Will I Be Ready?

[junipermuse]

I am due on the 25th of this month, and I am beginning to worry that I won't be able to handle the pain of natural childbirth. I am feeling like I should have done more preparation, but I don't know what preparation that should be. I feel like a kid studying for a test and not knowing where to start. No one I know has given birth without drugs, at least not on purpose. My mom didn't get an epidural with my youngest sister becasue labor went so fast, but she really wanted one.

It's my first baby so I feel like I have no idea what to expect. Both my mom and my husband will be there for the birth, but I am worried that they will just encourage me to get the epidural rather than really help me cope with the pain. Also I feel like my husband and I should be working together now in figuring out how to help me deal with labor, but we're not. We did go to the childbirth class at the hospital, but it seemed focused on keeping us relaxed until we get our epidural. There was hardly a mention at all of doin it naturally.

Does anyone else feel this way? Does anyone have any advice? Am I worrying for nothing? What should I do to prepare? Help please.

[annekevdbroek]

Well, I am trying for a VBAC this time. I was induced last time. I don't really know what to expect specifically either. I think the thing is that labor is different for everyone - how intense it is, how long it lasts, how able you are to cope with it, etc. Just knowing what birth is like, taking a class, etc. can help. Talk to anyone you know who has had a natural birth, and those who haven't. I found it very helpful personally to talk to those who were induced and also had non-induced births.

Best wishes!

[wendyk]

I think everything you are feeling is totally normal. I had an epidural with my first and am planning on going the natural route this time & have some of the same fears of being able to handle it. My dh is an anesthesia resident and has some difficulty in understanding why anyone would be willing to tolerate pain when there are so many pain control options. He's not trying to be difficult about it and when I look at it from his point of view, he spends a lot of hours each week in a mentality opposite of natural childbirth. What we've settled on is that I've done a lot of research into labor management stuff and I will do what feels like the right thing to do at the time.

In any case, here's what I've done-
-I've talked to friends with natural childbirths and gotten their perspectives
-I've done my own research on reasons to go the natural route
-I've done a lot more prep this time around on pain management- relaxation & meditation techniques and things that are helpful for relieving pain in labor. I have 4 hours of music that I find relaxing ready to listen to, I've read a lot about positions, I'm keeping the bathtub scrubbed out & ready to get into
-Using midwives that are very supportive of natural birth even in the hospital setting.

The books I've found helpful have been Ina May Gaskin's Guide to Natural Childbirth and Birthing Within (the titles are close, anyway). I also read Spiritual Midwifery which provides a huge number of natural childbirth stories, though you have to remember the time frame in which it was written. I skimmed Active Birth by Janey Balaskas the other day as a refresher.

Your description of how you are feeling is very much like I felt going into labor the first time. I made it through 17 hours of painful contractions with just breathing techniques because that was the extent of preparation provided by the childbirth class I attended. In retrospect, I can see where I did things that either slowed things down or at the very least didn't help things move any faster (staying tense between contractions in anticipation of the next one, not moving around, that kind of thing).

I still have concerns about handling labor naturally, but feel like I've done as much prep as I possibly can. Remember that your body has done an amazing thing growing a baby and is designed to handle childbirth. It's largely a matter of trusting that and figuring out ways to manage the painful contractions. And also that when it comes down to it, the very most important thing is a birth that results in a healthy mom and a healthy baby.

[swtpesq]

I feel much the same way you do, even though DH and I took a 12-week Bradley childbirth class that would theoretically alleviate our fears about enduring natural childbirth. I still feel like I don't know what to expect (there is such a range of pain, and types of pain, and I really don't know how much I can handle - sometimes I'm a wimp, and sometimes I'm incredibly stoic). I hope DH will be able to support me emotionally and physically, but I think it's one of those things where you just won't know until you're in the moment.

I'm just going to go into it with an open mind and the idea that I want a natural birth, but realize that there are many variations on my ideal scenario that might occur, and I'm not going to fight against that and will try to remain flexible.

You might try meditating and focusing on tapping your inner strength, trusting your body to carry you through, in addition to reading things suggested by pp's.

Good luck to you, mama!

[Shenandoah]

I totally understand your fears. You can do it. Here are a few things I wish I had known or done with my first labor. Maybe one will help you.

