No one seems facinated about my HB!

[Phoebe]

Ok, that sounds pretty self centered doesn't it? I just don't really understand why people don't want to ask and get all the details, even those who think it was a stupid idea. I had an HBAC 7 weeks ago and I am just so proud I want to tell all the details to anyone who'll listen. But I don't offer it up unless someone asks...and they don't ask! We sent out announcements that simply said "blah blah blah...born at home...on blah blah blah date, weight, length, etc". I didn't want to be obnoxious but I was proud and wanted everyone to know. I didn't want anyone assuming I had a hospital birth. I didn't. This birth was very special to me...I'm so proud of myself.

I expected at least a few who didn't know it was a planned HB to say "you had that baby at home! You're nuts!" or something similar.

I guess I just want to talk about it and before I attempted to have ds#1 at home I wanted to talk to anyone who had experienced hb. I would talk up the few people I met back when I thought hb was crazy! I was facinated by it. I thought it was cool then, even when I wouldn't consider it for myself.

No one (except at LLL meetings) wants to talk to me about it!
How come!

[Flor]

I didn't have a homebirth. I wonder if people feel unknowledgable. Like, if you had a hospital birth, I could say, "Did they make you watch that stupid video about bfing?" or "Did they want you to lay flat on your back the whole time?" or "Isn't it terrible that they won't let you eat?"

If you were my close friend, of course, I'd hit you up for details. If you were just someone at work, I guess, I wouldn't know what to say. I've never been to a HB, I don't know what happens. If I was considering my own HB, I might have questions for you. If I wasn't, and I didn't know anything about it, I might just smile and say, "Well, that's cool." Like when I ask a coworker what he did over the holidays and he says, "I went hunting," I don't really have anything to ask. If he said, "I went to Mexico," then I'd have a whole bunch to ask about.

Does that make any sense?

[Baby Makes 4]

You can tell me about it. I homebirth stories.

[saratchka]

ITA that it's often that they don't even know what questions to ask.

I've been pleasantly surprised at the number of questions I've gotten from both close and casual friends about the homebirth we're planning for #2. But most are in the context of my mom's group, where discussions of labor and birth are commonplace. And even there, most begin with "This is probably a stupid question, but..." Funny thing is, most of the questions aren't stupid at all. People are definitely uncomfortable discussing topics about which they feel ignorant.

I've also be pleasanlty surprised by the fact that most people who think I'm crazy have kept it to themselves. Usually by saying nothing about the birth at all. I just found out a few days ago that my BIL is really, really worried about it. He never said a word to me or DH about it, my mother overheard him saying something to FIL over the holidays or I'd never have known. We're now trying to reach out to him a little in the hopes that we can make him more comfortable with the whole thing. We won't change our birth plan for him, but I hate for him to be worried unnecessarily!

[Sea_Gal]

Well here's an option!

Check this out
http://www.cafepress.com/buy/homebir..._____P___b7_a2
You could also use their search engine to look up "homebirth".
Also even if people don't ask, I say share anyway.
I would never have found this path if people had kept quiet.
And congrats on your successful hbac you should be very proud of yourself!

[Jada Mae]

Phoebe,

Did you post your story here? I haven't been reading this part of MDC until recently.

Anyhow, I am also homebirthing this babe after having a c-sec with previous babe out of hospital (Free standing birth center).

I can only IMAGINE how proud and wonderful you feel. Everyday I visualize birthing this baby quickly and safely at home. I get teary eyed every time I think of it. If I am able to have no rare complications occur with this babe as it did with last babe, I will want to tell EVERYONE and will be high for months!!!

Good for you mama! I am so happy for you that you had your HBAC! Please share your story, I am looking for all successful HBAC stories I can take in!

[grapejuicemama]

Yeah, I know what you mean. I had my first homebirth 6 years ago and it was PERFECT and I told everyone about it. I loved sharing everything and I wanted to tell people how wonderful birth could be.

I was looking forward to having the same opportunity with #2 and #3 (due in April) but people aren't really interested. I just get the question, "You doing it at home again?" My answer: "Yup. Wouldn't do it any other way!"

I guess the positive in my story is that a lot more people in my community are becoming aware of homebirth, so it's nice to encounter more of the positive, instead of the negative I experienced 6 years ago. Plus, the naysayers know there's no point in trying to talk me out of it now, since I've BTDT!

[koru]

maybe they live by "don't say anything unless you have something nice to say!" i think a lot of people think hb is nuts & would rather just raise an eyebrow than get into it. or....like a pp said...maybe they have no clue what to ask!

i'll have to take note of this when i have my first hb in may. i'm sure i'll just spew all the details to everyone so they better be prepared to listen!

[Midwife Kris]

On the other hand, maybe home birth isn't "impressive" because more women are doing it! Yay!

