wish me luck mamas
post #14 of 172

Happy New Year!

Well, my New Years Eve was a blast. I went up to Jesse's around noon, we hung out, started drinking about 2, by 5 we had gone through a whole bottle of rum, just the 2 of us. From 5-9 we had a "lovefest", all I can say about that is woah baby, new record. Then we watched the Da Vinci Code, rung in the new year watching South Park & Carlos Mencia on Comedy Central. We finally went to sleep around 2am. It was nice to actually wake up to someone lying next to me.

BUT

again he's not answering my messages so it has me all paranoid. We had a long talk about things and I felt a lot better, but now I'm not so sure. I can't say that I'm in love with him, that my heart is going to break, but it will break if I lose his friendship, I really care about him & regardless of whatever we are or become I do care about him & love him as a friend.
post #15 of 172
Sunnybaby....
If this guy is a real friend, or really worthy of your friendship, he will call. If he is interested in you and interested in dating you, he will call.

I know I have tortured myself many times over the years waiting for calls from men, giving away all my power and thinking that the only way I was validated was through them & by the attention they paid to me. I was never satisfied, often wondering whether or not they'll call and ended up in a lot of dead-end relationships. I didn't realize it at the time, but I was often coming across as desperate and needy and I was DEFINITELY choosing men who weren't available in the way I wanted or needed them to be. It was torture waiting for that phone to ring, because I was basing all of my worthiness in his attention to me. And anytime we seek for validation outside ourselves, we always end up frustrated, confused or unfulfilled because it really has to come from within.

I have been there and done that so many times in my life, I could write a book (possibly a whole series!!!) However, I continued to create the same pattern of discontent in my life because I never really took the time to figure out me...before jumping into another relationship.

I have recently had the opportunity to experience a mutual relationship and can tell you there is a world of difference between the two. If someone really likes you, they call. If you are really okay with who you are, it doesn't matter if they call or not. Being okay with yourself and liking yourself comes first and when it does, it still stings when someone else doesn't reciprocate...but we quickly recover and see that it means there is someone better on their way. If we aren't okay with ourselves, we spend a lot of time waiting for the phone to ring, giving our power away to the other person, trying to please them, trying to 'keep' them and depending on them to make us feel better about ourselves...and that never happens.

I wish you well. From what I've read & if I understand it correctly, you are still living with your husband and barely out of your marriage. It is a time filled with a surprising number of emotions and issues to resolve. I love the way Harville Hendrix describes that when we don't resolve things from our previous relationship, we carry those same issues into the next one and they will be more in our face than ever before. I have never lived such truer words.

I hope you find peace with this relationship.
post #16 of 172
I do believe that this is all our year!!!!!! My dp and i get stronger everyday and it is wonderful...although he is not comfortable talking about the mc....I don't think he really "get's" how upset I am about it!! But i gues that is just that. We spent all day together yesterday and it was marvelous. I am now in the "when to introduce kids" stage...... I really have no clue on the right answer to that....:
post #17 of 172
Quote:
Originally Posted by MsChatsAlot View Post

I wish you well. From what I've read & if I understand it correctly, you are still living with your husband and barely out of your marriage. It is a time filled with a surprising number of emotions and issues to resolve. I love the way Harville Hendrix describes that when we don't resolve things from our previous relationship, we carry those same issues into the next one and they will be more in our face than ever before. I have never lived such truer words.

I hope you find peace with this relationship.
Yes, I am now living again with stbx, but we were separated from May-Nov. when I moved back in because of financial & medical issues. It was a mistake to move back in because we just have more problems now, but I am going to get out as soon as I can. Our marriage has pretty much been over for 2 years, I'm just waiting on some $ to push the divorce through.
post #18 of 172
BelovedK - good luck!!! I think I might have found another good potential through eharmony already as well.

On another note - why do I keep attracting men that have emotional problems??? The guy I dated on Saturday (who I couldn't bring myself to kiss good night because he was just not attractive to me - post in December thread) sent me an email today and said he has lost all passion for life and has spent every minute in bed being depressed since our date. I told him I was here as a friend and I encouraged him to seek help. What else could I do? He got way into me way too fast and had convinced himself I was his soulmate before we even met. I don't think that was fair to me at all or am I being selfish? I really hope he doesn't do anything stupid but I don't feel I have any responsibility to do anything, do I? We talked via email and phone for four days and had two dates in two days. That was it. I enjoyed his friendship and I told him as much but there was no chemistry at all. Just when I think I am getting over my baggage someone starts foisting theirs on me. But I don't have to take theirs. I have enough of my own.
post #19 of 172
Quote:
Originally Posted by solareyna View Post
I don't think that was fair to me at all or am I being selfish? I really hope he doesn't do anything stupid but I don't feel I have any responsibility to do anything, do I? We talked via email and phone for four days and had two dates in two days. That was it. But I don't have to take theirs. I have enough of my own.
No, you are not being selfish. No, you should not feel any reponsibility to do anything. This is NOT your problem...at all.

In all honesty, I would probably cut off all contact with this person.

My gf went out with a guy that did this to her after 1 date. She tried to "soften the blow" by saying, "I just want to be friends...blah, blah, blah." Honestly, she didn't want to be friends, she just didn't want to hurt his feelings. He proceeded with the same bs as you are dealing with now. He eventually ended up stalking her for 6 months.

Her life was miserable and frightening at times. He was eventually arrested and she moved out of the country by the time he was released from jail.

PLEASE be careful.
post #20 of 172
Quote:
Originally Posted by solareyna View Post
On another note - why do I keep attracting men that have emotional problems??? The guy I dated on Saturday (who I couldn't bring myself to kiss good night because he was just not attractive to me - post in December thread) sent me an email today and said he has lost all passion for life and has spent every minute in bed being depressed since our date. I told him I was here as a friend and I encouraged him to seek help. What else could I do? He got way into me way too fast and had convinced himself I was his soulmate before we even met. I don't think that was fair to me at all or am I being selfish? I really hope he doesn't do anything stupid but I don't feel I have any responsibility to do anything, do I? We talked via email and phone for four days and had two dates in two days. That was it. I enjoyed his friendship and I told him as much but there was no chemistry at all. Just when I think I am getting over my baggage someone starts foisting theirs on me. But I don't have to take theirs. I have enough of my own.

I agree with Holland.
It's best just to cut all ties, tell him you are sorry, but he needs help and you are not qualified nor interested in the job.

As for how to avoid healthy men....make sure you ask a lot of questions covering a lot of ground. Unhealthy people/needy people/weirdo-freaks/liars, etc. all have a way of uncovering their true selves quickly...ask lots of questions, have a few conversations, and follow your instincts.
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