Relax. When your contractions start, relax. Easier said than done, I know, but if you attack them head on it doesn't work, and if you are afraid it doesn't work. Also, you'll wear yourself out. I wish when my labor had started the first time I had sat on the birth ball and rested, taken a nap, something. Instead I was ready and raring to go so I walked, squatted, etc. And I wore myself out.

Get down on hands and knees. Most babies will not be exactly lined up anterior vertex when labor starts. Most will be on their side. They need to get centered. Some do this easily. Some don't. If your labor, especially the first phase, is long one thing that will really help is getting down on hands and knees and rocking to get the baby in place. I so wish someone had told me that last time.

Last thing: Make anyone who is anxious or stressing you out LEAVE. Let them crack jokes, keep things light, whatever.

I wish you the best.

[jilly]

I agree with everything the PP's said. Also, remember that there are a lot of stages inbetween "completely natural unmedicated" and "epidural". You do have other, less extreme options to handle pain, such as laughing gas and other drugs that just offer temprorary pain releif without abseloutely numbing you through the whole process.

Also, I agree that you should rest up and relax at the begining. After stopping by the hopital and being told we had a long time to go, we actually went to the mall, for a gentle walk around the block, took a nap, and then my water broke and I had a shower before I actually went to the hospital. This was great, becuase I was distracted, my contractions were not so strong yet that I couldn't handle them, and there was no one there to offer me anything. Then when things really got going, we went to the hospital and I did accept some pain releif, but I was already 6 or 7 cm so they didn't even offer an epidural becuase it wasn't feasable. And I really felt empowered by the experience of being completely aware and in tune with my body while I was pushing, even though it was painful.

I think the most important things to remember are to relax and work with the contractions -- let your body take over. If you can find that space where your body is doing its thing and you are just letting it happen, that is the best place to be, I think.

Also, Spiritual Midwifery is a great, but hilarioiusly "of its time" book.

[mama2annabelle]

You can do it Mama!! Both of my babies were born without drugs and this one will be as well. I always think that if I can do it, anyone can since I don't consider myself any more "strong" than anyone else or having a higher pain tolerance than anyone else.

The key thing, like someone else mentioned, is RELAX. It is a natural tendency for us to tense up when something hurts. You have to really focus to relax with contractions. It's hard, but it's totally possible and it works!

It is vitally important to have only supportive people with you. If your mom and/or husband is going to be clenching their teeth and wringing their hands, that will directly effect your ability to relax. If you don't think you will get the support you need from them, hire a doula. It will be well worth the money!

Also, if you have access to water in labor use it!! Tub, shower, whatever. A warm bath does wonders to help relaxation and the spray of a shower (especially if it's a massager spray) feels great on an aching back.

There is a book called Natural Childbirth the Bradley Way that is an excellent resource in getting ready mentally for birth. I wish you the best of luck and hope you get the birth you dream of.

[bethwl]

I took Bradley with my first (and had a hard, unmedicated 26-hour labor). You don't have time for a Bradley class, but could read the book. I think Bradley's strength for me was educating you on what happens to your body during labor so that you can be aware of the progress you are making and know that the things that are happening are likely normal and part of the process. Next, I think you should sit down with your husband and tell him that you really want to try for a nonmedicated birth and that his support is very important to you. This means not pushing you to take the epidural because it's what he wants you to do. It also means being willing to help with the pain coping techniques, like massaging your back, helping you get into and out of positions that feel better, helping you direct a stream of water on your lower back in the shower and many other things. It might be a too late to get a doula as they usually want to have several meetings before the birth and you're a bit close to find one and have those meetings and all, but you could try. If I hadn't used (and weren't using again in a couple weeks) a midwife team where the midwife on-call stays with you through your entire labor and does pretty much what a doula does, I would have hired one. It's an extra support person who knows a lot about labor who can help your husband when he needs a break and help him to learn more techniques.

Also, avoid induction by Pitocin at all costs. Pitocin will make your contractions come on very hard and fast. I know many people whose natural childbirth plans were derailed by Pitocin. If you have an OB who wants to induce very soon after your due date, try to negotiate for time and try other options (I have heard accupunture can work very well, also massage with accupressure; my cousin is a massage therapist, she said every overdue client she's ever massaged with accupressure went into labor within 24 hours.).

