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Parents of former NICU or Preemie babies ??? - Page 3

post #41 of 182
Allison74~You said somethign that caught my attention.
I had to stare at my own demons from being a preemie right in the face.
Do you remember being there?Can you elaborate?Would you share this with us?Maybe it can help all of us.
post #42 of 182
I'd be happy to share.

As I said in my first post, my sister and I were born at 32 weeks.

I do have choppy memories of the NICU. When I was smaller, I'd have these dreams about bright lights, and discomfort, and fear. Mostly, I just felt so alone and so displaced, in these dreams. I knew I was in a hospital, but I didn't know what I was doing there. They faded as I got older. But I knew, somewhere inside me that I was remembering my early days.

When my daughter was born at 35 weeks, it was like history was repeating itself all over again. I didn't want her to ever be alone, or lonely, or seperated from me. And she was, for 9 days. I had to fight to get into that NICU, every single time. I had to fight just to hold her for 10 minutes. I had to go home and lay there at night and know that I didn't know what they were doing to her, what they were injecting her with, what kind of outcome there was going to be.

I had to consider that maybe she would never bond with me, like how I have never bonded with my mother. I had to take all my panic and grief and try not to let it be on my face or in my eyes when I was with her, because it was so short.

I was so afraid she was going to think I didn't want her or I didn't care because I wasn't by her.

I don't think it's like this as much anymore, but when I was smaller, there was a stigma to being born premature. No matter what age my sister and I were, people were constantly asking, are they up to par, are they normal, are they doing what they should be? They were still asking, when we were 18 years old.

Whenever something went wrong with our health, or in school, or wherever, it was blamed on our 32 week delivery. We weren't expected to be smart, or accomplish anything of note in our lives. And people said the rudest, most insensitive things. Someone once said to my mom, they put you under such stress, maybe it would have been better if only one of them had survived.

So all the hard and sad times in my life were battling with the part of me that said, it doesn't have to be this way with her. She knows she's loved, and you're going to make sure she always feels that way. It doesn't have to be how it was with you, make it different.

That's what I've tried to do with her, just make sure she knows she's loved, and safe and there's nothing to be afraid of. That she is worth everything to us, and that she can do whatever she wants to do.

One day at a time.

Hope that makes some sense.

BTW, Charmarty, your girls are two days older than mine. Charis was born October 24, 2000.
post #43 of 182
Allison74~Thanks so much for sharing you story.
It breaks my heart though. I am sorry you and other babies have to start life this way.
Your DD is very lucky to have you.

Our Preemies will be 3 soon

Can you believe it??????????I cant!Do you or anyone else here for that matter ever go back to the NICU to show off?I just cant bare to go back there.Been there once to visit momoftristan and her wonderful baby boy and that was enough for me.I just focused totally on them.Have no desire to go back for any other reason though.My Godson was an exception .

post #44 of 182
Thanks for reading, Charmarty.

It is actually pretty healing to write about either my or dd's birth. This thread is so amazing. I'm either or whenever I read it, but I think it's so wonderful. All of the mothers here are so strong and brave and amazing.

Originally posted by Charmarty
I am not exactly sure how to explain it but we seem to see our children differenlty through our eyes.Almost like they are special warriors and know deep in our souls how blessed and special these children are?
I know all parents feel this with thier children but I think its a different degree.We have watched our tiny babies truely struggle.We KNOW thier inner strengths!They are just so special!
I love this, and knew exactly what you mean. I feel the same way. How are your girls doing? I've caught some things here and there in the Vaccination forum, and it seems like things are going in a good direction for you. I hope so.

I can't believe that my baby girl is almost three. It is amazing how fast the time has gone. I haven't been to a NICU since the day she left it. I know they would have loved to see her progress, but I just couldn't do it.

I can't even look at her medical records yet. That's my goal for the fall. To look at her records. They've been sitting in the closet for a couple of months, as I finally made myself get copies of them.

