Negative Dr.'s Reaction!!

[wingsareforflying]

This morning we told the Dr. that we are planning a homebirth, and since the appointment I haven't stopped crying about it! It was horrible! He told me that if I valued my baby I wouldn't have a homebirth, basically saying that I don't value my child at all! We told him that we weren't going to stay at home NO MATTER WHAT and that if something were to happen, we would transfer to the hospital. He said why would you go back in time and have it at home when everything you need is in the hospital, especially since the drive to the hospital would be 30 minutes away? He stated that he would NEVER have any of his children born at home, nor would his children because he "valued them" and that he was born at home, but he was "one of the lucky ones." He also mentioned that even if your pregnancy is low risk that anything could happen and I could bleed to death at home. We told him he could talk to the midwife if he wanted to, and all he said was he meant what he said and it came from the heart? What the f***? I am so upset! And now I am questioning my descion, as he made me feel like a homebirth was the stupidest thing we could ever do and has my completely worried about everything!

[kJad29]

How rude!!! I can't believe that someone can be so callous! Don't doubt your decision for a second. You're having your baby at home because you love them so much that you don't want to expose them to what your doctor considers a "safe birth". You want your baby to be born gently into the world, not with a bunch of bright lights, people running around, monitors everywhere, baby being taken away, possibly getting bad advice about breastfeeding, the possibility of the docs not being patient enough with your body and not trusting in your body to do its work. That sounds like a doc who is upset that he's missing out on money. Not nice. I'm sure that if you decided to announce that you would like to schedule an induction or c-section he would be only too happy to oblige! Where is the choice in the matter? You aren't going back in time by having your baby at home. You're having your baby at home because it's normal and it's great! I have several friends who have had their babies at home and they all said that they would never give birth in a hospital. I'm sorry that you had to go through this. It's so interesting how medical professionals will try to make you feel guilty for having a natural birth at home, but will say it's your choice when deciding ( or bullying) to have a c-sec or induction with no medical indication or choosing to formula feed. It's terrible! Just hold your head up high. Fire your OB. Remember that YOU are his employer and would you really feel comfortable giving birth with someone who would tell you that you don't love your child because you want to give birth at home? Here's another hug. Continue to do your research and know that you are making a wonderful and gentle decision for you and your baby. You're also reducing your odds of having a surgical birth which can be traumatic to you and your unborn child.

[georgannemomof6]

AWW! I'm so sorry you had to be bullied like that!!!!

I have a reading list for you:
"Obstetric Myths vs Research Realities" (by Henci Goer) this book is a bit pricey, but if you can borrow it from a friend or library, please do!
Also,
Ina May's Guide to Natural Childbirth and,
"Birth Crisis" by Sheila Kitzinger

also, here are some links to articles, and they have references!
http://www.buffalobirth.com/NewPage3.html

http://www.buffalobirth.com/NewPage2.html

I'm not saying that your ob will "do anything" with this evidence, that homebirth is SAFER than hospital birth, for almost ALL, but at least you'll feel better (I hope ) knowing you were right, all along, and he's actually being abusive, by trying to scare you, like that, with his OPINION!
Best wishes, hun!

[~Megan~]

Reread your literature, have a talk with your midwife. Its unfair for him to be telling you things that are false. He has a medical mindset and doens't understand how destructive hospitals are to healthy pregnancies and births.

[heathenmom]

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[MamaSong]

Do not give this man power over you. Trust your instincts. We elevate doctors opinions so high in this country! This man doesn't know you, doesn't know anything about you and obviously doesn't know anything about homebirth...if he knew anything about any one of those things then he would not have said the things he did to you. Take back your power. Surround yourself with positive birth stories and positive women.

Take Care,
Kristin

[ndunn]

We had some stuff like that go on in the beginning of my pregnancy. A book that really helped me was

A mothers intention: how belief shapes birth by Kim Wildner

I'd highly recommend it.

Hope things look up for you, and remember you can do this!

