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Anyone have a 6-8 year spacing between two siblings, and love it? - Page 2

post #21 of 41
I have a 2 year old and an almost-10 year old. My oldest is a big help, and sometimes she loves to play with her sister. Of course, she's often annoyed by her little sis as well. I sometimes wish that they were a little closer in age, but that isn't the way it happened. If we happen to add any more children to our family, we won't wait another 8 years in between!
post #22 of 41
My older sister and I are only 20 months apart but we are TOTALLY different people and not close at all. We always had completely different circles of friends, interests, personalities, etc. Seriously the only thing we have in common is our parents. So I agree with PPs that age difference is over-rated as a factor in "closeness".

We will have at least a 5-year age gap and probably closer to 6 years or more.
post #23 of 41
I just wanted to say thank you so much for this thread. Not by choice, but if we do end up having another baby (either naturally or adopted) there will be at least a 6 year age span. I have been feeling so sad for my dd because she doesn't have any sibs close in age. I am from a big family with bros and sis a year older, two years older, a year younger and two years younger (basically 5 in a row for my mom). I loved it and we all get along really well but there were times when I wished I had my mom and dad to myself, or when I wished I could get some peace and privacy! I know my dd will be a great big sis when the time should come. Thanks again.
post #24 of 41
When I give birth to this child there will be a 6 year gap between the baby and my stepdaughter, which I personally think is better. We could have conceived earlier but decided to wait. I am glad because my DSS is very excited and I think will be very helpful with the baby. Also, she is very close to her father and I think if we had had a child earlier there would have definitely been some sibling rivalry especially had it been a girl.

I agree- age is overrated. Some parents believe that siblings have to be close in age to form tight bonds but I think the same can be said for much older/younger siblings. I have half-sisters from my mother's second marriage who are 14 and 17 years old. They come for me for advice and to hang out and I love the fact that they feel they can turn to me for stuff.
post #25 of 41
my boys are 7 years apart (9&2 now) and they are just as close as my sisters and I were (we're all 2 years apart) with less fighting and rivalry, because they want different things from me. There's no fighting over toys, really. Although DS1 does complain when DS2 messes up his homework or draws in his books, that doesn't happen very often. They are just now getting to the age where they are really playing together and DS1 is so protective and patient - it's really a great thing to see. (he's even been known to help DS2 on the potty in the morning when they wake before us - now THAT'S love )

I was kind of worried when I decided to get pregnant, but DS1 really was excited about being a big brother. I still remember when I told him I was pregnant. We were on one of our "mother/son date nights" for sushi and he was just *thrilled*.

Also, I have 2 younger brothers who are 11 & 13 years younger than me and 6 & 8 years older than DS1 (I had DS when I was 19). We're all really close -both as brother/sister and uncle/nephew. The dynamic is pretty cool, ime.
post #26 of 41
Quote:
Originally Posted by iluvmybabies View Post
I would wait another 8 years to have another one, but I really don't want to have teenagers in my house when I am in my 50's.
Sorry, this just made me laugh because I used to tease my mom about that (she was almost 40 when my youngest brother was born). When DS1 started kindergarden, he went to the same elementry school as my little brother, so we'd go over to my parents' in the morning and the boys would walk to school together. I always got a kick out of standing by the window with a cup of coffee, wistfully staring out the window and going "oh, mom, look - our babies are all grown up and going off to school"

She and my step-dad are in their 50's now with 2 full-blown teenagers at home. They're taking it all in stride, though.
post #27 of 41
I love this thread! I'm engaged to a wonderful man and have thought about having a child together. DD is now 5 and I would love her to have a sibling. I think she'd be happy with it at any age, she wants to be a big sister so badly!
post #28 of 41
subbing... I think we're leaning toward wide spacing between kids too My sis and I are less than 3 years apart, and dh is 1.5 years from each of his brothers, so we don't have personal experience with widely spaced sib relationships, but I love hearing happy stories from those who do There was (and is) a LOT of competitiveness between siblings in both of our families growing up, we're hoping spacing kids further apart will help prevent this problem Besides, one baby/toddler at a time is enough to keep my hands full!
post #29 of 41
Quote:
Originally Posted by falcon View Post
Besides, one baby/toddler at a time is enough to keep my hands full!
This is another thing I love about widely spaced kiddos. DS2 is 2.5 right now and I can't imagine having a 4 yo and an infant at the same time : No wonder my mom was stressed out when we were young!