Everything is still so fresh and raw sometimes, even though it has been almost three years. I just need a little more time. I'll get there, baby step by baby step.

As we all will.

post #45 of 182

so glad to see this thread

i posted on life with a babe and noone knew of any preemie threads. i delivered by csection on july 13 my 32 week girl -i had broken my water 2 days earlier. she was breech. csection extended into classical csection. she was in the hospital for 3 and a half weeks. i have a lot of anger and grief and nowhere to express it. it doesn't help to read all of the AP books which all devote chapters to the natural birthexperience being an integral part of bonding etc with the newborn - i feel guilty that my daughter didn't have it and angry that i didn't experience it. so i feel like i will never be totally AP. the NICU staff was okay but despite extensive lipservice to breastfeeding they didn't go out of their way to support it. just pumping at her isolette was abig deal. one nurse fed her formula because she didn't look in the freezer to see if there was any frozen ebm and i was a whole 20 min late for her feeding (had to go interview a pediatrician since i hadn't chosen one yet) so i walk up to find her getting formula! after that feeding she didn't poop for 2 days and then had a dark green major blowout! grrr. they didn't want to send her home until they knew she could feed but if i wasn't right there when she woke up would tube feed her so finally i spent the night in an empty room there and fed her around the clock so they would see she could survive without tube feeds and bottles. i insisted if they fed her orally they had to use a syringe and not a bottle and half of the nurses didn't even know how to do that! she had ivs in both elbows, both feet both hands and scalp as well as a uac. every morning i came in to find a new iv site my heart just broke. she had rds and a collapsed lung and got a chest tube and was on the vent. it was heartbreaking. and i admit i got a little sorry for myself when i would see new moms going home with their babies and lots of flowers etc - nobody sent me flowers! all i got was a scar and the luxury of pumping every 3 hrs. and the thing that made me maddest was all the nurses etc would say "you look tired you need to get some rest!" how was i to rest - between pumping at night so i wouldn't lose my already not great supply and trying to be there all day to try to feed her there was no time to rest! you have got to be kidding! i also am bitter that i didn't get to experience a full term pg and birth - i feel like i was so unprepared for all of this and no one understood that. okay done with my vent - despite the above i am truly grateful for my little one - she was 3lb 15 oz at birth and yesterday was 5 lb - she is still on oxygen and monitor but i leave the monitor off half the time because the leads just won't stay on and she sets it off all the time because of that. peace to us all, angela
post #46 of 182

Strength and love to you. I know this is so hard. I can relate to so much of what you wrote, especially the part about not being ready for this to happen and dealing with NICU 'politics' as I like to call them. And, the worry about not bonding.

I don't believe for a second that you can't be really AP because you had a traumatic and early birth. It would be wonderful if every woman could have a gentle, perfect birth. But, as all of us on this thread know, sometimes that is not to be. And that is okay. I truly think that it's about what you do once you get your baby home, and the way you treat them there. It's not just about the birth, it's the whole parenting experience.

The memories from the birth and NICU may never fade completely, but I promise, they will become bearable, after time. I know that might not mean anything right now, as the shock and upset of the birth are probably foremost in your mind. But hang on, it's going to get better.

Feel free to vent, cry, laugh, whatever you have to do. Whatever helps you heal, do it. And please feel free to PM me if you ever need a listening ear.