[pamamidwife]

I can tell you what - not only would he have hospital births for his children, but I would bet you ten times over that he thinks that CESAREAN births are far safer for his own children.

It's because we hold doctors to this level of power that it makes us feel like their biases are truth.

[wingsareforflying]

Thank you so much everyone for your positive responses! I know in my heart this is what I want to do and this decision is the right one! We are not going to be stupid and risk the lives of myself or the baby just to stay at home! I wouldn't leave the my life and my baby's life in the hands of someone I did not trust! It's fucking ridiculous that he would consider the fact that staying at home to give birth means I do not value my baby. My midwife has been doing this for a long time, she knows what she is doing! She has probably delivered more babies than my fucking doctor has! I sent an e-mail to my Midwife and told he what the Dr. said, so I'm patiently waiting for her reaction.

Also, where I live, Midwives are not regulated by the health department, so regardless of whether you have a homebirth & midwive that does the EXACT same kind of check up that a Dr. does, you still have to go and see you Dr. every two weeks! Bleh, if I didn't live in such a dumphole I might find a more understanding doctor. I've only got 8 weeks left before the baby is due, I don't think finding a new Dr. is worth it. But we'll see what the midwife says!

[Mama8]

From my own experience I have had so many different types of births. I have hospital natural/no drugs (epesiotomy), hospital/epidural (born unconscience from the epidural and pitocin causing uterus to over contract), birthcenter/midwives, twins/c-sect, and finally with my last birth I had my homebirth.
My hb was the safest and most satisfying to me and my baby, and I even have and illeostomy! My baby was alert healthy and never taken from me or had "procedures" done to her, and she was never exposed to unfamiliar bacteria and viruses.
My older dds who witnessed both the hospital births and the hb now say they will only have hb. They constantly talk about the difference it made in how alert the baby was/is. They also could see it was truly the safer option. There was no interventions that led to further complications. They also think it was so incredible how the family bonded and the feeling after the birth......mmmmmm.
Trust yourself. Your doctor was way out of line.

[avasmom]

That is just ridiculous and it's because birth has become something that is so much more a medical thing than natural in this country.
Don't let his ignorance get the better of you! I had a doctor that was the same way with my son. I failed my 3 hour glucose (which we believe was a false positive) and so had to see our family doctor in addition to my midwife for my last trimester.
Well he looked at my blood sugar numbers and weight gain and seriously doubted I had GD, and was saying everything was fine and no need to worry, that is until, he found out we weren't seeing my OB but a midwife and planning a home birth, then all of a sudden it was so dangerous and I was putting the baby in danger, yada yadda yadda.
Although my labor was long and my son didn't drop until it was time to push it was by far the most amazing and wonderful experience. I would never plan a hospital birth after that. I had my daughter in the hospital and I can't even put into words how much more amazing it was at home!! Trust yourself, your instincts and your body. You truly are making the best decision for you and your baby and just ignore the snide and rude comments of others.
Like you said your midwife has been doing this a long time, they are trained for those emergency situations should they arise and if need be that's when a hospital can become necessary otherwise I wouldn't be having my second home birth pretty close to when you are! I'm due on the 4th of March,and everyday getting more excited to do it all again! I love it!
Hang in there, you can take your beautiful healthy baby in and tell this creep how wonderful it all was when you are done, or send him a birth announcement!!

[Emmeline II]

I don't understand how your health system works, but what could "they" do to you if you don't go to the OB. What if you just reschedule the appointments and don't make it to anymore before the birth. If he is only a backup, switching and not telling the next doc about the hb would work too.

[habibekindheart]

Cheer up, mama. He's just trying to guilt trip you because he's a brainwashed fool. I'd just write him off as an idiot and ignore him.

I'd be terrified to have a doc like that at my birth, because they'd guilt trip me with 'if you don't agree to this procedure and not give me trouble, you don't love your child...' and that's total horsepuckey.