Finally, good luck! Try to worry. Calmness and confidence will go a long way. I am extremely stubborn and I think that is what got me through my first labor! But this time, I also know what to expect and I have also done some relaxation training (it's called progressive muscle relaxation), which can be used to help everything from chronic pain to anxiety, and I think it is going to help. You basically practice letting go in response to stress instead of tensing up. It's hard for me to not tighten in response to pain, so practicing this (consciously letting your facial muscles get loose instead of clenching teeth, keeping breathing normal instead of becoming fast and shallow, not scrunching up shoulders) will be helpful, I hope.

[OldFashionedGirl]

Oh, junipermuse, I know exactly what you're feeling! I'm due the 20th, and the more I think about it all, the more freaked out I get. Ryan (bf) and I started "Basic Childbirth Education" classes last week, which, at some point, are supposed to teach us pain management techniques, but the impression I get is that's going to be what a PP said....something to help us deal w/ the pain until we get an epidural.

Other than that class, I haven't taken any natural childbirth classes. Honestly, I don't know if such a thing exists around here.

And while Ryan knows I want a natural birth, I don't know if he really understands how important it is to me. I know him...he's going to have a very hard time seeing me in pain. And if a doc. is there telling me that I should have drugs, Ryan will cave. Not to be an ass, but out of (misplaced) concern.

I've read a lot of birth stories (and Birthing from Within), and most are encouraging. They all basically agree w/ the premise that while it IS painful, it's pain with a purpose...and somehow that makes it different and more manageable.

I was basically confident I could do it...until I read some stupid magazine this weekend (which, incidentally, they gave us at class the other night). They had some article, something like, "Things I Wish I Knew About Labor." One of them was "It really, really HURTS!" and then told all these horror stories about how it was so painful and they couldn't deal with the pain, etc...

So....now I'm freaked out again. Esp. after I got a pretty damn strong BH contraction today after I fell up the stairs. It was just one, but it took my breath away! And I freaking out is NOT good. Freaking out is only going to make things more painful. I need to relax.

One question about the whole "relax" thing, though...am I really going to want "soothing" music to help me relax? At class they taught us "slow breathing" or something, and she had this relaxation music playing in the background. Think Yanni-ish, with some ocean sounds. Somehow, when I imagined labor music, I was just planning on taking my Ipod, which is 98% rock/pop. I do plan on putting some enjoyable classical music on it, but do I want to find some Enya?

[jilly]

"Relaxing" music is whatever helps you relax. One of the mammas in my DDC for ds laboured to the Grateful Dead. I might labour to Radiohead, because it just puts me in that state of relaxed numbness. They teach you generalized relaxation techniques, but think about what will relax you. For instance, I found a lot of the techniques I learned in acting class helpful because they teach you to be just be in the moment. So really its whatever helps you.

[angel0123]

You can do this women have been doing it w/o drugs forever. Just try to stay focused on no drugs... and worst comes to worse and you do get drugs no one will think any less of you. Your no hero if you can't push the baby out. Just do the best you can!
Its natural to be unsure the first time.. now I have had one natural child birth I am physced to have this one naturally I know I can do it!

[janerose]

I wanted to second "Birthing the Bradley Way". It was the best at giving DH & I a true understanding of how birth works, why my body was doing what it was doing, etc. I found it very empowering to know the "whys" behind what was happening to me.

For example, I *almost* asked once for pain medication. I was on my hands and knees, after being in labor for about 13 hours, and it was just SOOO intense. And I thought to myself, "I don't think I can do this. Maybe trying without meds was a mistake..." But then I IMMEDIATLY remembered reading how those doubts normally come as you're going into transition & pushing and it's pretty much pointless to bother getting meds at that point since you're almost done. And I was. DD was born within the hour!

I also recommend "Birthing from Within". It's uber-crunchy in parts, but my DH found the section for partners very helpful. Also, she gives lots of different techniques for dealing with pain (althought to be honest when I was in labor all the "techniques" went out the window & I just did whatever it felt like I should do at the moment).

If you're really worried about you Mom & DH not being supportive of your decision to natural birth I would talk with them about it. Say flat out that you DO NOT want them suggesting pain medication to you or the staff.

My best friend went so far as to put a sign on the door of her room warning staff to not even think of offering pain medication. It should be in your birth plan as well & your DH & Mom should have read your birth plan & agreed to support everything in it.

