or Connect
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Mom › Talk Amongst Ourselves › I saw a 3 year old walking up the street today - ALONE!
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

I saw a 3 year old walking up the street today - ALONE! - Page 6

post #101 of 156
The possibility of abduction wouldn't concern me as much as the possibility of the girl being hit by a car! Kids are impulsive and some would think nothing of darting into the street. If you've got different workers driving in and out all the time, the danger is even greater.

Re: It takes a village. While it may be ideal that we all look after each other's children, it really isn't fair, imo, for the more cautious neighbors to bear the responsibility for keeping an eye on all the little ones. And frankly, none of my neighbors are cautious *enough* for me to consider my children safe under their care. Unless there's been some neighborhood meeting where neighbors have come to a consensus about what it means to be watchful and what our responsibilities are, I wouldn't just assume my kids were safe on the street.
post #102 of 156
Quote:
Originally Posted by choli View Post
The 3 yr old in the OP wasn't wandering, she was going to a nearby neighbor's house, and her mother was aware of that. When the neighbor told her she couldn't play, she went home. And yes, I think it's OK, so call CPS on me:
But the OTHER neighbor wasn't aware the girl was coming. What if the girl had been hit by a car? The mom would probably assume she was playing when she didn't return home.
post #103 of 156
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chinese Pistache View Post
But the OTHER neighbor wasn't aware the girl was coming. What if the girl had been hit by a car? The mom would probably assume she was playing when she didn't return home.
I saw no mention of the child leaving the sidewalk in the OP, so I think the likelihood of her being hit by a car is miniscule. My guess is that her mother would not let her go by herself unless she was sure that the kid knew to stay on the sidewalk.

I am amazed by the assumption that this 3 yr old was not capable of walking a couple of houses down the street by herself. Really. Both of my daughters understood about sidewalks and traffic at 3 yrs old. The kid went to her destination and came straight back, she didn't "wander" around the neighborhood for hours. She had obviously shown her mother in the past that she was capable, otherwise I doubt she would have been given permission.
post #104 of 156
Quote:
Originally Posted by choli View Post
I saw no mention of the child leaving the sidewalk in the OP, so I think the likelihood of her being hit by a car is miniscule. My guess is that her mother would not let her go by herself unless she was sure that the kid knew to stay on the sidewalk.

I am amazed by the assumption that this 3 yr old was not capable of walking a couple of houses down the street by herself. Really. Both of my daughters understood about sidewalks and traffic at 3 yrs old. The kid went to her destination and came straight back, she didn't "wander" around the neighborhood for hours. She had obviously shown her mother in the past that she was capable, otherwise I doubt she would have been given permission.
I have issues with the idea that a three year old is mature enough to be tested on the task to 'prove' she was capable. I can't see how it makes any sense to put her out there alone to deal with anything that may come her way. Yes, it is a small risk. I just don't see the point of pushing the envelope (for lack of a better description).

Just a what-if (even if it is a small risk). The little girl gets abducted by a stranger. Mom thinks she is down at the neighbor's. How much time would pass before she would check on the little girl? How much of a head start does someone get her daughter?

Another. She is hit by a car and yes it can happen on the sidewalk. How long before it is tracked down where she belongs?

My crew don't have fear of going outside, but they have awareness that anything can happen. They need to be watchful of their surroundings and listen to their gut feelings. A three year old is not mature enough, IMO, to be able to keep herself safe. If harm comes her way, she is way too vunerable.
post #105 of 156
Quote:
Originally Posted by Houdini View Post
I have issues with the idea that a three year old is mature enough to be tested on the task to 'prove' she was capable. I can't see how it makes any sense to put her out there alone to deal with anything that may come her way. Yes, it is a small risk. I just don't see the point of pushing the envelope (for lack of a better description).

Just a what-if (even if it is a small risk). The little girl gets abducted by a stranger. Mom thinks she is down at the neighbor's. How much time would pass before she would check on the little girl? How much of a head start does someone get her daughter?

Another. She is hit by a car and yes it can happen on the sidewalk. How long before it is tracked down where she belongs?

My crew don't have fear of going outside, but they have awareness that anything can happen. They need to be watchful of their surroundings and listen to their gut feelings. A three year old is not mature enough, IMO, to be able to keep herself safe. If harm comes her way, she is way too vunerable.
Well, since she was between her own house and the neighbor's, and since accidents usually bring people out of their houses to see what happened, I would say possibley 5 minutes before she would be tracked down.

