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Update on Hawaii Trip

post #1 of 167
Thread Starter 
I know a lot of people have asked how things went on my trip to Hawaii and the issues with my two sisters in law. I am posting it here, the site of the original thread. It was, all in all, a great trip. I am not sure if anyone is really intersted in all of these detail but here it is:

CSIL (Crunchy AP SIL) came in a not great mood. Her DH was the one who insisted that they come and follow the rules about bedtimes, mealtimes etc...
Her mood did improve over time as the beauty of the place and her dd's clear happiness with being with their cousins was clear.

In any event on the main "issues" here is how it went down.

Bedtimes: This reallly wasn't the biggest issue as all that MSIL (mainstream Hawaii home owning sister-in-law) asked was that all children be in their rooms at certain times. CSIL's kids did not have to go to bed at a certain time. They could just stay in their rooms reading or playing or talking to their moms. They did and it was not an issue.


Chores CSIL said she and DH had talked with the girls about this and told them that they have to folow the house rules which meant having chores like setting the table or cleaning the plates from the table. All of the kids did this. When MSIL told one of CSIL's dd's to pick up some stickers, she at first tried to explan that she had not been using them and MSIL was like "that does not matter, you are here, please pick them up." DN looked at her mom but her dad then interjected "DD you know we need to follow Aunties house rules"

Media CSIL and CBIL must have worked this out at home, as they let their girls watch TV and movies with the others. My girls couldn't believe that their cousins had never seen Hannah Montana or Drake and Josh and we did have some private discussions about why.

Meals: The rules involved everyone sitting at the table til all were done and no bringing other foods (that is to say the ubiquitous peanut butter to the dinnner table). This definitely caused tension the first full night there. MSIL had made homemade pizzas and CSIL's middle dd burst into tears when it was put on the table with a "I don't like that Kind of pizza." (I think she had been happy when she heard we were having pizza and then suprised when it was not what she expected)

MSIL was like "well DN I am not sure why you think that when you haven't even tried it. If you don't like it, after you have tried it, you can eat something else on the table. (there was bread with some dipping sauces...garlic, tomato and goat cheese on the side) and salads. CSIL said "Rembember what we talked about, honey?" and DN was like "I can have peanut butter in your room after dinner" and CSIL was like "Of course" MSIL rolled her eyes, but went on.

Everyone but DN age 8 ate and loved the pizza. DN age 8's sisters even tried to get her to try the pizza but she refused.

The next day MSIL had announced that we would be going out to dinner that night at a Japanese Steak House/Sushi Bar. No one "had" to come. At first none of CSIL's kids wanted to go and they were going to stay home. However, when they started to hear what would be involved...Chef cooking at table throwing knives in air etc....They didn't want to stay behind.

MSIL said when CSIL told her that all would be joining us that she should be aware that we would probably be there for close to 2 hours as they would order sushi first and that MSIL's dh had ordered a group menu and that the only choices were fillet, shrimp or lobster. I guess CSIL told her kids this and there was some indecision but finally they decided they did not want to miss out.

Things started out tense when they took drink orders and CSIL was not thrilled that we all let the kids get sodas and these Japanese Bubble juices. She doesn't like her kids to have this but relented.

When the sushi course came MSIL's and my kids dug into the california rolls and the cucumber rolls. CSIL's kids looked appalled and asked my middle dd how she could eat raw fish. My dd explained that they were mistaken in thinking that raw fish was involved in the kids sushi...only the adults were eating the raw tuna. After a round of "gross" directed at us eating the delicious tuna maki, we all moved on. However, it was clear that CSIL's kids were getting increasing hungry ( I think that CSIL had planned to feed them a snack before we left, but she was running behind from our day at the beach and did not get a chance.)

By the time the main act started with the chef and the knives my dn were starving. Somehow with all of the excitement with the flying shrimp and the hunger dn's ate their first shrimp and two of them pronouced it "good". MSIL gave me a smug little smile. DN's went on to eat rice and two of them ate the steak.

That night at home MSIL said to me, "this just proves that if you don't give them peanut butter at every meal....." CSIL said nothing including not thanking MSBIL for the very expensive meal....I think he was a little pissed, though his brother later said something (he had stayed at home because his allergies were bothering him).

As the week wore on my two older dn's did get a little more willing to try some of the stuff on the table as I think they got sick of peanut butter.
Mostly the meals were fun. We played some fun games at the meals including "Apples to Apples" which everyone really liked.

THE Party. This was our last night there and everyone was kind of exhausted. As you may recall, MSIL's rule was that the kids could not come and the adults were expected to. The party was at their hosue and the kids were upstairs where sitters were available. The kids went off with the sitters right when they got there. The sitters were some local girls who were in their late teens (the regular nanny was with MSIL's littlest one). The sitters brought craft projets and my teen and MSIL's teen spent the evening painting their nails and experimenting with eye liner.

ONce the party started, MSIL asked CSIL's dh where CSIL was. He said that he would get her. She came down to the party at some point not looking thrilled, but her dh's hand was on her waist and she clearly was going along to please him. She went up to say good night to her kids and her dh told her to come back as soon as she could. She was like "only when the girls are ready for me to go." But she came back quickly apparently "kicked out" by her kids who were having a "sleep over" (sleeping in each others rooms) with mine.



So all in all it went fine. My dh had a wonderful time with his brothers and my kids loved every second. Other than my usual time change insomnia, I had a great time too. CSIL who is very hands on with her kids did tell that it was weird for her to be "apart" from her kids that much, as they went off and played with their cousins for hours during the day, even when we were right there the kids were often in their own little world.
post #2 of 167
It sounds like it went as well as could be expected! Glad you had a good time.
post #3 of 167
I'm so glad it went (relatively) smoothly!