You may also want to think about hiring a doula if you can afford it. It's not too late & you'd be able to rely on her to be someone who 100% supports your goals during the birth no matter what.

You can do it! Good luck.

Blessings,
Holly

[skueppers]

My own view is that what I want out of a childbirth experience is, in this order:

1) A healthy baby
2) A healthy mom
3) Feeling comfortable with the way it went

For me, the key to #3 is being informed, remaining flexible, and taking things as they come. I prefer not to have a really fixed idea in my mind about my "ideal labor" -- there's no way to know ahead of time what's going to happen, and trying to visualize it in detail would only make me more likely to be upset about it afterwards if everything didn't go exactly as I might have hoped. I also know myself well enough to know that I can make decisions I'll be happy with later even under difficult circumstances.

The childbirth educator before my first birth had us all write down how we would feel if we ended up having a c-section. After we'd done so, she told us the best answer she'd ever gotten to this question was, "like a mother". I think that's a very wise remark -- for one reason or another, not all of us who set out to have an unmedicated vaginal delivery will wind up with one; I think it's healthier to focus on the positive outcome that we've become mothers rather than getting mired down in disappointment, guilt, blame, and anger because our childbirth experiences weren't everything we had hoped.

I don't know what kind of birth you're planning, but particularly if you'll be in a situation where your birth attendant won't be with you all the time (such as a doctor in a hospital, or a midwife who may be attending more than one birth in a hospital or birthing center), I would seriously consider hiring a doula if you can afford it (and looking for a student doula if you can't afford a professional doula). A doula can really help you figure out ways to cope with labor pain, and just having an experienced, trained person there whose only job is to support you can be very reassuring.

[bleumoose]

Hire a doula!

Seriously, although it's very close to your EDD, it's not too late! I once had a mama call me on her due date, desperate for a doula, and as it happened I was free. If the ones you call say they're not available, ask if they know of any doulas in training who are looking for certifying births.

There's still time for you to do some reading, which will go a long way to helping fill your head with good stuff. You don't have to read cover to cover, just skim and read the bits that jump out at you. Ina May's Guide to Childbirth by Ina May Gaskin is an excellent book, full of wonderful birth stories and fantastic info, particularly the chapters on pain/pleasure and the sphincter law. Birthing from Within by Pam England is good. The Birth book by Dr Sears.

And, I strongly recommend the Birth Partner by Penny Simkin. Have your DP read this one too, and take it with you to the hospital! It's chock full of suggestions for dealing with each phase and stage of labor, as well as realistic info on what you can expect both physically and emotionally at each stage, both for you and your partner. SO SO SO helpful.

It's ok to feel unsure of yourself. You haven't done this before, and what you're feeling is normal. Arm yourself with information. Stay as active in labor as you can, but alternate with resting. Finally, take labor one contraction at a time. Make it through this one, rest up, then tackle the next one. And the next. And the next. And so on.

[wendyk]

Originally Posted by bleumoose

Finally, take labor one contraction at a time. Make it through this one, rest up, then tackle the next one. And the next. And the next. And so on.

There is some really great advice all through this thread!

I'm really glad you brought up this point! I remember initially thinking that there was no way I was going to be able to manage all the contractions. Then I got into a groove of breathing through each one, just taking them one at a time. It was like time didn't have a much meaning for me anymore and hours passed without me even realizing it. So, for me, even though my labor was fairly long at 25 hours, it didn't seem like 25 hours at the time.

[skueppers]

Originally Posted by bleumoose

Finally, take labor one contraction at a time. Make it through this one, rest up, then tackle the next one. And the next. And the next. And so on.

I totally agree with this advice. I can get through anything for 60-90 seconds at a time!

Of course, there are exceptions -- there are situations in which pain can persist beyond the end of the contraction -- but in the vast majority of births, you will have a pain-free period between your contractions.

[Qalliope]

Have you tried any of the self hypnosis methods? They might help you to relax. My local bookstore has Hypnobirthing: The Mongan Method. I didn't even buy it, I just read their copy in the store, and took notes on the things I liked. But I have a lot of meditation and self-hypnosis experience, so I didn't need the whole book plus the CD to get what I needed out of it. In the end I may or may not use it. Labor is just such a different state of mind.