Wishing health and happiness to you and your daughter.
post #47 of 182
well I just found this thread as I just realized a tribe could be a concept not just a location!
My heart ang hugs goes out to all you strong strong mommas and your wonderfully strong children!
My dd's birthday was pretty shocking and I never knew I could be so strong, so strong that I think I still haven't let down my guard, kwim?
My dd, maegan rain, is everything to me!
dh and I have a 9 yr old son, born c/s cuz he was 10 days overdue and a big baby and we just plan didn't know anybetter. When I was prego this time we both wanted things better, so be took birthing from within classes, hired a friend who is a doula, had a birth plan and was trying for a vbac...well after 12 days overdue of no signs of labor and I was leaking fluid, I decided to be induced, but after 2 hrs of petocin the pains were so strong and kept on being so strong for hours later dr's decided to c/s dd. She was born at 1:15am and I was very nervouse cuz ds c/s was very tramatic and painful for me. DH was so awesome and supportive and he woke me so I could see dd all wrapped in a towel? before they took her away to the nicu. back in the recovery room DH told me she wasn't breathing upon delivery and a nurse ran up to the dr's and slapped the baby's feet to get her to cry and she also had miconium complications. But dh was told she would be fine. I was dozing in and out on the recovery room when a 'matter of fact', ie mean) dr came in while my dh was outside getting something to eat and told me dd may not survive, dh walked in as dr said this and dr said the next hr would tell all. All I could think of was we have an hour, and I thought of the changing table topped burea dh spent months refinishing and all the cloth diapers I had bought and we had an hour, over and over again, and my dh squuezed my hand so hard and dropped to the floor, crying, and I felt like I had to be strong for dh, as he was for me during labor. My dh was a wreck, he couldn't talk or think or move. I told him we had to wait the hour and if things were that bad I would think they would let us be with her. Well after an hour a nicer dr came in and said things look better but the next few hours would still be touch and go and we could see her soon. We did around 6am, she was 6 lbs 15oz in the nicu, pretty big compared to all those precious premes. She had tubes everywhere, both legs, and arms, and down her thought. I forget all the tech terms, but she had miconium in her lungs, had punctured one lung and had been covered in it too. They had never seen a baby with this much miconium ever. the dr said they had to restrain her to get the iv's in. We could touch/stroke her though, her eyes were asleep, then wide open and she knew us and we knew she didn't belong there, she was off the heating pad that night and off oxygen. by Sunday pm she had no tubes or iv's in her and mon pm she went into my room. I went to see her every 3 hours in the nicu and breastfeed, i was so tired, the nurses were worried about me cuz I never slept, I became supermom for my baby, I just snapped into the role and knew I had to go to see her as much as possible. One nurse in the nicu tried to stop me from coming so much and tried to give dd formula, well it was awful and emotiional for me, but dh stuck up for us and complained. She has no side effects, she is now asleep, but she is perfect and even started crawling at 5 months. For her 6 month b-day I want to send in pics and a fruit basket to the nicu.
I am worn out! Thanks for letting me share.
post #48 of 182
Thread Starter 
It's time for a big ol BUMP!

I've read sooo many threads recently about hospitalized babes and/or preemies, that I thought we should revitalize this one.

