talk to me about domestic adoption

[Momma Aimee]

Dh and I are committed to adoption -- some way and at some point.

we know we are blessed and we know we have love and blessing to share.

we also knw God grows a family in many ways and biological birth is onl;y one of them.

I have done some research on Internatioanla adoptions, I have a pair of friends who did a domestic adpotion -- but it was 10 years ago in a differnt state and they were the foster parents to the bio mom of the baby they adopted....

I would like to hear the nuts and bolts of a domestic adoption.

did you just contact teh state?

did you work with an chairity (Luthern or Catholic Social Services or somethign)

dod you work with a private adgency?

were you limitd to kids in your home state -- or viz chairty or adgency -- could you work out of state?

How long did it take

what "say" did you have in the child? age range, gender, problems or lack there of?

What ages were avaiable (quote).

Were the parental right already term when you were introduced to a child?

Anything else you can think of i need to know.

TIA

Aimee

PS anyone in IOWA who wants to give specific infomation -- that would be great.

[DeannaK]

We adopted privately. Another adoptive mama pass our son's natural mom's contact info for us. (They decided not to adopt and go with a surrogate, they were matched with our son's natural mom). After we spoke on the phone for a few weeks, we flew to their state and spend a weekend with them. After that we hired an attorney in the natural family's state and we hired an attorney for them (the law for that state). We didn't use an agency and I'll never use an agency if we adopt again. We were there for our son's birth and I stayed all night in the hospital with him. He was discharged from the hospital and went home with us at 23 hours old. His natural mom signed her termination of parental right papers 3 days afer his birth and his adoption was finalized by the courts 3 1/2 month later.

We spent one year with an agency where we had two failed matches. After that we met our son's natural mom. All told, from the time we had our home study finished it was just about a year and a half.

The onlything I would use an agency for is the mandatory homestudy.

[queenjane]

did you just contact teh state?

There was a list of agencies on my state's photolisting site, and i called ones that seemed to be in my area and asked questions. I ended up going to an orientation mtg for one but wasnt as comfortable as another, which is the agency i ultimately chose. Here in MI, while you can go through DHS there are also alot of private agencies that place state kids, and the process is pretty much the same.

did you work with an chairity (Luthern or Catholic Social Services or somethign)

I'm working with a private, non-profit agency, but its not affiliated with a religious organization. I did check into LAS but they wouldnt work out of state, or so they said.

dod you work with a private adgency?

Yes, but one that is licensed to place state wards.

were you limitd to kids in your home state -- or viz chairty or adgency -- could you work out of state?

This depends on the agency. It was very important to me that i work with an agency that would allow me to inquire about kids from other states(since i already had a list of kids i wanted to inquire about, that i had seen on other state photolistings!) My agency allows this, some do not want the hassle. Many state offices (going through DHS) won't let you, because they want to place their own kids first. Its my understanding that if you pay your agency for your homestudy, you own it, and should be able to send it whereever. I didnt pay for mine, but still am able to send it out to whomever i want. It really increases the pool of kids you can look at to be able to look out of state, but ICPC (the process by which a child is transferred from one state to another)is supposed to be quite a hassle, and some social workers prefer to place their kids in state for various reasons.

How long did it take

I dont have a placement yet but...i took my training classes (two saturdays)last feb or march, had some medical issues with my mom so i didnt contact them again until june, arranged the homestudy at that point, the homestudy (two visits)was completed in late July, finally officially signed off on in early August, and i've been waiting ever since. I've inquired on 50 or 60 kids all over the country, and no luck. Waiting to hear back about an almost 9 yr old boy, they are choosing a family in a couple of weeks ::fingers crossed:: I've had crappy luck with my own state, and am currently inquiring about getting a foster license so i can foster while waiting.

what "say" did you have in the child? age range, gender, problems or lack there of?

