How am I going to do this?

[allbrightmama]

It just really hit me today that I am so not prepared to have a baby in September!
We are in the process of buying a house, a fixer-upper and I am the handy one.
We can't fit 3 carseats in our Corolla and with the mortgage payments soon to be eating up most of our money we can't afford a new car.
We can't fit 2 adults and 3 children in our bed.
The birth center where ds2 was born closed so my options are hospital birth or homebirth and our insurance won't cover a homebirth. The way I labor we'll end up with a roadside birth on the way to the crummy hospital.
Ds2 is still such a baby! He will just be 2 when this baby is born and that just seems too young to be a big brother! He already has to share me with his older brother now he'll get even less of me. I wanted him to get breastmilk for at least 2 years but I know my milk will dry up and I am afraid he will wean.
I don't know how I will parent 3 children so close in age without sacrificing my ideals. Will it just be doing what I must to survive?
We are honestly in love with this little sprout who decided another year was too long to wait. I just don't know how we are going to do this right now.

[danaalex]

you'll figure it out somehow, in the end it all works it's way out.

we bought a 50 yr old home and moved in 2 weeks before my third was born. i had a 3.5 yr old, a 23 mo, and a new babe. it was crazy, it was an adjustment, but it all ended up working out perfectly! my 2nd did wean herself due to my milk drying up. she was 18 mo and i was three mo pg when it happened.

HUGS!!!!

[maylea_moon]

Just wanted to give you some encouragement and let you know you aren't the only one who was exactly ready to be pregnant *points to self* we can do it.

[sanguine_speed]

HUGS to you!
I have some similar issues--you are not alone!

[love2bmom]

Hugs mama My first two are 21 mo. apart and my 2nd & 3rd are 34 mo. apart. It is tough having little ones so close together, but you do survive and even grow. There is lots of support here on MDC and hopefully those in your family/friends will pitch in to offer some help. Becareful with the move not to do too much each day. On the day we moved I was preg. with #3 (about 5 mo.) and I started having some cramping by the end of the day. One of my cousins came over to put sheets on all of the beds for us. That was a huge help that first night

[goosysmom]

Originally Posted by allbrightmama

It just really hit me today that I am so not prepared to have a baby in September!
We are in the process of buying a house, a fixer-upper and I am the handy one.
We can't fit 3 carseats in our Corolla and with the mortgage payments soon to be eating up most of our money we can't afford a new car.
We can't fit 2 adults and 3 children in our bed.
The birth center where ds2 was born closed so my options are hospital birth or homebirth and our insurance won't cover a homebirth. The way I labor we'll end up with a roadside birth on the way to the crummy hospital.
Ds2 is still such a baby! He will just be 2 when this baby is born and that just seems too young to be a big brother! He already has to share me with his older brother now he'll get even less of me. I wanted him to get breastmilk for at least 2 years but I know my milk will dry up and I am afraid he will wean.
I don't know how I will parent 3 children so close in age without sacrificing my ideals. Will it just be doing what I must to survive?
We are honestly in love with this little sprout who decided another year was too long to wait. I just don't know how we are going to do this right now.

HUGS mama...I could've written this post.......

We are in the process of moving, not buying but moving to a place that will almost double our rent and we'll have to pay utilities..this place we are in now was too small when we moved in 3.5 years ago and we didn't know we were pregnant then. I SAHM right now and care for others little ones but that money goes to help my mom so she doesn't lose her house....

I don't know how we are going to fit DSD's booster, DD's carseat AND an infant seat in the back seat of our Elantra. We CAN"T buy a new car right now bc we still owe 3.5 years on this one and it's just not feasible financially to buy a new car. We have just the one to begin with.....

We are in a FULL size bed (futon) right now with dd's crib that she never slept in pushed up against it like a toddler bed but she sleeps in the crack btwn them with her arm and leg touching me at all times and I don't know when we will be able to afford a bigger bed....I've checked craigslist ten times over here for a frame but they go quick....

DD still needs me sooo much, esp during the evenings after she's had to share me with the other children, whom she loves but it's still mommy time...I convinced myself that she was my one and only bc of hormone issues and talking with doctors and such that this baby was a near impossibility but here it is........and I need to change my thoughts of never having to share her with another sibling to having to share her and it's proving alot harder than I thought...

If ya ever wanna chat....email me...

We'll get through it.....we've been blessed and we have enough love for all...

I told DD last night and she kissed my tummy and she is just beyond thrilled..she's an angel with the other infants I have cared for the past year or so and just thinks they are great..Of course, they aren't here 24/7 and she gets me at 6pm all to herself.....but she's happy......and I spose I will be too once the shock settles....

