My mom is driving me crazy

[stacyann21]

Okay so we are living with my mom right now and she is making me crazy with her misinformation about Bfing. She's constantly making rude comments like saying he looks so hungry right after she knows I just nursed him. She tells me that I need to have my milk "checked" because it's "too thin" and he isn't getting enough to eat etc. She even went out and bought a can of formula when I had made it my goal to wean him off supplementing with this last can. Also, whenever he cries for any reason she says he's "starving" and whenever she's watching him and he cries she says things to him in babytalk like, "Oh you're so hungry". I don't believe any of her spew but I feel like I have no support. It's impossible to reason with her, she won't even listen to me for one minute without rolling her eyes. He has a little rash on his face and has been fussy so I'm trying dairy elimination and when I told her she got all upset and said, "Okay but you need to drink at least 2 glasses of milk a day". WTF?! Sorry for the rant but how do I deal with this day in and day out especially when I'm already struggling with Bfing as it is?

[2crazykids]

When can you move out?

[ThreeBeans]

Originally Posted by 2crazykids

When can you move out?

But, yeah. If your mother is going to sabatoge your breastfeeding relationship (and it sounds like she's trying), you need to find another place to live

[_betsy_]

If it were my Mom, I could and would say "Mom, I need your support on this. I know you have a strong opinion about this, but so do I. I've done hours and hours of research and I know this is best for my baby. Can you please support my decision and knock it off with all the "starving" and other negative comments? Even if you don't ever agree with my opinion and my choice, can't you still try to SUPPORT my decision?"

But, you know your mother and maybe that won't be taken the way my mother would take it, you know?

Also, aybe try printing out the 101 great things about BFing (or whatever it's called) list from www,kellymom.com - maybe a little education is in order?

[jenmk]

Hang in there, mama.

I'd definitely try educating your mom. Do a search for "benefits of breastfeeding" and you'll find lots of things to print out and give to her to read. Better yet, search for "risks of formula feeding" and print that information out. Maybe handing her a stack of printouts about breastfeeding and formula feeding will get her to start supporting the good you are doing for your baby.

I do not know what obstacles you've been up against, but just know that it will get better and easier.

Hugs, and good luck, mama!

[carmel23]

Hang in there! Maybe you could talk to your pediatrician about your mom's lack of support and then bring your mom to an appointment and have the ped. explain to your mom the breast IS BEST! It isn't right for her to do this--you are giving your baby the best gift you could ever give by breastfeeding!

Good luck and hugs!

[dziejen]

So sorry your mom is not making things easy for you but it sounds like despite whatever struggles you may have had, you know what is best for your babe and you are determined and I give you a lot of credit. Could you find a support group nearby like LLL or even some like-minded moms to hang out with so that at least part of the time you will have some positive feedback? Eventually I hope your mom sees that your son is thriving on your milk and if not agree with you at least learn to keep her opinions to her self!

[moonfirefaery]

That is really rude. I think you should talk to her and tell her it is very inappropriate and inexcusable. Tell her that breastfeeding is best for your child and that her negative attitude won't help you overcome the obstacles. If your baby was starving he wouldn't be thriving, and if people needed to drink milk to breastfeed, no lactose intolerant mamas would be able to do it. :/ Hang in there, seek positive support, and try to talk to her about her comments. My mom wasn't extremely supportive of BFing, but she is nice about it now that she knows how serious I am about it.

[onelilguysmommy]

s: my grandma never went and bought formula but i lived vbetween her and my dads house for 3ish months when my son was 5mo+ and every tme he remotely fussed, it was "oh, its hungry! tell your mahmaw to feed it!!"
it DROVE ME NUTS!
s:

[BelgianSheepDog]

Hard as it is, I think the best thing would be to just completely ignore every single snide comment she makes, every piece of bad advice, everything. Chuck the formula. Look for support elsewhere--LLL, mom's groups, here. Your mom isn't going to change, you just have to find a way to minimize the annoyance factor.

[hunnybumm]

I really feel for you momma. It must be so frustrating when your voice is tuned out and eyes go rolling when you are just trying to dispel myths. I can only imagine how horrible it must be to come from someone who should be supporting you. Like others have mentioned look for some support else where. I would even mention to your mom that since she isn't supporting you, you are finding people who do.

