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Are you a Bio Mom or a Step Mom? - Page 2

post #21 of 67
My ex and i share custody of our oldest daughter who is eleven. He and his wife have one child together, one child from her previous marriage and one child from his.
My husband and I have three children -one from my previous marriage and two together.

So, i am not a step mom
I am a mom whose dear daughter has a step mom
and that is what brings me to this forum.
i feel that it is important for me to include dd's step mom as a part of my immediate family and to take the right approach in my view of her
it is hard for me because she has very different views about parenting than i do
and, she is not going anywhere
and, she is not interested in adapting herself to parent my daughter in the way that i would
so, the best thing i can think to do is figure out how to support her relationship with my dd
i try to think about her positively and send her gentle good healing vibes and i try to understand her anger toward me and her jealousy
she is young still and insecure and feels the need to be 'better' than me.
its not a competition in fact we are so on the same team.....
i cant wait until she figures that out.

post #22 of 67
I am stepmom to one wonderful Dss (11) who lives with us and visits BM occasionally on weekends. BM to two great boys, Ds (4) and Ds (2), who have no stepmoms (me and their daddy are happily married). : We all have lots of fun!
post #23 of 67
I am both, too. My DSS is 8.5, and he has a stepdad.

Stepdad has one child that he has never met and has no rights to. Dane doesn't even know about her. So DSS has a stepsister by only the most technical of technicalities.

Dane's mom had her tubes tied when I got pregnant. (It tickled me how excited she was. She wanted Dane to have siblings, but didn't want any more kids herself.)

DH and I got married when Dane had just turned 5. DH and Dane's mom were never married. Once we had been married for about a year, he told MIL that having a mom and stepmom was like having 2 moms, which made me feel proud.

Dane has never, ever referred to Cass as his half-sister. He calls her his sister, which makes me very happy. As far as I know, no one has ever called Cass his half-sister.

I was a little concerned about the 7+ year age difference, but Dane is a fantastic big brother.

Stepparenting gets easier with time. I'm lucky, because everyone has always gotten along well. I understand now that Dane is my son, even though I'm not his mom.
post #24 of 67
I am both in a way...I have my son, Max who is 10. Then I have Brenton who is 6.5 and Maddie who is 4. They are my DH's kids from his first marriage. Technically they are my step kids BUT I have raised them since they were 3 and 9 months. A month after we got married, Steve's ex asked me to adopt them so I did and she hasn't been around since. None of our kids have a relationship with "the other parent" but technically we are a blended family.
post #25 of 67
I'm a step mom and a bio mom.

Bio mom to DS 23 months old

Step mom to DSS 11, and DSD 10
post #26 of 67
I am both....
step to 10 y/o girl
mom to 2 y/o son

going insane with dsd bm
post #27 of 67
step mom to two
post #28 of 67
I am a Bio Mom and a Step Mom. But I do not like to look at it as being a Step Mom or having a Step Daughter. My dh had a child from previous relations and I am now in this little girls life. I would like to be a motherly figure for her. Although, I will never be her Bio Mom, I would like to be more than a Step Mom. Step Moms are known to be Evil. LOL! I have had my ups and downs with this situation and I am bettering it everyday. I love Olivia and I will treat her just as my very own!
post #29 of 67
I'm both and so Is my husband and all the kids have other step-parents too.
post #30 of 67
I'm a stepmom to one with no biokiddos of my own.
post #31 of 67
sd 13
sd 11
ss 6
bio s 6
bio s 3
together s 1
together d 3mo

so hard not to seperate them as "your and mine"......the kids seem to adjust much faster than we are....we have been married for 9 months. my bios call them all sisters and brothers....steps call the together kids brother and sister but not sure how they refer to my bios.....
my bios have two dads - their step dad and their real dad (cracks me up). they call step dad by his name but when talking about him to friends they say "my dad"
each set does not have steps yet but mom/dad in serious relationships.

my ds6yo is so concerned that the together kids only have 1 dad.....

grandparenting is a hoot also.....
they all have Nana and Grumpy (dh's), Tata and Abuelo (mine) and Mima and Grandpa (my ex's)
post #32 of 67
I am both
sd 14
ss 11

bio dd 7
bio dd 3.5
bio ds 21 mo
edd bio dd 4/07

Dh and I have been married for 10 1/2 years so from my SK's view point- I have always been here. We used to live by BM and about a 50/50 split, but now we live across county and see the kids the typical breaks Christmas / summer etc

My SK's call me by my first name. BM has been married 3X and each time forced the kids to call the new guy dad and it cut my DH to the core, so we decided that Sk's should not call me mom, wish we hadn't made that choice now, but what's done is done.

At this point, we (Dh BM me) get along great- lots of positive communication.
post #33 of 67
I'm bio mom. My husband has been in my dd's life since she was 1-month old (she's now 5 yo) so I often forget we're a blended family. He's always treated her so wonderfully. Her bio-father has never even seen her so it's easy for me to not think about the fact that we're blended. Plus, my dd looks just like me-that's an extra bonus I'm very grateful for!!
post #34 of 67
It's so awesome to see how women have large families in this forum. I am a bio mom and a step mom. Me and dh have 1 together and I have 7 stepkids (ages 13-5). 4 of them have a stepdad at their moms house. None of them live with us but visit on weekends and school breaks, although there have been times when some have lived with us for a school year. As they grow up their need to be with dad changes so I'm sure we will have a few living with us again in the future.

My biggest problem about being step parent is the judging that my stepkids family members give at family gatherings, or the sarcastic remarks. Although I brush it off, I know that I am judged for marrying a man with 7 kids. However, we have been married 5 years, he's a wonderful dad (one of the things that attracted me to him the most) and when everyone is together is is chaotic but a lot of fun. Plus there is always someone to talk to, play with, and I get a break from the baby when the kids entertain her!
post #35 of 67

Bio Mom and Bonus Mom

Bio mom to two DD, 15 and 13
Bonus mom to two DSD twins age 7
and expecting in July
Both my DD's have step moms as they have different dads
You may notice I use two different terms Bonus mom is what I consider myself someone who cares deeply and puts the children first. Step mom is what my girls have, the one is just as evil as they come and causes nothing but problems, and the other just wants to be DD's mom and interfers with DD's time with dad at all costs. After my experiences with the step moms in my DD's lives I have a clear picture and know what my role is. My role is to be supportive, loving and second to their bio mom and dad. I love them dearly and it hurts terribly the way they are being brought up in their other home but all we can do is provide structure and love in our home and be an example of a loving family.

jo - manitobamama
post #36 of 67
I think I will start using Bonus mom too!

I do feel like the added 'bonus'
post #37 of 67
just found this forum... new here and relatively new to the idea of a blended family... glad to have found both...

I am a bio mom to a 5 yr old. She splits time between me and my dp, and her dad (my xh). I am expecting a new child in a month with my dp. DD and DP are having some adjustment issues which is why I started exploring this board ... but that's for another thread...
post #38 of 67
post #39 of 67


E 10yrs Bio son
E 7 yrs Bio son
C 9 yrs Step son
E 2 yrs Bio Daughter
post #40 of 67
We have

DSS 22
DSD 20
DSS 17
DSS 13

DD 3 together
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