Please share your story or give us an update!!
post #49 of 182


It's been a long time since I have been on the site. I apologize for not posting updates sooner. I love so much to hear how everyone is doing with their miracles.
My little Tristan is not so little anymore, it's hard to believe that in just 4 months he will be 2 years old. It seems like just yestarday when I brought him home from the hospital after a very lengthy 5 months stay.
A quick recap, ds was born at 25+ weeks, my water broke at 23 weeks and I was on bed rest till he was born. He was 2lbs 0.5oz and 13.25in long.
He had a PDA that was ligated, RDS, BPD, ROP which required laser surgery, bilateral hernias, NEC, GERD and severe jaundice. He was on a high powered oscillator ventilator for a week to a conventional ventilator for the next 4 months, then on to CPAP for a total of 4.5 months on oxygen. He required a feeding tube for 5.5 months.
He is now 25lbs and 30in long, running, screaming, babbling, climbing and doing everything a boy his age should be doing. We are very fortunate that his only complication is he is very near sighted and has to wear glasses.
We are blessed with such a little miracle, we thank god everyday and pray for all those still in the NICU.
If you would like to see some photos, please feel free to check out his website
post #50 of 182
Hi, momofTristan!
Thankyou for letting us know how your little one is doing! He looks great in the pics, very handsome and pretty active....
I can't believe two years have gone by.... time goes by so fast.
post #51 of 182
I am so emotional right now, I don't know if I can type through the tears...all of your stories were beautiful, courageous, and touched my heart. Thank you all for sharing... I stumbled upon this thread accidentally, but I can relate...
My dd was born at 35 weeks. My water broke, and I called my midwife and off to the hosp. we went. It was a small hosp. and they wanted to transfer me to another larger one, b/c they expected complications, and they (hosp. staff) thought I was only 34 weeks. ( my ultrasound had put me at 35 wks) My midwife fought them for me to stay, saying I was strong, as was my dd. I was so scared, I wanted to be with my midwife, not some sterile Dr. who wouldn't respect my wishes. Plus, dh delivered my son, and my midwife had agreed to allow him to deliver dd. So after 20hrs of labor (with pit. ugh) and 2 pushes, my girl was born, into her Daddy's hands, weighing 6lbs. 10oz. (big girl!) I did get to hold her, but they took her away after a couple mins. and dh went with her. There was no NICU at this hosp. (which may have been a blessing in disguise) She had dangerously low blood sugar, so they gave her formula (aaah!) and they wanted to monitor her all the time, I fought to have her in my room with me. I was trying to nurse her, but she was so tired, it was hard for her. Her sugar kept dropping so they told me if we didn't supplement, they'd have to put in an IV. So, I did. My midwife was SO great. She came in and said 'do whatever you need to to get her out of here and home with you. Then get in bed with her, and don't get out, until she nurses. You'll both be fine.' Promising to feed her the bottles (yeah right) We were released after only 3 days. They detected a heart murmur, and wanted her seen by a specialist, so the following day we saw a pediatric cardiologist. (our Dr. is the best in the area...it pays to have my mom around- she's a pedi. nurse!) Lilly has mild pulmonary stenosis, which at last check (7 mo) is getting a little worse. No surgery or meds. yet, they are still just watching. She also has a hole in her heart, that they are hoping will close on its own, or surgery will be neccessary. She cried almost nonstop for the first 5 mo. of her life, and had a pretty bad case of reflux. But she was a champ nurser, and I love her more than words can say. She will be 1 in March, but is already 27 in. and 20+lbs!!! I thank Spirit for her life every day, she is a miracle and a gift. It could have been so much worse, we were so very lucky.
post #52 of 182
thankyou for sharing your experience with us.... It must be so hard for you, but you are an awsome mama. I wish you the all the best for Lillys full recovery, she is so lucky to have you as her parents!
post #53 of 182
we have a story to share, but nursing. i have felt strengtened by your storys. i will try to post tomorrow.
post #54 of 182
I'm just seeing this thread for the first time and I wanted to share my story. It will be long

Kaiden is the 4th of my babies. My oldest dd was born 9 days past my due date, I was 15 years old. She was 9lbs, 13 oz. My next dd was born 4 days past my due date at 6lbs, 15 oz. I was 18. My first ds was induced 12 days early (I was severely uninformed about induction at the time) and was 7lbs, 8oz. I was 22 years old. All 3 of them were perfect, healthy, amazing children. I had very uneventful pregnancies. No morning sickness, no hearburn, I was adorable pregnant (the basketball under the shirt syndrome) I loved it! My oldest dd latched on right away and nursed until I went back to work when she was 6 months old. My next dd didn't enjoy nursing. She really hated being that close and when she was 6 weeks old I had my wisdom teeth pulled and was told I couldn't nurse with the antibiotics and pain killers they gave me and so she was given a bottle. Sadly, she was much happier that way. My first ds latched on quickly and nursed until he was 2 when I weaned him, much to his dismay. All 3 of the children were born easily with no pain medication. I was made to have babies! When I got pregnant with Kaiden I decided I would go with a midwife. There was no reason not to.

My dh had been begging me to have another baby and I kept telling him that it wasn't the right time. I'd just gone back to school and was only in my first term. Finally I agree'd saying that he had 2 months to get me pregnant. If it didn't happen I was going back on the pill. That way I would have the baby in the summer and when it was time to go back to school in the fall the baby would be old enough that I could take him with me. My dh took that challenge and fulfilled it! The morning before finals I went in and had a pregnancy test done. I just "knew". It came back positive and I went on to finals glowing and happy. I aced it!