If you are adopting a state ward, you can say pretty much exactly what you want. Just keep in mind that the more limiting you are, might increase your wait time. I've read that girls under 5 are the hardest to come by. You can definitely say what issues you can and cannot consider, but know that the social workers won't know ALL of the child's issues beforehand, and some social workers do gloss over issues. You might SAY you don't want a child with Reactive Attachment Disorder, but the child might have it. Its important to look for "red flags" in the photolisting descriptions and in the child histories they give you. The number of placements and reasons for moving, the types of meds the child is on, any possible drug or alcohol exposure, etc.

My homestudy is written as approving me for "one child, a boy ages 0-7 or a girl ages 0-3, with mild to moderate needs." I'm willing to go up to age 9, and "needs" is very subjective, one person might say a child has "moderate" needs, another might think those needs are "severe." I am open as to race, and can only take a girl if she is under 3 as she'd have to share a bdrm with me (foster kids can be in w/parent to age 3 in MI, other states the age varies)...i only have a 2 bdrm apt and have a 10 yr old bio son.

What ages were avaiable

This really really depends on where you live, what agency you go with, and whether or not you are chosen for a particular child(that is, what that child needs.) I've been excluded for consideration for some kids because i am single, because i have another child, because i am white and the child was black (child preferred a same race parent.) For some kids (esp older girls)a single parent is preferred. I know people online who were able to adopt a very young child (babies or young toddlers)straight adoption, no fostering, parental rights already terminated. There are lots of young, caucasian kids listed on the Northwest Adoption Exchange (www.nwae.org), but my own state photolisting (www.mare.org) lists primarily African American teenage boys. I have found the process to be very emotionally draining, frustrating and time consuming. I've inquired on SO MANY kids, and not been chosen. I keep hearing about how there are so many kids available needing homes, and yet my extra bed has been empty for almost six months, and that is with me sending on homestudies on my own, calling to different workers, sending out tons of info about our family including copies of our family scrapbook, lists of the training i've taken and books i've read, etc.

Other people seem to get a placement very quickly and the process go very smoothly.

I just recently told my worker i'd like to get my foster license (i've pretty much completed the requirements anyway), as i'd like to make use of the time i'm waiting by providing a safe place for a child needing fostering. Maybe my child will come to me that way, who knows. I really thought we'd have a new child here by Christmas.

Were the parental right already term when you were introduced to a child?

Because i am doing "straight adoption" and not fostering first, TPR will have already occurred before i'm even considered as a placement. When you foster/adopt, TPR hasnt happened, and you risk the child going back to his birthparents.

Anything else you can think of i need to know.

I would suggest reading everything you can, about adopting an older child or a child with special needs (drug/alcohol exposure, attachment issues, mental health disorders etc)....much of what i read was fairly negative, and almost made me change my mind. I still have little doubts in the back of my mind, about whether i am doing the right thing (even though i have wanted to adopt since i was a little girl.) I have talked to parents online, who've adopted and its really had a negative impact on their family, as they were placed with a child who's needs were more than they expected. So read alot, talk to as many adoptive parents as you can, join a support group online or in real life, figure out what you can handle and what you can't. Think of the three things you absolutely could NOT deal with, and decide what you would do if you got a child with those exact issues, how you would handle it.

I could go on and on about this issue, but i'll stop now!

What ages/race/gender/issues were you thinking of considering?


Katherine

[Sierra]

did you just contact the state?

We foster parented through a private agency, and then transferred our license to the state and entered into a foster-adopt program. We have adopted once, and have another foster-adopt placement in our home right now (though her adoption is looking iffy at this point).

We also pursued private adoption at one point, and may again in the future.

did you work with an chairity (Luthern or Catholic Social Services or somethign)

Not for adoption.

The first foster agency we worked with was a therapeutic agency for older children and teens. It is a community non-profit organization that has a number of programs for youth, including a foster program. We had some really good experiences with the agency, and then some really bad ones (primarily, when a child was moved from our home when it was *not* in his best interests). The bad eventually caused us to transfer our license.

did you work with a private agency?

