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sex question

post #1 of 14
1/12/07 at 10:56am
Thread Starter 
Oh goodness, I can't believe I'm even posting this but it has been a bit of an issue for my hubby and I over the last month. DH is most definitley ready for sex again and I totally feel like I am too. Last night we celebrated his birthday and obviously, we'd love to be intimate on any day but especially on his birthday. But it didn't happen b/c it actually hurt me (and it did the last time we tried too, although we did have sex that time) to the point that I couldn't continue. I was so emotional...I was crying and all upset b/c not only did it hurt but I was worried my DH would think that it was that he couldn't get me aroused.
I'm excited to have sex, that's not the issue (I don't think) but it actually physically hurts and I"m just wondering if this is normal or if anyone else felt this after having a baby? Is it normal? I dont think that it would have anything to do with pregnancy...maybe subconsciously I'm just a little nervous about my body image or something but I'd really be interested to see if anyone else experiences this or if I'm the only one?

Thanks!
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post #2 of 14
1/12/07 at 11:16am
DS was born the day after your baby! Last night was the first time since birth that we had *any* luck resuming sex -- we stopped the first time because it was painful for me. I am totally nervous about the possibility of pain, and the changes in my body, so that makes me tense. Also, the hormonal effects of breastfeeding decrease libido and lubrication... so it's not always as easy as just plain wanting to have sex! My SIL advised me: Medicate, inebriate, and lubricate before the first time having sex post partum! I think that the last bit expecially helps
post #3 of 14
1/12/07 at 11:18am
For me it is very painful, I have a condition called Vulvadenyia. It isnt always the most confortable thing to do for me, most lately I opt out and well let me tell ya that causes problems even if he understands. The only thing they can do for me is Anti-depressants. Not going to happen for me.

My pain is inside, it burns so bad that the only thing that makes it better is for me to Take a COLD/ICE pack and literally place it as close as I can stand it. I literally feel like I am dry as a bone (but Im not) and Im ripping my skin off. If that makes sense. I have had this for 4 years now, and Im only 26. So not what I want to feel like but they said there is nothing I can do other than the anti-depressants.

How long ago did you have your baby? Maybe it is too soon. I would go to a OBGYN as soon as you can, it can really cramp your relationship regardless of how understanding you partner is.

