or Connect
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Mom › Talk Amongst Ourselves › Personal Growth › c-sec mommas-- growth & healing chat thread
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

c-sec mommas-- growth & healing chat thread

post #1 of 306
Thread Starter 
: This is a thread for mommas who've had c-sections. To chat, share experiences, talk about how it has been recovering, how it feels months, years later, and how it has changed you, etc.

Can include, but not to be limited to: ppd, vbac, etc. Also for physical healing gripes, questions, etc... and especially for those who dont have ppd, are not trying for a vbac at the moment, but who just wanna hang out for a bit with someone who "gets" it.

The conversation this sprung from is here. That thread also has links to other threads on c-s here on mdc.


there used to be monthly support threads... monthly support thread in B&B, in case anyone wants to re-start those!

Please, no flames, no criticisms, no "you shoulda"s etc. Only positive, healing things! We should all feel comfortable to be totally honest.

HUGS!
post #2 of 306
Thread Starter 
I'll start!
__________________________________________________ ____________
DS's birth story here.

That was 9 months ago... just the other day, i said to dh: "ya know? i think i am really just about totally 'over' it." not that it's not something i dont think about each and every day.... but it doesnt sting so horribly anymore (at the same time, my scar doesnt bug me all the time anymore... i bet that has something to do with it!)... anyhow, i said to him-- "i'm ready to talk about it now."

So! Here I am.

I want to share two things that are, to me, vitally important about my recovery/experience healing: (1) i saw a traumatic birth therapist-- she teaches at a midwifery school, and she herself had a c-s when she'd wanted a natural birth. she was amazing, and i recomend such a person to anyone recovering from a c-s-- or any birthing experience that was, for them, traumatic. (2) my c-s was a watershed moment for me. i've always been really hard on myself, in all sorts of ways. after my c-s, it started with: "dang it, i didnt get the birth i wanted, so i'm going to do <x-nice thing for myself>." i am much nicer to me now. in a very real way, that might not have happened if not for my c-s. being nice to me was also key in my getting "over" the c-s itself.

I look forward to chatting with you!

~Jess
post #3 of 306
Thanks for starting this thread. I'm hoping others participate.

Why isn't there a C/S thread under Birth and Beyond? I mean, there are forums for UC, VBAC, etc? So, why not C/S? I am a bit put out by this, and the suggestion that discussions of C/S take place elsewhere, or in PPD forums or whatever. Why???? Doesn't the experience of C/S warrent the same consideration as other birth forms on MDC?

Editted to add: I don't intend to sound snippy - but this really has been bugging me for quite some time. It seems like there is a need/desire for a C/S forum in Birth and Beyond.
post #4 of 306
My c-section opened my eyes. It lead me toward the AP path. It was an awakening that the medical system is not all knowing and that doctors are not authority figures. It made me question and seek answers....even the uncomfortable ones.

It sucked. I hated it. It hurt. It was medically unnecessary. It scarred me. It broke me. It shattered my world. It depressed me. It infuriated me. It terrified me. And along the way....It made me strong.
post #5 of 306
Physically, I had a rough recovery form my c-section. The insicion got tinfected, and that hurt alot. 18 months later, I am starting to have some at the site agian. Probably scar tissue.

Otherwise, it's no big deal. I have a healthy baby. I trusted the dr.s, and that was good. I just wantd a healthy baby, and I got one. How I got there doesn't matter.

I didn't want a c-section, but I was aware it could be necesary, so i was prepared for that. My hospital pushes natural birth, and rarely gives epidurals, so that sucked. (I had several hours of back labour). But they said it was better for baby, so I didn't really push to get one either. I don't really agree, but they weren't gonna give in likely. Of course, I got a spinal for the c-section.

I did have the option ahead of time, i think, of just scheduling a c-section, but didn't. Obviosuly I should have, but on that case, i might always have wondered. This way, I know I gave it a shot.


Just reread the htrad title-guess I shgouldn't have posted. I thought it also included physical recovery. Emotionally, I am fine-I just hate it when people imply I should be having problems dealing with it. Or even need to "deal" with it.
post #6 of 306
Thread Starter 
AUGH! just typed HUGE long reply, and IE crashed. POOP!:

I will add physical-- forgot to indicate that! Of course that is welcome as well!
post #7 of 306
Thanks for starting this thread, I've been looking for a place like this for a long time. MDC has been a tremendous help to me in my recovery.