No, and I likely won't.

Were you limited to kids in your home state -- or chairty or agency -- could you work out of state?

For our foster adoptions, this really wasn't necessary. Our homestudy said at the top something like: "For State Adoptions Only." Basically, they were trying to ensure that their state homestudies don't cover private or agency adoptions, since the state does the homestudies for free. Otherwise, folks would go to them to save money on the homestudies but then adopt with agencies and the state would eat the cost. I don't know if they would have allowed us to use the homestudy for a state adoption involving another state. It might depend on the circumstances.

If we do a private (non-agency) adoption, we will have to purchase a homestudy, and then we can both work in and out of state.

How long did it take?

Well, it depends on when you start counting. When we first decided to move from fostering to specifically pursuing some foster-adoptions, the longest part of the process was getting a new license with the required adoption homestudy. We started filling out the paperwork in the spring of one year, and our license and final homestudy document arrived in the mail at the end of January the next year (so it was something like 10 months or so??). Our ds was placed in our arms in early April, when he was 1.5 days old. His first parents ended up voluntarily relinquishing their rights when he was about 10 months, if I remember correctly, and his adoption was completed when he was just about 13 months.

Before his adoption was finalized, we started doing some things to work toward private adoption as well. We didn't do a full on search, but it didn't take long to get sort of "interviewed" by a birthparent couple (though we were not chosen). We have since placed that on hold.

ds was around 17 months when we got a call about dfd. She was 6 months old. We are still waiting to know whether we will be able to adopt her. She is 10 months. There will be a trial for termination of parental rights probably this summer, but the journey to adoption, if we are able to adopt her, may take a year or two more.

what "say" did you have in the child? age range, gender, problems or lack there of?

Our only *strong* preference was that we felt we could not handle a child with fetal alcohol syndrome, and we have turned down placements in which that is the case. However, some things are not always known at the time of placement, and as someone mentioned already, sometimes social workers don't make full disclosure on potential issues.

We did want to have our kids in birth order, as in, adopt always a child younger than our youngest, and we have been able to do that. Our ds was also placed with us when he was still a newborn in the hospital, which was our ideal.

What ages were avaiable

All ages, but wait times vary by ages and strength of and number of other preferences.

Were the parental right already term when you were introduced to a child?

No.

[Laurel]

dod you work with a private adgency?
We worked with a private agency affiliated with our church.

were you limitd to kids in your home state -- or viz chairty or adgency -- could you work out of state?

We could work out of state. Our agency has offices all over the US and also uses the internet extensively to help it's prospective birthparents' find families. Our ds was born in another state; our dd was born 45 minutes away from us.

How long did it take
First adoption took 2 years (after paperwork was done). Second took 8 months, with one failed match at the beginning of that wait. I think our situation is rather unusual, though. Our agency is very inexpensive and because of that, there are TONS of waiting adoptive parents. The average wait is two years. For our next adoption, we hope to use a different agency. We have come into some money through an inheritance and will be able to afford to use a more expensive agency.

what "say" did you have in the child? age range, gender, problems or lack there of?
We had any and all say. We filled out a preference checklist at the beginning of the process that determined which birthparents we could potentially be shown to.

What ages were avaiable (quote).

Our agency places mostly newborns, a few older babies, and rarely toddlers or older children.

Were the parental right already term when you were introduced to a child?
No. We were matched with birthparents before the births. In our ds's case, his bmom had 30 days to reconsider her decision. His birthfather had to either sign (which he wouldn't) or appear in court (which he didn't). It took 3 months to have his rights terminated. We took placement at 2 days old. With our dd, when we met her at 2 hours old, no rights had yet been terminated. By the time of placement at 2 days, all parental rights had been relinquished.

[oneotamama]

Subbing. Wonderful responses here!!