I waited 2 weeks to tell dh. It was going to be his Christmas present but I couldn't hold it in anymore. I wrapped up a big box of rocks with a pillow on top and the pregnancy results on top of the pillow. I pulled him into the bedroom and told him that the kids couldn't see the present, that it was very private. I pulled out the video recorder and recorded him opening the gift. It took him a minute to register what was going on and then he started crying. He was so happy! We found something for the kids to do downstairs and went to make love. As soon as I laid down something didn't feel right. I ran into the bathroom and blood was running down my leg. Ryan came in a little bit after me and didn't know what to say or do. We thought we'd lost the pregnancy. I took the kids to my friends house and went to the ER. They did an ultrasound and blood work and said my hormone levels were great. The pregnancy stuck and they weren't sure what was going on. I went in for another u/s the next day and went to see my midwife for the first time (my actual 1st appt wasn't for 2 more weeks). She said that it appeared that I had lost a twin, that I would continue to bleed for a few days, that I may still lose the one that stuck, and to be prepared. I prepared and prepared. The bleeding stopped...and then started again worse than before. More blood work. My hormone levels were unusually high, my midwife didn't know why but she was concerned. She told me to take it easy.

I made it to 12 weeks without many more difficulties. My midwife sent me to a specialist for another u/s and they found a mass. They weren't sure what it was but it was growing. That thing that they originally thought was a twin was getting bigger. They couldn't explain what was going on. More roller coasters. I continued to bleed a little bit and was put on modified bedrest at home. I quit my winter term at school and started taking care of myself. By the time the spring term started I was feeling great. I was past the point of miscarriage. I was able to be up and about. Nothing special had happened so I enrolled in a couple classes. Two weeks after classes started I was at home and I stood up and gushed blood. I was back at the midwife's and then to the specialist. I was told to prepare for a spontanious abortion. The baby wasn't going to stick. There was nothing we could do, but I may as well take it easy anyhow. I made it to 20 weeks. I found out I was having a boy. I was still, all this time, preparing not to ever be able to parent this baby and would not allow myself to bond with him. My emotions had been so up and down that I just couldn't. Finally my dh said that I needed to be strong, the baby was going to make it, and I needed to let myself love him. He was right and so I did.

At 23 weeks I was put into the hospital to be monitored. They thought the mass in my u/s's was my placenta pulling away from my uterine wall. We discussed what would happen if the baby were to be born at 23, 24, and 25 weeks. I told them that I didn't want them to take any heroic measures if he were to be born before 26 weeks but it didn't matter because he was going to be just fine. I prepared myself to have the baby early and not survive anyhow. They told me that it was highly unlikely that I would be able to have the baby naturally and to prepair for a c -section. I spent most of the next 9 weeks in the hospital. They allowed me to go home a couple times but I always ended up back in the hospital. I was on fetal heart monitors and the contraction monitor morning, noon, and night. I was given shots every 3 hours. I was having blood work done regularly. I got very little sleep. I was on magnesium to stop my contractions. It took quite a while for the magnesium to work well enough so that I could be taken off of it and given (brain fart) some pill that stopped my contrax. I was finally sent home with a prescription for the pills and was told to take them every 4 hours.

When I was 31 weeks, 3 days, I was having contractions. I felt great and knew that the baby was going to be just fine. The pills weren't stopping them this time and I knew that Kaiden was ready to be born so I went about my day. I packed a bag and finished up the things that I needed to do. When dh woke up for work I said "you need to call into work, it's time." He started to freak out and I reassured him that it was going to be just fine, there was no rush. He said "ok, then I can have a cigarrette?" LOL. I took my kids to my friends house and went to the hospital. They hooked me up the the contrax monitor and they stopped! I was dialated to 1, but they weren't concerned. I was sent home.