The first thing I want to vent about is how hard it is to get support. The person I'm closest to ITRW, my sis, has basically shut my mouth by telling me I should stop dwelling on it and she's tired of hearing about it (and this includes anything relating to birth in any way, she doesn't want to hear it).

I tried to get support online by asking the mod over on bf.com to start the Traumatic Birth Support forum, but that has degenerated into
"I've got too much to be grateful for and too much to do, I guess, to be sitting around dwelling on how my kid was born. No offense." That's a direct quote. Supportive, huh?
post #8 of 306
Quote:
Originally Posted by Shawnee View Post
Thanks for starting this thread, I've been looking for a place like this for a long time. MDC has been a tremendous help to me in my recovery.

The first thing I want to vent about is how hard it is to get support. The person I'm closest to ITRW, my sis, has basically shut my mouth by telling me I should stop dwelling on it and she's tired of hearing about it (and this includes anything relating to birth in any way, she doesn't want to hear it).

I tried to get support online by asking the mod over on bf.com to start the Traumatic Birth Support forum, but that has degenerated into
"I've got too much to be grateful for and too much to do, I guess, to be sitting around dwelling on how my kid was born. No offense." That's a direct quote. Supportive, huh?
Hi Shawnee -

I don't have a lot of time to post right now but wanted to point you to this article by Gretchen Humphries called, You Should Be Grateful. It really speaks to a lot of what you're experiencing when looking for support for your feelings.

Also, I'd like to point you to ICAN where you can join a group of women healing and learning from their cesearans who will listen and/or help you through your healing process.

It's time for me to put my daughter to bed so I've got to run but I've subscribed to this thread so I'll see posts even when I forget to check. Or you can PM me if you have specific questions. I've been there and am still working through healing from my traumatic, completely unnecessary, rage-inducing c...

zmom
post #9 of 306
Thread Starter 
oh, i'm so glad to see more posts!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Shawnee View Post
Thanks for starting this thread, I've been looking for a place like this for a long time.
"I've got too much to be grateful for and too much to do, I guess, to be sitting around dwelling on how my kid was born. No offense." That's a direct quote. Supportive, huh?
you are welcome. that is an awful thing to say. i can not believe that anyone in a birth related field would say that!

i do want to just share my experience with ICAN, because some women DO find it helpful. my experience there was not helpful. in fact, it was hurtful. that's one reason i really wanted to start something here.... my very brief time there i got the impression that if you are not LIVID about your c-s, then please do not bother them. it took me quite a while to get over the sting of trying to talk about my experience with them. just my experience... for what that's worth.

I'm not livid about mine. That doesnt mean i dont want to talk about it though. I just dont really need to talk about it in angry terms. that is not healing for me.

Quote:
Originally Posted by zmom View Post
this article by Gretchen Humphries called, You Should Be Grateful.
am in the only one who finds that article... stings? it makes me feel ... wrong... for not being livid. it makes me feel how she says she feels about people who tell her to be grateful. it makes me feel how i felt after trying to talk to women on ICAN. that i am not angry enough, that i didnt experience my son's birth as a violent and brutal attack on my body... and therefore i have no right to want to talk about my c-s, therefore i have nothing to heal from. that somehow i am not woman enough because i am not mad enough. that i am less of a mom, less crunchy... because i am not outraged.

i'm guessing we might find a split here-- between women who had c-s that they feel were unnecessary (and who are mad about it) and those who had c-s that they feel were necessary (and are sad about it). i could be wrong, but i have a guess.

in either case, for this thread, i would hope that all experiences, the full range of feelings & emotions, will be welcome & suported.

i am learning so much already. i look forward to learning more from you all.
post #10 of 306
Thread Starter 
(added above)
post #11 of 306
I also recommend ICAN. It was the place that helped me with so much. Whenever I recommend ICAN I give a warning. It is a list with some moms with *strong* emotions. There are over 1000 women on the list and they are all at a different place in healing. All have different feelings. So if you read some posts and you get a certain vibe or feeling leaning in any direction, just hang back and wait a bit. The flow changes. I've been on the list for 5.5 years and it cycles. I've seen rants/rages, sadness or depression, OB/midwife bashing, and many heated arguements. At the same time I've seen happiness/joy, gratitude, OB/midwife praise, and women glad they had c-sections. There are times when a mom will get help in writing a c-section birth plan when she knows in advance she's having one. So if you joined the list and stayed for a few weeks and didn't like the feel....stay longer. Just lurk for awhile. Post what you are feeling and what you are looking for support wise. With 1000+ mamas you're going to see a lot and learn a lot. I tell women to stick around on ICAN for months because days or weeks won't get you the whole picture. Oh, and actual ICAN meetings are a lot different than the online list. There might be a Chapter near you....or you could start one.

