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DP wants to circ DS beforesummer..help! - Page 3

post #41 of 66
Quote:
Originally Posted by Plaid Leopard View Post
Here is a quote (bolding mine) from the Feb 2007 issue of the French "Enfant" magazine - a mainstream parenting mag. It is directed to parents of younger babies but could still be helpful in your case.

"Les adhérences préputiales sont physiologiques.(...)Au fil du temps ils disparaissent naturellement. Les érections de votre tout-petit, le fait qu'il touche régulièrement son zizi, et plus tard, les sécrétions du gland (vers 8-10 ans) contribuent à décoller progressivement le prépuce."


also "...le décalottage forcé, autrefois pratiqué par des pédiatres, est aujourd'hui de moins en moins recommandé. DOuloureux pour l'enfant, son utilité est remise en cause."

If anyone wants me to translate I will be glad to but I'm too tired tonight!

Either I spoke French in a former life, or I've read so much anti-circ information lately that I can now understand it in any language. :

Either way, good quote!
post #42 of 66
tell your dp that if he wants dc cut then he must do it first i dont think he will bring it up again
post #43 of 66
What kind of answer does your partner have for WHY he is so fascinated with his child's genitalia ??
post #44 of 66

Re:Phimosis

i know I'm late on this thread, also haven't read all responses. Just wanted to give you this if it hasn't been offered yet:


http://www.nocirc.org/publish/7pam.pdf

Quote:
His foreskin doesn’t retract.

A non-retractable foreskin (phimosis) is normal in
infancy and childhood. The foreskin and glans are
connected by a common membrane, and will
separate as the child matures. If a foreskin is not
retractable before puberty, the hormones of puberty
will help the process – except in the one to two
percent of males who will live their entire lives with a
non-retractable foreskin. For them, this is perfectly
normal.
'Treatment' for Phimosis:

http://www.cirp.org/library/treatment/phimosis/
post #45 of 66
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by littlemizflava View Post
tell your dp that if he wants dc cut then he must do it first i dont think he will bring it up again
He will reply with a "My foreskin retracts so I don't need it to be done, ds's doesn't he will need it done."

Dp figures if ds gets it done earlier in life it won't be as bad as him getting it done as an adult. I would think it would hurt the child more b/c they don't understand why mommy and daddy would allow someone to cut off part of their penis. Wouldn't it hurt the child both physically and emotionally?

Quote:
Originally Posted by LizaBear View Post
What kind of answer does your partner have for WHY he is so fascinated with his child's genitalia ??
Never really asked him that question.
post #46 of 66
Mother-star - I think you are right to be asking what kind of psychologial effect this would have on your son if you were to have him circumcised at age 7. There are lots of stories about the trauma children have faced when they were about that age and saw that other boys had a part of penile anatomy they didnt' have.

Imagine the trauma if you had that part of your anatomy and then someone cut it off?

Have you and your dp spoken to your son about this? He's 7 years old - I would imagine he would have quite definite ideas about wanting to keep his penis the way it is! It's his penis after all - why don't you guys talk with him, give him all of the medical information and see what he says?
post #47 of 66
Quote:
Originally Posted by mother_star View Post
He will reply with a "My foreskin retracts so I don't need it to be done, ds's doesn't he will need it done."
If phimosis were even a problem at this age (and we all, except your DP, know it's not) this would still be like cutting his arm off for a hangnail. If your DP is going to suggest that your son needs a drastic, way overboard, ridiculous, disfiguring treatment for a "minor problem", then he should be willing to do the same to himself. I don't care whether he actually has a hangnail or not. It's arms off for everyone or no one.
post #48 of 66
Yes, the psychological consequences are definately something to think about.
Our close friend was circ'd at age 8 for some reason (probably something similar to what is going on with your guy). He refuses to talk about it at all-even with his wife/best friend. He just gets quiet and sad and says something like "lets change the subject." I was worried because I am their surrogate and we are trying for a boy this time around-so I brought up circing with the mom. Even though her dh wont talk about it, he said no way would he circ his sons. That right there says something to me-like maybe he knows that it shoudnt have been done or maybe it was too painful, I dunno....but he doesnt want to do it to his boys.
OTOH, we have another former friend who was circ'd at 15 for supposed phimosis. He is happy to talk about how much it hurt and how god awful it was. He says he misses his foreskin...except he has taken the opposite stance-that all babies should be circ'd at birth so they wont remember. :
Either way, both men are not happy about what was done to them and clearly have some psychological issues surrounding it.
post #49 of 66
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mommiska View Post
Mother-star - I think you are right to be asking Have you and your dp spoken to your son about this? He's 7 years old - I would imagine he would have quite definite ideas about wanting to keep his penis the way it is! It's his penis after all - why don't you guys talk with him, give him all of the medical information and see what he says?
I disagree, if there is no medical reason for circ then it shouldn't even be up for discussion. I would consider this akin to me asking my 7 yr. old daughter if she wanted breast implants. Just not something that should be discussed or left up to a 7 yr. old, especially with no medical reason for it being done whatsoever.

I still say just stick to your guns and say no to your partner about the circ. It's his problem and he shouldn't be putting that on your son. I sincerely hope that he and you are not discussing this around your son. He should not be lead to think there is anything at all wrong with his penis because there isn't
post #50 of 66
Quote:
Originally Posted by emmsmama View Post
I disagree, if there is no medical reason for circ then it shouldn't even be up for discussion. I would consider this akin to me asking my 7 yr. old daughter if she wanted breast implants. Just not something that should be discussed or left up to a 7 yr. old, especially with no medical reason for it being done whatsoever.