The next morning Ryan went to work and I went over to my friend's house. It was her mom's birthday and I was tired of laying around the house all day, I decided to go lay around hers That afternoon I'd been having contractions all day but they weren't bad. I'd have one here and there but wasn't about to go back to the hospital just to have them send me back home. My friends mom was a doula so she kept me relaxed and smiling. By the time my dh showed up to pick us up I was laying on my friends bed in pain. He asked if we needed to go to the doctor and I said "oh, let's just see how these next few contrax feel". When I couldn't talk through them I said "ok, we're going!" When I got to the hospital the specialist came in and checked my dialation and said "oh, that's no good". I was dialated to 5 and he could stretch me to 7 during a contraction. He said "well, we can possibly buy you a couple days if we put you back on the magnesium. It may not work, though and at this point you need a couple of weeks to make any difference at all". We decided to just let it happen. We did want to buy a couple of hours to get antibiotics in me, though, and I have a history of VERY quick labors and deliveries. I was worried that I would lose my cool and allowed them to give me an epideral. My doctor came in a couple hours later and checked my cervix and said "ok, time to go". We headed to the O.R.

In the OR the doctor broke my water and my contrax stopped! They finally started back up and with just a couple pushes Kaiden Ryder Malone was born into this world, pink and pissed off! He was beautiful and my first words were "OMG look at how big he is!" My doctor said "yeah, he's probably about 3 1/2 lbs." I just shook my head. They took him away and rolled me back into my room. It was a few hours before I found out any info about him. When I finally did hear, I was ecstatic. He was born 4lbs, 8oz and was 17" long. His apgar scores were 8 and 8. His gestation was 31 weeks, 5 days. He was perfect!

He never needed oxygen and was breathing on his own from the start. He had some jaundice issues and was under the bili lights for a bit. He couldn't keep his temp up so was in an incubator for most of his NICU stay. He took a while to learn the whole suck, swallow, breathe thing. He was only hooked up to the mandatory machines that they have on all the babies though. He was the biggest baby in the NICU. I pumped, and pumped, and pumped like crazy to make sure that my baby was given as little formula as possible. I had an overflow of ebm in the hospital's freezer! They told me I could have fed all the babies there, lol. It was difficult though, with 3 other kids. They didn't want my kids in the NICU all the time, but I couldn't go w/o them usually. Also, I thought it was very important for the other kids to bond with their brother. The kids and I went to the NICU once a day and then I went alone once a day. There were plenty of times where I went in there and they had a tube in his nose and the feeder taped to the top of the incubator. Plenty of times I had to remind the nurses that I was planning to bf and that if they knew I was coming NOT to feed him and could they please at least hold him while they fed him? Of course, they were busy with other babies, blah, blah, blah, and he would probably never nurse exclusively, blah, blah, blah. There were days when they wouldn't let me hold him at all and we could only touch him for a short period of time. Most of the nurses refused to let the kids hold him and reprimanded me when I allowed it. I did not feel like his mother most of the time and more like a visitor.

After 3 weeks in the NICU I was allowed to take Kaiden home. He was still not keeping his temp up well, so even in the hot of summer I had to keep him bundled in layers of clothes. He still wouldn't nurse regularly so I was still pumping like crazy and giving him bottles of ebm. After being home for 2 weeks though he was nursing exclusively and to this day, he is exclusively nursing. In fact, I can't get him to take anything other than mommy milk! He caught up in length and weight and at his doctors appt's they don't don't adjust his size because he's such a big boy. In fact, the other day when someone asked how old he was and I said "8 months" they said "wow, he's a big boy!"

He is healthy, happy, and sooo smart! He is developmentally right where he should be for his adjusted age. He will be 9 months old in 11 days and he is just starting to sit up on his own and has begun pushing up on his toes but not crawling yet. He rolls all over the place and thinks he's very funny! He "talks" like crazy and laughes all the time. He is amazed by his brother and sisters.