Of course this thread is a great place as well.

How does everyone's scars look? I've thought about tatooing my scar.
post #12 of 306
It is so nice to find a thread like this! I will write more when my housework is done! just subbing for now.
post #13 of 306
Quote:
Originally Posted by moosemommy View Post



am in the only one who finds that article... stings? it makes me feel ... wrong... for not being livid. it makes me feel how she says she feels about people who tell her to be grateful. it makes me feel how i felt after trying to talk to women on ICAN. that i am not angry enough, that i didnt experience my son's birth as a violent and brutal attack on my body... and therefore i have no right to want to talk about my c-s, therefore i have nothing to heal from. that somehow i am not woman enough because i am not mad enough. that i am less of a mom, less crunchy... because i am not outraged.

When I read this I would encourage you to post just what you wrote above on ICAN. Simply state, "I'm not angry about my c-section. I feel (fill in blank) about it. I'm looking for (this and this type) of support. I don't want to feel like I'm supposed to be angry because I'm not." Then just sit back and read the responses. Take it all in, ponder it, and then let go of the stuff you don't want.

That being said....how do you feel?
post #14 of 306
I'm going to take kleine hexe's suggestion for my first post in this thread... it's a good starting place for a lot of thoughts that have been rattling around my head.

I'm not angry about my c-section. I feel relieved about it (that my baby and I are fine) and a little sad (that I missed out on some things I wanted to experience with my baby). I'm looking for acknowledgement that a c-section birth is still a birth and can be celebrated. I don't want to feel like I'm supposed to be angry because I'm not.

I don't want to share my story only to have my medical history analyzed. I don't want to be told my induction wasn't necessary or that I shouldn't have had an epidural, or that I didn't need a c-section. I was the one who was there. These were my decisions, made with a trusted medical provider.

The move to a c-section during my labor was swift and frightening. It is hard to have feared for your child's life, to know what that feels like.

Her voice when she was born was the most beautiful sound I've ever heard. The joy that filled that sterile operating room still makes me breathless. That moment could not have been any more special or amazing.

I had an easy recovery. I felt physically normal after two weeks or less. My scar is really long. I wonder if they make the scar bigger for an emergency c-sec (to get the baby out FAST)?

I will have another c-section, that is not up for debate. I'd like some things to be different, and I want to know how to get those things in place. Mainly, I'd like to be with my baby while I'm in recovery. I also want to avoid thrush caused by antibiotics. I was on abx for GBS+ while in labor - do they also do routine abx during a c-section?
post #15 of 306
subbing..I 'll post something soon
post #16 of 306
Quote:
Originally Posted by mimie View Post
I'm going to take kleine hexe's suggestion for my first post in this thread... it's a good starting place for a lot of thoughts that have been rattling around my head.

I'm not angry about my c-section. I feel relieved about it (that my baby and I are fine) and a little sad (that I missed out on some things I wanted to experience with my baby). I'm looking for acknowledgement that a c-section birth is still a birth and can be celebrated. I don't want to feel like I'm supposed to be angry because I'm not.

I don't want to share my story only to have my medical history analyzed. I don't want to be told my induction wasn't necessary or that I shouldn't have had an epidural, or that I didn't need a c-section. I was the one who was there. These were my decisions, made with a trusted medical provider.

The move to a c-section during my labor was swift and frightening. It is hard to have feared for your child's life, to know what that feels like.

Her voice when she was born was the most beautiful sound I've ever heard. The joy that filled that sterile operating room still makes me breathless. That moment could not have been any more special or amazing.

I had an easy recovery. I felt physically normal after two weeks or less. My scar is really long. I wonder if they make the scar bigger for an emergency c-sec (to get the baby out FAST)?

