I'm LATE everywhere I go.........anyone else? - Page 2

[MamaOui]

I would say, try not to take your friends and relations lateness personally. It's not an affront to you.

I do take it personally when it effects ME on a regular basis. Actually more so when it effects my children.

There are lots of cultures where time flows much differently and puntcuality to the minute is just not a concept they have. It is fairly unique to our culture and our day and age.

I am not talking about punctuality to the minute. I am talking about consistently being late. I have lived in a culture where peoples' meeting times were looser. At the time, I worked at an international school and if other peoples' tardiness effected childrens needs getting met, nobody was happy.

I get tired of the punctual folks telling me I am rude and inconsiderate for keeping them waiting. I do NOT do this intentionally! I am not thinking how I can make your life difficult! I'm not just wandering around wasting time because mine is more valuable than yours. I'm not evil. I just do not have the personality or whatever to be consistently punctual.

I don't think the people who are always late are evil, but it does mean someone else is kept waiting and I do find that rude. Especially if I have my one year old and three year old in tow and they are kept waiting. When I am alone, I don't mind being kept waiting in most circumstances and it also depends on how long I am kept waiting and where I am and what other things I have to do that day. Does this mean that when people tell you they feel it is inconsiderate to be kept waiting that their feelings are not valid?

The intent of my last post was not to call late people evil. It was to give people who are constistently late the perspective of a person who is usually the one kept waiting. I think katie-p- understood that I wasn't attacking her.

[katie-p-]

I know you weren't attacking me MamaOui and it was good to hear the other side.

Wow Sophiamomma who tells you you are rude/inconsiderate? Friends/family? I am asking because no one has ever confronted me about it. I wish someone would I think it would whip me into shape. I guess I feel if no one says anything than it must not be a big deal. I totally get you on not intentionally trying to waste people's time. That is defininitely not my motive either I don't think my time is more important than anyone else's. I'm just completely unorganized. I think I know what I NEED to do to not be late BUT it's MAKING myself or remembering to do it that I have the problem with. It's also good to hear that it's a cultural thing. Maybe I was from a very relaxed culture in my past life and I'm learning to adapt in this life

ellery - I think we were twins separated at birth

[Gemini]

I am always late as well...and I do the same thing of freaking out and running around like a chicken with its head cut off and make my family miserable in the process.

With all due respect, as a cronically late person myself, I disagree with what Sofiamomma has stated and hopefully I will clearly explain why.
I watched this show so long ago that I'm sure I'm leaving out many important points but here goes...
I heard something that Dr. Phil said about cronically late people (sorry if you don't like him!) that really came as quite a blow but it made sense. He was talking to a couple whose wife had come on the show (Oprah days) about her husband who with EVERY single thing in life he would be late, so much a problem that it was affecting his work. I don't remember what the occasion was but it was very important to the wife and he was once again very late (one of those drop the jaw and gasp kinda things, but I can't remember it!) and that was the last straw for her hence calling the show.
Anyway, Dr. Phil laid it into him telling him that the bottom line is that he was selfish, whether or not being on a conscious level. He said that it is just a blataunt (sp?) disrespect for everyone he has appts with and mostly his wife, basically telling her over and over again every time he's late "I don't care about you or your time." I might explain this wrong since it seems wrong to say that he "craves" it, but for lack of better words he also mentioned something about craving the attention of being late all the time. I personally connected with this point in the sense that whenever I'm late to things I play "victim" thus making me center of attention even for a second instead of just owning up to the fact I'm late because of my inability to manage my time. ie-"My daughter pooped right when I put her in the car to go, so I had to go back into the house to change her..." or "Man, the traffic was terrible...an accident or whatever..." or whatever lame excuse I can think of so the person I'm meeting with won't think less of me (who am I kidding right??) when I should in fact be giving myself the extra time for all things unexpected when you have little ones involved.
It took me some time to process this stuff he said since he might as well have been talking to me alone and it kind of hurt my pride (I'll admit it, being called on one of my major faults). Things have gotten a little better and I just LOVE the feeling I have of driving to somewhere and knowing I'll be ON TIME! But I do still have my days of lateness and writing about this will help me get on track again.
I do have a good friend that is always late too, and I do get bothered by it, so that helps me to change my habits too. Nothing like getting a dose of your own medicine now and then!