I feel like as soon as I allowed myself to become attached to him he spoke to me. He let me know he would be fine and that everything happens for a reason. Because he was born prematurely he was uncirc'd and I allowed myself to become informed on circing. My experience has also brought me to decide what I want to do with my life. I've decided to become a midwife. I think that the communication between a mother and a child is amazing and important and doctors don't always encourage or nurture that. I'm grateful for his early birth, there was a reason for it, and he is just an amazing little boy.

Check out Kaiden's growth here.
post #55 of 182
My dd was born 3 weeks early but weighed 9 lbs 15 oz! She as diagnosed with pathologic jaundice, which is quite rare. It was the result of a blood incompatibility between her and I. After 4 days at home, we were rushed to a NICU in Atlanta because her bili level had soared to 28.5.

She spent 5 days there, and received a double transfusion and was on constant lights. You should have seen how HUGE she was compared to all of the other NICU babies.

The NICU nurses were EXTREMELY supportive of BFing. In fact, when they saw that I was determined to BF on demand, they allowed us to use a room to stay in since we lived so far away. They would call me on the phone every time she cried so I could feed her. They helped me with positioning (hard with all those tubes and wires) and with her latch. I have to say that they are primarily responsible for our BFing success (still going strong at 23 mos!).

I felt so blessed to be taking home my big healthy baby after only 5 days. There were so many babies there who had been there for months, and some who wouldn't come home at all. :

Lucy was diagnosed as hypotonic at 2 mos. Our ped suspected brain damage (kerinicterus) from the high bili levels. An MRI at 4 mos determined there had been no brain damage and she grew out of the hypotonia.

At 23 mos., she is 43 lbs and 38.5 inches tall.
post #56 of 182
Wow, i've never seen this thread before.. :LOL

My EliBean was born at 37 weeks (39 by my math, but that's a whole different discussion) and spent a week in NICU due to the chorionamnionitis we developed (prolonged rupture of membranes). He hypervenitlated and retracted the whole time, indicating an infection in his lungs and the placenta tested positive for infection. It was the longest week of my life, and I hope never to have to do it again.. . I know that lots of people have to deal with more, and I admire their strength; I had such a hard time dealing I don't know if I could do it again.
post #57 of 182

Hi There! Baylor is a PICU baby too

We live at high altitude (11,200feet) and during my 3rd trimester it really affected me. I was put on bedrest for 5 weeks prior to my "induction". I went in for a weekly check up and ultrasound and they decided to induce me then. At what they thought was 36 weeks. After 3 days of awful induction drugs morning and night I was only dialated like 2 cm. SO they broke my water and things started moving quickly. Then my bp sky rocketed. Then his did too and they decided he was in too much distress and did an emergency csection. Come to find out he was really a 33-34 weaker and the cord was doubled around his neck and around his foot. I was very sick during and after the csection. Baylor was flight-for-lifed to a Denver PICU unit and I didn't see him at all for 48 hours!

My nat'l birth didn't happen. My excitment to see him for the first time and to breastfeed him immediatly didn't happen. ALthough he NEVER received formula or nipple of any kind other than human. He was on donor milk for those 48 hours via gavage feedings and after that I pumped and gavaged him and also bf'd him directly if he had enough energy. He was on oxygen for almost 3 months which really sucked. He was moved back to my mtn. hospital after that 48 hrs., when he was stable. And we stayed in the hospital for 17days after that.

I have a ton of hang ups regarding my pregnancy and birth experiance. I feel like a failure as a woman to be honest with you and I cannot imagine ever putting myself or my husband thru it again.

I'm glad to say that, although he's a super high needs baby, he's so healthy and smart now. Not delayed in any way and even advanced in some areas!

Kimberley & Baylor (3/7/03)
post #58 of 182
post #59 of 182
Glad to see this thread, here's our story:

DH and I got pregnant the first month (please, don't throw things at me!). We'd planned on having a homebirth after lots of research. We met a great midwife and had an equally-great backup FP, and everything was pretty good until just before 30 weeks.