[ahdoula]

I know what you mean in a way. After two vaginal hospital births we are planning out first homebirth and nobody cares. They either say "at least you're close to a hospital" (which by the way in our house if a four letter word) or they say "oh." Even those closest to me don't want to talk about the fun part of planning. Fortunately I haven't had anyone really challenge me on it. Though I guess I consciously tell those I know won't. My mother and husband don't tell anyone, they aren't ready to take anyone on. I am much more confrontational.

[tropicalpunkin]

I birthed at home Friday night and emailed my story to people on my email list. Not all of them asked about it, but once they read the story, they replied with "That's awesome, I can't wait to tell people I know who are pregnant right now (friends, relatives, neighbors.)"

Sometimes people (like me) don't know what to ask and maybe they will feel like they are being too personal if they do. I don't like people to think I'm prying. It's really interesting to hear about though... Home birth stories are great. I also love reading them.

I also love that shirt on Cafe Press that says I birthed at home, now ask your silly questions Ask me about my homebirth says it all though.

Way to go for having your HBAC!

[3-StarSystem]

On my upcoming birth announcement (Gee, I'm jumping the gun!) it says "Born at home into the loving hands of his father." If that doesn't start some coversations I'm going to hit people.

[hypatia]

I think part of the problem is the mindset: A lot of people think of birth as something that you must endure for the compensating joys of motherhood. When you start to say, "But I enjoyed my birth!" people look at you kind of funny.

[tinyshoes]

people are dumb

that's the short answer.

and the more personal answer is,

OMG Phoebe!!!!!!! YEAY!!!! congratulations on your HBAC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I remember when you were planning your first birth, and I grieved the turn of events (THIS is my baggage--not yours, you can feel however you wish about your birth, I just know I was quite sorrowful about it, prob simply because I saw you as a "fellow Twin Cities homebirther" as vulnerable to fate as my own homebirthing self)

ANYWAY---how amazing that you excelled and enjoyed your HBAC!!!!!! yes, yes.....post the link to your birth story here!!!!

Hurray!!!!

PS I even feel like a "wierdo homebirther" at my LLL meetings....you'd think 'those crazy ladies' would be as far on the fringe as the rest of us, but not so....

[FireflyFan]

Sad, isn't it?

You bucked the trend and OWNED your pregnancy and birth, and most people haven't got a CLUE how much hard work that took!!! I can so relate!

[womama]

I think many people are uncomfortable talking about things they don't understand or vary from how they live their lives. Especially if they birthed in a hospital, like you are going to come accross as all "high and mighty" because you birthed at home.


Also, birth and the natural power of a woman are nothing sacred in our society. They are not things to be honored. That is part of the reason we have the birth culture we do in this country.


But....Congratulations on your awesome experieince and at least MDC is here for you!

[Funny Face]

I agree with PP that they probably don't know what to say or ask. I am had a hospital birth and even though it didn't go how I hoped I still wanted to tell my story over and over because I felt proud of certain parts... but there were also feelings of inadequecy and embarrassment that I hadn't gone natural like I hoped.

If none of your friends have had hb they probably don't know how ECSTATIC you feel and how truly wonderful it was. A lot of times there isn't much to share about hospital birth "We got there... it hurt... I had my epidural... I had a crappy nurse..." Maybe they don't know how much more personal hb stories can be... BUT I WOULD LOVE TO READ YOUR STORY!!! BRING IT ON YOU STRONG BIRTHIN' MAMA!!!

[laohaire]

I TOTALLY relate, I felt the same way. I was dying to share. I've only shared my story with one friend, who I haven't even seen in years, but I spilled my story to hear since she had given birth herself (hospital c-section) a couple years before - and she was happy to tell her story in exchange.

Other than that one telling, I've only ever discussed it with my DH.

I was even surprised when I told my high school friend that I had a home birth and got no more response than "awesome" - because that friend is the one who had the 100 books on birthing and home birthing and natural birthing that I read all those years ago and made me decide to home birth! Oh well, she hasn't had any babies yet herself.

I've never asked a woman to share her story with me (well, other than my mother and MIL) cause I just figured it was too personal. I'm such a hypocrite!

[beaches1098]

That's so awesome- Congratulations! Be proud and even though people may not be asking questions now think of what a great model and inspiration you are for so many women who get that announcement or hear from a friend and it just may put thoughts in their mind that theyhave options.
I actually have the t-shirt that says born at home surrounded with love. Sometimes people will ask a question or make a comment but most people keep it to themselves.

[Romana]

I think with a lot of people, if they hear AFTER the fact, they just shake their heads and think "those crazy people - she's so lucky they didn't both die."

If they hear BEFORE the fact, they want to warn you. You know, because you and the baby could die!

Oh and btw . . . CONGRATULATIONS!!! We're excited.

Julia
dd 9mos