[rredhead]

Hi,

I'm Robyn from California. Here's our story, in brief:
At first, we were going to go with Russia, but I have a health issue so the travel was out of the question. We turned to other countries, looking to see which ones did escorts. The agency I had wanted to go with for Russia had a program in Ethiopia, so that's where we looked next. Then DH said, "If we're going to adopt a black baby, can't we do that in America?"
So, 1-1/2 years of research on international adoption turned into 6+ months of research into domestic adoption. We were open to any race, and to some health and physical issues. We did not specify gender. I read as many books as I could, and also subscribed to Adoptive Families magazine. I looked at every agency link online I could find. It was daunting, but I tried to be organized about it. We narrowed the list down to 3 agencies, and chose one of them based on their experience and their advertising network.
We signed in May 2005, were offered potential matches in September, but our home study wasn't done, so we couldn't accept. In October, we had a phone conference with the young woman who became our son's bmom. We went to MO for DS's birth in January 2006. At that point, our agency dropped the ball in a BIG way, so we're not happy about that. However, it all worked out and we were able to adopt DS. We continue to have contact with his bmom, she knows our address and everything, and we talk on the phone occasionally. I send her pictures every month or two.

I'll answer your specific questions:

did you just contact teh state?

No. We did not want to pursue foster/adopt at this time, as there is a difference between being a foster parent and being a parent. We wanted to be parents.

did you work with an chairity (Luthern or Catholic Social Services or somethign)

No. This was not an option in our area. The agencies like this in our area placed babies and children from foster care, which was not what we were prepared to do. Some of my online friends have used these types of agencies, with different levels of success.

dod you work with a private adgency?

Yes, and ours was awful! However, if you want to adopt a newborn, I still feel that working with an agency is better than the independent route, hiring a lawyer and doing all your own advertising.

were you limitd to kids in your home state -- or viz chairty or adgency -- could you work out of state?

No. I believe that every state can adopt from every other state. There is a process called the Interstate Compact for the Placement of Children (ICPC). For example, because Jack was born in MO, we went there to be with him and his birthmom when he was born. We couldn't bring Jack back to CA until the ICPC process had been completed. It took 8 days. Some states have longer waits (especially OH), some have shorter.

How long did it take

We signed with our agency in May 2005, were matched successfully in October 2005, and Jack was born in January 2006.

what "say" did you have in the child? age range, gender, problems or lack there of?

Our agency gave us complete control. Most agencies will try to work with the parents to determine what type of child they can take. Many agencies will not allow you to specify gender, especially if you do not currently have children. Part of the process includes checking off a list of "problems" you can accept. For example, we said "OK" to cleft palate, "maybe" to being deaf, and "no" to any disability that would require a wheelchair (I have a disability myself, so it's just not practical).

What ages were avaiable (quote).

In domestic adoption, if you go through an agency or facilitator, you're most likely going to get a newborn, though sometimes slightly older babies are available. Most parents relinquish at birth. If you go through foster/adopt, then all ages are available.

Were the parental right already term when you were introduced to a child?

No. Different states have different laws, and you will want to make 100% sure that you know the laws in your state and in the state from which you adopt. In MO, bmom had to wait 48 hours after our son was born before she was allowed to terminate her rights. So did the bdad. The next day, we went to court and were given "temporary custody, with the understanding that permanent custody will be granted" if we met all of the court's requirements: 3 post-placement visits and a return to MO to have the adoption finalized. The earliest we could go back was 6 months. Because our social worker was a little slow, it took 7. Bmom could not get her rights back at any point after she signed them away. Nor could bdad.

I highly recommend the following books:
Is Adoption for You: The Information You Need to Make the Right Choice by Christine Adamec
The Essential Adoption Handbook by Colleen Alexander-Roberts
Adopting in America: How to Adopt Within One Year by Randall B. Hicks
The Adoption Resource Book, 4th edition: 4th Edition by Lois Gilman
The Complete Adoption Book by Laura Beauvais-Godwin

I hope this helps!