With the boys spread out, I really feel like I can give them more attention and really get to enjoy the baby/toddler stages without having myself pulled in too many directions. Also, I can focus on DS1's needs in school and social activities without being preoccupied with another child's homework, sports schedule, etc.
post #30 of 41
This is such a nice thread. I am in the same boat as the OP - DD will be 5 this summer and I am hoping to concieve towards the end of the summer. If all goes well there will be a spacing of nearly 6 years, perhaps a few months more than 6.

We had originally planned to have children closer in age but for a number of reasons (in a nutshell: DH's business tanked; my income is more than 60 percent of our household gross and has become a necessity; I have unsuccesfully been trying to figure out how to swing SAHMing; and am feeling incredibly torn trying to work and be the best mother I can be; affording 2 day care bills is going to be near impossible!), we have delayed the hoped-for second baby. I have been feeling so sad about "depriving" my incredibly sweet and nurturing DD of a sibling. I've also been worrying that a 6 year age gap will mean they will have nothing in common.

Thanks for sharing your stories, mamas.
post #31 of 41
My boys are 7 years, 4 months apart. They have so much fun together! My 8 yo loves to help with his baby brother. The 17 mo's eyes light up when big bro comes into the room. They have such a special bond already. It's also neat that my 8 yo will remember the birth of his little brother. That is something very special. I would do it again this way in a heartbeat. My 8 yo had all kinds of one-on-one from me for 7 years. Now the younger guy will have all kinds of one-on-one time from me as well, while older bro's at school. The best of both worlds, I think.

My younger brother and I are 10 years apart, and even though we're at very different places in our lives (he's a senior in high school) we have an amazing bond.
post #32 of 41
My #2 and #3 are 7 years apart and it's good. My DD is 9 years older then #3 and is now at a point where I can let her babysit (toddler is napping and we're usually back before he wakes up, plus my dad is here in case of emergency)...I like it. The older kids adore the younger ones, the only problems are when the babies get into toys they shouldn't be into.
post #33 of 41
My oldest two are 8 years apart, and my youngest two will be 4 years apart. Sometimes I wonder what the heck we were thinking, since we will have devoted 30 years of our lives (at least!) to having kids in the house! But...most of the time I think it's great.
post #34 of 41
Quote:
Originally Posted by woobysma View Post
(he's even been known to help DS2 on the potty in the morning when they wake before us - now THAT'S love )
That is just soooo sweet!
post #35 of 41
Mine are 15 12 and 3 . Its a blast they love him ( well most of the time) they were both in the room when he was born. I will say my 3 yr old is a little rough because of playing with the big boys. He thinks all balls are footballs

My sister and I are 7yr apart and we have the BEST relationship she was my "doll" growing up. I remember cloth diapering her w/ pins! I also think I was the one who potty trained her LOL.
post #36 of 41
Quote:
Originally Posted by JBaxter View Post
I will say my 3 yr old is a little rough because of playing with the big boys. He thinks all balls are footballs
That is a side effect, I think. DS2 probably would have been a "rough and tumble" sort anyway, but I think it's magnified by having a BIG brother
post #37 of 41
I see that most of you have had fairly good results with the age spacing. Unfortunately, I haven't. My children are 5.5 years apart: dd 8.5 and ds 3. My dd is and always has been a tomboy which I thought would be good since she has a younger brother. But we have nothing but trouble with her getting along with her brother. She says she doesn't like him, she's not part of the family, nobody likes her, etc. I know a lot of it is jealousy as she was the only baby for 5.5 years and now she has to share the attentions with her brother. We are also a blended family, my dd has a different father than ds and I am married to ds dad so I think that is part of the issues also. DS on the other hand LOVES his sister and wants to play with her and that just annoys her more. I hope dd will come to realize her brother is OK; we are working on it.

