or Connect
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Childhood and Beyond › The Childhood Years › Oh My G*D! 16yo boy asks my 3.5yo ds to - UPDATE in post 129
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

Oh My G*D! 16yo boy asks my 3.5yo ds to - UPDATE in post 129 - Page 7

post #121 of 157
oh Steph.... I've been thinking so much about you & your fam.

Wishing you continued strength, courage, support & peace.

btw, I don't know if anyone else has mentioned it, but would it be worth looking in to taking your ds to a child psychologist, therapist, etc who has experience in the area & might be able to help figure out if there is any fantasy? I am glad that you're going to report it & happy that your ds doesn't not seem traumatized at all, but just thought it might be useful to have some professional input.

post #122 of 157
You are a strong and courageous mama. I imagine the hardest part of reporting would be acknowledging that it is likely true. The reality of what that means (and especially COULD have meant) for your ds must be heartbreaking I don't blame you for taking some time to reflect on the whole thing before deciding what to do, that is often the best course of action in a difficult situation.

Good for you for deciding to report. I wish you and your family much strength during this trying time
post #123 of 157
Quote:
Originally Posted by peilover010202 View Post
Thank you all for not giving up on me After a long talk with dh, I've decided to report this. I tried to call today, but they were already closed. So, I will call in the morning when they open.

I KNOW it's the right thing, but it's hard. Parts of me hopes it's not true (for my ds's sake) and parts of me feel like I hope it is (because I'm reporting.) I'm completely torn, but I KNOW I need to do it. and, i WILL.

For those of you following, please check back tomorrow, I will post more then...
post #124 of 157
I was thinking about this and your son is not yet 4 right? Well many toddlers around that age are not able to articulate themselves well enough to explain situations like this, what if this 16 year old is targeting that age group for that specific reason and that is why there haven't been other complaints???

I am glad that you are going to report this, hopefully that young man will get some type of treatment, it is obvious that he has had a troubled childhood, so even if it wasn't meant THAT way, he probably still needs it.

edited to add, not all children have an open relationship with their parents, I wouldn't have been able to come to my parents about something like that.
post #125 of 157
Quote:
Originally Posted by peilover010202 View Post
Thank you all for not giving up on me After a long talk with dh, I've decided to report this. I tried to call today, but they were already closed. So, I will call in the morning when they open.

I KNOW it's the right thing, but it's hard. Parts of me hopes it's not true (for my ds's sake) and parts of me feel like I hope it is (because I'm reporting.) I'm completely torn, but I KNOW I need to do it. and, i WILL.

For those of you following, please check back tomorrow, I will post more then...

I had vowed not to come back to this thread because I was so sick over it but I am glad I did to read that you had of change of heart. I know this hard is so hard and I credit you for recognizing that no matter how hard it is you are doing the right thing. THANK YOU!
post #126 of 157
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mizelenius View Post
mama . . .doing the right thing isn't always easy-- why do you think so many people don't report it?

Peace and love to your family!
:

Thank you for being courageous during this difficult time!
post #127 of 157
Good for you! I know it's difficult.

Remember, when you suspect abuse, it's not your responsibility to act as judge and jury and make a final determination before you turn to the authorities for help - your job is just to report it if you have a concern.

Regardless of the outcome, you've done the right thing.
post #128 of 157
You are doing the right thing.

Please give us an update when you can
post #129 of 157
Thread Starter 
Well, I reported it this morning. They WILL be investigating it and to my horror, they want to interview ds right away. I really hoped they wouldn't need to (because although ds WILL talk about it if I ask, he doesn't like to.) So starts the 2nd week of H*LL in my family...

Thank you all for your encouragement and kind words. No one around me feels I should have reported (as bizarre as that sounds), so all of your posts have been so helpful for me.

To the pp who mentioned that this age isn't very articulate and maybe that's why the 16yo is targeting this age, 16yo chose the wrong boy, because ds is very verbal for his age. for that, I'm thankful.

I will also consider a pyschiatrist. At this point, I think ds understands that the 16yo was wrong, I don't think ds feels bad at this point. But again, I should leave that up to professionals.
post #130 of 157


You did the right thing, mama, despite what those around you think. Thank you for being so courageous.
post #131 of 157
This might be repetitive--I haven't read all the posts--but your move to report this has so many positive outcomes and only one negative one. I am guessing that, if the authorities are responsible and caring, they will see that the 16-yr-old needs counseling and care. Even if L loses her current livelihood, you may be saving many children from sexual abuse and permanent psychological damage. Therapy for the 16-yr-old might prevent him from more serious violations in the future. You did the right thing.


Quote:
Originally Posted by peilover010202 View Post
Well, I reported it this morning. They WILL be investigating it and to my horror, they want to interview ds right away. I really hoped they wouldn't need to (because although ds WILL talk about it if I ask, he doesn't like to.) So starts the 2nd week of H*LL in my family...

Thank you all for your encouragement and kind words. No one around me feels I should have reported (as bizarre as that sounds), so all of your posts have been so helpful for me.

To the pp who mentioned that this age isn't very articulate and maybe that's why the 16yo is targeting this age, 16yo chose the wrong boy, because ds is very verbal for his age. for that, I'm thankful.