As for the abduction, I believe that it's too unlikely a possibility for me to take it into account.

I guess we come at this from different angles. I presume that the mother is aware of her child's capabilities, and takes this into account when giving permission. You obviously presume that the mother does not know her own daughter's capabilities.
post #106 of 156
Quote:
Originally Posted by choli View Post
You obviously presume that the mother does not know her own daughter's capabilities.
Disclaimer: This is all my opinion.

Cool. You know what I presume to be true. I won't have to even respond anymore then......but I will. Your persumption is wrong. I have no doubt mom feels her daughter is capable. Mom is wrong though. Sorry, just the way it is.

A three year, when faced with a danger, is not old enough or mature enough to properly handle it. Sorry, but that's the bottom line. I get that a car hitting her on the sidewalk, a stranger abducting her, a dog attacking her from behind, etc. are all small risks. But hind sight sucks. I would hope her family never has to find out what it feels like. You can't protect a child from everything, but you also don't have to send them out to fend for themselves at three.
post #107 of 156
Quote:
Originally Posted by choli View Post
I saw no mention of the child leaving the sidewalk in the OP, so I think the likelihood of her being hit by a car is miniscule. My guess is that her mother would not let her go by herself unless she was sure that the kid knew to stay on the sidewalk.

I am amazed by the assumption that this 3 yr old was not capable of walking a couple of houses down the street by herself. Really. Both of my daughters understood about sidewalks and traffic at 3 yrs old. The kid went to her destination and came straight back, she didn't "wander" around the neighborhood for hours. She had obviously shown her mother in the past that she was capable, otherwise I doubt she would have been given permission.
Well, I'm basing my assumption on a nearly identical situation we had in our last neighborhood. The 3 1/2 yr old boy road his bike/scooter all over the neighborhood and even "watched" his 1 yr old brother outside. When I told his mom her older son had ridden down the street and turned on to the next street, she said he was "allowed" to and knew how to do it safely. I watched that kid weave in and out of the street nearly everyday. I saw cars swerve to miss him a couple of times a week. I heard other neighbors discuss how they couldn't believe this mom let her child ride around like that. IMO, this mom's confidence in his reasoning abilities was way misplaced.

I'm not saying some kids aren't capable of remembering the rules when they are out of their parent's line of sight, but I don't think it's fair to the child to expect them to be responsible for their own safety at that age. It only takes one mistake, and that mistake could have huge consequences.
post #108 of 156
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chinese Pistache View Post
I'm not saying some kids aren't capable of remembering the rules when they are out of their parent's line of sight, but I don't think it's fair to the child to expect them to be responsible for their own safety at that age. It only takes one mistake, and that mistake could have huge consequences.
Which is where hind sight sucks. I completely agree with you. Why risk it?
post #109 of 156
Quote:
Originally Posted by LionTigerBear View Post

I have a question of my own:

To those of you who do not see calling CPS as a last resort as a viable option, then if you did see a child in real danger, what would you do? Seriously? If there is a better option that I am not aware of than I would certainly be open to it.
I would certainly get involved. Real dangers of such as animal injuring the child, older children hurting (verbal/physical), a person talking to the child that I don't recognize from the neighborhood... I would certainly get involved and remove the child from the situation and get them home ASAP. To their home. But I wouldn't call CPS on the parent.
post #110 of 156
Quote:
Originally Posted by Houdini View Post
Cool. You know what I presume to be true. I won't have to even respond anymore then......but I will. Your persumption is wrong. I have no doubt mom feels her daughter is capable. Mom is wrong though. Sorry, just the way it is.

A three year, when faced with a danger, is not old enough or mature enough to properly handle it. Sorry, but that's the bottom line. I get that a car hitting her on the sidewalk, a stranger abducting her, a dog attacking her from behind, etc. are all small risks. But hind sight sucks. I would hope her family never has to find out what it feels like. You can't protect a child from everything, but you also don't have to send them out to fend for themselves at three.
I'm sorry. I should have more accurately said "it appears that you think" rather than "you obviously presume".

I guess I don't see going a couple of houses down the street as fending for themselves. I really don't base my parenting on unlikely "what ifs". YMMV.
post #111 of 156
Quote:
Originally Posted by choli View Post
I'm sorry. I should have more accurately said "it appears that you think" rather than "you obviously presume".