[candiland]

I have a couple of friends that are chronically late and/or blow me off altogether sometimes. It doesn't bother me, because I used to do it all the time, too. But, like I said in my above post, a friend of mine took it so personally that she reemed me out and almost stopped being my friend over it. And now I do realize it is blatantly disrespectful, whether it is concious or not. Sometimes people have plans and schedules, and it shouldn't be *their* problem that you can't pull your crap together.
Like I said, I know my two chronically late friends really well, so when they say "four", for example, I plan on five. And that doesn't bother me at all. But I can see how other people feel that this is a disrespectful way to treat someone who treats time differently than you do.

[BusyMommy]

Funny PS...I was late arriving to meet a mommy friend to go rollerblading. So, of course, I started to apologize and she laughed at me. Said, "never apologize to us about time...we're from Brazil!"
They'd only arrived a moment before us.

[beanma]

i'm always late. much more so since we've got the kiddo (and another on the way -- how will i ever get anywhere on time!: ) most of the places i go, though, i don't have to be there a certain time. our playgroup, for example, is pretty much just floating. we meet at a park or somewhere and the kids are all having fun by the time we get there and, heaven forbid, not waiting on us! of course, they all know we'll be late and understand about naps, etc.

i think the idea about telling yourself you need to leave earlier than you might otherwise tell yourself is good, too. sometimes i trick myself into that by saying i'll leave at 12, for example, and run by say...the drug store to pick up something before i go to meet a friend at 1. i never get to the drug store, usually, but i do sometimes get to meet the friend on time.

keys -- i have a little basket on the shelves by the door. i'm pretty good about keeping my keys and wallet there. the rest of the house is utter chaos, but i do know where my keys are most times.

i know i'll never really be on time and mornings are the worst, but i try not to stress about it. i probably would've been a little freaked about bringing the snack to the LLL meeting and being late as i'm sure i would've been (LLL meeting are always tough since we're late risers), but i try not to stress out about it otherwise. i try to schedule things where i'm not really keeping somebody else from doing something (see the playgroup example) and then i just don't worry about it. i never wear a watch. life is too short to be yoked to the clock!

hth

[Sofiamomma]

MamaOui, I know you weren't attacking anyone and I can see katie is cool. I wasn't really responding to you per se, but to all the times in my life when I've been told that I'm being rude, inconsiderate etc. by being late. I really dislike being told that I think my time is more valuable than others, because I don't, plain and simple. That's not what I'm thinking and I get angry if someone tells me what I'm thinking. How can they know? They are not in my head.

LizaJane'sMom, I hear what you're saying, but I don't know if I agree. Perhaps it was true for that man. I can get myself somewhere on time if it really matters, like to work, a job interview, an appt with someone who needs to get somewhere else afterwards, etc. If I'm meeting someone for coffee in the evening, or a playdate at the park and it will be for the whole afternoon, then I don't put myself thru the stress. My personality is not suited to punctuality, so it takes a great deal of effort for me to do it. I put myself thru it to fit into this culture, and because I do not want to keep others waiting. I really do think about it. I also follow a lot of the great suggestions you guys gave katie. If I'm late for something casual, it just means we have a little less time together or we lose a little sleep. If I'm the one kept waiting I/we make the most of it. I can have a little alone time to think, or I can talk with dd1 or snuggle my baby.

And no, I don't think that people who feel that lateness is inconsiderate have feelings that are not valid. The fact that they feel that way (and that I am considering them) is one of the main reasons why I have developed some skills to counteract my inherent tendencies.

[ebethmom]

I struggle with punctuality, too. I always have. And now that I have another body to get out the door, it is worse at times.

When I know that I have to be somewhere on time (people are counting on me to be there) I make sure that I'm organized beforehand.

If I have to be somewhere like church, or another big group, then I don't worry about it as much. If I have to choose between getting to church on time and waking my son up, I choose to let my son sleep. If I have to choose between getting up at 6 AM or being a little late, I choose to be better rested and get there late.

[plum]

I am not as bad about being late as I used to be, but I still am a lot.
For me, it's a family thing. I was late for my wedding last year, which was okay because not only was were Dh and I late, but so were both my parents (who drove together), my sisters (who drove together), my brother and his wife (who drove together) and my older sister, who showed up halfway through.
In my family, we just don't leave until we're ready. So we're late for dinners, coffee, etc. We show up on time for things that affect other people, just not the ones that affect us.
It used to drive Dh crazy, but he's gotten used to it. I can't imagine how much later I will be once I have the baby since even now sometimes I have a hard time getting myself out the door.