I feel like I am the only one. - Page 3

[bwylde]

I feel very alone. I don't know anyone IRL who nursed past a year. Although I didn't put boundaries on nursing for either, I feel more commited to CLW with DD. Probably because I know it will end someday. DS weaned in August out of the blue ("I'm a big boy now"). Actually, the last time I nursed him was at a public party; he had choked on some ice and it was the only thing that calmed him. I thought he was weaned before that as it had been a week since he'd nursed. I never night weaned either. DD still gets up to nurse often. I haven't gotten a decent night sleep in over 5 years (insomnia in pregnancy) but I know someday sleep will come . I will never get back being able to nurse my babes :

[noelsmommie]

you are not alone, but I envy your patience.

[Past_VNE]

We are a no-night-weaning family with very few limits.

My limits are:
no biting
no rough aerobatics-type stuff
no obsessive rubbing of one or two spots on me until those spots feel like he's digging to China
no nursing while I eat my meal, unless sick, hurt, really sad, etc. Too many meals were becoming cold while I sat there hungry. It's a gentle restriction, but one I'm not always sure about.
no outdoor nursing in our neighborhood - As much of a Extended NIPer as I am, I don't need to deal with my neighbors calling CPS on me, and it would not be surprising if they did.



Anyway....here we are...more real CLWers.

[Kundalini-Mama]

Originally Posted by Past_VNE

Anyway....here we are...more real CLWers.

Jaclyn,

As much as I love you, and I do, I take real offense to that statement.

My 5 yo who is now weaning, and who was night-weaned due to waking 10-15x a night and I was suffering. Maybe you all are better parents than me who can parent w/very limited sleep, but, in fact, I do need like one 3 hr chunk to function. Without it, I get nutty and my parenting suffers. So despite the fact that he is weaning on his own at 5 w/few limits (including night weaning and once he turned 4 he needed to actually eat and not depend on me as his sole source of nourishment b/c my adult body is not meant to be under 100 pounds) that he is actually not truly or a "real" Child Led Weaned Child. I say that is bullshit.

[Past_VNE]

Wow, Amy, I'm so sorry. I would totally include you in the "real CLWers" however I see now that it was totally unclear and I can't apologize enough. You have my utmost respect in how you're raising your kiddoes.

Let me try to clarify a little and say that I was referring to folks I've met in person who claim they had CLWed, but the conversation continues and you find that the babe 'self-weaned' at 8 months because he preferred a bottle that he been getting. ...Or she 'self-weaned' at 16 months because she was limited to only 3 nursings a day and mom went on a 5 day vacation without the child. that sort of thing.

I really feel terrible that you thought I would include you in not a 'real' CLWer and want you to know I'm really sorry I hurt you. s

[Kundalini-Mama]

Thank you so much Jaclyn and sorry for being a dufus. I am so sensitive to this topic and I overreacted.

I think I grouped you with many I have found on this board who all-out say that if you nightwean you are absolutely not CLW, which is the reason why I don't hang around here much. It is hurtful and painful.

And how many I wonder would be nursing through breast cancer (choosing holistic healing for many reasons but huge reason being the need to ensure that your sons are able to breastfeed) and while I have a huge tumor hanging out of my armpit causing me immeasureable amts of pain. So I do this because I am CLW and I know my younger guy is not ready to wean.

But according to many people's standards here I'm not CLW because I nightwean.

[Mommy Piadosa]

Originally Posted by Kundalini-Mama

But according to many people's standards here I'm not CLW because I nightwean.

but in all honesty does it matter if you are considered a clw or not? i for one am not claiming to be superior, or a better mother for doing it.
i think you are an amazing incredible mama and i find your commitment to breastfeeding and to allowing your child to set the pace awe inspiring

[Kundalini-Mama]

Originally Posted by Madre Piadosa

but in all honesty does it matter if you are considered a clw or not? i for one am not claiming to be superior, or a better mother for doing it.
i think you are an amazing incredible mama and i find your commitment to breastfeeding and to allowing your child to set the pace awe inspiring

Well I don't feel comfortable visiting this forum because I nightwean..and I know I am not alone. Having to read post after post about how much more CLW certain mamas are because they don't, gasp, nightwean, is a bit too much. You can easily search "nightwean" in this forum and you will see what I mean.

But thanks mama

[swissmiss]

IMHO, anyone who is successful at night-weaning to the extent that they can grab a few more minutes/hours of shut-eye is enviable! I've spent the last 4.5 years as a 'real TIRED CLW-er'

But I can see that he is 'sleeping through' (even writing that expression gives me chills thinking of all those who suggested CIO and gave me sleep-books when he was younger) more often than not, at least for the last few months. But there are still nights when he simply needs to nurse multiple times, and I have no idea why.

My current thoughts are about how in the world can I comfort him through a fever once he's weaned? He has never cuddled with me sans boob, so I will be curious to see what transpires. Must trust that we will work it out.

[velcromom]

Originally Posted by swissmiss

My current thoughts are about how in the world can I comfort him through a fever once he's weaned? He has never cuddled with me sans boob, so I will be curious to see what transpires. Must trust that we will work it out.