Other than the sibling issues; I wouldn't be able to handle two in diapers, I don't think so that was a plus!

BB,
Cheryl
post #38 of 41
Quote:
Originally Posted by Naturecraft View Post
I see that most of you have had fairly good results with the age spacing. Unfortunately, I haven't. My children are 5.5 years apart: dd 8.5 and ds 3. My dd is and always has been a tomboy which I thought would be good since she has a younger brother. But we have nothing but trouble with her getting along with her brother. She says she doesn't like him, she's not part of the family, nobody likes her, etc. I know a lot of it is jealousy as she was the only baby for 5.5 years and now she has to share the attentions with her brother. We are also a blended family, my dd has a different father than ds and I am married to ds dad so I think that is part of the issues also. DS on the other hand LOVES his sister and wants to play with her and that just annoys her more. I hope dd will come to realize her brother is OK; we are working on it.

Other than the sibling issues; I wouldn't be able to handle two in diapers, I don't think so that was a plus!

BB,
Cheryl
I think all older siblings will get irritated with younger siblings no matter what age. I watch a 8 year old girl and she has a 5 year old brother that drives her nuts and the mom says they fight all the time.

I dont know if you already do, but set some special time aside for just your 8 year old and you without the younger one. And I would also find something they could do together to form a bond. Maybe a tots gym that they could take a class together or swimming classes? It seems like they have not formed a good bond yet, I would try with all you have to set up stuff so they can have a good sibling bond.
post #39 of 41
My brother and I are 6 years apart and I think looking back how ideal that was and still is.
As kids we never fought over toys or anything b/c my things were baby stuff to him. He has always been very protective of me. And my mom had the time to baby us both as long as we needed.
Now -- we're fabulous friends. I mean I think he's crazy and all, and we're very different. But we talk ALL the time and really support one another. I always think about how he is there for me if I needed ANYTHING... even though we live half away across the country from one another.
He has been very fatherly with me (sometimes good, sometimes bad )
And always has support and advice on the ready.

We have one son and I told DH is he wants another he'd have to wait 4-5-6 years. I agree about letting the first one have the time to wean and grow up at his own pace and giving me time too.

Nice to hear all of these stories. It's a refreshing change from the frazzled calls for help often seen in the toddler forum with those how have 2 under 3 years old. I read those and it makes me want to get my tubes tied. :
post #40 of 41
Quote:
Originally Posted by doriansmummy View Post
I think all older siblings will get irritated with younger siblings no matter what age. I watch a 8 year old girl and she has a 5 year old brother that drives her nuts and the mom says they fight all the time.

I dont know if you already do, but set some special time aside for just your 8 year old and you without the younger one. And I would also find something they could do together to form a bond. Maybe a tots gym that they could take a class together or swimming classes? It seems like they have not formed a good bond yet, I would try with all you have to set up stuff so they can have a good sibling bond.

I agree. All siblings will have their differences - no matter the age difference. I do think that for the most part, the smaller the age gap, the more pronounced the differences. Of course, that is a huge generalization, but it is my experience.

My family is also a mixed family, with my older son having an absent bio. father. This hasn't played into our family dynamic. He views his younger bro. as his complete brother in every sense of the word. My partner an dI also make sure we put aside time for our older boy that is just his. On Mondays, my partner and he go out and do something, on Wednesdays, he and I go out. Sometimes it's something simple like a game of chess at our local bookstore, at other times it's something like rock climbing or a movie. I believe that this approach has effectively averted sibling rivalry between the two boys...for now.
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