My grandma has a water fetish. With both my boys she would constantly say they were thirsty and needed water. With DS#1 I just let her give it to him. With #2 I stood up to her and politely told her nothing besides breast milk yet. Thankfully, she has slowly gotten better. She use to just shove #1s binky in when he was fussy. With #2 she would tell me "I think he needs titty mom!" (believe me, that is her getting better!)

[firstkid4me]

Originally Posted by stacyann21

Okay so we are living with my mom right now and she is making me crazy with her misinformation about Bfing. She's constantly making rude comments like saying he looks so hungry right after she knows I just nursed him. She tells me that I need to have my milk "checked" because it's "too thin" and he isn't getting enough to eat etc. She even went out and bought a can of formula when I had made it my goal to wean him off supplementing with this last can. Also, whenever he cries for any reason she says he's "starving" and whenever she's watching him and he cries she says things to him in babytalk like, "Oh you're so hungry". I don't believe any of her spew but I feel like I have no support. It's impossible to reason with her, she won't even listen to me for one minute without rolling her eyes. He has a little rash on his face and has been fussy so I'm trying dairy elimination and when I told her she got all upset and said, "Okay but you need to drink at least 2 glasses of milk a day". WTF?! Sorry for the rant but how do I deal with this day in and day out especially when I'm already struggling with Bfing as it is?

Would she go to a La Leche League meeting with you? Maybe after the meeting, the leader would be willing to talk over the questions and concerns your mom has with a "professional." (My mother has a hard time believing that I know anything about anything because I'm not a "professional.")

[~Megan~]

I'd look for a LLL really fast

[Turkish Kate]

Get thee to La Leche League--and hurry! Drag your mom with you, too! Tell her you're going shopping or whatever to get her out of the house if you need to. Good luck!

[moppity]

I have heard that this book is really helpful, this is through an Australian BFing Association but maybe LLL has something similar?

[intorainbowz]

I lived with my mom for 5 weeks after DD was out of NICU and DH was gone on military training. It was very hard as I was trying to get her off bottles when I was home, and this was hard. I remember crying while they were bottle feeding and playing with DD EBM while I was in the bedroom pumping. My sisters also heckled and said stupid and hurtful comments. I finally told them that I would no longer take commentary on nursing and if they kept it up, they were not allowed to play with baby.

It was very hard, harder than I could say to live with my mom. I wish I had great words to say, but I don't. I had to have a "boundry" conversation with my mom and sisters... basically breast feeding is an area on which I will accept no commentary.

I lived for weekends when I went home. Could you go stay in a hotel for a weekend for a break and a nurse in with baby? That's when I finally got her to nurse. Good Luck.

[stacyann21]

Thanks for all your replies! I'm going to have her come with me to an LLL meeting next month "for support" . I'm going to try to talk to the leader before the meeting via telephone to ask her to dispell some specific myths for my mom. We managed to go all day yesterday without any formula and he survived, so my mom didn't say anything to me today.

[velcromom]

That's a super idea to let the leader know what's going on ahead of time so she can make sure to touch on some of your mom's favorite myths and bust them! LOL, good move.

[salmontree]

Hooray for going a whole day with just mama's milk!
And I think taking gramma to LLL is a great idea.

Something I might do is leave print outs of info about BF strategically located in places around the house where she will come across them.

I also wanted to pipe up and say that your son has a great birthday! It's one I've enjoyed sharing with greats like Jimi Hendrix and Bruce Lee. :

[SMoody]

Do you know what I will tell her. Mom I know you must meant well. So I tell you what. You go get some hard facts on this. Do your research and I will give you mine. I read yours, you read mine and then we talk again.

If she rolls her eyes. Then say I tried so now it is a no no subject. I know in my heart what I do is right for my child and if you cant support me in this then I rather dont want you to interfere with it.

If she actually does her research then I am sure she will be convinced by the time she reads yours and support you fully. (or am I being to optimistic?)

It actually worked with my MIL. She however do convert back now and then. (so have to put her straight. seems it is weird for her that my 13 month old is nursing. Boy is she still going to get a shock. )