Hi again, Problems again - Page 2

[TigerTail]

Originally Posted by glongley

<<What the doctor explained to me yesterday, and I asked to verify my understanding was correct, is that his skin has reattached to the head, over most of the area.>>

How can the doctor tell if it's attached over most of the head of the penis, if it doesn't retract????

Gillian

[Nikki39293]

You will have to excuse me, I'm only 27 and I'm not that smart (as you can tell by the age I had my child) I have no boyfriends, i've never had an intact boy friend .. So while you all are experts, I'm still trying to do the best that I can do. I'm sorry if my questions seem dumb.

[Mrs_Hos]

Originally Posted by Nikki39293

You will have to excuse me, I'm only 27 and I'm not that smart (as you can tell by the age I had my child) I have no boyfriends, i've never had an intact boy friend .. So while you all are experts, I'm still trying to do the best that I can do. I'm sorry if my questions seem dumb.

Oh mama! You're NOT sounding dumb at all! Hey, I don't have a penis either--and my dh is circed so we are 'flying blind' with our new son too! It is WONDERFUL that you are here asking questions to help your ds...if he knew, and was older and mature, he would be thankful also!
I don't have any easy answers to your questions--I'm researching everything to prevent these things from happening to my ds!

I would guess (as embarrasing as it may be to him) the best thing is to talk. Talk about the need for showers/baths...talk about what the 'smell' is...even let him know that everyone (GIRLS EVEN) have that smell. From my experience with intact men (back in the old days before dh!) the smegma smell is very very very similar to smells from a vulva! Clean vulvas and penile foreskins can still have a smell--not offensive, but still a smell.
This is one of those 'be comfortable with your body' talks. It can branch out into the 'one day your armpits will smell adn need to use deoderant!' talk!
He needs to know that:
1. He didn't do anything WRONG
2. He needs to keep things clean
3. Touching his penis is ok and it is actually a GOOD thing to do! (no need to really elaborate, except to say that we do these things in private--shower etc)
4. He should be careful what he puts on his penis--the skin is sensitive--some lotions/soaps may hurt.

He may have tried to clean and got soap in there and had it burn--then decided 'enough!' of that!
For my dd I always tell her to 'wash your hoo-ha out! but don't use your scratchy fingers! (fingernails)'
Then she sits in the bath and swishes water in there--I never use soap--and she has hurt herself using her fingernails (ouch!)...so this is the way that works...
Help him find a way that works!
Would you feel more comfortable telling him how to clean if he was a girl? I'm wondering if it will be harder with my ds...

As for if it has adhered or not--I'm hoping your Dr is as good as he seems...but always remember (as I'm sure you know) that YOU are the mama...your instincts are important. If you try the steroids etc and NOTHING works, then let the Dr know and go from there...but try everything first (IMO)

You're ahead of the game mama! You are ASKING the hard questions..so many moms out there just dont' care to ask--they just circ or do whatever the dr says...not always a good idea...so it is wonderful for you to be sharing your story with us and letting us help you and your ds.

Please don't take offense--remember we can't share our 'tone' of voice on a forum like this!
Let us know how it goes!

[glongley]

How can the doctor tell if it's attached over most of the head of the penis, if it doesn't retract????

Originally Posted by Nikki39293

You will have to excuse me, I'm only 27 and I'm not that smart (as you can tell by the age I had my child) I have no boyfriends, i've never had an intact boy friend .. So while you all are experts, I'm still trying to do the best that I can do. I'm sorry if my questions seem dumb.

Nikki, I didn't mean at all to imply that anything you had asked here was a dumb question. But I'm just tryinig to sort out what the doctor told you, which doesn't seem to add up. I honestly don't understand how he can tell the foreskin has reattached to almsot the whole head of the penis, if he literally can't look under there?

Gillian

[eepster]

Originally Posted by Nikki39293

You will have to excuse me, I'm only 27 and I'm not that smart (as you can tell by the age I had my child) I have no boyfriends, i've never had an intact boy friend .. So while you all are experts, I'm still trying to do the best that I can do. I'm sorry if my questions seem dumb.

You are smart enough that 12 years ago you didn't circ your baby.

Your questions aren't dumb at all. Here in america b/c circ is such a norm it's hard to know and understand the intact penis. Even though DH and I both have imigrant fathers so there are pleanty of intact men in our families (sorry that doesn't include DS or I would ask him about some of this on your behalf) I can't tell. It's not like I've talked to my dad about what happened with his penis when he was 12 yo. Heck, just typing the words "dad" and "penis" in the same sentence on this forum always wierds me out a little.

[kxsiven]

I'm totally 100% lost here.How can any doctor say that poor hygiene leads to adhesion?
:
FCOL - half Europe would have teenagers with 'closed' penises if that were true - I guess with (this doctor's logic)girls get adhesion too if they don't scrub down there all the time.

How on earth does this doctor explains it? How exactly does it happen? How does not scrubbing your penis everyday cause adhesion? Did the doctor explain?

[TigerTail]

He doesn't seem to grasp the concept that adhesions are caused by two wounded surfaces healing together, does he? You'd think that would be a pretty basic concept taught in med school. Smegma = lubricant. Where is he missing the point?

OP, have you called Dr Paul Fleiss yet, like someone has suggested? He is wonderfully helpful (according to the people here who've called him, & those whose personal physician he is.) Wasting further time on quackery isn't going to help your ds.

