Need help for my mom who gave up son

[steph66]

hello, before i was born my mother had a son whom her family made her place for adoption. she was still in high school and they sent her to fort worth to an adoption house where she stayed until she had him. she has always wished that she would have been able to keep him. her "dream" is that he will show up on her door step one day. she has been wanting to meet him (but only if he initiates it) and lately she talks about it even more. she says she knows he must have had a good life because his adoptive parents were "rich" professors at a university here in texas. she just wants to know that he is okay and stuff. Today she even told me the name of the adoption place. so i was wondering is there ANY way she can find out more about him? she has no intention of approaching him or telling him anything. she has no intention of talking to him at all unless he is the one who initiates it. so how would she be able to find out? i called the adoption place and they said the only thing they could tell us is if he or his adoptive parents contacted the adoption agency at any time, but that's about it. the only other thing she could do is to leave her name and contact info at a registry in case he comes looking for her. can anyone help us? thank you so much!

[RedOakMomma]

I don't know exactly how he did it, but my half-brother (my father's son, who was placed in an adoptive family) hired an investigator that specialized in adoption cases to find his birth mother. The birth mother, in turn, gave him my father's name, and HE just showed up (in a good way ). He said it cost about $200. I'm sure there are lots of people here who could point you toward a reputable investigator, if that's an option...I'm not sure what the laws are, or if your mom's son needs to be of a certain age before his records are available. I just know my brother was able to find us, even though the 1968 birth records were supposedly closed and private.

I've also heard talk of online birth parent registries...again, someone else will know much more than me.

Good luck!

[aja-belly]

if the agency was the gladney center (huge in fort worth) then they have this on their website - http://www.adoptionsbygladney.com/ht.../registry.html

[lifescholar]

I would suggest she (or you) Google "free adoption registry", and see what comes up. I did the same in Canada, and found 4 or 5 free sites, on which I posted all the info that I had.

It was a while before my natural mother got the whim to search, but once she did, she found me on the very first site she went to. And the second! From the time she first found me online, to our first telephone call, was a matter of a few days, and it was less than a week until our first meeting.

If he doesn't know any info about your mom, it may be harder, but hopefully he at least has his birth date and place.

Good luck finding your brother!

[steph66]

thanks everyone for the responses. he is over 18. i believe he was born in 1982 or 1983. in febuary. i am not sure of the exact date as i will have to ask my mom if she remembers it or i will have to look for the pictures that she has of him that have the date on there. she has been busy all day so i have not had a chance to talk with her or anything. i am going to have to talk with her again before i put her down on the edna gladney registry (yeah it was edna gladney, i had no idea how big it was!)
Does anyone know how we would go about looking at his birth records? would we need to talk with the courthouse in fort worth? i would love to be able to hire an investigator for her but am not able to financially right now. i am not sure if my step father would give her the money to do this. she is really sensitive about this. i am excited to talk with her in the morning and tell her about what i found. thank you SO much and if you have any other advice please let me know. i appreciate your help!

[Potty Diva]

My mother was also forced to give her first child (a son) up for adoption, and was also sent away until she gave birth. We have tried to find him, put her name on birth registries etc to no avail. I would lvoe to reunite them, but don't know how. Neither of us can afford an investigator. I wish that more than anything for my mom I hope your search is fruitful.

[colleen.dunn]

Originally Posted by steph66

hello, before i was born my mother had a son whom her family made her place for adoption. she was still in high school and they sent her to fort worth to an adoption house where she stayed until she had him. she has always wished that she would have been able to keep him. her "dream" is that he will show up on her door step one day. she has been wanting to meet him (but only if he initiates it) and lately she talks about it even more. she says she knows he must have had a good life because his adoptive parents were "rich" professors at a university here in texas. she just wants to know that he is okay and stuff. Today she even told me the name of the adoption place. so i was wondering is there ANY way she can find out more about him? she has no intention of approaching him or telling him anything. she has no intention of talking to him at all unless he is the one who initiates it. so how would she be able to find out? i called the adoption place and they said the only thing they could tell us is if he or his adoptive parents contacted the adoption agency at any time, but that's about it. the only other thing she could do is to leave her name and contact info at a registry in case he comes looking for her. can anyone help us? thank you so much!

First, I would like to inform you that using positive adoption language is preferred this day and age. While your Mom might go on about "giving up" her son for adoption, the positive way to express the same concept is that she "placed her son for adoption". Thanks for understanding.

As far as your Mom finding her son, be prepared that it might take her a while to track him down. But, if she's persistent, and has a little luck, then she might very well find him!

There are several routes that your Mom can take to try to find her son. The first, mentioned by a previous poster, is to inquire at the adoption house. If they are still around, they should be able to find out which agency they used for the placement. She might also be able to try to search for adoption records at her county courthouse.

There are other things you can try. I'll PM (private message) you some ideas.

Good luck!

[Potty Diva]

Hrm...

In my mother's case she was indeed forced to give up her son for adoption. This was not a choice for her, she did not place anyone up for adoption. I believe this language is based on circumstance.

[colleen.dunn]

That may be true. Sorry if I sounded preachy. It's just that this day and age people are trying to move to more positive adoption language out of sensitivity to those on all sides of the adoption triad. I just figure that, for me, I'd rather err on the side of positive, sensitive language.

