Homebirth and Pain Tolerance. Too Wimpy?

[Funny Face]

Okay, I am very much leaning towards a hb after dd's medicated hospital birth (which I had attempted to do natural) and I know this is awhat our bodies are meant to do' and all that stuff, but for real, what about the FEAR OF THE PAIN? I think I'm doing okay and then I have this freak out moment...

What about those of us who aren't 'pioneer' women or don't know that they handle pain well? I thought I was okay with handling pain but those close to me disagree (just pain in general, not necessarily labor pain) so I'll go with their feelings.

I absolutely admit that I am VERY vocal and like to discribe/seek confirmation from others when I am hurting... I think this is more of an emotional validation issue, but whatever.

I know that I expect A LOT of attention and help if I am to labor at home naturally. DH shot me down on the doula last time but I am fairly sure that won't be the case this time.

As much as I read and want this, I feel that I am the ONE person who might suck at this. I need some reassurance, some stories, some advice from the mamas who aren't crazy about being in pain, are considered 'wimpy' by others and still hb and love it!

What did you do to help your confidence, negate the voice of others who didn't believe in you, how did you prepare for the pain, and how did it turn out?

[AugustLia23]

Before I had my son, anyone you ask who knew me would tell you tell I have a very low pain tolerance! Before I was better informed I even said that wanted a c-section so I didn't have to feel the pain of labor. I even would take percocet for period cramps! But thorugh experience and knowledge, I decided on a homebirth while pregnant with my second son(my wife gave birth to my first, in the hospital, with an epidural), my first pregnancy. I read all I could about how women are built to handle labor, and it is not an unnatural pain. I took hypnobirthing classes to prepare myself and I trusted that I could do it.

When the time came, I absolutely loved it! The pain was never unbearable. I will say that I got to the point where I was done and wanted to go to the hospital and get my epi, but I was simply frustrated that I had been at 9 cm for 8 hours with no progress. My wife wouldn't let me though, b/c baby was doing great and she knew that I really didn't want that, I just needed something to change! And that's when I went into the bathroom, did a deep squat and pushed back the rest of that stubborn cervix, he was born 1/2 hour later! The support I had at home was totally unrivalled by what I would've had in a hospital.

The only time the pain really sucked was the crowning! Which was raw, but also very quick. And then he was out and it didn't hurt at all anymore! And I got my homebirth! Especially with my stall, if I had been in the hospital, I would've ended up with pitocin and possibly a c-section, which at that point I did NOT want at all!

The kicker is that giving birth naturally the way that I did, I can handle just about any pain so much botter than I did before I had given birth. It's like hey I pushed that baby through my loins, what compares to that! The amnesia is in full effect though, I remember that it hurt, and I said I felt like I was ripping in half, but I don't remember the pain at all anymore.

Good luck with whatever you choose, you can do it!

[krismarie]

Originally Posted by moodyred01

Okay, I am very much leaning towards a hb after dd's medicated hospital birth (which I had attempted to do natural) and I know this is awhat our bodies are meant to do' and all that stuff, but for real, what about the FEAR OF THE PAIN? I think I'm doing okay and then I have this freak out moment...

What about those of us who aren't 'pioneer' women or don't know that they handle pain well? I thought I was okay with handling pain by those close to me disagree, so I'll go with their feelings.

I absolutely admit that I am VERY vocal and like to discribe/seek confirmation from others when I am hurting... I think this is more of an emotional validation issue, but whatever.

I know that I expect A LOT of attention and help if I am to labor at home naturally. DH shot me down on the doula last time but I am fairly sure that won't be the case this time.

As much as I read and want this, I feel that I am the ONE person who might suck at this. I need some reassurance, some stories, some advice from the mamas who aren't crazy about being in pain, are considered 'wimpy' by others and still hb and love it!

What did you do to help your confidence, negate the voice of others who didn't believe in you, how did you prepare for the pain, and how did it turn out?