[thewaggonerfamily]

Originally Posted by allbrightmama

It just really hit me today that I am so not prepared to have a baby in September!
We are in the process of buying a house, a fixer-upper and I am the handy one.
We can't fit 3 carseats in our Corolla and with the mortgage payments soon to be eating up most of our money we can't afford a new car.
We can't fit 2 adults and 3 children in our bed.
The birth center where ds2 was born closed so my options are hospital birth or homebirth and our insurance won't cover a homebirth. The way I labor we'll end up with a roadside birth on the way to the crummy hospital.
Ds2 is still such a baby! He will just be 2 when this baby is born and that just seems too young to be a big brother! He already has to share me with his older brother now he'll get even less of me. I wanted him to get breastmilk for at least 2 years but I know my milk will dry up and I am afraid he will wean.
I don't know how I will parent 3 children so close in age without sacrificing my ideals. Will it just be doing what I must to survive?
We are honestly in love with this little sprout who decided another year was too long to wait. I just don't know how we are going to do this right now.

I have so "been there done that have the t-shirt" for all of your issues. We bought a house when I was 6 mo pg with my second that calling it a fixer-upper would be kind. It was basically condemnable. I am also the handy one. I have read every old house journal, plumbing electrical and building code. DHs only documentable skill was painting houses professionally with his grandpa. Then when ds#2 was 6mo old I fell down the stairs and broke my leg, then I had another baby and well, we're on to baby #6. Needless to say the room I am in is partially drywalled and there is lots of crumbling plaster, lathe only and un-muded drywall in our house. We have a ton of stuff that we figured would be done by now. It requires time ant money at the same time and that just hasn't happened with difficult pregnancies and new babies. It was extremely upsetting for a long time and I was planning to get a lot of stripping (uh, that would be wood stripping ) done this winter, but with this little suprise, that wont happen. You really have to mentally realign your priorities, baby first the house can and will wait and there is a lot you CAN do pregnant. Also I wanted to mentioned that my DH takes direction well if I tell him exactly what and how I want done and he has learned a ton and become much more handy than I ever thought possible!

As far as the car situation, it seems everytime (and I mean that literally) we have had a new baby, we have got a new (to us) car. With my second baby,DH brought me to the hospital in one car and picked me up in the new one! (DS was born on the 1st of the month and the dealer insisted on getting everything signed and sealed by the end of the month before. I'm guessing your Camry has pretty good resale, could you trade down as it were, and get a couple years older minivan (or SUV, although I think minivans are cheaper)? Fortunately for us, last time we got a 12 passenger Chevy Express, so we're good for awhile!

Most of my kids are 21 mos apart and I hoped that they would wean themselves during pregnancy since I could kick a hole in the floor from the pain of nursing while pregnant. But everyone of them nursed all the way through the pregnancy (once I tandem nursed through pregnancy) and then tandem nursed with the baby. So maybe your wee one wont wean. I for one am hooing my 33 mo old will wean. If you have any questions about tandem nursing LMK, I've done it 3x! As to parenting 3 so young you wont lose your ideals, but I can't make any guarantees about your sanity!!! You also have to remember that first you will become more efficient just out of necessity and so you wont be taking away time from your kids, you will be getting rid of wasted time and second adding a new sibling will add so much more to his life and experience that might be taken away. You will only be with him a (relatively) short time more, their siblings will be life-long relationships. You'll be amazed at what a big helper a 2 year old can be and if he's helping he's not getting into 2 year old trouble.

I have had my last 4 at U of M hospital with the CNMs, I love my CNMs, but there are some distinctive bigbrother issues with the hospital. (Wouldn't let me waterbirth with Strep B, anesthetists bugging me during labor when I was very clear that I don't want to see them) There is a birth center near us that is run by a CNM but I'm not sure if I can get the insurance to cover there because she doesn't have an official Dr of record working with her. She does have a Dr who helps her as needed, but because of his relationship with the hospital (not U of M) he can't be official. There has also been some law changes so I may be able to fight for the insurance coverage.
But I am in limbo until I find out about insurance coverage and if they wont allow the birth center, I am stuck at U of M. : Another part of the problem is I have very fast labors (2 hrs start to finish) and U of M is 45 minutes away, I really don't want to deliver on the side of the highway. I'd love a homebirth, but DH wont go for it because we live so far from any hospital.

I totally am with you, though. I'm working on my masters and was working very hard not to get pregnant. Now I need to figure out what I am going to do about that and the field ed I was supposed to start in the fall. Finances are really not set up to have a baby either <sigh>.

[AugustLia23]

I'm feeling very similarly right now. It was a planned pregnancy, and very much wanted, but now that I'm pregnant and already have a 2.5 yo and a 17month old, I am terrified by what's to come. We are trying to sell our house now, and once that happens, things will me much better, but it's so stressful buying and selling a home. I'm also nervous about having 3 kids 3 and under. I know it'll be okay, but I am nervous! It's so really early though, I am only 4 weeks pregnant, and I have to remember that so much will change before this baby comes. I think I'm just thinking about it too much!

As far as the birth situation goes, barring any unforseen emergencies, I will be giving birth at home. I just cannot deal whith that in labor, so it is an expense that I will save up(read: sacrificies, but so worth it!) and fork over the money. In my area that's ~$4000 but that's not super terrible over time.

[thewaggonerfamily]

I forgot...