I guess I don't see going a couple of houses down the street as fending for themselves. I really don't base my parenting on unlikely "what ifs". YMMV.
Which is why we can agree to disagree. I see it as no big deal for an older child of eight or so, but it is completely unreasonable for a three year old.
post #112 of 156
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chinese Pistache View Post
Well, I'm basing my assumption on a nearly identical situation we had in our last neighborhood. The 3 1/2 yr old boy road his bike/scooter all over the neighborhood and even "watched" his 1 yr old brother outside. When I told his mom her older son had ridden down the street and turned on to the next street, she said he was "allowed" to and knew how to do it safely. I watched that kid weave in and out of the street nearly everyday. I saw cars swerve to miss him a couple of times a week. I heard other neighbors discuss how they couldn't believe this mom let her child ride around like that. IMO, this mom's confidence in his reasoning abilities was way misplaced.

I'm not saying some kids aren't capable of remembering the rules when they are out of their parent's line of sight, but I don't think it's fair to the child to expect them to be responsible for their own safety at that age. It only takes one mistake, and that mistake could have huge consequences.
But you are discussing a different situation. Did you tell the mother how he was not being safe? She assumed he was being safe. Did you tell her how he wasn't? Do any of the neighbors discuss this with the mother? Or does she just hear "Do you let him do this?" when you are talking about his weaving and she hears that you are talking about him being allowed to ride safely?


And 3 is very ambigous. My Goo at 3y0m was a MUCH different child than at 3y6m and again different at 3y12m. This is something that I don't see people considering.
The child was on a sidewalk. The child was returning home. I see nothing in the original situation that was dangerous. The child went to HER house with the OP... not to the OPs house...
Again, nothing dangerous....

Whatifs will lead you to shelter your child for life. Why not make the assumption that in this case, the mother has WATCHED HER DAUGHTER walk down to the house more than once and return IN THE PAST. That the child has earned the ability to go alone by showing she can do it. And that the mother is realistic about the issues of abduction?
post #113 of 156
Quote:
Originally Posted by Foobar View Post
Whatifs will lead you to shelter your child for life.
I disagree with this. My crew are 'sheltered' according to what some of the mamas on here think to be normal and fine. I would never let my three year old be outside alone, let alone walk to neighbor's house unsupervised.

My crew far from sheltered in real life. I go by what-ifs all the time. I combine them with listen to your instincts. Anything can happen at anytime, but some situations are more prone to leading to possible tragedy that could have been preventable. Not always. I am not willing to risk my children's safety to find out which ones.

My crew are 11.5, 10, 8, and 5. The older three can play outside in our yard unsupervised, but that only happened last summer. They are allowed to ride their bike without direct supervision, but must stay visible for when we check on them. We check on them every 10-15 minutes. My five year old is never allowed out unsupervised. This summer we let him go out in the backyard with the oldest two some, but I found myself outside every five minutes checking on him. We decided after a few times of that, we would be outside to supervise b/c we are his parents. His siblings shouldn't be relied upon to parent him.
post #114 of 156
Quote:
Originally Posted by choli View Post
The 3 yr old in the OP wasn't wandering, she was going to a nearby neighbor's house, and her mother was aware of that. When the neighbor told her she couldn't play, she went home. And yes, I think it's OK, so call CPS on me:
so you would let your 3 year old do this? i mean, MAYBE if it was an awesome neighborhood and i could see the child out of the window the entire way and was actually watching the entire way. at least then if someone in a van stops and talks to the kid you can see them and run outside or if they get snatched you have a description. but i still can't see myself doing it. but don't worry, i don't believe in calling CPS on people, so your safe! unless i saw someone burning a kid with cigarettes or raping a child or something really extreme... then i would intervene and also call and inform the authorities.
post #115 of 156
Quote:
Originally Posted by Houdini View Post
I disagree with this. My crew are 'sheltered' according to what some of the mamas on here think to be normal and fine. I would never let my three year old be outside alone, let alone walk to neighbor's house unsupervised.

My crew far from sheltered in real life. I go by what-ifs all the time. I combine them with listen to your instincts. Anything can happen at anytime, but some situations are more prone to leading to possible tragedy that could have been preventable. Not always. I am not willing to risk my children's safety to find out which ones.

