heart set on second adoption?

[pumpkingirl71]

I always believed that I didn't want my adopted daughter to be our only adopted child. We have one bio son and I know that I would like to have another birth child. But I don't know when or if I will be ready to adopt again. I still want her to have an adopted sibling, but I just may not be able to. Anyone else struggling with this?

[vermonttaylors]

I know exactly what you mean although our situation is different. We are in the process of adopting #3 from Ethiopia. Our first 2 from Kazakhstan are from the same room in the same orphanage and even had the same caretakers. The share a similar history.

I have only wanted 3 kids, but I am so, so loving being a mom, I can easily see wanting another from Ethiopia after #3 comes home. Both so that we could have another daughter, but also so that our Ethipian son-to-be has someone with a shared history in the family. maybe it doesn't matter, but it still seems like if Kai and Grace have things from their past in common, it would be nice if "fatty" (as we have taken to calling the baby who shall be named later, don't ask me why, I don't know: ) had the same thing.

I think what you are feeling is totally natural and thoughtful and loving and shows a deep respect of your daughter's history.

[Starr]

I grew up the youngest of three children, DH is also the youngest of three, we both knew we wanted around 3 to 4 children. We have started to look into a possible adoption #2 but we are so torn. On one hand I think it would be nice for Olivia to have another hispanic/ Guatemalan or similar looking sibling in the house. But money wise I don't see it happening. We've looked into a semi open adoption here in the US but I would hate for her to feel like she is missing out on the birthmom connection that a sibling would have. My Dr. wants us to try clomid for a while and just see what happens, he feels strongly it may take but whose to know for sure. Right now we are in the process of selling and building another house so baby #2 has taken the back burner until all this is done, still its something DH and I discuss often.

[queencarr]

Dh and I have been having a similar discussion frequently. I am, admittedly, in major baby mode again, something I thought I was over when we brought Connor home. From the beginning, dh wanted 2 children, with a possible 3rd depending on our ability to support 3 children. Another pg for me is very much AMA, and another Korean adoption is out of our financial reach. I know others' opinions differ, but I feel strongly about going with the Korean program if we did adopt again because of already being familiar with the culture, program, etc. I can't imagine having to work so hard to incorporate yet another culture into our family : Plus, I would really want to give Connor a sibling with whom he shares at least some of a background. Ironically, we could actually support 3 children, it is mainly the fees that would not be practical. I love my boys so much, but in my secret heart of hearts, I want a daughter so badly it hurts. Possibly in 6 or 7 years, we might be financially where we could adopt again, but the Korean gov't is phasing out their int'l program, plus that would put us close to the current age limits. The reality of it is, I just don't see it happening. I do have a friend that has offered to be a gestational surrogate, but even that is impractical for a long while for a host of other reasons, and who knows if it would be a realistic option by then? I guess I am just rambling, but this has been on my mind lately, and your post hit a chord. I don't know what the answer is, but you are not alone.

ETA: dh has agreed that we would find a way to accept a sibling call if we got one. This would probably involve begging parents, family members, and church for the $, not something I would enjoy doing, but I think it would be more "acceptable" to ask under those circumstances. Plus, it leaves me feeling even more conflicted and guilty--I would never wish for Connor's bm to be in the position of having to place another child, but realistically that is probably the only way I will have another child. Gah, this drives me batty.

[Monie]

I would love to adopt again, but dh thinks he is done with two children. (I think that 4 would be a lovely number.) I hope that I can gently help him to change his mind someday, but I am also prepared to accept the fact that he might not.

[RedOakMomma]

Yeah, and we haven't even brought our adopted daughter home yet!

We have two disabled sons, one healthy bio son, and we're in the works to bring a daughter home from Korea. That maxes out our mini-van, something that sounds silly but has come to represent where dh and I have set the limit in terms of # of kids. I, however, am worried that our healthy son and daughter will feel like "onlys"....the only healthy bio child, the only daughter, the only Korean-American, the only, the only, the only.

Dh and I often have the "if we were rich" discussion...sometimes we talk about vacations, or special needs equipment bonanzas, but most of the time we talk about wanting more kids...I'd like to have another healthy bio child and adopt a little boy from Korea. I know all of our kids, disabled or not, will have each other, but my heart aches at the thought of them ever feeling alone in some way. I tell myself that I can't fix that feeling, that every kid feels alone in some way, but all this adoption literature saying that having a fellow adopted sibling makes me feel like it's the right thing to do...not to mention that I'm crazy about this family, and having more kids would be a joy.

I'm working on letting go of the dream of having more kids. I tell myself, repeatedly, that the more kids I have, the less time I have to go around. I remind myself about the cost of college, clothes, and supplies. I remind myself of my own career goals. It's a struggle.

s

[JunipersMom]

My baby lust started right after my babe turned one! And we have scrimped and begged and are now just waiting for our referral for our second babe from Guatemala. I was really heading for Ethiopia, but with the changes that may be taking place in Guatemala soon - it seemed this would be our last chance if we wanted to go back... so we are going there first and our Ethiopian babe will probably be born in a couple more years