I truly believe that ALL woman can go through birth... we are meant to! I have friends that are self-described "wimps" or have little pain tolerance who have had 26 hour natural labors without regrets (and relatively relaxed the whole time too!)... I think that having a hb helps b/c you can do WHATEVER you need to do to be as comfortable as possible.
And you may not even need a doula at the birth. My midwife also works as a doula and I found her extra great because of this...she knew what to say and how to say it to encourage me all the way. You could find a hb mw who could play both roles, perhaps.
I was just at a friends birth (unmedicated, hospital). She got to the point where she really wanted an epidural. We gently were reminding her of her birthplan and telling her how far she was (8 cm). Then we realized what she needed to hear is how bad it hurt. That's what helped her, saying "it hurt so bad!" She needed that validation of what she was going through. If the people attending your birth know that you need validation, they can help you by talking you through it in the way that you need.

I had a 30 hr hb with horrible back labor due to my tilted uterus...At no point did I even think about meds or pain relief (until at transition i asked for an epi...but that was transition) I think your mindset is different at home...you think about relaxing and getting through the labor, not about medical pain relief (b/c it's not there). And when the baby is born, you feel great and are comfy in your own home!

I hope this helps a little...

[velveeta]

These posts have been great! Like the others, I would have said that I don't tolerate pain well *before* I had my son at home nearly four years ago. (Kailia -- I totally cracked up at your period percocet! ) I was like that, too!!

For one thing, the home environment does a lot to mitigate the pain factor. I have never had a hospital birth, but from friends who have had both, I have heard tell that hospitals definitely exacerbate the fear/tension/pain thing.

I won't say homebirth is pain-free -- I asked for pain relief, too (during transition). Being told that the pain was almost over and that I would never get it in time at the hospital, either really helped. I do feel like I can handle almost anything now, and not just pain-wise. I feel like a genuine bada$$, you know?

Since birth number two is any day now for me, my mind is naturally becoming a little bit anxious. I told DH last night about all the things I want hime to say to me during labor. Chief among them is -- "you have done this before." Over and over again. "You can do it." Another favorite is "you *are* doing it."

And the number 1 reason I chose homebirth both times? I knew pain relief wouldn't be available, and I figured I probably *would* ask for it, and I knew the regret that I would feel afterward would last for YEARS (I am that kind of person ).

[Phoenix_Rising]

I do NOT tolerate pain well. This was my only reservation about a home birth at any time. I was not too nervous because I *knew* I was going to do it the way I wanted to though. In the end there was not that much pain for me at all. It was my first pregnancy and the labor went pretty quickly - much more so than I expected it to. I felt sick to my stomach when the contractions started but they did not hurt. The only thing that really hurt was when baby crowned. It sooooooo helped though that I birthed in our hot tub. The water was in incredible relief

[Isaac'sMa]

Originally Posted by AugustLia23

The pain was never unbearable.

The only time the pain really sucked was the crowning! Which was raw, but also very quick.

The kicker is that giving birth naturally the way that I did, I can handle just about any pain so much botter than I did before I had given birth. It's like hey I pushed that baby through my loins, what compares to that! The amnesia is in full effect though, I remember that it hurt, and I said I felt like I was ripping in half, but I don't remember the pain at all anymore.

Good luck with whatever you choose, you can do it!

I also have the amnesia! I know it hurt, but I was totally in my own little hormonal world and do not remember it being unbearable!

I think knowing that an epidural (or other medical pain relief) wasn't available made it easier not to want it or ask for it. That's part of why I chose HB! Not having medical pain relief doesn't mean that you can't use pain- relieving measures, though. I had a lot of counterpressure and position changes and spent a lot of time in our shower. We have 2 showerheads so I had one aiming on my belly and one aiming on my low back. A tub would be good too. And next time, I'm doing Hypnosis! My point here is that there's more than one way to skin a cat, so to speak!

With the right support you will get through it! Push for the doula and what ever else will help you into a positive emotional space about your birth! YOU CAN DO IT! I did, and I'm no "pioneer woman", just a little crunchy!

[Marlet]

Originally Posted by moodyred01

Okay, I am very much leaning towards a hb after dd's medicated hospital birth (which I had attempted to do natural) and I know this is awhat our bodies are meant to do' and all that stuff, but for real, what about the FEAR OF THE PAIN? I think I'm doing okay and then I have this freak out moment...

What about those of us who aren't 'pioneer' women or don't know that they handle pain well? I thought I was okay with handling pain by those close to me disagree, so I'll go with their feelings.

