|If you truly believed that the 16 year old was innocent, you wouldn't be taking the actions you are taking.
couldn't of said it better myself. i'll let you in on a little something. my dh was sexually abused by his first cousin when he was 7 or so. he never told anyone out of fear but me. he also never told anyone because his cousin turned it into a game.. he made it seem like it was ok for years. like "how about i put my penis in your mouth and you do the same?" it's f*cken sick, sick, sick and makes me want to vomit. my dh never went out with a girl in highschool. he never went out with a girl until he met me. he did not know how to get close to someone without feeling shame. he went to counselling for a long time to help him heal.
he still doesn't want to tell anyone because he doesn't want it to cause a conflict in the family. you know what i told him? f*ck it and f*ck him. how does he get to get away with this sort of crap and my dh has to suffer for it? i see him at family gatherings and he says hello and i totally ignore him. HE KNOWS I KNOW..but do you think that has changed anything? probably not. so there is no point in the pedophile knowing that the victims loved ones know, if they are allowed to continue. no point at all.
btw my dh still hasn't said anything. he says to let it go because it doesn't affect him that much like it did 9 years ago.
honestly, one day i think i will say something. but i just don't know how. and i know it will be in front of other family members and not be pretty that's for sure. i'm actually scared i might strangle the bastard once i get started because what he did to my dh really hurts me. i'm very protective over my dh like he was my own son. i can see it hurts him and has affected him. and it's not fair. NOT FAIR.
that said, i DO understand how you feel in that you can't just report it because you know this woman personally and you have known her for years. it's like personal stuff mixing with business.
BUT, you must still please, please, please REALISE that abuse in childhood is a very serious matter... the effects last for life. it doesn't matter who's income it hurts. it will be hard but another income can be established. it's not the end of the world!!!!! honestly!!! but for an abused child...? it can be the end of the world. it can be the start of hell.
please trust your instincts and report this. if this happened to another child and the mother pulled her child out and didn't report this as a good deed to the day care provider.. and then the 16yo went on to abuse YOUR son, what would you think of that other mother? you'd be horrified at how someone could be so callous and let something as serious as this slide out of a 'favour' for the DCP and just protecting her own.
please think of the other kids involved. they are not your kids, true, but they are someone elses kids and i'm sure those parents want thier children protected from harm as well. i'm sure they love thier child as much as you love yours.
i mean if your not willing to send your sons back..... then you KNOW IN YOUR HEART, that something is not right.
please report this.