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DP wants to circ DS beforesummer..help! - Page 2

post #21 of 66
Oh I just thought of something ask him to walk around with his foreskin retracted all day. I have heard to a intact man the very idea makes them feel ill. That is what kind of pain he wants to inflict on your ds.
post #22 of 66
I don't know if he would care, but this is a poll on here about when sons retracted http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=531522

I would just not allow it to happen, period. The same if my dh wanted to sexually assault my dd, it would be over my dead body
post #23 of 66
My intact partner just told me this weekend that he wasn't completely retradtable until he was 12. He remembers manually retracting himself within minutes. Plus, my 9 year old is not completely retractable yet.
post #24 of 66
I would aslo forbid it. It's not his call to say when ds retracts. Tell him to mind his own penis and quite obsessing about ds.: Really I would fight tooth and nail over this.
post #25 of 66
Retraction can take up until puberty, and sometimes even beyond that. PROTECT YOUR SON!!!!!!
post #26 of 66
I don't understand why you have to convince dh not to circ, you just say no. If he rants and raves and jumps and down and throws a tantrum then let him. If your son's penis is causing him no problems and your dp wants your son circ'd because of some arbitrary age he has set in his head that your son should be retractable by then just say no.

When dh said he wanted ds circ'd and I said I didn't I showed him the info but I made it very clear that although I wanted him to agree with me that there is still no way I would allow it to happen even if dh didn't agree with me. Most decisions we make together, but that was one decision I was putting my foot down on. Thankfully dh agreed with me after a couple of weeks of mulling it over so we didn't argue much over it after all, but no way no how was it happening regardless.

I also would not go to a urologist or doc for an assessment as a pp suggested only because there are some that are "cut-happy" in that they will recommend circ at the slightest redness at the tip of a penis and if a doc ends up saying do it then that will only add fuel to your dh's fire.
post #27 of 66
10yo & 8yo here not retracting yet & 10yo is showing signs of puberty.
post #28 of 66
I agree with putting your foot down, but can understand wanting your partner to 'get this' and agree with you.

Just a thought - have you considered having him get in touch with Dr. Paul Fleiss with this question? He's a pediatrician in California (I'm pretty sure someone could find his e-mail address for you), and he's happy to answer questions about the foreskin. He could reassure your partner that your son is 100% normal.
post #29 of 66
don't leave it up for discussion. Can you find a truly friendly intact pediatrician that would back you up? My son's foreskin did not retract until he was 8. there isn't anything wrong with your son!!
post #30 of 66
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by MCatLvrMoMof2 View Post
Oh I just thought of something ask him to walk around with his foreskin retracted all day. I have heard to a intact man the very idea makes them feel ill. That is what kind of pain he wants to inflict on your ds.
I will honestly ask him to do that the next time he brings up the idea of circ ds. I will ask him to do it for a day then tell me how it feels. Good idea, thanks.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mommiska View Post

Just a thought - have you considered having him get in touch with Dr. Paul Fleiss with this question? He's a pediatrician in California (I'm pretty sure someone could find his e-mail address for you), and he's happy to answer questions about the foreskin. He could reassure your partner that your son is 100% normal.
No can't say I have. I never heard of him, but I don't know if it would be a good idea though whereas my dp will just say there are lots of doctors around here to go see.
But I am open to get his e-mail, maybe I can e-mail him for some info. Anyone have it?

Quote:
Originally Posted by 13Sandals View Post
don't leave it up for discussion. Can you find a truly friendly intact pediatrician that would back you up? My son's foreskin did not retract until he was 8. there isn't anything wrong with your son!!
I don't know if I can or not, we are not living here that long and I don't know any of the doctors here. I'm going to try though. Thats all I need a doctor who says we should circ, then I'd have a harder time convinceing(sp?) him. Ahhrrrrgggg!! Why does circ even excist??:
post #31 of 66
My ds is almost 13, very pubescent and still not fully retractile. At least I don't think he is, I haven't asked him about it recently.
post #32 of 66
Quote:
Originally Posted by mother_star View Post
Ahhrrrrgggg!! Why does circ even excist??:
I ask myself that very question daily
post #33 of 66
Um... I'm intact. Have been my whole life w/out complications of any type. I also remember clearly becoming retractable was not a painful experience at all; not in the least. If anything, it was great, because I had mobile skin. I don't remember the age but it was around 8.

Why does your husband call the shots about this? When did this become HIS penis? I know this may not be for me to say, but I'll be bold here and state that (((I))) personally would be offended by his illogical and bullying behaviour.

Good luck! Logic is on YOUR side!!!!
post #34 of 66
Well, you tell your DP the answer is NO and to quit thinking about your DS' penis. End of story.
post #35 of 66
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jennifer3141 View Post
Well, you tell your DP the answer is NO and to quit thinking about your DS' penis. End of story.
I like your uncomplicated style. Yup. It really is that simple. Other people's penises, hands off.
post #36 of 66
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jennifer3141 View Post
Well, you tell your DP the answer is NO and to quit thinking about your DS' penis. End of story.
I do tell him NO and I want it up to ds1. Then dp doesn't talk about it again for a while then brings it up again. I think he's trying to win me over but I'm not giving in to this no way.

He may win me over on other things but this oh god NO.

Thank-you everyone for helping out with this.
post #37 of 66
mother star - its a long shot, because the boards get overrun - but you might be able to try to post in 'Finding your tribe' for an intact friendly doc.

I have a friend going through the circ debate with her hubby and its so frustrating - if the ped would just say to him - 'oh, we don't do that anymore', that would be the end of it. best of luck!
post #38 of 66
I would leave my husband before I allowed him to cause pain to my child. PERIOD. And I am madly in love with him. My child comes first.
post #39 of 66
:
Well said.
post #40 of 66
Here is a quote (bolding mine) from the Feb 2007 issue of the French "Enfant" magazine - a mainstream parenting mag. It is directed to parents of younger babies but could still be helpful in your case.

"Les adhérences préputiales sont physiologiques.(...)Au fil du temps ils disparaissent naturellement. Les érections de votre tout-petit, le fait qu'il touche régulièrement son zizi, et plus tard, les sécrétions du gland (vers 8-10 ans) contribuent à décoller progressivement le prépuce."


also "...le décalottage forcé, autrefois pratiqué par des pédiatres, est aujourd'hui de moins en moins recommandé. DOuloureux pour l'enfant, son utilité est remise en cause."

If anyone wants me to translate I will be glad to but I'm too tired tonight!
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