I absolutely admit that I am VERY vocal and like to discribe/seek confirmation from others when I am hurting... I think this is more of an emotional validation issue, but whatever.

I know that I expect A LOT of attention and help if I am to labor at home naturally. DH shot me down on the doula last time but I am fairly sure that won't be the case this time.

As much as I read and want this, I feel that I am the ONE person who might suck at this. I need some reassurance, some stories, some advice from the mamas who aren't crazy about being in pain, are considered 'wimpy' by others and still hb and love it!

What did you do to help your confidence, negate the voice of others who didn't believe in you, how did you prepare for the pain, and how did it turn out?

I haven't read all the replies so sorry if I repeat something. I KNOW I am a wimp when it comes to pain. With DD we ended up transferring in because of it. What it comes down to, IMO, is being knowledgable about the process of labour and knowing how everything works. It is a pressure and not quite a pain. When I would take a minute to remember that I relaxed a bit and by relaxing let the blood flow so the contractions weren't as hard on me. We ended up transferring due to our lack of knowing DD was face up. That makes for a whole new set of coping techniques! I think that by not knowing the basics of of it all you're mind has an easier time freaking out than coping with it.

[Kirsten]

Originally Posted by moodyred01

some advice from the mamas who aren't crazy about being in pain, are considered 'wimpy' by others and still hb and love it!

What did you do to help your confidence, negate the voice of others who didn't believe in you, how did you prepare for the pain, and how did it turn out?

I cry at a paper cut (there are a lot of nerve endings in your fingers!) and think that getting my blood pressure taken is pretty uncomfortable. I am petrified of needles - so that alone convinced me to figure out a way to have natural birth.

When pregnant the first time and planning natural birth (midwife in hospital) NO ONE thought I could do it (including my dh who thankfully didn't tell me that til after I did it). Some people actually laughed when I said I was having natural birth - you know that laugh that comes out before they say "you aren't serious, are you?" Not a single person I knew thought I could do it.

But we took Bradley classes. That and that alone was the saving grace for me. After talking to the instructor on the phone (I'd called to inquire about classes) that first time, I felt so great. After the first class, I knew we'd have a natural birth. We did. It just all made perfect sense to me. Everything she taught us just made sense.

I found labor to be almost painless. It is tiring - muscles working - but not a terrible pain. You have to stay completely relaxed. If you do, it is very doable in my opinion. The actual birth is a bit tougher - transition is weird, and that ring of fire thing isn't my favorite. But it is over so quickly, then you have your baby!

First thing I said after dd1 was born? "I could do that again!"

I had dd1 in hospital with a midwife (8 lbs 5 oz).
Dd2 in a freestanding birth center with a midwife (7 lbs 10 oz).
Dd3 at home with midwives (8 lbs 6 oz).

All three times - no IV, no epidural, no episiotomy, not hooked up to anything, any position I wanted, ate and drank, was in control of my own birth. It was amazing and wonderful and absolutely a fantastic process.

Little ol' wimpy me.... who'd have thunk it? Like another poster said, it is the most empowering thing to have natural birth - you do feel like a bad a$$, like no one can ever throw anything at you that you can't handle. You did something that 90% of the women in the US think is impossible. (What is the natural birth percentage anyway?)

Find a Bradley class! Over ten years later and I still am in contact with our instructor. Our kids call her Auntie Geeny.

[georgannemomof6]

Yes, there is pain, but it's different than an injury, for example, when you break a bone, there is continuous, agonizing pain, that throbs! With labor, there is a "surge", in which each contraction will build up, peak and subside, so *I* got through each one, by remembering that "the pain is letting up, now"...so I never felt all-consumed with it, kwim?
And, as far as the birth goes, *I* use gentle pushing, I feel that the only reason to hold your breath and push as hard as you can, would be if baby were in dire distress, and needed out, NOW...I "breathe" my babies out,

This is how I explain the (I'm not gonna call it "pain") feeling that can be percieved as excrutiating when baby is emerging...Think of your fingers, if you've ever had long nails, then suddenly cut them, or one breaks down to the skin, think of how sensitive to touch the end of you finger is, not necessarily *painful*, but it feels weird, and you're very aware of it, right?
Now, imagine a 10 lb (my hb baby was my biggest @10'2") baby is passing through your open cervix (feels weird, as it hardly ever gets stretched that far) imagine the pressure on your pelvic bones, strange feeling again, as this doesn't happen very often (at least on a daily basis, LOL) now imagine your perineum stretching paper thin, very sensitive, again, to stretching that far, so infrequently!
SO, not only is there some uncomfortableness(is that a word?, lol)but the brain is recieving these signals as relatively new, and that can cause fear, which can cause you to tense up/hold back..which can cause pain.
See where I'm going? I'm not the best writer, in the world, so explaining myself sometimes becomes unclear!
Hope this makes sense, and helps, somewhat!