Good luck and God bless!

[Momma Aimee]

thanks everyone

this is great

I am not sure what we will do -- We'd actually like a toddler -- or an older infacnt. Not that we wouldn't take a new born, but We'd rather take a baby / tot already born and in need of a family... a waiting child. But at this point (now latter might be very different) we do not feel that we are best able to take in an older child (over 5) because i do not think I could give THAT child the care and attendtion they deseve to help them make a good transition and that they need in general....so for now (and i do expect this to be differnt later when we might seek out an older child) we'd like to stay with the toddler age group.

So we are not sure what we'll do.

Thanks for the imput.

Aimee

[mamarhu]

I apologize if someone already suggested this (on my way out the door and rushing) but look for:

Toddler Adoption: The Weaver's Craft, by Mary Hopkins-Best

It has on overview of adoption in general, plus much information about issues specific to toddlers.

[Momma Aimee]

anyone have anything new to add?

We are just starting the real research stage -- adn may still go Internal

We are open to most anything. Male or femal, birth to about 5 or 6 now.

I don't feel it necessary to fight for, or sit on a witing list for, a baby- baby --- I'd love a tot or a young pre-schooler.

Race, cluture, background NOT an issue.

I am willing to consider an simi-open adoptin where i send photos and letters... but do not want an open adoption where the bio prants can contact us to the child.

If we wait and adopt in 3 or 4 years when Theo is in school all day we'll be open to a wider rage of specail needs as i will ahve the day to focus on the child (assessments, therapy, medical appts and intense on-on-one) -- for now as Theo si younger we are looking for less of a sepcail need situation, though we are still open to medical or delelopemental nees --- face it -- even if you give birth you could giet a baby with a wide ranger of "higher needs" .....

Still hopeing to learn more here

Aimee

[Starr]

We looked briefly into domestic adoption about 2/3 months ago. Like you one issue I was concerned about was I really wanted a semi-open adoption. I looked into about 6 or 7 different agencies in different states, mostly MN and TX, and all of them do strictly open adoptions. From what I gather a majority of birthmoms prefer open so a lot of agencies were phasing out the semi open adoptions. One social worker I talked with said semi open adoptions were just a way to get adoptive parents used to the idea of some contact with the birthmom. Now that everyone is comfortable with the idea they really want to go for full open adoption. That semi adoption was more like a little stepping stone. I don't know how accurate this is, but just wanted to give you a heads up. I'm sure that there are wonderful birthparents and adoptive parents who do want a semi open adoption ,it just may be harder to find.

[Sarahbunny]

Originally Posted by Aimee21972

did you just contact teh state?

did you work with an chairity (Luthern or Catholic Social Services or somethign)

dod you work with a private adgency?

were you limitd to kids in your home state -- or viz chairty or adgency -- could you work out of state?

How long did it take

what "say" did you have in the child? age range, gender, problems or lack there of?

What ages were avaiable (quote).

Were the parental right already term when you were introduced to a child?

Anything else you can think of i need to know.

TIA

Aimee

PS anyone in IOWA who wants to give specific infomation -- that would be great.

No, we didn't contact the state. We worked with a well known and well regarded private agency here in MN. I don't think they work with people in IA, but if you pm me, I will give you th name of the agency and you can check with them.

We were not limited to children within the state. We didn't do any outside searching, that jst didn't interest us - however, all of our relatives knew we were trying to adopt and they live in various parts of the country. We wouldn't have minded a child from somewhere else, we just didn't actively seek it out. KWIM?

We were approved and officially waiting in November of 2005. We brought our newborn dd home in September of 2006. We had 1 week's notice of her!