[Nikki39293]

I had a talk with DS about this over the weekend, he does not want to use the cream again. He wants the doctor to fix it, and fix it so it cant happen again.

I said your going to have to use the cream for a bit, its just how it is.. He said he wont do it and that I cant make him.

I need a guy in my life that can work with him. I cant.

[wendy1221]

where do you live?

[Mrs_Hos]

Originally Posted by Nikki39293

I had a talk with DS about this over the weekend, he does not want to use the cream again. He wants the doctor to fix it, and fix it so it cant happen again.

I said your going to have to use the cream for a bit, its just how it is.. He said he wont do it and that I cant make him.

I need a guy in my life that can work with him. I cant.

Oh mama! I know this is hard for you and for him.
The bottom line is you are the mama...what do you think? Even if he wants to get circed and you know that isn't whats best, then as the mama you don't allow it (until he's 18)...

[hummingbear]

Hi,

It has been a while since I have posted here. I hope I can be of some help.

From scanning through this thread I'd like to ask if you think your son's peers are influencing his beliefs and hence his actions. Is he being teased? I also seem to remember an article about adhesions and the releasing of adhesions including those adhesions that are caused in some "loose" circumcisions. That data indicates that adhesions will release if left alone in a time frame similar to the age of natural retraction, which can be puberty or a bit after as far as I can recall. (I think this excludes adhesions involving the scar line.) If both these things have truth to them, it would seem to me that waiting until he is older to make any decisions or actions purely to attain retraction would be prudent.

Dealing with a 12 year old who doesn't want to take responsibility for himself is another thing altogether. Surely there may be words of wisdom regarding this somewhere at MDC. If he has indeed been having infection problems, in my opinion, that is what needs to be addressed first.

Good Luck to you
And don't let it wear you out (meant in only the best way as a mother who knows what it feels like to be worn out!)

[MCatLvrMom2A&X]

Have you bought him any books or showed him things on the net about his foreskin and what it is there for?

Honestly using the cream may not help release the synachea, they really arnt adhesions unless they were caused by trauma, the cream is more for the tip of the foreskin being tight. When his hormones kick in they will almost surly release on there own unless trauma has occured.

I would also be curious to know if someone is saying anything to him about his foreskin.

The more information he has the better he can feel about his body so do everything you can to get him the information.

[wendy1221]

Originally Posted by MCatLvrMoMof2

Have you bought him any books or showed him things on the net about his foreskin and what it is there for?

Honestly using the cream may not help release the synachea, they really arnt adhesions unless they were caused by trauma, the cream is more for the tip of the foreskin being tight. When his hormones kick in they will almost surly release on there own unless trauma has occured.

I would also be curious to know if someone is saying anything to him about his foreskin.

The more information he has the better he can feel about his body so do everything you can to get him the information.

Actually, Melissa, that cream is for the adhesions. It's the same cream they give when girls have adhesions on their vulva.

[MCatLvrMom2A&X]

I was under the impression that a estrogen cream was used on girls with adhesions. Ok I just found a site that says betamethasone is sometimes used to loosen labial adhesions.

The betamethasone cream is a topical steroid the increases elasticity so that with gentle stretching it will loosen the sphincter on the tip of the foreskin.

So far I have found nothing that says it helps release the synachea attachments. But I guess if it will loosen labial adhesions it would do the same for a boy.

I know Revamp (were is he anyway??) had phimosis and I am thinking he used the cream to aid in the stretching but cant remember for sure.

[DocsNemesis]

Something is off here.....I'm sorry, but it just isnt normal for a boy to be acting that way. Something has happened to cause this, I dont know what, but I would seriously dig deaper. Can you take him to a phsychiatrist? Maybe even a male/intact? Most insurances cover some form of pychiatrict care. That would be someone who he can open up to and who can encourage him to open up to you. But again, something is not right and you really need to find out what it is. Getting him circ'd wont fix everything and may very well cause more problems down the road.
Have you told him what circumcision entails? It hurts-for weeks; then you have to go through keratanization of the glans, which can take months. Most boys/men who are circ'd like that are not happy after and very much miss their foreskin. In fact, we have two friends who remember their circ'd-one at 15 and one at 8. The guy who had it done at 15 said it hurt like hell and it took fully a year to not be in pain or uncomfortable anymore. The guy who had it done at 8 doesnt like to talk about it at all-not even to his wife-but he wont ever circ his sons either. It isnt just some little snip.

[SleeplessMommy]

Have you read up on yeast infections and their cause/treatment?

A bad case of yeast can cause red, open gruesome wounds on any genital tissues (male or female). Nurse/midwifes have variously suggested: use of unscented soap (only) and the soap is not to be applied directly to the genitalia; and decreased sugar consumption. One practitioner even suggested the use of a hairdrier, post-shower, to dry off. Oral antibiotics can encourage yeast infections, as can sitting around in damp or sweaty clothes.

Can you get your son a copy of this book? Changing bodies, changing lives. It is the "our bodies ourselves" book for teans, and should have positive, nonjudgemental info about sexuallity, genitalia, and all kinds of stuff for teanage boys. http://www.ourbodiesourselves.org/publications/cbcl.asp

Some KY lube could be a good idea. Like the prior poster said, just leave it in the sons bathroom. He will take care of the rest. If you think the steroid cream will help, just get it, even if your son says not to.

If hygene is a problem, a surgical "fix" could be very messy and have lots of scarring.