Tell me about adoption from county/foster care

[JR'smama777]

I'm in CA and praying about adoption. I'm really interested in adopting boy between 4 and 6 and would like to learn more about adopting from the county, foster care, etc. Is it possible to adopt a child without waiting for parental rights to be severed? Or do you foster the child during that process and hope to adopt once final? I've read conflicting info and would like to hear from someone who's lived the experience.

[PiePie]

i haven't done the process personally but know a lot about it from my professional life. you cannot adopt a child who has not been tpr'd. you can specify on your app that you don't want to bring a kid home until they have been tpr'd, or you can foster a child who is "likely" to be tpr'd, in which case you need to know that it can be a lengthy process.

[JR'smama777]

Can you please tell me what tpr'd means? I'm assuming that it's terminated parental rights but just to be sure...

So it sounds like it is possible to only look at referrals for children for whom parental rights have been terminated. Is that correct? And how does that process go, usually? Thanks for your help!

[Sierra]

Yes, tpr'd means that parental rights have been terminated.

My dw and I have been foster parents for 5 years, give or take. We always knew we wanted to adopt through foster care, but started in a non-adopt program with what we were told was a "permanent placement." At that time we did therapeutic care for older kids and teens.

Eventually, in spring of 2004, we began transferring to a foster-adopt program, and switched our license to 0-9 year olds. We received our completed foster-adopt homestudy in January of 2005, and ds was placed in our arms (at 1.5 days old) a few months later. In his case, there was no way that the birthparents were going to be able to safely parent ds (severe developmental delays and mental retardation in both his birthparents along with a host of other issues including inability to safely care for ds' half-brother). However, the state needed to go through the process of termination unless ds' birthparents would relinquish rights voluntarily, and they also needed to do a relative search (as priority is given to relative placements). No relative options panned out, and his birth parents ended up voluntarily relinquishing their rights (he was about 10 months at the time, if I recall correctly??). We finalized our adoption of ds when he was 13 months old.

We now have another foster-adopt placement. dfd is 10 months. She came to us at 6 months, from another foster home. It is unclear at this point what her future will hold.

Is it possible to adopt a child without waiting for parental rights to be severed? Or do you foster the child during that process and hope to adopt once final?

It can happen either way. What PiePie said is accurate,

you can specify on your app that you don't want to bring a kid home until they have been tpr'd, or you can foster a child who is "likely" to be tpr'd, in which case you need to know that it can be a lengthy process.

...though there are many variables that can effect the length of the process. For example, the county just north of us has a "fast track" foster-adopt program in which some cases are fast-tracked if the birthparents already have had multiple terminations and there is reason to believe that improvement is not possible for them. Those adoptions often happen in under six months. Also, ds' adoption was relatively "fast" in comparison to others.

With children past age three or so, it is not likely that holding out for a case in which tpr has already occurred would increase your wait time for a placement. However, it *may* increase the chances that the child has already been in multiple placements, as when tpr has been done already, usually the child has been in care longer.

Nonetheless, there is at least one other CA couple on here who said they would accept only placements in which tpr was already done or would be done with some certainty, and they had virtually no wait and the children were placed with them as babies without backgrounds of multiple placements I believe. That is more rare here in WA.

I think it is awesome you are seeking to adopt a boy 4-6 years old. Here, there is a huge shortage of adoptive families for older kids, especially boys. Most folks in the foster-adopt program in our county are looking to adopt infant girls (usually they hope for newborns), and few consider adopting a child over three years old. A lot of little boys languish in care. I know some counties near us where more foster-adoptive parents are willing to take boys due to cultural preference for boys, but that is not the most common for WA state overall...and I think for most of the USA. I personally did not have a gender preference (it felt weird to even imagine having one), and was open to all situations but did lean more toward accepting placements of babies than older children. Anyway, I don't want this paragraph to leave the impression that I am saying that we adopt to "save children." We adopt because we are parents and children who need one another, because it is one way to grow a family. But I just want to say I think it is great that you are interested in adopting a boy 4-6.

I encourage you as you are researching this to get any foster and/or adoptive parent training you can. We had PRIDE training (a pre-foster and pre-adoption training used in a number of states) long before getting licensed, and found it very helpful. I also recommend that you read books like _Journey Through Placement_ and all other books about adoption and foster care that you can get your hands on. And if your state/agency will put you in contact with other foster-adopt parents, that can be very helpful in considering adopting a child from foster care.

[BCFD]

So much great info. here!! I really can't add much to it, but I wanted to say that if you are interested in an older child, they will be beating down your doors. I think there are a lot of waiting children in foster care (older kids and sibling groups) that are just waiting for their forever family. We have adopted 2 little girls as infants and we were just placed with a 24 hour old baby girl that is the bio sib to my oldest daughter. We are praying to God her adoption is final by the summer. It sounds very likely since birthmom and birthdad are what the system refers to as "repeat offenders" and it doesn't appear that they will be offered reunification services.

I just wanted to say good luck and I think you will find quick success!

[Mom2lilpeeps]

I hope that the OP continues her adoption journey and is not disheartened by the direction this thread has taken. Adoption is a beautiful way to expand your family. Adopting children from the system can be a long process with many ups and downs. As it has been pointed out here the system is far from perfect but the fact still remains that there are thousands of children in foster care many of them waiting for "forever" families. If you are interested in adopting from within the system call your local office and they will tell you how to get started. There are classes to take, homestudy, physicals and tons of paperwork. Initially, it may seem overwhelming but that part usually goes smoothly and fairly quickly. I wish you and your family blessings whatever decision you make. Try to remember that the situation discussed here is an exception not the rule. CPS/DFCS goal is to keep families together when ever possible. If you become a foster parent you must be ready to help facilitate reunification. You will be an advocate not only for the child but for the family. Please be candid with the sw's about your family's needs, limitations and desires. Ask questions! Ask a lot of questions! Good luck to you and yours.

