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Do you think this is fair? - Page 5

post #81 of 84
I really, really, really don't get why this is even an issue. Why don't people just mail the invitations? This is what we ALWAYS did in my family. I think it would be terribly rude to hand out invitations in a room full of people and only invite some of them.

Example: I'm at the company party. I've decided to have a little party in a few weeks to celebrate finally getting rid of that nasty toe fungus I had for seventeen years. I hand out seven Fungus-Free invites to those people I want at my Fungus-Free party. That's just rude! And I think it's equally rude if I'm a secretary or if I'm the president of the company, but if I'm the president I probably care much less about the feelings of those who aren't getting invited than if I'm a secretary.

But it's not so much about "hurt feelings" as it is about common courtesy. Kids will always get hurt feelings and if I'm not the host and I hear about the party a week later at work I'll realize I wasn't invited to the Fungus-Free bash. Darn, that might make me feel bad. But that's life. Common courtesy might spare a few feelings, but the main point is that it's impolite to do anything but mail invitations if you're going to only invite certain people. And quite honestly, some kids enjoy singling out their "favorites" with an invite. I think it's inappropriate to encourage that by not simply mailing invitations.

I never had any trouble obtaining mailing addresses for my friends - they were published in the school phone/address book. Before we had one of those, I knew their last names and if they were coming to my house for a party, my mom generally knew their parents. It isn't a big challenge to collect a few addresses, IMO.

People also never RSVP, and that really gets my goat too! It's so impolite, when you're invited, to fail to respond to the host to let him/her know whether you're coming or not. But that's a different vent!

Julia
dd 10 mos
post #82 of 84
Quote:
Originally Posted by Romana9+2 View Post

I never had any trouble obtaining mailing addresses for my friends - they were published in the school phone/address book. Before we had one of those, I knew their last names and if they were coming to my house for a party, my mom generally knew their parents. It isn't a big challenge to collect a few addresses, IMO.

It really is a big challenge for a kindergartener to know his friend's last names and get addresses from children who don't even know their own phone numbers. Luckily the teacher quietly slipped invites into backpacks for me. Publishing everyone in a directory without permission would be a violation of privacy. We tried to get one together for my son's kindergarten class and we couldn't get anyone to return the slip to allow their number in the book. Usually a teach is willing to help you find a way to be discreet.
post #83 of 84
Quote:
Originally Posted by Romana9+2 View Post
I really, really, really don't get why this is even an issue. Why don't people just mail the invitations? This is what we ALWAYS did in my family. I think it would be terribly rude to hand out invitations in a room full of people and only invite some of them.
It's an issue for several reasons. As I've mentioned in other threads on this subject (and maybe even in this one), when ds1 was little, I couldn't afford to mail invitations. I was scrounging change to buy cake mix and balloons for the party in the first place. Postage was out of the question.

I've also never heard of or seen children mailing out invitations to parties. DS1 has probably been invited to about 50 parties since kindergarten, and all of the invititations been handed out at school. Until I came here, and found about this rule in some schools, I'd never heard of doing it any other way. I honestly would have wondered a little about the family if I'd received an invitation in the mail for a kindergarten party...like maybe they were rich or really "upper class" or something, and would ds1 even be comfortable at their party. (At least now I know not to worry about that - it's a difference in perception, and I suspect it's at least partly regional.)

Quote:
Common courtesy might spare a few feelings, but the main point is that it's impolite to do anything but mail invitations if you're going to only invite certain people. And quite honestly, some kids enjoy singling out their "favorites" with an invite. I think it's inappropriate to encourage that by not simply mailing invitations.
I think the part I bolded is why I have so much trouble with this whole concept. Who on earth is talking about "singling out their favourites"? I'm talking about kids inviting their friends to their birthday party. I'm not sure why anyone would think that someone would want to celebrate with someone else just because they happened to be in the same class at school. I certainly don't see it as having anything to do with picking favourites. If my son were "singling out favourites" in the sense this thread is talking about, the way he chose to deliver invitations is the least of the problems we'd be having.

Quote:
I never had any trouble obtaining mailing addresses for my friends - they were published in the school phone/address book. Before we had one of those, I knew their last names and if they were coming to my house for a party, my mom generally knew their parents. It isn't a big challenge to collect a few addresses, IMO.
I knew several of ds1's friend's last names in kindergarten and grade one. I didn't know their parent's last names. DS1 is now in grade eight...I know his best friend's full name, and his dad's full name, and his mom's name, and his mom's boyfriend's name, and I know all their phone numbers and addresses - but I just realized that I have no clue what his mom's last name is. They've been "best friends" for three years. I just found out that another friend's last name has changed - I don't know when, but I've known him and his mom since the boys were in kindergarten. Our schools don't do a directory.

Quote:
People also never RSVP, and that really gets my goat too! It's so impolite, when you're invited, to fail to respond to the host to let him/her know whether you're coming or not. But that's a different vent!
Yeah - that's a real PITA. I actually went to one of ds1's friends houses on the day of the party once. I wanted to find out if he was coming. He answered the door in a t-shirt and underwear, and didn't seem to understand my question. I heard someone upstairs yelling "who the f*** is it? Close the f***ing door...and gave up". These days, I just roll with it if I don't hear from people and assume they'll be here.
post #84 of 84
Quote:
Originally Posted by Momtoatweenandteen View Post

As far as I remember, our school policy has been that unless you invite the entire class, the invitations have to be mailed, hand delivered and so forth.
Of course, not all parents abide by this rule!:

I personally feel this is very rude and insensitive on the parent's part.
I agree with you.....it is seriously rude, and shows a definite lack in the upbringing of the parents.

If your child feels bad about being left out, tell her what I wrote above.

Dorothy
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