Midwife vent... Long! - Page 2

[theelfqueen]

I am so sorry you are dealing with this.

I'm not going to go into this point by point but...

Anyone who says to you "All that matters is a healthy baby" is telling you that YOU and your feelings don't matter. And should IMO be considered hostile from that point. OF COURSE a healthy baby matters but it's not the ONLY thing that matters, and the evidence-based care model simply does NOT call for the level of hands-on intervention they are calling for.

These midwives are clearly a poor match for you. I would be so heartsick if I was treated in the manner you have been. ((hugs))

[mothercat]

I am so sorry for the xeperience you are having with your MW.

There is an English midwife, Mary Cronk, who teaches four useful phrases to all the women she cares for and is especially proud when they use these phrases even on her, their beloved midwife.

To get you started you need to politely but persistently level the playing field. You and DH are as important in the decision making as the midwife.

When the midwife tells you what they will allow, you can politely say, "Allow is not appropriate terminology for a mentally competent adult."

When they push an issue such as the "All that matters is a healthy baby" thing. You may politely state your wishes and tell them you appreciate their opinion and will let them know what you would like to do. Or,"I shall consider any further comments on this subject to be harassment."

Finally, the best all time phrase, "You do not have permission to touch me."
Once you have stated this, you have grounds for assault if they do anything w/o your permission.

You have done the research and know what to do and how to do it. Remember you are an adult dealing with other adults, no matter how much they may try to make you feel like a child.

Mary Cronk is on the ukmidwifery list at yahoo groups. The list allows both midwives and pregnant/birthing women to post.

Hope this helps a bit.