I will also consider a pyschiatrist. At this point, I think ds understands that the 16yo was wrong, I don't think ds feels bad at this point. But again, I should leave that up to professionals.
post #132 of 157
Quote:
Originally Posted by peilover010202 View Post
Well, I reported it this morning. They WILL be investigating it and to my horror, they want to interview ds right away. I really hoped they wouldn't need to (because although ds WILL talk about it if I ask, he doesn't like to.) So starts the 2nd week of H*LL in my family...

Thank you all for your encouragement and kind words. No one around me feels I should have reported (as bizarre as that sounds), so all of your posts have been so helpful for me.

To the pp who mentioned that this age isn't very articulate and maybe that's why the 16yo is targeting this age, 16yo chose the wrong boy, because ds is very verbal for his age. for that, I'm thankful.

I will also consider a pyschiatrist. At this point, I think ds understands that the 16yo was wrong, I don't think ds feels bad at this point. But again, I should leave that up to professionals.
Steph,
As a victim of abuse, i thank you for your courage. Your son surely has a trustworthy Mama. You are doing what so many people won't... believe your little one and be willing to take such a difficult step to protect them and others.

I am sorry you don't have support irl, but you absolutely have it here
post #133 of 157
Wow. Just wow. :

Mama, I am so glad you reported these incidents. I read the entire seven pages of this thread and my heart is just breaking for you. What a difficult thing for you and your family. You are a brave woman who obviously loves her family very much. It was the right thing to do, so please have no doubt that it was.

My dh is a clinical social worker/psychtherapist and works with a lot of kids who have been abused. Based on what dh has told me about these kids(he sees mostly middle school age kids), I would recommend a therapist for your ds. (the kids dh works with though, have been in severe, serial abuse situations, so it's a bit different than your ds's situation) Even though the incidents your ds told you about might seem minor, it has obviously affected him in that he thinks he was "bad" and doesn't want to talk about it. You can often find therapists who will do play therapy. And any good therapist will not "make" your ds talk about it until he is ready and likely not in the first several visits.

Whatever the outcome of this situation you are in, I wish you luck and strength. You are a very courageous woman.
post #134 of 157
You did the right thing though it wasn't easy. I'm sad that you don't have support in RL but you know you have it here at MDC.

I'm sorry about my words earlier. I don't have personal experience with abuse but I do have someone very close to me who has been molested as a child and your story brought up a lot of emotions in me. I'm sorry if I came off as harsh.
post #135 of 157
Quote:
Originally Posted by peilover010202 View Post
Well, I reported it this morning. They WILL be investigating it and to my horror, they want to interview ds right away. I really hoped they wouldn't need to (because although ds WILL talk about it if I ask, he doesn't like to.) So starts the 2nd week of H*LL in my family...

Thank you all for your encouragement and kind words. No one around me feels I should have reported (as bizarre as that sounds), so all of your posts have been so helpful for me.

To the pp who mentioned that this age isn't very articulate and maybe that's why the 16yo is targeting this age, 16yo chose the wrong boy, because ds is very verbal for his age. for that, I'm thankful.

I will also consider a pyschiatrist. At this point, I think ds understands that the 16yo was wrong, I don't think ds feels bad at this point. But again, I should leave that up to professionals.
One step at a time, mama. I can't imagine how overwhelming this is for your family. I know that you did the right thing and I know that you know that you did the right thing. Please keep us updated. Your family is in my thoughts and prayers.
post #136 of 157
I was so sick reading this thread... watching you go back and forth between reporting and not... If I had a kid in daycare and later found out that someone else who used that daycare had been in your position and done nothing.... what if my baby was next, you know? It is all about the helpless little kids.

I am glad you reported it. The 16 year old is behaving exactly like a sexual abuser would, I agree with everyone on that. The least that needs to happen is for there to be a report on file, hopefully the 16 year old will get help and NOT turn into a full-fledged abuser. I feel for him, but I feel even more for which ever other kids he has already abused. There is no reason to believe your son is his first.

Thank you for reporting this. It will probably end up as a complaint on record and nothing more, but when the kid tries again he will more likely be caught.
post #137 of 157
post #138 of 157
I am so relieved to hear you reported this -- for so many reasons....
  • For your child's sake: if he remembers later in life what the teenager did he will also likely remember that his parents stood up for him (YES!)
  • For other kids' sakes: this may prevent the teenager from becoming a perpetrator against other innocent young children
  • For the teenager: you may have saved him from a life which he does not want to live but may feel hopeless to stop.
Perhaps the teenager was victimized? This isn't to say you should feel bad for him or guilty for reporting -- reporting was absolutely the best possible thing to have done for all involved & I am proud of you!

(((((HUGS)))))
post #139 of 157
Just wanted to give you a big .
I can only imagine how hard this is.
You are doing the right thing.
Just imagine the abuse on some innocent child you could be stopping.
post #140 of 157
I just want to say thank you! I know it was hard to do and will still be hard to go through interviews, etc.

If others are not supportive of protecting children tell them you don't wish to discuss it with them!

You spoke up for the innocent who can't speak for themselves...you are fighting for the helpless.
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: The Childhood Years
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Childhood and Beyond › The Childhood Years › Oh My G*D! 16yo boy asks my 3.5yo ds to - UPDATE in post 129