My DH and I adopted our son in 2005, so perhaps that frame of reference (as far as chronology goes) colors my view on the matter a bit.

Originally Posted by Potty Diva

Hrm...

In my mother's case she was indeed forced to give up her son for adoption. This was not a choice for her, she did not place anyone up for adoption. I believe this language is based on circumstance.

[Potty Diva]

"people?" I don't know what "people" you are referring to really. Perhaps the privileged who adopted children?

I'm a birthmother and I'll be damned if I'm going to have some one tell me how to word MY experience as a birthmom.

[ErikaLeigh]

Potty Diva -- I wish you lots of luck.

Maybe if you guys are still in the area, then you can talk to investigators and explain the situation. *Hugs*

I think that you are right about the way that it was worded!

[Jessy1019]

The International Soundex Reunion Registry would be a great place for her to start (www.isrr.org). She can input all of her information, and they will be able to tell her if he's added his . . . if not, they will contact her if he ever does. As long with other free reunion registries.

She may also be interested in reading and possibly joining www.originsusa.org. Origins is an organization specifically for mothers who lost children to adoption during the Baby Scoop Era. They are a wonderfully supportive group, and will be able to relate to her maternity home experience and the rest of her feelings.

Good luck to both of you. I hope that he finds her or that she changes her mind about searching and finds him.

[Potty Diva]

Jessie! Thank you for the origins link. I had no idea such an organization existed. My mom will be happy to know this! I'm going to enter her information in the registry now- thanks again!

[Jessy1019]

You're welcome, I hope she can find some comfort from Origins . . . she is certainly and sadly not alone in her experience.

[jane197]

There is also a Search & Reunion section at http://forums.adoption.com/ that people have listed names, bd's, etc. Another resource is an adoption registry specifically for adoptees and birth parents in Texas http://www.adoptionregistry.us/
I wish you good luck!

[Potty Diva]

I did a google search for "baby scoop era" and was shocked! I called my mom and she had never heard that what happened to her had happened to so many women.

I also learned my brother was born in 1961 and not 66 like she originally said or I thought she said. Off to post more on the adoption registries

[CrunchyCate]

Originally Posted by Potty Diva

I did a google search for "baby scoop era" and was shocked! I called my mom and she had never heard that what happened to her had happened to so many women.

I also learned my brother was born in 1961 and not 66 like she originally said or I thought she said. Off to post more on the adoption registries

PottyDiva, good luck with your search!I hope you find your brother. My DH's first child was a son that was adopted. I hope that someday DH and our daughters will meet him.

I just Googled the "baby scoop era," too. How insane! My MIL became pregnant with her first in high school in 1967. She was sent to a maternity home, and she said they tried to force her into giving him up. She refused and came back home. This really ties in with the experience others had!

[Symbal]

Reading this thread brought a book to mind. It was written about that era and the poor girls who were victimized by it.

http://www.amazon.com/Girls-Who-Went.../dp/1594200947

[sonrisaa29]

Originally Posted by steph66

hello, before i was born my mother had a son whom her family made her place for adoption. she was still in high school and they sent her to fort worth to an adoption house where she stayed until she had him. she has always wished that she would have been able to keep him. her "dream" is that he will show up on her door step one day. she has been wanting to meet him (but only if he initiates it) and lately she talks about it even more.


she says she knows he must have had a good life because his adoptive parents were "rich" professors at a university here in texas. she just wants to know that he is okay and stuff. Today she even told me the name of the adoption place. so i was wondering is there ANY way she can find out more about him? she has no intention of approaching him or telling him anything. she has no intention of talking to him at all unless he is the one who initiates it. so how would she be able to find out? i called the adoption place and they said the only thing they could tell us is if he or his adoptive parents contacted the adoption agency at any time, but that's about it. the only other thing she could do is to leave her name and contact info at a registry in case he comes looking for her. can anyone help us? thank you so much!

Being adopted out of Houston I am also going to recommend the texas reunion board ( i think i previous poster gave you the web address)i was adopted through Catholic Charities and they have my contact info in case my birth mom would ever want to get ahold of me....Now Catholic Charities has you pay a one time fee of 500 and then you fill out a 10 page application , then they research, contact the BM and let her know that they are trying to get any pertinent medical info that she may have to give...CC also requests that your first meeting be done at their office with a counselor there.

Also do a search on Yahoo groups i belong to one for Texas Adoptees and relatives.....Its nice too because many of the people will help with the research for free.

[MountainLaurel]

Originally Posted by Symbal

Reading this thread brought a book to mind. It was written about that era and the poor girls who were victimized by it.

http://www.amazon.com/Girls-Who-Went.../dp/1594200947

I attended a book signing when this book was first published that included the author and several of the women whose stories were featured. The author would talk for a couple minutes, then the women would read part of their own stories. It was the most heartbreaking thing I'd ever heard.

In the 1940s, my grandfather's cousin was a victim of such activity. I found her story while Googling the family name (we never knew that branch of the family). She was lied to and told her baby had died after she had temporarily left him to go search for work in the city, with the expectation that she would come back in a week.