I will have another c-section, that is not up for debate. I'd like some things to be different, and I want to know how to get those things in place. Mainly, I'd like to be with my baby while I'm in recovery. I also want to avoid thrush caused by antibiotics. I was on abx for GBS+ while in labor - do they also do routine abx during a c-section?
I identify with alot of this. I really feel like I can't talk about what I do feel, and actually tell my story.

My physical recovery was really bad, though. Not as bad as some I've heard here, but worse than most I have heard, anywhere else & irl.

As for the article that the link was posted for, i skimmed it. I'd have gotten too upset.
post #17 of 306
It's nice to see this thread. I couldn't even deal with the reality of my c-section until dd was around 9 months old. Before then, I praised the doctors for saving us and thought that I was so grateful. But I was just running away from my anger at what happened. There is so much to be angry about. I remember clearly how the doctors chatted and gossiped as they stitched me up. They asked me if I actually liked my family doctor and they went on to talk about how no one likes him. They must have realized how inappropriate that was because the next day, the doctor tried to claim that they were talking about some other doctor. And then there was the recovery room. I had to wait two hours to hold dd and when I finally did, the nurses shoved my dh away, forcefully grabbed my breast and shoved it in dd's mouth. What a gentle way to start! They of course then insisted that dd needed a supplement because of jaundice.
I could go on and on! I'm pregnant now and I find that I have to face so much fear now around childbirth. I'm afraid that I won't be ready emotionally and the same thing will happen again. I no longer know what to do to prepare; the fear just always seems to be there.
post #18 of 306
Quote:
Originally Posted by mimie View Post

- do they also do routine abx during a c-section?
Yes. It is major surgery and everyone has to have antibiotics when they have surgery. There is no way around it. Infection is the number one risk with any surgery so they do everything they can to prevent infection.

You could start taking probiotics before your c-section and of course immediately after. I would take it for at least two months. I would also do vinegar rinses after each nursing session trying to prevent thrush. Perhaps you could meds from a Dr already on hand so that at the first sign you could start it and not have to wait.
post #19 of 306
Quote:
Originally Posted by zmom View Post
I don't have a lot of time to post right now but wanted to point you to this article by Gretchen Humphries called, You Should Be Grateful. It really speaks to a lot of what you're experiencing when looking for support for your feelings.
zmom
Thanks, I went to the article and realized I'd read it before. It helps, because the writer has articulated some things for me I find difficult to put into words. I like the ICAN list, but I unsubscribed, can't handle the volume because of the way they manage the group (no links in the index, no archiving of posts).

The most healing thing for me so far has been the discovery of UC. A tremendous weight has been lifted off my shoulders. If I find out I'm pregnant today, no one will be in control of my body and my baby but me. Also, I find the UC community to be in sync with my own beliefs, so I've found excellent support there.

It's interesting to see the different points of view that are coming to this thread. My physical recovery was relatively easy, and of no consequence. I'm angry about what was done to me and my babies by the system and a few nasty individuals. I feel like I was deceived and manipulated. I believe that my children and I will suffer from negative health and emotional consequences for the rest of our lives. I believe that the birth experience is incredibly important, to both baby and mama.

That said, I believe that there are things I can do to heal and compensate for the loss. Breastfeeding brought great healing to the babies and me. That's why I'm here, looking for more sources of healing.
post #20 of 306
Thread Starter 

i've never multi-quoted so many quotes!

let's see if this will work..... so much to say-- always starting with BIG HUGS!!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kleine Hexe View Post
I I tell women to stick around on ICAN for months because days or weeks won't get you the whole picture.

How does everyone's scars look? I've thought about tatooing my scar.
yeah..... i was actually *attacked* for my post there, so it kinda turned me off.... maybe i'll try again-- but maybe this is better for me!