[KWenn]

My mom is a midwife, so my whole life, I knew I was going to have my baby(ies) at home. And there would be no epidural. My whole pregnancy, I didn't worry about the pain--all I had ever known was women doing it natural. Then I hit 38 weeks The end was near and I started to get a little anxious. I knew that I can be a bit if a baby when it comes to pain and I had no idea how painful it was going to be.

My labor was a little long--took a while for my cervix to get to 10--and I will be honest, I totally could see asking for an epidural if I had been in the hospital (of course, like AugustLia23, I probably would've ended up with a c-section along with it). But what really helped was 3 things:

1. As others have mentioned, there was no chance of getting drugs at home. It just wasn't an option.
2. Listening to others say and saying out loud myself, "I can do this, I AM doing it." May sound silly, but it made it real in my head that I was capable.
3. Knowing that it was a short amount of time in the grand scheme of things. Labor wasn't going to last forever and each contraction brought the end closer. (The end of course being your precious baby, but I wasn't thinking of the baby--I was thinking of it all being over!)

I took Bradley classes and those were great and I second what everyone else has said about being in your own enviroment. You CAN do it! If it was truly that bad, I don't think any of us would consider doing it all again

[my3luvs]

I agree with KWenn. I am a wimp too, but had three homebirths. I took Bradley classes and I kept repeating, "I can do this" over and over and over while in labor. I did say "OMG,I CANNOT TAKE IT FOR ONE MORE SECOND" and my midwife reassured me and gently reminded me to stay positive.
Seriously, it isn't that bad. I loved loved loved my deliveries and I actually enjoy giving birth. I am weird, I know.

[twogreencars]

Talk about low pain threshold - I have NO pain threshold!

However, I have found that totally unmedicated HB is LESS PAINFUL for me than getting my teeth cleaned by the dentist (or having them filled!), having a couple of stitches removed, having a wart frozen off, getting my blood taken, etc. I am a WIMP!!!!!

But - the HB I had 8 weeks ago (all 3 births have been HB's - with big babies) - although contractions were "painful" - did not match these MORE painful experiences and were a different kind of pain (bearable pain)! I think - were I birthing in hospital, my contractions would seem more painful, and I would have more trouble coping with them...that's just my feeling!

[tamagotchi]

I have a very low pain threshold. I cry when I get a blood test.

My homebirth was painful. Definitely!! I screamed and screamed. But it was actually worst at the beginning when it just started to be really painful, because I was so afraid then that I wouldn't be able to "handle" the pain. I think in some part of my mind I was thinking that I needed to be in control of myself. I had read some labor preparation book that said that it was bad for the laboring woman to be "out of control" and I had thought to myself "No, I'm not going to be that out-of-control woman!"

But after I heard myself screaming and realized I WAS that "out-of-control" woman, that I wasn't going to be able to "handle" the pain in any of my usual ways, and that no one could save me from it, I finally had to let go of the need to control the experience. I let loose and just screamed and complained all I wanted to, and then I was really quite OK with it even though it hurt just as much.

I was really glad I had a homebirth because if I had been in the hospital, I would have demanded an epidural for sure. But since I was at home and just had to get through it, I got through it and I found it to be very empowering.

You don't have to be someone else, some mythical "pioneer woman," to give birth naturally. Nor do you have to magically turn into some superwoman while birthing. The exact same woman that you are, the same one who is fearful and vulnerable, is also powerful and capable at the same time!

[Full Heart]

I have had 6 children, 5 at home. I still fear the pain, I know what it is to want to die. I know I can have a labor like that again. But I also know I have lived through it before, and I can again. Every birth is different. Which means the pain you feel will be different as well. I know that if I get an epidural I might miss out on one of those painless labors. I might miss out on orgasmic birth.