Maybe next year will actually be FUN fun, what with some of the "issues" already mostly ironed out!
post #4 of 167
Glad it went OK!

I still want to kick MSIL.
post #5 of 167
Heh, I still want to kick CSIL.

I'm glad it went as well as it did. It sounded like the kids had a fantastic time!
post #6 of 167
I'm glad it went well. Still "Team MSIL".
post #7 of 167
It sounds like a lot of fun.

CSIL still sounds like a bit of a pill but maybe next year she'll be ready to admit that her kids had fun. Actually I'm really happy for her dh and kids as it sounds like they had a good time.
post #8 of 167
Thanks for the update!!!

We've all been waiting and waiting !

Sounds like it went well. Inparticular I'm glad YOU and your family had a good time.
post #9 of 167
Thank you for the update! We were all wondering how it went. I still support MSIL as well and I'm glad your nices were able to have fun!
post #10 of 167
What a cool thread. Sounds like a FUN trip, though, and I'm so glad your family went!

Yeah, gotta say I'm impressed more by MSIL. :
post #11 of 167
I am glad to hear that it all went as well as it sounds. What a fantastic trip! I am still definitely on team msil too.

Quote:
Originally Posted by maya44 View Post
She went up to say good night to her kids and her dh told her to come back as soon as she could. She was like "only when the girls are ready for me to go." But she came back quickly apparently "kicked out" by her kids who were having a "sleep over" (sleeping in each others rooms) with mine.
I have to say I got a bit of an evil chuckle at this bit.
post #12 of 167
Thanks for the update!

It would be really interesting to hear MSIL and CSIL's versions of the trip
post #13 of 167
I'm glad you had fun. And I'm glad that CSIL's kids got to have fun, too. Maybe next year they can go without their mom and really blossom and learn all about new things in the world.
post #14 of 167
Thanks for the update! I still hold that both of them sound like they have MAJOR control issues and I don't think I'm on either team - I'm on Team Maya!
post #15 of 167
Quote:
Originally Posted by daniedb View Post
Thanks for the update! I still hold that both of them sound like they have MAJOR control issues and I don't think I'm on either team - I'm on Team Maya!


Yeah, what she said!
post #16 of 167
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by sunnmama View Post
Thanks for the update!

It would be really interesting to hear MSIL and CSIL's versions of the trip

Oh yes it would! I think MSIL would say things went well. As for CSIL, I think she would say she is glad its over!

Quote:
Originally Posted by daniedb View Post
Thanks for the update! I still hold that both of them sound like they have MAJOR control issues and I don't think I'm on either team - I'm on Team Maya!
You are funny!


Well the next family get together is in CSIL's city. But neither me nor MSIL will not be staying with her, though my girls will spend the night, if CSIL can clear some space for them. She has said she is doing some "major decluttering" MSIL did get CSIL a year's worth of cleaning service for a b-day present. I know that CSIL knew it was a dig at her cleaning abilities, but I also know she is greatful for the help.
post #17 of 167
How funny that you posted this! I was just thinking about your original post this morning while in bed, for some reason. I'm glad it all seemed to work out.
post #18 of 167
Quote:
Originally Posted by marybethorama View Post
CSIL still sounds like a bit of a pill but maybe next year she'll be ready to admit that her kids had fun. Actually I'm really happy for her dh and kids as it sounds like they had a good time.
I don't get how she was a pill. How would you react to someone undermining your parenting philosophies, just b/c they thought they knew better--and they were in a position to do so?

I just don't get how imposing your parenting beliefs on anyone (veiled in this case as a "hostess" issue) is ever, ever, ever OK. Whether you agree with those parenting practices or not. (Because, for the record, I don't agree w/ CSIL on many of her parenting practices.)
post #19 of 167
Quote:
Originally Posted by monkey's mom View Post
I just don't get how imposing your parenting beliefs on anyone (veiled in this case as a "hostess" issue) is ever, ever, ever OK. Whether you agree with those parenting practices or not. (Because, for the record, I don't agree w/ CSIL on many of her parenting practices.)
Does that go for no spanking or yelling rules as well? How about no need for kids to finish their plates? What about swearing around kids?

I think there's a lot of stuff we do everyday that fall under "house rules" that others could get upset about (like no spanking or yelling and swearing's allowed and no one is ever forced to clean their plate) claiming we are imposing our parenting beliefs on them, but if they come to our house that's the deal.
post #20 of 167
Quote:
Originally Posted by nicole lisa View Post
Does that go for no spanking or yelling rules as well? How about no need for kids to finish their plates? What about swearing around kids?

I think there's a lot of stuff we do everyday that fall under "house rules" that others could get upset about (like no spanking or yelling and swearing's allowed and no one is ever forced to clean their plate) claiming we are imposing our parenting beliefs on them, but if they come to our house that's the deal.
But, not yelling and spanking are things that could freak people out--really scar young children. So that's more of a protection issue, to me.

I'm thinking of insisting that a guest punish their child and then smugly saying, "See, it works."

Or an unschooling family prohibiting a guest from doing school-at-home curriculum, and then saying, "See how much fun your kids had."

These are different parenting philosophies. Just b/c you think your way is better doesn't make it ok to impose it on someone else.

Prohibiting people from hitting each other in my house just doesn't strike me the same as someone interfering in what another person feeds their kids.

I just think there is a level of arrogance with MSIL that is totally galling when it comes to parenting issues.
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