Hang in there Mama
post #4 of 14
1/12/07 at 11:42am
Thread Starter 
Oh, I'm actually tearing up b/c I"m so grateful to know that I'm not the only one out there. I really thought that something was wrong with me! And I know my hubby was feeling maybe a little less than adequate. And that is not at all the problem!
Maybe TMI but it feels like I"m too small or that he is "hitting a wall" when we have sex. And there was never an issue before we had the baby. (She's now 11 weeks old). We used lubrication (b/c I'm so dry too) and even though it was a bit easier at first, it was just not going to happen in the end.
And I think mentally, I'm nervous too...b/c I know it has hurt in the past so I'm tensed that it is going to hurt again.
post #5 of 14
1/12/07 at 12:57pm
I'd say to give yourself time and the lubrication is a good idea. If it continues to hurt, see your healthcare provider. With both of my children I had a couple of stitches and the way my body responds to them is by forming extra scar tissue. This tissue remains irritated, making sex sore and painful. (There is a word for this over-active scar tissue but I have forgotten what it is called). Anyway, both times I've had to have it surgically removed. Very minor surgery, only lasting a couple of minutes in the office, but still -- that was the only thing that was going to fix it. I'm not saying you have this by any means, but just wanted to point out that sometimes there is a physical problem happening, and often it can be easily taken care of. Doing kegels will help to strengthen the pelvic floor as well. Sometimes those muscles are just not fully healed or strong enough yet, and that can cause discomfort as well.
post #6 of 14
1/12/07 at 3:00pm
Chaibaby, our babies were born on the same day and DH and I started having sex again not long after 3 weeks post partum (sorry ladies) I was still a little sore and it did hurt a little but, apparently not that bad. I am still a little sore to this day though.
post #7 of 14
1/12/07 at 3:20pm
It was several months before sex stopped hurting with DD1, I had no tears either.
post #8 of 14
1/12/07 at 6:19pm
I'm having soreness too. lubrication definitely helps. and just taking things slow. we've tried i think 3 times now and the last time it stopped being painful. but it still feels like i'm stretching all over again (i had titches for a tear too). chaibaby, thanks for starting the thread cuz i too am glad to hear how common this is!
post #9 of 14
1/13/07 at 2:07am
I had an episiotomy (grrrrh.... the midwife did one even though I specifically told my OB and put into my birth plan that i didnt want it and would rather take my chances tearing : : : )... It now feels like I was stitched up too much. Does anyone have any idea whether thats something that is supposed to stretch out or is it something that would need to be surgically fixed?
post #10 of 14
1/13/07 at 12:22pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by HATAWA View Post
I had an episiotomy (grrrrh.... the midwife did one even though I specifically told my OB and put into my birth plan that i didnt want it and would rather take my chances tearing : : : )... It now feels like I was stitched up too much. Does anyone have any idea whether thats something that is supposed to stretch out or is it something that would need to be surgically fixed?
I've known women who have loosened up some over time, although most of them went on to have other DC and said that having the next child really helped. And I've heard of women who have to go and have it fixed. :
post #11 of 14
1/13/07 at 12:42pm
I kind of wondered about tightness and being stitched up a bit too much after DC#1 too. My M/W at the time explained that the stitches have to start somewhere. Things got better over time. I know the vaginal tissues are really thin at this time in our lives because of the hormones, especially with breastfeeding. Our bodies don't exactly want us to have sex right now, even though our minds (and hubbies/partners) may want to. I'd see if lubrication helps and time. But again I'd definitely have it checked out if it doesn't improve.

Lastly, I'll just say this too . . . I think it is a great idea to try to masturbate before having sex. This way you can figure out if everything is still working and if things are painful or not. Of course it won't be quite the same, but at least you'll get an idea. I didn't do this both times and both times DH and I couldn't have sex the first time we tried. It was painful, I cried, he was worried, etc. Now I think it is a much better idea to figure out on my own what is happening down there before getting him involved.
post #12 of 14
1/13/07 at 10:20pm
Don't have time to read all the posts, but to Chaibaby - use some lube, it works wonders! Things tend to be pretty dry the first few months of bf and that's most likely why it hurt.

Oh, I just saw your other post. It does hurt for me sometimes, too even with lube.
post #13 of 14
1/14/07 at 11:40pm
I had this problem with my first, and I 100% believe it's because I waited TOO LONG to have sex. The next two I started less than two weeks after birth and NEVER had that problem again.

Dryness is a HUGE issue, you can't get away with a dab of lube you have to use a LOT. I highly, highly, highly recommend Probe light (or thick, depending on preference). It's very "realistic".
Also if you've had a painful attempt before you will unconsciously "Close up" (hitting a wall). Try taking a valerian root capsule or two about a half hour or more before you intend to try and have sex, it'll help you relax a little bit.
post #14 of 14
1/15/07 at 1:31pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by littleteapot View Post
I had this problem with my first, and I 100% believe it's because I waited TOO LONG to have sex. The next two I started less than two weeks after birth and NEVER had that problem again.

Dryness is a HUGE issue, you can't get away with a dab of lube you have to use a LOT. I highly, highly, highly recommend Probe light (or thick, depending on preference). It's very "realistic".
Also if you've had a painful attempt before you will unconsciously "Close up" (hitting a wall). Try taking a valerian root capsule or two about a half hour or more before you intend to try and have sex, it'll help you relax a little bit.
This is my first - but we only waited 1 month and the first time hurt some, even with lubrication. We took it slow and made sure that we both came away feeling warmed and loved, despite the pain. The second time, which wa a week after the first went much better. We've been trying to keep that up, but DH can report that it's been much longer than a week now. Oh well.

I like "liquid silk" for lubrication. Also very real, not sticky at all.