My scar isnt bad. it's still dark in places, but there are parts of it where you cant see anything! what would you tatoo? I actually LOVE that idea...... hmmm!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kleine Hexe View Post
That being said....how do you feel?
it varries. it's been 9 months now, and the sting is gone. for me, most of it was blaming myself. when it actually came to it, i knew i was doing the right thing.... but i did blame myself for getting there. *clearly*, i thought, i didnt do this whole pregnancy thing right. clearly, my idea of trusting myself, trusting my body, and listening to my baby was not the right thing, if this is what it led to.... i had awesome help-- from my mws and from the therapist-- to learn that i was right to trust myself, that sometimes our children want to go a way that is not the way we want to go.... actually, that was one of the more helpful things told me-- babies choose their own births, he chose this. from my own experience, it was true for me. i still vividly remember one sleepless night that began with me convinced i'd be able to convince him to turn, and ended with me feeling he'd convinced me that i needed to let it go, and this needed to happen...... anyhow! i trust myself again. phew. but.... i dont think i will do it again-- pg, that is. i find i dont have a need to experience labor-- that was a killer thing to me for a while-- "I'm not a real woman! i'll never be a real woman! i'm like a virgin or something...." killed me for months. but.... not so much. i'm very much in love with him..... and, for now, that has been all i need........ ok, i could go on and on an on.... but there's more i wanted to reply to-----

Quote:
Originally Posted by mimie View Post
I'm not angry about my c-section. I feel relieved about it (that my baby and I are fine) and a little sad (that I missed out on some things I wanted to experience with my baby). I'm looking for acknowledgement that a c-section birth is still a birth and can be celebrated. I don't want to feel like I'm supposed to be angry because I'm not.

I don't want to share my story only to have my medical history analyzed. I don't want to be told my induction wasn't necessary or that I shouldn't have had an epidural, or that I didn't need a c-section. I was the one who was there. These were my decisions, made with a trusted medical provider.
sounds a lot like me! it IS a birth. one of my mw, before she sent me off to the hospital huged me so tight, told me she loved me, and told me-- THIS IS STILL YOUR BIRTH! she knew we had a party planned for the birth center, and while the hospital setting was not nearly the same, she encouraged me to still celebrate. we did, in a way.... but it was the time after that was really hard. i never sent birth announcements. But when it came time for holiday cards, i made them a photo collage of ds. that was my celebration. I plan on celebrating BIG TIME on his birthday. actually, we celebrate each 6th of the month.... i think you have to reclaim some of it, ya know?

Quote:
Originally Posted by angelcat View Post
I identify with alot of this. I really feel like I can't talk about what I do feel, and actually tell my story.

My physical recovery was really bad, though. Not as bad as some I've heard here, but worse than most I have heard, anywhere else & irl.

As for the article that the link was posted for, i skimmed it. I'd have gotten too upset.
i would love it if you felt you could share it!!! maybe start with PMing me about it? i'd love to hear your story. and i'd love to hear about the healing. i need to share my healing story. it's been a long road.....

Quote:
Originally Posted by unimatrix0 View Post
I remember clearly how the doctors chatted and gossiped as they stitched me up. I had to wait two hours to hold dd and when I finally did, the nurses shoved my dh away, forcefully grabbed my breast and shoved it in dd's mouth. What a gentle way to start! They of course then insisted that dd needed a supplement because of jaundice.
I could go on and on! I'm pregnant now and I find that I have to face so much fear now around childbirth. I'm afraid that I won't be ready emotionally and the same thing will happen again. I no longer know what to do to prepare; the fear just always seems to be there.
AUGH, about the talking. I was able to tell my team not to talk, and that was WONDERFUL. we also were allowd to play music. yours is a case where i'd think empowerment with a place like ICAN would be wonderful. or we can do it here! there are some awesome links in the natural c-s thread... i posted my tips there too... so you can come to a place where you can feel that if you do need a c-s, you can manage it better...... then you can feel safer, and maybe let go of some of that pain? we can help, i know it!

one thing i wasnt really prepared for was fighting off the nurses. fortunately, i had an awesome ped who vouched for me, a mom who vowed to grab my son and take him out of the hospital if they even tried to take him from me... even then, we had some awful things that i suffered from for months..... but again-- you can feel empowered by knowing your rights.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Shawnee View Post
That said, I believe that there are things I can do to heal and compensate for the loss. Breastfeeding brought great healing to the babies and me. That's why I'm here, looking for more sources of healing.
I wish there was a way to do a sub thread or something, because we should totally start a list of things that have been healing for us! my biggest one-- the "other" c-s, co-sleeping. having him next to me, where he was for so long.... has been AMAZING.

ohkay! that took all of ds's morning nap.... i'll be back later!
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: Personal Growth
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Mom › Talk Amongst Ourselves › Personal Growth › c-sec mommas-- growth & healing chat thread