Fear After Watching Friend Labor...(really super long) UPDATE post #5 - Page 2

[Shelsi]

Originally Posted by 3~born~at~home

Shelsi,
I've sent you a couple of PM's but not sure you're getting them?
I think you will be surprised how well you can do in your own home, birthing your own way. Birth is very different when you feel in control. I don't see how anyone could feel in control in a hospital. Even if the staff do their best to do with what you ask, I think there is still stress. My home births were very different than my hospital births.

I did get your PMs and I promise I am not ignoring you! Hopefully I'll be in a better state of mind to respond this weekend (and I won't have my 2.5 yr old monkey hanging off me because dh will keep him busy).

[Marvelleaux]

Shelsi~

Looks like I'm due just about a month before you, and I am also planning my first homebirth. (My wonderful mum lives in Tucson, by the way!). I knew I wanted to homebirth even back before I knew anything about it and was still under the impression that it was potentialy dangerous. Deep in my heart I know that if I were to go to a hospital, or even birth center, I would not be able to deliver a child on my own, in the same way that I always ruin dinner if someone is in the kitchen distracting me. I know that I'm going to need to concentrate and I won't be able to do that if there are people around that I must perfom for, or entertain, or please. For this reason I know that homebirth is the safest way for me to bring out our baby. Pain isn't even a factor for me. The way I see it, if I'm moaning at home then I'd be screaming in agony in a hospital. My biggest fear about homebirth--seriously--was having to explain to loved ones that I would not be permitting voyeurs. I've already taken care of that (and there were tears) so everybody is in a comfortable place about it.

I'm interested in your thoughts on this. What is it that attracts you to homebirth? What fears do you have? What materials have you, and especially your partner, read regarding homebirth?

I hope I'm not being to nosey, I really am interested in your views on this and how they might reflect or differ from mine.

[Yo Becca]

It sets off MAJOR alarms in myhead that your friend was PUSHING at 5-6 cm dilation, which was threatening her cervix and causing her major pain, and NO ONE NOTICED?!?!?! I can't imagine that if she had had an experienced doula or attentive midwife (even an attentive L/D nurse), someone would have noticed that she was grunting and pushing and helped her resist that urge. Pushing before you are completely dilated makes your cervix swell and makes labor longer, etc. etc. This seems like a very avoidable problem and that your friend would have *greatly* benefited from providers or a doula who were giving her their full attention. Obviously, her friends saw that she "wanted to push" - so the signs were there.

I agree with PP that this situation would have been different at home or even with a different circumstance in the hospital. And you shouldn't judge your upcoming birth experrience by someone else's experience. your HB will be nothing like this one - but if you really want it to be different, make sure you prepare yourself and your partner and that you make a birth plan (as much to prepare yourself as for your providers)