You will. They seem to transition from nursing to cuddling and stroking the breast, laying their cheek against it, etc. Ds's transition was interesting in that his bedtime routine always ended with skin-to-skin contact, even if it was just holding hands - lately, he likes to have his back scratched and rubbed. I think the skin contact is what is important to him, he still seeks it just in non-nursing ways. Since weaning he also likes to put our foreheads together, then rub noses and tuck his face against my neck under my chin. The blissful look on his face when he does this reminds me of when he was a tiny nursling.

Although a couple of weeks ago, ds caught a cold and was feverish - he sought me out and asked to nurse. I brought him into my lap and let him do his fake latch (can't actually latch anymore) and he pretended to suck for about five seconds before letting go. It seemed to make him feel better, so...

[swissmiss]

Velcromom, thanks for the follow up. Very helpful input.

And thanks to the OP for bringing this up.

[mamamoo]

Originally Posted by Kundalini-Mama

Well I don't feel comfortable visiting this forum because I nightwean..and I know I am not alone. Having to read post after post about how much more CLW certain mamas are because they don't, gasp, nightwean, is a bit too much. You can easily search "nightwean" in this forum and you will see what I mean.

But thanks mama

This is exactly why I don't visit this board. I truly believe you can be clw and set boundries. I can't imagine might weaning a young nurser, but I am pregnant, and tandeming my 2 and 4 yr olds. My four yr old was waking NUMEROUS times in the night(I was up more than 10 times a night between the two of them), more than my 2 yr old, and I have very little milk, so not only was I in pain, I couldn't sleep, and I was not able to function on the 20-30 bits here and there I was getting all night. I had a very good talk with ds and explained th situation(pain for mommy, being too tired, etc), and I let him know that I love nursing him, and don't want to stop, but that I need a little break at night while we are sleeping.
The first couple of nights he wanted to nurse, was not distressed at all, he nursed once each night to the count of ten, and laid back down and slept. This is the first time in his life he has slept through the night more than once every 2 weeks. His behavior has been better during the day(I think he was not getting enough sleep either), and I still nurse him if he really needs to(gets upset at all or doesn't go back to sleep easily).
I did try to night wean him around 3.5 but he was obviously not ready. He obviously is now...I believe clw is listening to your child,and their cues, and coming to an agreement that works for everyone(I am a person too, and I need my children to know that I have needs, and feelings also.). I actully think him wakign so often was bad for him too...
Anyway...good thread, I just wish this forum were more open.

[doula mary]

I think you need to do what is best for YOUR family...that means different things to different people.

I have a few restrictions with my almost 5 1/2 year old..and most nights now she does not nurse in the night, sometimes I let her and sometimes I say no...and sometimes she doesn't wake up.

If you have a kid who is up all night.......nursing...for some the solution is to night wean...however I hope the baby is older than 2...and for others...they go with the flow : )

Thank GOD you are nursing period! I run tinto sooo many women who FF...I cant believe it!

Mary

[mother_sunshine]

I apologize for the interruption, I hope nobody feels like I'm being rude, but I just felt compelled to speak up here. I'm afraid some mamas are feeling shunned (perhaps on both "sides" though I truly hope there aren't any sides to take) and I want to do my part to make sure that doesn't happen.

I just wanted to point out that we did not start the child-led weaning forum as a forum with a strict one-size-fits-all definition. There are clearly different views on what exactly is child-led weaning and that's to be expected since we are all individuals following our own individual paths. The term "child-led weaning" has subjective meaning. There are clearly different categories under the title "child-led weaning" but, first and foremost, we need to respect our differences and not consider one way as being right and the other as wrong. Just as in any forum here at MDC, there are differences. Like in the homeschooling forum there are unschoolers and there are traditional homeschoolers (and tons in between), but all belong. kwim?

I think threads like this can make some mamas feel like they don't belong here BUT I think they/we need to realize that there is really nowhere else to discuss this topic and receive mutual support. They need support just as much as anyone here. I just ask that we all be careful in our terms and opinions that may shun others away and thus lose much-needed support. The thought of mamas feeling like they don't belong here just because they place/placed limits even though they are letting their child decide when to wean from the breast...makes me incredibly sad because I fought hard, really hard, alongside other mamas (including those, like the OP of this thread, who intended to place no limits) to have this forum put up so other mothers like us would receive whole-hearted support without constant disagreement and criticism (as we were receiving in other forums at the time).

Even though we all carry our own definition, if we are letting (or even intend to, or hope to let) our children ultimately decide when it is time to wean, regardless of age, then we all belong in the child-led weaning forum.

[velcromom]

[mamamoo]

Thanks mama. Always words of wisdom. I guess it just hurts when someone thinks we aren't "real" CLW because I really feel like I am you know? I do place limits, but if I didn't I couldn't continue nursing for this long. Maybe I just am weaker or something, but extended nursing is hard for me much of the time. I have been nursing for 9+ years with no break, and most of that tandeming...I just feel like I am goign to scream if I don't place some limits(that are accepted with a talk and understanding, as I wait til my kiddos are older).

I feel bad for even posting on this thread now. I do see how it would be hurtful for the OP for the kind of input I gave.
Sorry.

[josh&davesmomme]

Well Said!!!!!

[captain optimism]

I wasn't committed to CLW, but that was what I did. My son just weaned about two months ago. He just turned four. Most people I knew told me I would have to initiate weaning, or he would keep nursing past the point that I was comfortable. That did not happen.

I must say, if it weren't for you folks here who let me know that there was a term for waiting for him to be ready to stop--I wouldn't have had a good name for what I was doing! Thank you so much!