I still say just stick to your guns and say no to your partner about the circ. It's his problem and he shouldn't be putting that on your son. I sincerely hope that he and you are not discussing this around your son. He should not be lead to think there is anything at all wrong with his penis because there isn't
: Talking to him about it might start him wondering if something is wrong with it.
post #51 of 66
This is what I don't get, why would your dp who is intact as you say even question that a 7 year old is not retractable? Was he retractable at that age? Does he have some past medical problems with his own penis that are somehow causing this concern? None of this makes any sense to me.
post #52 of 66
Quote:
Originally Posted by emmsmama View Post
I don't understand why you have to convince dh not to circ, you just say no. If he rants and raves and jumps and down and throws a tantrum then let him. If your son's penis is causing him no problems and your dp wants your son circ'd because of some arbitrary age he has set in his head that your son should be retractable by then just say no.
ITA
post #53 of 66
nak

this whole site is French language:

http://groups.msn.com/circabolition/
post #54 of 66
http://infocirc.org/
is all in french and has an english version as well so you can read over it first.
post #55 of 66
My 7 year old does not retract at all. My dh assures me that it'll happen sometime in the next couple of years. I noticed that he likes to bathe alone now, so I guess I'll never know! I do ask him to try to push it back a little in the bathtub to loosen the skin a little. I don't know why, I'm sure he'd do it on his own eventually anyway.

My dh told my son to retract it to the tip when peeing for better aim and it that works wonders for my clean toilet!

Lisa
post #56 of 66
Quote:
Originally Posted by emmsmama View Post
I disagree, if there is no medical reason for circ then it shouldn't even be up for discussion. I would consider this akin to me asking my 7 yr. old daughter if she wanted breast implants. Just not something that should be discussed or left up to a 7 yr. old, especially with no medical reason for it being done whatsoever.
I see your concern, although I didn't mean to imply that I thought that the 7 year old should be asked if he would like to chose circumcision for himself.

My thought was more the idea that he should be made aware of what his Dad was planning to do, so he could object to it (which I'm sure he would do).

I can understand, though, the thoughts that this might give him the idea that something was wrong with his penis, when there obviously isn't.

Perhaps this is something Mother-star could instead profitably discuss with her partner - i.e., if you want to have our son circed for no reason, what exactly are you planning to tell him and when? Would you plan to circ first and talk to him afterwards? Have you thought about the emotional trauma that would entail? Etc.

Because it is the 7 year old whose penis is under consideration. And a 7 year old is definitely old enough to know that he wants to keep all of his anatomy.
post #57 of 66
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Arduinna View Post
This is what I don't get, why would your dp who is intact as you say even question that a 7 year old is not retractable? Was he retractable at that age? Does he have some past medical problems with his own penis that are somehow causing this concern? None of this makes any sense to me.

Yes, dp was retractable at the age of 7. So, in my opinion he figures all boys should be able to retract by 7 yrs old. I always thought so too untill I came to this site and read so much info on the subject. Dp had no problems whatsoever with his penis growing up, no medical problems at all. So, I don't know what the fixation is all about. I for one will NOT ever give in. I've seen the result already of a 7 yr old circ. It is not pretty and I do NOT want to go through all of that.


Thanks for the links, I put them in my favorites and hopefully I can get dp to read them. I'll make him read them!
post #58 of 66
I'm wondering where abouts you are in Canada so maybe some of us could help you find a pro-intact doctor to go see. In Canada the overall circ rate is only about 9.4% (something like that, NOT over 10% though) so it sure sounds like most of the doctors are pro-intact. I believe on the west coast there is only one doctor who performs all of the circumcisions. There are quite a few of us Canadians, so please let us know where you are at.
post #59 of 66
Quote:
Originally Posted by mother_star View Post
Yes, dp was retractable at the age of 7. So, in my opinion he figures all boys should be able to retract by 7 yrs old.
I was reading at 3, so by that logic, all children should also be reading at three. If my 6 y/o doesn't read as well as I did at her age (which I don't think she does), there must something wrong with her and maybe we should retain her a grade or get her remedial help.

I'm not aiming this sarcasm at you. What your DP is saying just strikes me as similarly ridiculous. Our children are not little replicas of ourselves. They develop differently. My dds may get their period before or after I did, may develop breasts and underarm hair before or after I did, may do all kinds of things at a different time -- b/c they are not me.

Have you ever read that poem from the Prophet by Kahlil Gibran?

"Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of life's longing for itself. They come through you, but not from you..."

If an expectation that his son will develop on exactly the same time scale as did he is behind his desire to circ his child, I'd suggest that he may want to do some self examination regarding his overidentification with his son. DS is going to be his own person at some point and it would be healthy for dad to start developing a separate identity sooner rather than later.
post #60 of 66
what is the difference if he needs to be circ (i pray not) but if it does need to be dont then there is no difference between now with him in no pain no medical problem or doing it later on when and if there is a problem i think it is beter to wait and see if there is ever a need for it to be done also he would be older and be able to understand why it is being done and would be able to make his own choice about it
tell your dp that even if it never retracts he is fine it is worse to do damage to him by doing it the worse case would be that if it was so tight when he is a teen and he wanted it to retract the put in a freezing and do i little slit cut to make it easyer to slide down but when he starts to get in to playing with it can start to retract
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