Peace,
Candy

[frog]

Originally Posted by mom4emnxani

There are classes to take, homestudy, physicals and tons of paperwork. Initially, it may seem overwhelming but that part usually goes smoothly and fairly quickly.

I'm glad to hear that! We just got our huge packet of paperwork last night. Holy cow!

[Sierra]

Originally Posted by frog

I'm glad to hear that! We just got our huge packet of paperwork last night. Holy cow!

Oh, love to you. I remember that clearly, from both of the times I did my license. Whew!

But truly, when you are all done, it will be done and then comes some fun .

[frog]

Thanks, Sierra. We're VERY excited, overall. Half our references have already returned their forms, having received them YESTERDAY--everyone's psyched!

[Houdini]

Originally Posted by mom4emnxani

I hope that the OP continues her adoption journey and is not disheartened by the direction this thread has taken. Adoption is a beautiful way to expand your family. Adopting children from the system can be a long process with many ups and downs. As it has been pointed out here the system is far from perfect but the fact still remains that there are thousands of children in foster care many of them waiting for "forever" families. If you are interested in adopting from within the system call your local office and they will tell you how to get started. There are classes to take, homestudy, physicals and tons of paperwork. Initially, it may seem overwhelming but that part usually goes smoothly and fairly quickly. I wish you and your family blessings whatever decision you make. Try to remember that the situation discussed here is an exception not the rule. CPS/DFCS goal is to keep families together when ever possible. If you become a foster parent you must be ready to help facilitate reunification. You will be an advocate not only for the child but for the family. Please be candid with the sw's about your family's needs, limitations and desires. Ask questions! Ask a lot of questions! Good luck to you and yours.

Peace,
Candy

:

[pumpkingirl71]

To the OP, I realized I got caught up in the debate and never resonded to you I am sorry.

Im my state (MA), adoptive parents are required to foster for the first six months. It is an attempt to be sure you and your child are getting the services you need. Our daughter came home in May at 23 months. In August, parental rights were terminated. Her adoption should have been final in November, but there is always something to put the brakes on in adoption world So we are hoping to finalize in March.

I think a lot of parents who adopt childre from the "system" have very mixed feeling in talking about adoption. On one hand, many of us feel very stongly about providing families for children who need them most. Yet adopting a child who has suffered abuse or neglect is an emotional rollercoaster ride for everyone involved. So part of me wants to encourage adoption from foster care, but another doesn't have the honest words to explain what this experience has been like.

[Houdini]

I realized through reading back over my posts, I never answered the OP.

I don't have any direct experience with adoption through the foster care system, but my aunt/uncle do.

They adopted three kids through the system and have had a positive experience overall. The process was about two years. Their older son has some attachment issues, but has been responding to therapy very well. They have been able to take him off several of the meds he was on when they first got them. Their daughter has no behavioral issues, but has some emotional problems from the neglect of the bio parents. She is adjusting very well and has been doing really well. Their youngest son has the advantage of having been very small, so he has had the least amount of lasting effects. He was about 15 months when he came to live with them.

The bio parents have two children older who have only been in their custody for a short time until a grandparent took them. Grandma decided she wanted custody of the second oldest child and the oldest of all five was sent to another foster home. Grandma didn't want custody of anymore of the kids, so they were put in the system.

[momuveight2B]

What I see being overlooked here is the tremendous amount of pain and trauma that the biological family of origin and child have gone through that brings a child to the place that they are now available for adoption. This is lifelong trauma that can not be undone. People learn to live with and compensate for trauma but it can not be erased. Children belong in their families of origin, that is the ideal, there is love and bonding there that exists even for a child removed at birth.
If you foster or adopt you are taking in children that have a past connection to another family. The child loves that family and will always be searching for them in some way and that family loves the child. It may not seem that way to you because of things that may have happened in the family of origin but there is love there.
These children often do not feel rescued; they feel that they have been kidnapped and taken hostage. They long to return to the family of origin and will often act out in ways that are hard to fathom in an attempt to get back to that family.
A child available from foster care is a child who on the surface may look great but inside they are dealing with lots and lots of trauma that will unfold over the years in many different ways. You also are dealing with the often unseen family of origin that is also in tremendous pain. The family of origin also deserves a compassionate response from society.
The foster adopt system is far from perfect. There may be individuals who care deeply and really want to help families but often all that could be done to restore families is not done. The services and funding are severely limited. Many of these families need lifelong support to stay together in a functional way.
If you foster adopt learn all you can with your eyes wide open for the sake of the child and for yourself. That means being open to hearing from those with negative experiences too. Don't be so quick to dismiss them that you miss the grains of truth that are mixed in with the sour grapes.
If you foster adopt you must also realize that the only thing you are guarenteed is a legal relationship with that child and that the adoption may not meet any of your expectations of parenting.

Blessings

[frog]

Originally Posted by momuveight2B

What I see being overlooked here is the tremendous amount of pain and trauma that the biological family of origin and child have gone through that brings a child to the place that they are now available for adoption.

Who do you see overlooking that?

[lauren]

THis thread is being closed pending moderator and/or administrative review.

[lauren]

This thread is being reopened. Off topic posts were removed and a new thread has been created using these posts, specifically for the purpose of having a dialogue about the challenges of the CPS system.

Please keep this thread focused on the OP's original questions and intent and take philosophical dialogue to the new thread. Thank you!

http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=601105