I think you just need to calm down and not worry so much about it. You will not die from the pain, I promise. And the tools that you use to cope will be your own, no matter what you read, or what classes you take. When you get in the situation, you know what feels good and what doesn't. Whatever methods you study, don't be afraid to throw them out the window when the time comes and experiment with positions, water, breathing, dreaming, screaming, or whatever else you can think of to find your groove.

There's a lot of different ways of doing labor out there, and there's no way to know which ones will help you, if any.

I think my bottom line is: Get primal.

Maybe you'll discover a whole new way of coping with labor that no one's thought of before, and then you can write a book on your own "method"

[mama.ky]

When I was pregnant with my first, I felt exactly the same way! I am a wuss about pain to begin with, and I was really worried about being able to "prepare" for having a natural childbirth (although in my case I don't really have a choice, because I react very badly to anesthesia). My mom was the kind of woman who spit out three kids in two hours or less EACH TIME with very little discomfort, and so I was very much hoping that my labor would be the same.

My mom and my hubby were both there for the (14 hour) birth, and although my husband was fantastic, my mom was out of control with watching me go through pain. I wish that someone had told me that it's OK to ask unsupportive people to leave!!! I have a feeling that my labor would have gone a lot faster had my mom not been there, but didn't feel like I had the power to ask her to go. This time, she will be at our place watching dd #1!

Also, I had contractions 3 minutes apart for the first hour, and then constant contractions, hard back labor, for the 13 hours after that until my baby was born. No breaks! And you know what? Looking back, it wasn't that bad. You are in such a complete space outside of time while you are giving birth. When my daughter was in my arms, I was actually amazed to see how much time had passed, and realized at that point that I was tired (I had been up over 24 hours at that point).

So- another thing I would tell you is that when you are in it, it may be tough, and painful, but YOU CAN DO IT!!!!! Your body will do what it needs to do to get your beautiful baby out of there. Be strong, mama! In many ways, watching her fall down and hurt herself the first time was more painful for me than hard labor.

Good luck!!! I am sure you will have a beautiful, amazing, empowering birth. It is definitely an experience like none other! I wouldn't have traded mine for the world.

[junipermuse]

Thanks. It's good to know I'm not the only one to feel this way. I think deep down I know I can get through it, but the waiting is hard. I'm sure it will be different with the next baby because then at least i'll know what to expect.

I really like the idea of having a doula, but my husband already said "no." We technically could afford it, but i know he's feeling financially stretched right now, so i don't want to push it.

last night i dug out my copy of birthing from within from under my bed and I began reading it. i have also read one of ina may gaskins books several times, and i do find it comforting. i'm thinking about getting a copy of the book on the bradley method that some of the pps mentioned.

I feel fairly confident about getting through the early part of labor at home, but I'm worried that once i get to the hospital I will be out of my element and unable to cope. I'm worried that choosing to have the baby at the hospital instead of a birthing center or at home might have been a mistake.

I also know that when I'm actually in labor my DH will be very attentive and support me in anyway i ask, but I really wish we could work together beforehand to discuss and figure out what support i might like or need, so that I won't have to tell him in the moment. Right now he's just so busy with work because he's the only one at his company working on a huge project with a jan 15th deadline. He just can't afford to give me that kind of time right now. Luckily the project should be done before the baby comes, and then he'll be taking a few weeks off to spend time with me (and the baby)

Thanks for listening to all my rambling thoughts and concerns.

[velveeta]

Pain is a big concern for me, too. My first birth was a homebirth, and it was short, and very intense. It was intensely painful. But, let me tell you this: I had a sore throat A SORE THROAT, I said! during *this* pregnancy that was much more painful to me. Why? Well, I guess that pain was purposeless, and I didn't know when it would end. To be very honest with you, I asked for pain relief during DS' labor. Because it wasn't available, my MW and my mother said, "you can do it, you are doing great!" And I believed them, and within a few *minutes* my DS was born, and I was totally EUPHORIC!!!

I had so many of the same fears as you are having when I had my first baby. It is so much easier, in terms of fear, now that I know what it is really like.

I think that bleumoose is so smart to suggest a doula. Especially since we are so close to your time.

And the last thing to remember is that WE ARE WITH you. Women all over the world are going to be laboring with you. Think of them, and draw on their energy. You can do this. You can do this. You can do this.