We filled out a document which stated which issues we could handle. On this form, there were various scenarios, and you put a 1, 2 or 3. A 3 meant absolutely no. A 1 meant absolutely yes and a 2 meant we would need more information. Some scenarios were: Alcoholism in maternal family, cocaine/meth use in biological father or mother (2 seperate statements for each parent), deafness, blindness, genetic issue (that's worded wrong, but I can't remember the term - basically if there was a known issue with one parents genes, such as Huntingtons, etc", alcohol use prior to knowledge of pregnancy, incest situation, rape situation, etc. We put 1's to several, 2's to some and 3's to very few. i think our 3's were for the genetic issue and cocaine/meth use.

On an attached form, we stated what races/cultures we were open to. We were open to all, not everybody is and you need to be HONEST about what you feel you can handle. We were one of the few families waiting that would accept a AA child, for example. I think there were 70 families and 6 were open to any race. that's not putting anyone down - just that you need to really think about what you can handle and the changes that you will be making if you are a transracial (?) family.

We did turn down a match that we were offered a month after we were approved. That felt AWFUL but we had to do what we thought was best for the baby and us. PM me if you want more information about that kind of situation. The agency assured us that it wouldn't be held against us (although DH totally thought it was. I don't though).

We said we were open to 0 - 2 years old. We went to a post adoption brunch and there were about 12 families there. I was amazed to see that at least 4 of them received placement of their child when they were 6 months or older.

We were at the hospital when dd was born and we took her home from the hospital. Her birthmother didn't sign the official forms relinquishing her rights until about 4 weeks later. She then had 10 business days to revoke it. We had the option of saying we wouldn't take the baby until the legal risk period was over - then the baby would go to a foster home (which we would have to pay for) . We didn't want that. I never wanted to look back and miss those first weeks. That was our choice though.

Domestic adoption isn't nearly as scary as people and the media make it out to be. That's the biggest thing to keep in mind. There is a lot of incorrect information out there about it and there seems to be very few positive accounts of it on the news and in magazines.

Open adoption is completely different in every situation, from what I have seen. I really wouldn't let the fright of openness scare you away - we were terrified of the idea at first, then we heard about families living in it, and our fears disappeared. We LOVE our situation and care a lot for M's birthmother. its' surprising how much you care about them. I wasn't expecting it. You can set the limit on what you are comfortable with - most people at our agency were open to letters and pictures and that was fine.

Any other questions, please ask - this, as you can tell, is a issue that is very near to my heart.

[Momma Aimee]

Sarahbunny

I am having trouble PMing you

could you PM me -- ??? I'd love the name of your adgency -- doesn't hurt to see if they work in Iowa.

Alos -- about open adoptions and "setting your own limits"

You can set the limit on what you are comfortable with - most people at our agency were open to letters and pictures and that was fine.

.. I thought that was a simi-open adoption and that by def "open" meant contact with teh bio mom and child???

Thanks

Aimee

[CrazyCatLady]

.. I thought that was a simi-open adoption and that by def "open" meant contact with teh bio mom and child???

you're right

[Laurel]

My understanding is that open adoption means that the parties have exchanged full identifying information--names, addresses, etc. How much actual contact there is would be negotiated by the birth parents and adoptive parents between themselves. The agency would not act as an intermediary for the exchanging of information, letters, pictures, etc.

We have an open adoption with our ds's birthmother and her family. We know their addresses and phone numbers, and we email directly. However, his birthmom has asked us to only exchange one letter per year. She does not want visits, but we have had a visit every couple of years with his birthgrandma. The adoption is still open because the contact we have is direct and none of us has withheld information from the other as far as contacting. I would love to have much more frequent contact, including visits, with ds's birthmom, but we respect her desire to move on with her life by having less contact.

To me, a semi open adoption is where you might meet (under the agency's dirsection), but would only know each others' first names. You might exchange letters and pictures, but all these would be sent through the agency and identifying information would not be shared.