I ended up in the hospital for a week with P-PROM. As far as getting the birth we wanted, we got almost nowhere near it. Hospitalization, three ultrasounds, bedrest, EFM, IFM, lithotomy position, "purple pushing", epidural, C-section. However, since the baby was head down and face down, we realized happily that we wouldn't know the sex until birth. Wouldn't you know that NO ONE on the ENTIRE surgical staff of EIGHT PEOPLE took a look? DH and I were waiting to hear "boy" or "girl", and got silence! A nurse had to go into the resusitation room to find out for us!

DD was 3 lb, 7 oz., and 17 inches long. Her APGARS were 4, 6 and 7, but the highest score was always heartrate (whew!). The whole staff described her as "feisty". When DH went to take a picture for me, she had already grabbed her intubation tube with her left hand and started yanking at it. She gave him a look that said, "Hey, you look like you've got some influence here, GET ME OUTTA THIS!" He never worried about her again.

She spent exactly 4 weeks in NICU, primarily as a feeder/grower. I gotta say, for the most part the staff was incredible. The only issue we had was they were pushing to add fortifiers to my milk when she was gaining and developing just fine without them, thank you very much. She gained a pound and half an inch before she came home.

I've brought her back to the NICU a couple of times to show her off to the staff. She's still a tiny little thing (at almost two years, she's just under 18 1/2 pounds), but we're so proud of everything she's accomplished since her not-so-smooth beginnings. At her 18 month check-up, the docs said she was already caught up on everything but size!

Best to all,

JA & not-so-patient DD 23 mos.
post #60 of 182
Originally posted by heartmama
meg, yes it is, please see my post above.

Hospitals are usually anti ap to the point of neglect IMO, of the basic needs of infants and children.

It isn't just that they fail to provide a nurturing environment for babies, but they actively discourage parents from providing one either.

It would be nice if hospitals supported ap, but I would be satisfied if they simply attended to the physical needs of the baby (that necessitated the hospitalization) and then let parents do the parenting, without getting in our way.

I guarrantee that if hospitals provided a minimum of parental amenities-- a locker room, shower, and cots, and unrestricted access to the baby, they would see hospital stays shortened and the overall hospitalization perceived as a much more positive, secure experience than it currently is for most families.

It is absurdly shortsighted that hospitals treat infants as solitary patients--as if they checked themselves in, or will care for themselves once discharged. A hospitalized baby means a hospitalized parent. Once hospitals recongnize that, they can get busy appreciating the boon such an unpaid personalized caregiver brings to their facility, and learn to support and enjoy our presence.

Off my soapbox....

As soon as you finish your book, I'll buy a copy!

This is my first post here and I am so glad I found this thread. My Seth was born 35w and was small for gestational age due to reduced perfusion (PIH which turned to pre-eclampsia). He was 4#6oz and apneac (imho he was apneac bc of the mag sulfate and that wore off after 24 hrs.) His only problem was with suck swallow, which was because they insisted on EBM by bottle only, which can drown a child who is only just learning. Nursing by breast is the best way to go... why keep a child in a hospital longer than necessary? He was detained for 12 days total, and only that long because I began to raise the roof.

I was able to get him to breast, but only after a month of trying daily and crying while he was crying and feeling as though I was collapsing from the inside. We finally did a 24 no feed unless by breast and he took to breast after the 17th hour. The longest and most desperate hours of my life thus far.

Until the day I went to the hospital (I started spilling protein, whcih I was checking on my own) I assumed I would have a home birth with the midwife with whom I had developed a bond. To go from the idea of a home birth, to an induced labor with IV's, strangers rushing in and out and having my baby taken swiftly away from me as soon as I delivered was heart wrenching.

I hope that your book, heartmomma, can empower some parents. Even though I am a nurse, I felt helpless against the machine which confronted me. When I go back to work, after Seth's first year, I will go back with an entirely new perspective.
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