Hello,
I am not actually a mama (though I plan to be one day). However, I have been a member of Mothering.com for a few years now, and was wondering if any of you fabulous women have any words of wisedom for me in this situation:
I am 20 years old, my father is about to turn 78 (yes, quite an age gap), and I am his power of attorney. He has been experiencing increasing health problems for years now, and had a big stroke sometime on Monday (I do not live with him, and no one found him untill Tuesday). He is in the hospital now, he can breathe on his own, move his good arm and has some control over his legs. He can not talk or move his affected arm, and he has trouble swallowing. The vast majority of the time I think he understands me when I speak to him.
The doctors say that he has a chance of recovering speech and swallowing and possibly his legs... probably not his arm... sounds like good news... here's the kicker:
My father would not like to be kept alive if he was not able to use his mind, or be useful or was a vegitable or anything like that, no being kept alive simply to be kept alive. He had a feeding tube that was inserted through his nose and into his stomach in order to give him the strength to recover. The day that it was inserted he was much more lively, awake and responsive. However, this morning he pulled it out. Dad has been seeming to have a high level of cognative function, and I find it hard to belive that he pulled the tube out because it was uncomfortable (which they are) or because he was confused about it, however both are possibilities.By the time I to got to visit him in the afternoon he was very unresponsive, staring off into space and such. By the time I got back there this evening he was looked like he was seeing things (really staring in one spot) and went through times when we could not elicit any reaction from him.
When I ask dad to squeeze my hand, he will squeeze it, however he will not answer yes or no questions by squeezing it. Instead the tries to speak, however, his speech is not understandable. I have explained to him a few times that I can not understand him, and that I need him to answer yes or no questions about his wishes, and he does not do it. Last time I asked him he gave me a strange sort of smile and left it at that. I don't know what to do. Do we put a feeding tube in (the abdominal kind... more comfortable and can be left in for more than 3 days... unlike the kind that goes through your nose) and give him a chance at recovery that he may not want? Do we leave him alone and block all chances at recovery? Matters are further complicated by the fact that people often become deeply depressed after having a stroke and if he does not want to live, how much of that is caused by post-stroke depression?
On top of all that responsibility... I am faced with losing my dad...Help, any words of wisedom?
I am not actually a mama (though I plan to be one day). However, I have been a member of Mothering.com for a few years now, and was wondering if any of you fabulous women have any words of wisedom for me in this situation:
I am 20 years old, my father is about to turn 78 (yes, quite an age gap), and I am his power of attorney. He has been experiencing increasing health problems for years now, and had a big stroke sometime on Monday (I do not live with him, and no one found him untill Tuesday). He is in the hospital now, he can breathe on his own, move his good arm and has some control over his legs. He can not talk or move his affected arm, and he has trouble swallowing. The vast majority of the time I think he understands me when I speak to him.
The doctors say that he has a chance of recovering speech and swallowing and possibly his legs... probably not his arm... sounds like good news... here's the kicker:
My father would not like to be kept alive if he was not able to use his mind, or be useful or was a vegitable or anything like that, no being kept alive simply to be kept alive. He had a feeding tube that was inserted through his nose and into his stomach in order to give him the strength to recover. The day that it was inserted he was much more lively, awake and responsive. However, this morning he pulled it out. Dad has been seeming to have a high level of cognative function, and I find it hard to belive that he pulled the tube out because it was uncomfortable (which they are) or because he was confused about it, however both are possibilities.By the time I to got to visit him in the afternoon he was very unresponsive, staring off into space and such. By the time I got back there this evening he was looked like he was seeing things (really staring in one spot) and went through times when we could not elicit any reaction from him.
When I ask dad to squeeze my hand, he will squeeze it, however he will not answer yes or no questions by squeezing it. Instead the tries to speak, however, his speech is not understandable. I have explained to him a few times that I can not understand him, and that I need him to answer yes or no questions about his wishes, and he does not do it. Last time I asked him he gave me a strange sort of smile and left it at that. I don't know what to do. Do we put a feeding tube in (the abdominal kind... more comfortable and can be left in for more than 3 days... unlike the kind that goes through your nose) and give him a chance at recovery that he may not want? Do we leave him alone and block all chances at recovery? Matters are further complicated by the fact that people often become deeply depressed after having a stroke and if he does not want to live, how much of that is caused by post-stroke depression?
On top of all that responsibility... I am faced with losing my dad...Help, any words of wisedom?
feel free to vent your feelings. I'm so sorry.
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