Due in May, lost my husband

[imperfectmama]

Please, help. I am 5 months pregnant. My amazing, wonderful, vibrant, healthy, 45 year old husband died of a sudden heart attack, on Dec. 27. We have a 3 year old son. I'm looking for anyone who has been through the loss of a spouse while pregnant. We were planning an at home VBAC, and now I'm terrified I can't do it without him, and also terrified of the 1% chance of uterine rupture...I can't leave my babies with no parents. I thought my chronic morning sickness was hard, until this happened. I'm swamped with fear and pain, and so worried about what my tiny one within is experiencing. Anybody done this before? I need help.

[marlee]

Hugs to you. All I know is that friends and family have help my neighbour make in through the past year after losing her husband. She was 1 month pregnant and had a 4 yr. old.

[pixiexto]

lots & lots of ..... Peace to you and your sweet babies, Mama.

[crazyrunningmama]

:HUG
I can only imagine how hard this is for you to go through. I am sorry I don't have any answers for you, I wish I did. My only thoughts for you are to tell your support group (family, friends etc.) exactly what you need, ie. if you want them to visit, just be in the same house and hang out with you, or leave you alone, or take care of your 3 year old or bring food, whatever. People never know what to do and often do nothing because they are worried about doing the wrong thing. Also, if anyone offers or asks what would help, perhaps you may want someone (or a group of people) to hire a doula for you for your labour and even for some postpartum support.

I feel strongly that babies can swim with our emotions but are not harmed by them. I think your baby inside you knows that you are sad but will not be harmed by it. Babies are made of light and your grief will float by him or her.

I hope you can find peace in this difficult time, you are doing so well even just in asking for help. Take care.

[KMK_Mama]

My heart is aching for you. This is my worst fear. I am so sorry Mama. :

I don't have any advice, just

If this happened to me, I'd probably move in with my Mom until I was well enough to be alone.

[krismarie]

[mama4gals]

You poor dear! I am so very sorry about the loss of your husband. I cannot even begin to give any advice, just wanted to tell you how very much I feel for you. I can't imagine your pain, and I hope that you have a lot of family support to get through this time.

Liz

[k0ri_12]

First off, I am so sorry about your husband...lots of to you and your family.

I was 4 months pregnant when my hubby passed away. I just gave birth to our son, just 3 weeks ago (first child for both of us) I didnt have a homebirth, so I cannot offer any support there but I am always willing to talk to someone...I know how much pain you're in, there are no words to describe it.
I did move back in with my mom, that helped alot - having the constant support and shoulder to cry on whenever I needed. She kept me sane and healthy for the baby. I hope you can find that kind of support in someone.

I don't want to write a mile long post...please do not hesitate to pm me. I am always here.

[clavicula]

sorry!

[aprildawn]

I'm so sorry for your loss. s

My biological dad passed away before my mom even knew she was pregnant with me. She found out she was pregnant of the day of his funeral. This was in the early 70s, so she already suspected she was pregnant. Her doctor confirmed it when she was about 8 weeks along.

She knew my dad (the man who adopted and raised me) as the pastor of the church she went to in the small town where they lived. Her parents lived in that town too, but wouldn't allow her to move back in with them. She and my dad married before I was born. I was officially adopted by him a few weeks after that.

She suppressed all her grief and fears and sadness about her first husband dying for years. After the death of my grandmother (my mother's mother) she suddenly wanted to start talking about my bio dad. This was three years ago. She wanted to relive those days when they were dating and married. She was really kinda weird for a couple of years. After seeing a counselor for awhile she began to work through the grief she never allowed herself to feel back 30 years ago. Now, three years later, she still has some bad moments esp on the anniversary of their wedding or his birthday or death. But she's otherwise working her way back to mental and emotional health.

I'm not sure what you can do to protect your child from the emotions you are feeling. I don't know your beliefs, but I'm a Christian and if I were in your situation I'd pray for my baby's emotional protection as well as ask others to pray for him/her, you, and your other DC as well.

I actually believe I was somewhat impacted by the emotions my mom felt as well as those she supressed. I've struggled with abandonment most of my life even though I've never, in my memory, experienced traumatic abandonment. But, in a way, I was abandoned back when I was just a tiny 8 week old embryo. I also struggle with denying and supressing my true feelings. This is what my mom did during her entire pregnancy. Otherwise I really turned out pretty good if I do say so myself.

I don't think there's a "right" answer for you as to what to do. Turn to your friends and family who will help you through this time. And, unless you would prefer I didn't, I will be praying for you and your little baby.

[rachelle-a-tron]

I have no idea what to say... except Im so sorry. I wish you peace, light, hope & strength.

[daniedb]

I don't have any words of wisdom, just couldn't read without posting. I'm sending you positive energy, love, light and many prayers and I wish you peace.

[Nyamae's Mama]

I wish you all the support that you need.

[OMama]

I'm so sorry for your incredible loss. I hope that your children and family and friends are able to help give you the strength you need. In terms of your birthing plans, you don't have to decide yet, right? Give yourself a little time to grieve and then hopefully in a little while you will be able to decide where to birth. And even if your husband will not be with you there in person, I have no doubt he will be with you there in spirit. One way or the other you will be able to bring your baby into the world. Where there is loss, there is also life. Just do what you can at this time, take it one day at a time, one hour at a time, and even one minute at a time if you need to. My thoughts are with you.

[canadianchick]

So sorry for your loss.

[BrooklynDoula]

I am also due in May and wanted to suggest that you come to the May Due Date Club forum because there is another mom, having twins, who is also due in May and she lost her husband at the beginning of this pregnancy. You might be able to offer each other some really wonderful support.

I am very sorry for your lose

[ldsapmom]

L, I found your post. I agree joining a duedate club may be beneficial. Hopefully it will work out for you to email with H. Also bumping for more eyes and ideas from others.

Stacie

[cece]

Sending you hugs, sorry I don't have any advice. I wish you peace and a healthy pregnancy and safe birth.

[Jenny_Jane]

my husband died in Iraq and we have twinn dd's im also do in may (with another set of twins) we schedueled a home birth. now i still plan on having a home birth. Just because my maternal instinks tell me its right. I'm soooooooooooooo sorry 4 ur loss : I know the pain and it's horrible but u move on for kids for him.



Much love,
Nicole
(sorry about the spelling hack job)

[AngelBee]

:
I am so sorry about your dh