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Is this "normal"? - Page 2

post #21 of 24
Thread Starter 
I guess what Im thinking about more is the fact that she doesnt call and ask about her. I can see how talking to biomom might make it harder to be away, but when her mom sees me online daily or almost daily and never so much as asks if everythings going okay...I dont know, I just dont know how she does it.

Also, we have no problems. Our relationship with biomom is very friendly. There have never been problems. When we lived in the same town, we attended family functions on a regular basis.
post #22 of 24
This confuses the heck out of me too. When dd's dad was local, he would go two weeks between visits, and wouldn't call in between. We were usually on msn at the same time a lot, and he rarely ever asked how she was doing. He's out of the province now, and still only calls maybe once a week.

When he is in town, he usually only takes her for one night at a time, and I still call to say goodnight to her when she's with him. Not that I worry that she isn't well taken care of. I actually just like to phone and hear that she's having fun.

We also have a really friendly relationship (we even take dd out together sometimes when he's in town) so it's not that he's just trying to avoid talking to me, as when he does call to talk to dd, he and I usually end up chatting for a good while about non-parenting stuff.

The only thing I can think of is that he would consider phoning and "checking up on her" to be insulting to me, like he had to make sure I was taking good care of her or something And he has said before that he never worries about her when he's away because he knows I'm a great mother, but I just don't understand how he can go that long without talking to her. It would drive me insane!
post #23 of 24
Bf's 4 yo dd's mother calls him quite a bit to talk (when they are getting along it is almost every day), but she is a big phone person and I think it is more her talking about her personal life to him than them talking about dd. She seldom talks to dd when she is here.

Bf calls to talk to dd about every other day when she is at her mothers, though. I am guessing that he is just in the habit of doing so from before (when dd was only with us on weekends instead of 1/2 time). Her mother never established that habit when dd was with us on weekends, so it probably doesn't occur to her to call.

If dd asks to call her mother (pretty rarely), bf always lets her. The one exception to this is that if she is upset and crying, he waits for her to calm down first. I think he figures it would be unnecessarily worrisome for dd's mother to only get calls from an upset dd (especially if the upset is of the "I want ice cream" variety).

About once a month and some holidays we have dd's 1/2 sister (10 yo). She does not call her mother and her mother doesn't call her. But we usually only have her for a few days at a time.
post #24 of 24
I think it's fine. I was a single mom for almost five years and traveled with my job. I would usually call my ds once every 2-3 days while he was with his dad and his grandma. Last summer, he stayed with my mother for a month and it was very hard. I called him the first few days, but it was upsetting him more by my calling, that we decided it best for me not to call until the following week. It was hard for me, but it actually helped him get into the routine they had and not long for me. Once that week passed, I called him every 2-3 days like I normally would. Since he was used to that frequency and I always reassured him I was going to see him soon or I was coming back, he didn't see a big deal about needing to talk to me everyday and me vice versa. The weekends he stays with his dad on our normal schedule, I don't call at all.
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