About the bed thing, what we did was move the two older ones into a bed together, then they could snuggle with each other and didn't feel so strange and lonely, it worked great! I think we blamed it on no room in the bed with mama's (or daddy's ) fat tummy. Of course we got them special sheets and made a big deal out it, like it was just the most fabulous thing. We also have 2 sleeping in our bed and will be working on the 4 year old moving into his big brother's bunk beds. It would be great if we could get the 33 mo old to move into her big sisters bunk beds, but that probably wont happen unless she weans. Another idea if you have a bigger bedroom is to put the mattress on the floor (I'm assuming you have a king) and add a twin or double mattress next to it. I've known people who have done that. Start asking on freecycle and Craig's list. Hope this helps!

[allbrightmama]

Thank you everyone for the support! Just being able to give voice to all of my fears, to have shoulders to cry on, really helped. This pregnancy is overwhelming and panic inducing but not terrible.

We have decided to do as much work on our new house as possible before we move in. That means we will have to live with mil for another month and pay bills in both houses but I think it will be worth it. We will also move our stuff a little at a time so I don't have to deal with one big move.

Our insurance may actually cover homebirths 100%. I need to figure out if this is really true. It just doesn't seem possible.

As for the car, we can't downgrade. They don't come much cheaper than a 12 year old Corolla with manual windows and door locks. We may be able to scrape together or borrow the money for a very used and slightly bigger vehicle if we don't have to scrape together money to pay for the birth.

We still have time to figure out the sleeping arrangements. A king would be dreamy. Or maybe a twin next to our queen. I will have to measure to see if those options are possible. Maybe we could put our dresser in the hall.

It sounds like the rest of it is all just growing pains. Our family is in transition like every other family adding a new baby. We will be plunged into chaos and emerge as a new version of ourselves. It will be difficult and miraculous just like it was the first 2 times. Just keep reminding me of that!

[danaalex]

we put our twin against the wall and the queen next to it the twin was lower to the ground, but it made for some entertaining in the morning before i was ready to get up. my middle DD would climb up to the queen and then roll down to the twin. she could do that for hours before she made me get up LOL and since it was against the wall i didn't have to worry about her crawling off the other side, and i stacked pillows at the bottom so she couldn't get off that way too it worked out nicely.

[sanguine_speed]

You absolutely CAN fit three car seats in the back of a Corolla. I am a car seat tech (for a few years) and I have done it. It just means finding the right seats and the best arrangement.

HUGS to you!

[kristen1978]

Ooooh, Mama! You poor thing. Take a deep breath, babe. I'm a first time Mommy myself, so I can't give you much advice, other than this:
1) Try, even though it is hard, to enjoy this baby. You will never be pregnant with this baby ever again!
2) In our dealings with insurance companies, we've found that even when insurance companies claim that they don't cover HB, usually they end up reimbursing when the claim is sent in. Who is your insurance company?

Best Wishes!

[flapjack]

We're there too, though babe was planned. DH is training to be a teacher and the next few months, whilst he gets his maths skills up to date, are going to be a little bit lean. (From the start of September we're laughing, because "proper" PGCE students get a lot of grants, especially in a shortage subject like maths.) We're living with my FIL to keep him out of trouble because he has ongoing health issues, and at the moment we have three children and a Nissan Micra (probably the smallest car on the market.) The house needs work too.
The bright side? Last time, dh nearly missed the birth because he was on the phone to his dad telling him that my waters had broken and the baby would be here in a few hours. That's not going to be happening this time, because FIL will be right downstairs. (It was the first birth Steve had seen. We tried to prepare him, but it was faster than anyone expected.)
I hate to say this but it's so nice that so many of the DDC are dealing with the same ambiguities right now- of "I love my bean but how do I do this?"

[allbrightmama]

Thank you everyone! I feel less panicky now. Might just be a mood swing though.

sanguine-speed - I am guessing that the "right" carseats for a Corolla don't include a Britax Marathon and Roundabout? I can barely fit the diaper bag between them!

[mesa]

hi ladies! I'm not a part of this board (yet...I will know by next weekend) but I too, have a Corolla (98) and two boys, 4 and 7. They're a little older than yours, but I posted almost the exact same question you did over on the car seat tips board at BBC, and (man, do those ladies know their stuff...wow!) anyway, they recommended a Sunshine Kids Radian for my middle, a Britax Parkway for my oldest, and a Combi Centre DX or ST infant seat. Now, don't ask me what we'll do when lil one outgrows the infant seat. I already know that a convertible does NOT fit in my backseat rear facing, unless I wrap my knees around the steering wheel, LOL

You could probably get 2 of the Radians, instead of one Parkway and a Radian. I haven't seen them in person yet, we don't have a brick and mortar store here besides Walmart and Target, and they most definitely do NOT carry Britax and Sunshine Kids. I may have to make a jaunt down to BRUS in Phoenix to see if they fit...but it seems that they have narrower footprints than some of the larger seats.

Edited because I got the seats mixed up

[mimiharshe]

You've gotten great support and advice here. For those of you w/bed issues, have you considered an air mattress for now. You can get a king air mattress for like 50 bucks! We just got ds and dd a queen for their room and it was $25 and 15-20 for the pump!