[mamarhu]

Adoption (and fostering) information sessions are held by the county at regular intervals. There is no charge, and no obligation. The meeting typically covers a discussion of all the options available, how the process works, who the kids are, and what type of homes are most needed. I would strongly recommend calling your local Department of family &Children's Services, or whatever it is called in your state, and attending one of these meetings. Adoption through the governvment agencies is not the only way, but this is one way to get a lot of information in one place, that will be true for your area.

[Starr]

Just wanted to clarify the agencies I talked to preferred open. The minimum of their standards was that we know eachothers full names, address, phone number, call once a month, and have a day visit at least every 6 months.

Semi open is more where we would know eachother first names but not exactly where we live. We would send pictures and updates to the agency and they would then forward them on. The agency is in the middle passing information.

[Sarahbunny]

Our agency didn't have a minimum openness amount. They did say having a closed adoption was getting rare, although I do know a few families who have one. Otherwise, it's up to the adoptive parents as to what they can handle and whether that is the kind of relationship that a birth parent is looking for. And, our agency stated that more openness is common at the beginning..for example, we have 4 visits scheduled during the first year and then 1 per year after that. Although we have had...I think 5 since the baby was born in September - but we just really connected with her birthmother and like seeing her.

I agree with Laurels definition of open vs semi open. That was my understanding as well.

[rredhead]

Open v. Semi-Open

We have an open adoption. DS's bmom knows our identifying info and we know hers. She lives in a different state. Visitation is not an option.
Like adoptive parents, birth parents all want different things, to fit their situations. I know many people who are in "open" adoptions, although they have no direct contact with the birth parents. Some agencies require you to give *them* letters and pictures, the idea being that if the birthparents want them, they can get them. I don't see how this practice differs from submitting yearly letters and photos to an international adoption authority.
The #1 reason people don't want an open adoption is that they think that the birth parents will come and take the baby. This is a myth. Unfortunately, it's a myth that has turned many people away from adopting domestically.
Two or three of my friends who have adopted through foster care have "semi-open" adoptions, in which they have the birth parent information, but the birth parents do not have their info, because they do believe, based on the reasons the kids were in foster care in the first place, that the birth parents might try to harm the child.
Adopting a toddler or pre-schooler is almost always a foster-to-adopt situation. There are very few mothers (or other relatives) who choose to place toddlers for adoption. Someone already recommended the book on Toddler Adoption, I see.
Don't be afraid of open adoption. By doing some research, we were able to get through all of the myths that surround domestic and open adoption. Realize that each situation is different, and that you'll want to do what you feel is best for your child.
Good luck!

[Buddhamom]

did you just contact teh state? No, we used private agencies.

did you work with an chairity (Luthern or Catholic Social Services or somethign) No

dod you work with a private adgency?Yes

were you limitd to kids in your home state -- or viz chairty or adgency -- could you work out of state? No, we signed with an agency in TX and we live in CT. We did have to have a homestudy here in CT and were automatically reg. with this agency too.

How long did it takeWe got Drihan within 2 weeks of signing with the placement agency in TX.

what "say" did you have in the child? age range, gender, problems or lack there of? We chose everything we were comfortable with. We only put in for bi-racial or full AA. We put in for either sex. We said no to every substance except smoking and marijuana. With that said, my baby was exposed to crack while in utero and we were willing to accept that when presented to us. Our agency only does babies.

What ages were avaiable (quote).We put in for a newborn only

Were the parental right already term when you were introduced to a child? Yes and no. B-mom hd signed (48 hours in TX and irrevocable) b-dad is unknown so we had to wait 30 days to see if he registered with the putative father registry there. They do not have to post in the newspaper though.

We have a semi-open adoption. B-mom can know us by first name only and is not privy to our location. Contact must be made through the agency. We are requred to send two letters containing 6 pictures each a year for 18 yrs. However, our b-mom did not want to choose a family so the agency did and didn't want to know anything about us and refuses all the letters and pics. You will find a big range of situations and you go with what is comfortable with you. Our agency requires the adoption be at least semi-open. We are comfortable with that.