I would rather go through labor than get wisdom teeth again. OMG that was terrible. I broke my toe last mos and that moment of pain was worse than any contraction I have ever felt. I blacked out it hurt so much, never did that during labor!

Some things that help me through labor is not to think about the next contraction. Just get through this one and worry about the next one when it comes. I would also think of other things I couldn't do for 60-90 seconds. I couldn't hold my breath for that long. Getting through a contraction was easier than holding my breath! Yes, its hard but there are harder things I could be dealing with.

I am 33 weeks now, getting down to the wire. At least once a week I tell dh I don't want to do it. But I'll do it anyway, cause its best for my baby and me. And in the end its not as bad as I always fear it will be.

[AngieB]

This was my thinking when I decided on a homebirth. With my first two births at a hospital I went in planning on NO drugs!!! but I'm a push over and as soon as they are offered to me I say yes because I just don't want to rock the boat or something: . So with my third birth I decide to have a homebirth (not my only reason) because I knew that the midwife would not offer me drugs and I would be at home where I couldn't get them even if I wanted them.

So my thinking is if you think you will cave at the hospital then home may be the best place for you.

[luckymamato2]

I don't have a high tolerance for pain, but I gave birth naturally to my dd, my first full-term/healthy pg. Kicking and screaming, though. But I did it! By the end of the pushing phase I was definitely in control of myself. But by then, it was almost over. My labor was very fast and I was not prepared for that. I feel like I was also getting too much direction from the m/w and nurse and wasn't able to go to a happy place in my head to get myself through it. I hope in a few years to be able to redeem myself by having a homebirth.

My dh didn't think I would be able to do it, and I wasn't sure. But I showed us both that it's possible!!

[Romana]

I thought I was okay with handling pain by those close to me disagree, so I'll go with their feelings.

This makes me sad, and I think you are being totally unfair to yourself. I don't know who told you you weren't handling it well, but if YOU felt that YOU were doing okay, THEN YOU WERE!! It sounds more like their comments are saying "Oh, yes it was a pain for me while you were in labor, because you kept complaining and making noise and I didn't want to have to encourage you all the time." And I think that's awful!

If you felt like you were okay, then you were, and you should totally GO FOR IT! But whatever you do, don't have the same doula (if she's one of the ones saying this stuff to you). Keep that negative energy away. You can absolutely do it; lots of "wimpy" women do great in childbirth and just b/c you complain every 3 seconds that "I don't want to do this anymore" doesn't mean you aren't handling it well. Every woman will handle it differently. And making noise is GOOD for the pain!

I think if you give birth in a supportive atmosphere (preferably at home) and keep the doubters away, you'll be fine. Also, do WHATEVER your body wants you to do to help with whatever pain you have. Noise, breathing, changing position, complaining, whatever. Let go completely and let your body work; just hop along for the ride! You will be ok.

Julia
dd 9mos

[sedalbj]

Actually, I was just re-reading Ina May's Book and she has a section about pain, and how the pain w/ natural birth can be powerful, it has a definite end. the pain you can have from a birth with intervention can go on for days if there are any problems, the pain from c/s being one of them. if you have the book handy, re-read it. It really made me think about what some women put up with in after-birth pain just to avoid the birth pain that is only temporary.

that said, when laboring w/ DD, I can remember saying 'Now I know why some women ask for pain medication, this hurts!'. But that passed very quickly, I never even considered anything else (I had made a decision that i was confident in). but who knows, in the hospital, w/ a nurse saying in my ear 'then just take the epidural, don't be a hero', what would have happened?

[Cigilteach]

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[mamamilkers]

I am wimp. A huge, flailing wimp. I screamed through transition and pushing and constantly asked for validation from the MW and students. My labor didn't even kick in until my MW showed up, I needed her there, to support me. I was terrified every day of the pain. I practiced (but never used) hypnosis for birth, because I was scared of the pain.

You know what? I did it. I had my HB. It sucked, to be honest, by far the hardest thing I've ever done, but I did it. I wanted it bad enough and I leaned heavily on everyone there to get me through it.

Just wanted to say, you know, if you want to do it, you can. You don't have to be this pillar of strength!