Insight into proud of circ mom mind set

[eepster]

I had one of those aha momments, here is my convoluted tale.


Growing up I had a gap between my two front teeth. It was large and took oral surgery and years of orthodontics to fix. I suffered much teasing over it. I was told occasionally that there is a region of Africa where a large gap is considered quite beautiful, but that really didn't make me here in the USA feel any better. I hoped with all my heart DS would inherit DH's naturally perfect teeth .

When DS was born I soon saw he had that thing between his teeth that would cause a gap :. I was sad, I didn't want him too go through what I had.

A short time later we found out DS was badly tongue tied and needed a "proceedure" to fix it. Worried as I was everyone kept assuring me that it wasn't bad and "it's less painful than his circumcision." I then got to explain over and over that I hadn't subjected him to circ. It was scary but everything went fine. My research lead me to find out that this surgery is best do on neonate b/c the muscle in the tongue hadn't hardened yet.

That got me thinking; could they do the oral surgery for the muscle between his teeth now would it be easier than when he is a teen? If they doo the surgery before he has any teeth will they grow in straight? I even went as far as to ask my pediatrician what she thought, she sudjested I ask my dentist, but felt he would probably need general anethisia for it.

I kept thinking that I should ask our dentist about it but kept putting it off b/c it just sort of scared me and I really didn't want to subject DS to any pain.

When DS's teeth came in with the gap I knew would be there I felt horribly guilty. The fact that to my eyes he was perfect didn't matter I felt like I had failed him. I had let my motherly instincts get in the way of something I truely believed would make his life better.

Then one day as I watched my perfect baby smile up at me with his brand new gapped teeth I understood that what I had been contempating was the same very similar to circumcision. Though there wouldn't be sexual side effects and he would have been anethetic, it was still unnessesary painful cosmetic surgery on a helpless baby!

Then one day I realized that this is how moms who say they are "proud of circumsizing their son" feel. They push aside the mothering instict in order to do what they believe is best for their baby, and it probably was hard so they feel pride in having worked so to set aside those instincts.


So why have I posted my long rambling story here? I think that understanding part of what goes into the descision to sign that circ concent form will help us understand how to approach this topic when we bring it up with these women.

[KMK_Mama]

Seems somewhat likely..........although in the end you did NOT DO IT. Your motherly instinct won over the thought of putting your baby through surgery.
Too bad that doesn't happen more with circumcision.

All my kids have a gap between their two front teeth and I think it's beautiful! My brother however, had a HUGE gap and had to have braces 3 times up front because every time they took them off the two front teeth would separate. He now has a permanent piece of metal in the back of those teeth to keep them together.

[4stgal]

I also have been wondering about moms who have had their sons circumcised. I seriously think that some moms become defensive about circumcision because they have a bit of guilt about it. So they will argue with you tooth and nail that it was the best thing cause they have to believe that themselves.

BTW, my son also had to have his tongue clipped. It was done when he was 2days old. He wasnt able to latch without having it done.

[stacyann21]

Yeah, put your mothers' intuition aside to make sure your child's body conforms to society's cosmetic standards

[pdx.mothernurture]

I can see where you're coming from eepster, and I somewhat agree but at the same time, in your baby's case he had a genetic abnormality, perhaps even a very mild birth defect. I'd imagine that it could potentially affect speech and/or interfere with eating in addition to potential self-esteem issues. The same is true for other anomalies, like cleft palate. If you had decided to have it corrected surgically, while he was young, I think it would still be ethically on a different level then cutting off a standard, perfectly healthy body part that all male infants are born with. KWIM?

I do think you're right about some mothers being proud they 'overcame' their protective instinct for the 'greater good' or wellbeing of their child, if in fact they really and truly believed it to be healthier/medically necessary or if they were convinced their son would suffer horrific teasing if left natural. Of course, those mothers are also usually missing vital information about foreskin anatomy and functions.

Jen