I feel like I am the only one. - Page 2

[SereneBabe]

you are definitely not alone! I do find when I'm convinced I'm the "only one" I'm in a really low place in all sorts of ways... it's one of my flags that I must need more support in general in life.

as for telling Maya she can't nurse at night, I would certainly not say I'm "morally opposed" but I will say that it's very frustrating to not find any environment where I can talk freely about how sad it makes me to think of children (of any age) being told they can't nurse -- that is, if they are NOT fine with it, it makes me sad. If they hear that nah-nah is sleeping and are completely content and snuggle back to sleep, that sounds lovely to me for children old enough to be past the nursing-for-nutrition realm, but, any situation that involves a child being told they can't nurse when that's really what they are asking for *does* seem sad to me and it's really hard to find safe places to say that.

the challenges of *really* following our child's lead in nursing, especially for those of us with very very very active nursers, can feel so lonely. it's easy to slide in to judging myself.

honestly, I don't even go to La Leche anymore because I have found that the subject of telling our children they can't nurse is the most frequent topic. It's nutso to me, and I got tired of feeling outnumbered even in a LLL mtg.

--Heather

[clavicula]

you moms are amazing!

[embers]

My son is almost 4. We have done no mom-led weaning, no restrictions, etc... and it all works out just fine. He may NIP if he likes (he decided not to anymore about 6 months ago), etc.

((((((((SUPPORT))))))))))))))))

[katiecat]

Yes, me, too. I often feel like I am the only one! DS will be 5 in May and I fully expect will still be nursing at that time.

I also tried night weaning when I was utterly exhausted around 15 months and it was hopeless. Much easier to just nurse. He has only just started in the last couple of weeks to have nights that he sleeps through. But he will still sometimes wake to nurse once (more when sick).

The only thing is I WOTH full time so that puts a huge restriction right there on the nursing. Things might be different if I was home with ds. I guess it's a combination of not wanting to restrict nursing because I feel like I am away from ds so much (he is home with dh), me getting a "break" (at least from nursing) while at work so I feel more able to give that to him when I am with him and also just that we haven't had too many issues where I felt I needed to make any rules. We've had difficult times, sure. I also have just sort of gently encouraged...it's not like I've never asked ds if he could "come off" and such. I have. But I haven't set any hard and fast rules y'know? Even with night nursing. It's all worked out fine up til now.

[MySunflowerBoys]

Yep, I've felt that way too. Neither nursling is night weaned. It has worked best for us to not set too many limits. I still nurse the 2 yr old at dinner if he needs it & I am trying to eat. My 2 yr old has no nursing limits at all, the 4 yr old has a little: doesn't nurse while I am eating, on the potty, or out to eat. We don't NIP the 4 yr old, but will nurse in a changing room if needed. I've also never tandem nursed in public (aside from LLL meetings.) I don't wear nursing shirts so it's hard to tandem discretely.

[zmom]

DD is 30 months and I haven't put any limits on her nursing. We just went through a CRAZY period of night nursing where she would fall asleep (nursing) at 9:30 p.m., wake to nurse at midnight, wake to nurse at 3:00, and then wake about every half hour to nurse from about 5:00a.m. - 7:00 a.m. and then would sleep until about 8:30 a.m. I've found that she does this when she's on the verge of some sort of mental or physical jump.

Sure enough, just under a week ago she started drawing representations of people and mandalas and her imagination kicked into super high gear. (One night she couldn't have her legs extend from the "milk chair" because the monsters might get them!)

Thankfully, as of this weekend, she's back down to just waking at midnight and once at 5:30 or 6:00 a.m. Now I have to retrain myself not to keep waking up at 3:00!

[doula mary]

DD is 5 years and 4 months.....hope to make it at least till 6!

Mary

[SereneBabe]

Originally Posted by zmom

We just went through a CRAZY period of night nursing where she would fall asleep (nursing) at 9:30 p.m., wake to nurse at midnight, wake to nurse at 3:00, and then wake about every half hour to nurse from about 5:00a.m. - 7:00 a.m. and then would sleep until about 8:30 a.m. I've found that she does this when she's on the verge of some sort of mental or physical jump.

Sure enough, just under a week ago she started drawing representations of people and mandalas and her imagination kicked into super high gear.

Us here, too! Wow. The new play she's been doing is INCREDIBLE. I mean, it's a mess because most of her games involve "packing up to go" somewhere. But, wow, wow, wow, what a burst of change in her imagination! And it was *exhausting* nursing right up to it...

--Heather

[kaspirant]

You are not alone mama!!

*hugs*

[velcromom]

I didn't nightwean, either, although due to exhaustion I did influence the length of time we spent nursing at night so that comfort nursing sessions only lasted til he was back to sleep instead of for an hour, keeping me from sleeping deeply all that time by relentless twiddling.. lol

by the time he was ready to accept my encouragement to not nurse at night, he didn't need it, and he nightweaned at 22 months.