[Wugmama]

Somewhere I have a very similar post. I somehow gathered the peace of mind to tell off the doc, and actually, by the time I got to my car I genuinely felt SORRY for the doctor. They have an unnatural fear of birth. THEY HAVE A FEAR OF BIRTH. It is really sad, and all the more reason why you should not go to a doctor, who does not have faith in your body or your baby to do as they were meant to do, when your time comes. THat is why there are so many unnecesary and potentially harmful interventions done at hospitals.

Talk to your midwife about what can go wrong and what she and you can do about it. You will be infinitely relieved. And you will have a beautiful, peaceful, SAFE birth at home, as you should!!!

~Tracy

[habibekindheart]

I agree. Talk with your midwife.

I have a picture of me holding my newborn UCed daughter, kissing her head, with my "Trust Birth" band around my wrist.

Doctors are taught to fear birth, in order to be prepared for everything that can go wrong. Their schooling has no time or patience for the aspects of birth that can't be measured...like satisfaction with a birth, the spiritual impact, and other healthy benefits that can't be seen and calculated. They've taken all the good out of birth and focused on the negative...and if a mother does that we tell her that's not healthy. Perhaps we should start telling docs...

[aileen]

hugs, mama.
i thought i would tell you what my ob said when we told her we were changing plans at thirty weeks and would be planning a homebirth.
she said she respected my decision and that she even had friends who were ob's who had had homebirths. she was obviously slightly concerned, but explained what she thought the risks were (abruptia & hemmorage - my friend transfered with an abruptia and i had a moderate hemmorage at home - we are both and our babies fine.) so i could do my research and i did.
i sent her a thank you card after our peaceful, virtually painless homebirth, for her care throught the beginning of our pregnancy.
maybe you could just "pretend" your ill-informed ob said what mine did. since he's wrong .

[Jilian]

Keep in mind that doctors get a majority of their training in what can go wrong. They are trained for the worst case scenario far too often and barely trained at all for natural and healthy births. That is why most doctors don't trust in birth. Many doctors are too concerned with liability issues to trust birth to progress naturally.

Many of these horrible things he was referring to happen BECAUSE of all the interventions that take place in the hospital setting. He also doesn't get paid if you give birth at home. If more and more people start hiring Midwives for births and start trusting birth then he's out of a job. Doctors use scare tactics because they are scared of natural birth. Don't let him scare you. Ignore him and send a letter to the hospital he works at and complain about how he gave his unsolicited opinion.

[3-StarSystem]

I'm so sorry you had to go through that!

I had a very similar experience with a Dr. that CALLED ME AT HOME to ream me out for choosing to go with midwifery care and stated how much danger I was putting my child in and do I want a sick baby? etc.

The thing is though, midwifery care where I live IS legal, IS governed, and IS covered by healthcare and is considered a viable option for having babies! He was just being nasty! And then he made it almost impossible to get my records and I had to get so many tests redone etc. UGH!

I think the suggestions of finding a different OB or skipping out on OB care are good ones if you can. I don't think you'd get very far arguing with that sort about the safety of homebirths.

I hope everything works out well!

[saratchka]

I'm so sorry you had to deal with his negative reaction. It's certainly not an uncommon one, but it's absoultely wrong of him to put his own fears on you like that. Yes, anything can happen in a home birth. But anything can happen in a hospital, too! The infant mortality rates in US hospitals are truly horrendous if you look at the amount of resources available there when compared to elswhere in the world. Both locations for birthing have risks associated, and from a strictly statistical standpoint, in terms of survival of both mother and child, those risks are equal. But at home you have so many emotional advantages! There is no contest in my mind.

You are not at all foolish for choosing a homebirth, and to say that it's a sign that you do not value your child is simply absurd. Hopefully your MW can recommend a doctor who will treat you and your decision with respect. If so, be sure to send your old doc a letter explaining your reasons for leaving his care and a copy of the BMJ article for his perusal.

[maylea_moon]

I advise you to read Ina May's Guide to Childbirth by Ina May Gaskin. Also read Birthing from Within (I forget the author) and Unassisted Childbirth by Laura Shanley. Those books will give you the confidence to laugh in that OB's face. I promise.