relationships take work and both parties are always both involved. even if someone feels attacked (with these kinds of issues) they are also reacting with less grace than possible. this is from someone who has reacted all sorts of ways. i've been with my dh for almost 14 years and it has been great, hard, terrible, peaceful, and now amazing. we have really grown together. having a partner can help create balance for some people.
it is common for the mammas to be more concerned about diet, to do baby related research and for the dads to tend towards a doctors opinion.
it is also common for new parents to have disagreements like these. that's why having kids suddenly makes us into adults, LOL.
there is no couple that agrees on all issues and habits. what is more important is working on your communication with each other and keeping trust, faith and respect towards fully ACCEPTING that you are the way you each are. i accept and love you but i disagree even though you think you are right, and i love you for it. willingness to try to understand each other is more important than agreeing. acknowledging each others comfort is important.
there are many levels of communication between people. to start, people tend to be visual, auditory, or physical. i can easily forget something my dh has said to me, and i tend to be more careless with what i say. but if it is written down, i get things more accurately. i need a map, and he needs the directions told to him. so we have had to work on this transfer of understanding.
the more i have learned about myself, the better i have learned to communicate how i feel to others.
the johari window is just an example of how tricky communication can be.http://www.noogenesis.com/game_theor...ri_window.html
i also highly rec the book: five love languages for mates.
so say concerning the vax issue. you would need to acknowledge his fears and limitations. most people are happy with medicine having a godlike quality in that people would have lesser responsibility. it may make him crazy knowing there is something he can do to protect your dd from harm, because that is most people's perception of vax. it's no fun to live with someone feeling crazy about something they want to control, even if you don't agree. he needs to feel you will totally hear him, that he is safe from you attacking his weaknesses, before you can possibly convince him otherwise. depending on a doctor is a source of comfort at different levels for most people in the current western world. it is a technical weakness, and you are asking him to quit being weak by not vaxing which is very scary for him. talking abt no vax typically sounds negligent in this world, when really it is about making an informed decision.
i find his threat likely to be empty. it is just talk cos he felt threatened and threatened back. if he truly did not trust you, i am sure you would probably not be in this relationship in the first place.
the vegetarianism can possibly make him feel judged, and incapacitated as a daddy. i'm just suggesting possible viewpoints here!!!!!
i also suggest not talking so long term. it is scary to commit to what partner wants for forever, no matter how much you adore them or want to. even if it is the same result by going day by day - talking in long term or absolute can make any of us feel trapped.
i have found that parenting a world i can breathe in.....is where we feel we are doing our best, that this is the best decision we are capable of now (even decisions to do nothing), knowing that we can always adapt or change our outlook later.
you don't have to decide it all now. more better is to be getting along so that if crisis occurs you can figure it out together without getting so upset.
what is harder (from my observation) for some male partners to understand, is how these types of decisions, how to mother, are part of our identity as a person. so when they reject these ideas, we feel they are rejecting us. plus we ladies are all tending towards sensitive and sleep deprived and lacking adult conversation.....so when we say this is how it is going to be, we are using the mamma trump card, and they feel they have no say as daddies, that we are rejecting their opinion, and often they have no idea how much we have invested in the mamma identity, since it is inherently biological.
there are no guarantees with life. it is more about faith and forgiveness in each other regardless. i ain't saying it is easy. but let's say there was a partner that seems to be more in agreement at the beginning. there is no way to know they will have the same lifestyle as you later, and after baby. there is now way to promise how you will feel ten years from now. and after man of us have kids growing up bigger and bigger, we relax a little more about these issues because of the world we live in. even if you were both veg, that does not mean your kid would never want to try meat, and you could go crazy keeping her home when she is 7 just to protect that.
besides, having a partner that just agrees and does everything you want can get dull.
there's my lecture for the day, LOL. (hide) for writing so much.