2nd time (or more) moms- tell me about it...

[wendyk]

My dd seems to have reached the point of napping only occasionally. As I'm sitting here post failed naptime attempt, I'm feeling a little panicky about managing 2 kids. Granted, she's almost 4 and a lot of kids stop napping, but how will I do this?

And, a couple of days ago she said she was afraid we'd stop loving her once the baby arrived. So, we've been on a MAJOR love-fest where we talk about "I love you more than all the leaves on all the trees in the world," which has made a world of difference. But since I'm already a little panicky about one thing, I might as well throw something else in, right? There was a lot of anger and hitting and kicking from her before she finally told us this. If that starts again, how on earth will I cope with that when I'm postpartum?!

:

[storychick]

Do you remember how HARD it was to have a newborn the first time? How you wondered how you would survive the sleep deprivation, and the hormonal hysteria, and then suddenly your baby was 6 months old and you realized you did it?

You will do it again. You will have moments where you do not live up to your ideals. You will be exhausted. You will break down weeping, maybe more than once. But you will also be ecstatic to see how your kids learn to love each other, and become friends. You will see yourself grow as a parent, and marvel at how love multiplies, that you can love your second as much as your first and that it will all be okay in the end.

It really will be okay. And as they get older and really can be together it will warm your heart so much. You are giving your older child a huge gift, not taking something away from her (though she may see it that way for awhile!). Keep the long term view, if you can. It will be all right... more than all right. I promise.

[SarahO]

I just wanted to say you are not alone in these fears! my 2 yo only naps occasionally, and basically began that pattern right when I got pregnant. So I wonder, too, how I will cope without a break. But the comforting thing I think about is--there are so many moms out there with more than one child, and they seem to manage okay. I also remember how good it was for me personally to grow up with siblings...and though it may be hard to adjust at first, kids are adaptable and its a good life lesson overall for them to learn about the nature of unconditional love--that things may change, but a parent's love does not. I just keep telling myself that though it will be a huge adjustment for everyone involved, things will smooth themselves out as we all get used to the changes.

As far as the no napping part goes...I'll have some help around at first, and then I'm hoping that DD will continue to explore the independent play that she's been doing lately. While I've been pregnant, I instituted "snuggle time" in which I lay down to rest and DD can either play in bed next to me or play quietly with toys. It helps me regroup to have a little down time, and I'm thinking that I'll continue that after the baby is born. It took her awhile to get used to the idea that I was not going to play...but now she's fine with it.

I hope it all goes well for you!!

[MsChatsAlot]

My oldest was almost 4 when I had #2 and he had stopped napping by then. I was also a single mom then, so it was challenging to balance everyone's needs, but we made it work pretty well. But, my newborn, slept everywhere my older son was playing. I would sit on the floor, play with my 4 year old and the babe would nap beside us or on the couch or in my arms, etc. My second was very portable and he had to be.

I got my older son involved, helping me with things and made sure that sometimes I focused more attention on him than the newborn. I also learned that a newborn can cry for a few minutes and still be okay (versus, my oldest who was held or picked up immediately all the time).

I really made sure I spent some quality time with my oldest each day, especially when the babe was sleeping. Often times he would be content cuddling on the couch reading, which wasn't sleep, but the rest was good.

You'll find some days are overwhelming and challenging and some days are wonderful. You'll find your new groove and move forward as best you can.

[MacKinnon]

No advice, I'm reading and learning here too... :

Just wanted to add that we survive the no nap time thing with "quiet time." DD spends about half an hour in her room reading and/or playing quietly. Then she gets to watch one half an hour TV show. :

She gets an hour of down time, and so do I! It's been our savings grace this pregnancy.

(And I will admit that the one TV show has all to often become two lately )

[wendyk]

Thank you mammas! You helped me feel a lot calmer about this. Storychick, that's a great perspective- and you're right, it seemed equally daunting right before DD was born. Of course, life was different then and we moved 800 miles when she was 3 1/2 mths old while battling a nasty breast yeast infection. But we did make it through.

DD will sometimes let me rest while she plays close by, but sometimes me laying down is viewed as a grand opportunity for her to climb back and forth over me. As for the watching TV shows, she gets to watch a movie in the evening and we have a selection of both shorter and longer movies, so something is bound to work. She's a kid that has a lot of ebergy and needs to move a lot, so I've got to figure out ways to facilitate that, especially during these winter months in New England when we just can't be outside for hours at a time.

Breathe in, breathe out. I wish I could remember that better....

[storychick]

Wendy, my DS was 2 1/2 when he stopped napping (and I was 8 months pregnant!). What I ended up doing to survive was taking a drive every day around 1:30 or 2, and getting both of them to sleep. He'd only nap 20 minutes, but that was my zen moment of the day. I'd go to the drive-thru Starbucks, order a chai, and park in their parking lot (so as not to waste his whole nap driving home again lol) and then read the paper or a magazine and listen to the radio. When he woke up, we drove home again. It was the only peace I got, but it was a heavenly thing.

You too will find a way. It will be all right.