My crew are 11.5, 10, 8, and 5. The older three can play outside in our yard unsupervised, but that only happened last summer. They are allowed to ride their bike without direct supervision, but must stay visible for when we check on them. We check on them every 10-15 minutes. My five year old is never allowed out unsupervised. This summer we let him go out in the backyard with the oldest two some, but I found myself outside every five minutes checking on him. We decided after a few times of that, we would be outside to supervise b/c we are his parents. His siblings shouldn't be relied upon to parent him.

I guess we will have to agree to disagree. The thought that my 11.5 year old would not be allowed to bicycle out of my sight bothers me. Perhaps we live in very different neighborhoods, or perhaps we have different levels of trust in our areas and of people in general.

I fight within myself the levels of letting go to do, but already, I let Goo and Moo out in the summer in the front/back yards with indirect supervision (I listen and check every few minutes). In the winter, we've let Goo go alone in the yard.

We obviously have different levels of comfort in allowing our children to play with supervision...
post #116 of 156
Quote:
Originally Posted by Foobar View Post
But you are discussing a different situation. Did you tell the mother how he was not being safe? She assumed he was being safe. Did you tell her how he wasn't? Do any of the neighbors discuss this with the mother? Or does she just hear "Do you let him do this?" when you are talking about his weaving and she hears that you are talking about him being allowed to ride safely?


And 3 is very ambigous. My Goo at 3y0m was a MUCH different child than at 3y6m and again different at 3y12m. This is something that I don't see people considering.
The child was on a sidewalk. The child was returning home. I see nothing in the original situation that was dangerous. The child went to HER house with the OP... not to the OPs house...
Again, nothing dangerous....

Whatifs will lead you to shelter your child for life. Why not make the assumption that in this case, the mother has WATCHED HER DAUGHTER walk down to the house more than once and return IN THE PAST. That the child has earned the ability to go alone by showing she can do it. And that the mother is realistic about the issues of abduction?
Yes, I told the mother. She had a very boys-will-be-boys attitude about his antics, but believed that overall, he would be safe. So, I guess his ability to dodge cars was proof-positive that he was mature enough to be outside unsupervised:

But now, I don't think that supervising young children outside is going to lead a sheltered life any more than cosleeping will lead to my child never transitioning to their own bed. There's a time for everything.
post #117 of 156
Quote:
Originally Posted by Foobar View Post
I guess we will have to agree to disagree. The thought that my 11.5 year old would not be allowed to bicycle out of my sight bothers me. Perhaps we live in very different neighborhoods, or perhaps we have different levels of trust in our areas and of people in general.

I fight within myself the levels of letting go to do, but already, I let Goo and Moo out in the summer in the front/back yards with indirect supervision (I listen and check every few minutes). In the winter, we've let Goo go alone in the yard.

We obviously have different levels of comfort in allowing our children to play with supervision...
: Agreed to disagree.
post #118 of 156
Quote:
Originally Posted by Houdini View Post
: Agreed to disagree.
Thanks for a calm and intelligent debate!
post #119 of 156
Quote:
Originally Posted by lotusdebi View Post

And, judging someone's abilities based on their age is generally a bad idea. There are kids younger than my son who are just as mature as he is, and there are kids older than him who are not. Every child is different. Making blanket statements about children based on how old they are is a mistake, IMO. Each child is unique.
: Not that I have ever done this, but I would trust my 6 yr old to be able to go to the corner store and make a purchase. I know my 10 yr old would get lost or at least extremely frustrated and end up in tears.

When I was 3, I was out in the woods checking traps all by myself. I was cooking for my family by the time I was 5. When I asked my mother why I was doing so much, she said she thought it was normal. She is way more protective of her grandchildren than she ever was of us. She says times have changed and the world is more dangerous.
post #120 of 156
Quote:
Originally Posted by jeannie81 View Post
so you would let your 3 year old do this? i mean, MAYBE if it was an awesome neighborhood and i could see the child out of the window the entire way and was actually watching the entire way. at least then if someone in a van stops and talks to the kid you can see them and run outside or if they get snatched you have a description. but i still can't see myself doing it. but don't worry, i don't believe in calling CPS on people, so your safe! unless i saw someone burning a kid with cigarettes or raping a child or something really extreme... then i would intervene and also call and inform the authorities.
Well, my kids are older than that now, but yes, I would have let them do it at three. They were very capable of going a couple of houses down on the same side of the street on the sidewalk at that age. I don't buy into the whole US culture of fear thing - maybe because I lived for many years in Europe.
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: Talk Amongst Ourselves
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Mom › Talk Amongst Ourselves › I saw a 3 year old walking up the street today - ALONE!