I implemented some boundaries between 2 and 3, not with the goal of reducing nursing sessions - I left that to him - but things like he had to wait if we were about to walk out the door, if I was involved in a task that I was about to complete shortly, if I was in a nursing aversion phase and needed a moment to mentally prepare for it... stuff like that.

Oh, and the three times he asked to nurse during the first two months of this pregnancy, I said no, I was too sore. Last week I said yes when he asked and he pretended to latch on (he can't do it anymore) for five seconds and hopped down. I don't think anybody realizes we still do that (he asks maybe once a month) and it never occurred to me to mention it. Except here.

[UrbanPlanter]

OP, I'm right there with you... or was, I think (ds may have just weaned, at nearly five years of age).

I never night-weaned, had very few boundaries for the first 2-3 years, and the boundaries that came up in the later years were basically "wait" if I was not able to drop everything at the moment, or if I was not comfortable in a public place.

DS started sleeping through the night without nursing at all around his fourth birthday. This time last year I could not imagine him not nursing. Now I can't believe he has just naturally found it is the time to stop, completely on his own.

[josh&davesmomme]

we're totally commited to CLW as well. with first ds he nursed around the clock- no night weaning, nursed him through pregnancy and even nursed him to sleep, while I was in labor ( he was 3 1/2) I very rarely said "no" but there were a few occasions when my morning sickness was bad or I was feeling real tender I'd ask if we could wait a bit-and he was usually ok with that and once his baby brother arrived he would have to wait his turn sometimes to nurse ( we had positioning trouble with the baby) but once tandeming got easier...things were back to normal. I don't think having boundries is anti-CLW though. we did eventually establish some boundries like we didn't NEED to nurse in the middle of the grocery store when he was 4 yrs old like we did when he was 1-2 yrs. etc.

But I don't think those boundries led to his weaning... he just slowly nursed less sometimes skiping a day here and there.... he weaned on his own terms at 4 yrs 3 1/2 months old- his baby brother is now 15 months and nurses around the clock same as his big brother did and I expect he'll nurse just as long if not longer and I'm glad to do it!

[Khastings]

Me too! This is my first visit and post here, and I came here just to make sure I wasn't the only nursing Mom of a 38 month old. I have very little restrictions, and I truly feel alone. My AP community seems to night wean at 12 months, but maybe just the poeple who do night waen post about it.

DS seemed to be self weaning, then he just went crazy these last two months. I'm obliging, and trying to find out what his needs are and if I can meet them other ways.

Thanks for the post.

[Calidris]

I just realised D is 35 months old now (I don't really count months again, but since she will be 3 next month, its easy to calculate ) So I'm getting up there in age too

[Nature]

You aren't alone!

[mother culture]

My 3rd son is now happy with nursing once a day or every other day. He is 31months. I feel like i have my boundaries and like everything else in life for a toddler he needs to deal with my decision. For me it is that I don't enjoy nursing him anymore, I would much rather have a warm snuggle hug and a song that him sucking at my sensitive breats in the middle of winter. SO I say no to him if he asks more than our one morning nursing. But I think if you enjoy nursing and you are still able to pass on beautiful positive energy to your nursing toddler nurse on! But if you are being "permissive" to your toddler because you are afraid of a outburst then you are going to pay later with a child who doesn't stop till he gets what he wants. I like to say each mother has her own journey and if she is questioning herself it is probably time to change or believe in your choices again. There are so many Right ways to mother. blessings

[DucetteMama21842]

Originally Posted by Calidris

You aren't alone, I don't even get peace in the bathroom

ITA

[momuveight2B]

You are not alone

I don't think there is a right way to CLW. As long as you are sensitive to the needs of your child and have a relationship that is working for you that is all that matters.

In my case it is more of a dance, one step forward and two back that starts around the time they take solid foods. I do follow their lead for solids but at the same time I am making them available so which comes first? At certain ages I suggest limits but they are not hard and fast rules.

Right now I am pregnant and having some problems so last night I wore a nightgown to bed so that dd 4 could not find boobie in the night. She fumbles in her sleep but if she can't easily locate boob then she never wakes up either. When she asked yesterday I told her mommy and baby aren't feeling good and that we don't want to nurse. She agreed to only hug boob and to not put it in her mouth. To some this may be mother led weaning but at age four I think it is OK to come to an agreement that works for both of us.

We each have to find our own way.

[mom_2_kaiden]

my groups around here are just like you...and me. i get told all the time that i wouldnt be so tired if id night wean, provide rigid limits...yadda yadda. as long as i dont get bit, she doesnt try to nurse while im using the potty or show my boob to everyone in the room we are ok with continuing for however long she wants

im here for ya!

[boatbaby]

Not alone... count us in! No restrictions here either unless we're driving or on the pot
Not only do I feel like the last one around here nursing from our original nursie group -- but I feel like a weirdo for still enjoying our nursing relationship. The only time it's hard is when he is sick and I am the 24-hour cafe. But that's when it is easy to remind myself he needs it most. And he is RARELY sick.
I am not exhausted, I am not tired of it, I just love our nursing time and I am so glad I get to do it!