Anyone up for a book discussion?

[Clarinet]

I purchased "Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay." I'm on page 30 and wonder if anyone would like to discuss it. Anyone else reading it?

[sntm]

I've read most of it. Very good book. One of the things I liked about it was discussing the exhausting and nonproductive situation of being half-in, half-out. I'm still not in a place where I want to be, but things are much better since I made a decision.

[Clarinet]

I agree. It's providing some clarity about the situation we are in. I've been sharing with my husband as I go along and he's being quite receptive. We got stuck on the "do you enjoy any activities outside of children." Our answer was no but it became a discussion of the things we could start doing together. I think that's what I'm liking about the book. Even if the answers aren't positive, there's room for work. I'm just starting the power section and we may run into some problems but I'm very hopeful.

[KalamazooMom]

I just requested this through the library. Am looking forward to reading it. Sounds like it should be right up my alley.

[KalamazooMom]

I'm about half way through now. Anyone else still here? So far I guess it seems to me that she is really dismissive of the children in the relationship. I know it's about the relationship between the adults, but I think the raising of the children is so intensely linked in all of this and it doesn't seem like so far that idea is addressed.

[Clarinet]

Yes! The only time she talks about children is in the question "is there anything you currently enjoy doing together that you can see yourself enjoying together in the future" (something to that effect) and she specifically says do not include your children in the answer. Our kids are a big, huge, important part of our life and when they start doing things like music lessons, sports, dancing or academics where we'll be sharing more, I saw that as something we could enjoy together. Not that we don't have anything else (we realized we did share after I posted last time), but I was disappointed in the way she said it.

I read it all. It has very interesting points and lots of stuff to think about but I kind of got the feeling that it's geared towards childless couples or empty-nesters. Some of the example couples had children but they weren't a consideration in pretty much any of it. I've read (somewhere else, not this book) that the relationship between a husband and a wife is actually more important than the relationship between parents and their children and I don't believe that. I think children (minor children) always come first even though it is important to maintain a good relationship with your partner.

Sorry this is a bit rambly. I guess I rate the book a 6/10. I suppose I'd like something more family-oriented than just couple oriented.

[sntm]

If you find it, let me know. I agree that my son is one of the main factors in it, and without him I probably would have separated. For better or worse.

[KalamazooMom]

Originally Posted by Clarinet

Yes! The only time she talks about children is in the question "is there anything you currently enjoy doing together that you can see yourself enjoying together in the future" (something to that effect) and she specifically says do not include your children in the answer. Our kids are a big, huge, important part of our life and when they start doing things like music lessons, sports, dancing or academics where we'll be sharing more, I saw that as something we could enjoy together. Not that we don't have anything else (we realized we did share after I posted last time), but I was disappointed in the way she said it.

Yes, I agree completely. Also to me one of the important things that ties you together is the shared memories. No one is going to take as much delight and joy in all those little things the kids do than their other parent.