I've been a single mother before, so it's nothing new to me. Just had hoped that I'd found the life partner and that I could build a little family and life...
I'm doing great, actually. Being out of the relationship has clarified my perceptive abilities. I learned a few things (that all my healthy friends and families had told me but I didn't listen, of course):
A relationship that has significant issues in the first few weeks does not work out. The first few MONTHS, at least, should be easy.
Immature, abusive baby-men do not ever grow up. Ever. I know. My father is one.
I have been very codependent, and I hate psychobabble labeling!
I was not created to be a sacrifice, to cater to the insecurities of an abusive baby-man.
I being pretty damned disrepectful to the entity that dispensed this amazing gift I call MY LIFE when I squander it on unhealthy interactions. It's like being given 1 million dollars at birth and spending it all on shit you don't like.
I am so happy to know with every fibre of my being- not just intellectually- that I will never, ever be in a relationship where I cannot live my truth 100%. I'd rather be alone and develop an intimite knowledge of my vibrater than change myself to fit into someone else's world.
I learned that I have tremendous strength. I never gave up, I never ran away, I made a comittment and stuck to it- my foolishness came from not knowing when to quit!
I don't care what Harville Hendrix says, I know absolutely that every relationship is NOT worth or capable of being saved. Period. There IS such a thing as a simple mismatch! Why do we have to headfuck everything so much?
Goodness, I'm rambling. Fire, know that the grey you're seeing is a defense. You may not be ready to see with clarity- the truth can be scary because you know then that you must make changes when you face reality. You know what the truth is; you know what YOUR truth is. Close your eyes and listen the the pure voice inside of you. Tell the other voice to shut up and listen only to the honest one that lives in you. Sounds hippy-dippy I know- but it works!
love and blessings