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Oh My G*D! 16yo boy asks my 3.5yo ds to - UPDATE in post 129 - Page 3

post #41 of 157
Quote:
Originally Posted by ledzepplon View Post
Why not report to both?

Also, I agree with the "no advance warning" posters. It's your job to protect kids, not to spare the feelings of the other mama. Of course she will be upset, even devastated. Any moral person would be.
If the police show up first she'll know licensing is coming and be ready.
post #42 of 157
I couldn't read this and not comment. I'm going to share something I don't normally talk about. I have 3 kids with my xhusband, In may of 2005 when my dc#3 was just a few months old I was contacted by the police, turned out my husband had abused several children in his step mother's home-daycare when he was around 16. Nobody reported it until then, the worst part was that his sm KNEW, she had caught him, his dad knew as well. They chose to protect him, their family and there business. It took 10 years for all it to come out and now he is in prison where he belongs. If you don't file a report the same thing could happen here, not only does it endanger the kids this woman cares for it endangers any kids this boy might have in the future. I have learned to never underestimate the things people will do to protect their kids both good and bad. Please tell someone for the sake of everyone involved,
post #43 of 157
I think you're doing the right thing by reporting this. It sucks all around, but ultimately you have to protect your children and do what you can to not allow this to happen again. Unfortunately, the DCP probably knows on some level what her son is up to and is trying to cover for him. Good luck, and keep us updated!
post #44 of 157
Quote:
Originally Posted by faerierose View Post
I couldn't read this and not comment. I'm going to share something I don't normally talk about. I have 3 kids with my xhusband, In may of 2005 when my dc#3 was just a few months old I was contacted by the police, turned out my husband had abused several children in his step mother's home-daycare when he was around 16. Nobody reported it until then, the worst part was that his sm KNEW, she had caught him, his dad knew as well. They chose to protect him, their family and there business. It took 10 years for all it to come out and now he is in prison where he belongs. If you don't file a report the same thing could happen here, not only does it endanger the kids this woman cares for it endangers any kids this boy might have in the future. I have learned to never underestimate the things people will do to protect their kids both good and bad. Please tell someone for the sake of everyone involved,
Families like that do their kids no favors by protecting them.

I knew a family also where the mother walked in on her teenage son sexually abusing a 3 yo male cousin. The family beat the shit out of him and told him never to do it again. Fast forward 10 years, as a CPS worker I was investigating him for sexually abusing his own 4 yo daughter. His family was still protecting him, they hid the fact about the previous abuse, basically excluded the victim's family and pretended it didn't happen. The victims parents came forward offering to foster the 4 yo, and they didn't even report the previous abuse : It only came out when the 3 yo victim (now a teenager) remembered it, told his parents (who knew already) and wanted to report it.

And the abuser's mom, even though it was now her granddaughter being abused, she still protected her son. She actually moved in with him and her granddaughter. At some level she knew, but she just couldn't admit it. Awful thing was she allowed him to continue to abuse other kids. And he got better at it, much more sneaky.

To to OP - you did the right thing by reporting it. I'd feel bad too about the dcp losing her work but that's not your fault.
post #45 of 157
***Deleted***

What I wanted to say has been said by other posters, and much more eloquentyl.
post #46 of 157
Quote:
Originally Posted by Benji'sMom View Post
I wouldn't have a meeting with the woman and 16 yo. Because what's the point? 16yo feels embarassed, cornered, etc., L gets angry/embarrassed, it will just highten the anxiety for everyone. What do you plan on saying to a 16yo CHILD while you have him backed into a corner during this meeting? What kind of conversation can you have, and for what purpose? I can't imagine anything good would come of it. Just report it to child protection or the police.

And you say you are worried about L's livelihood in the event of innocence. If 16yo is innocent, then your DS1 is a liar. Do you think your son is a liar? Is that the purpose of this agreed-to meeting? To have a "trial" right there in the woman's house, so you can all decide if your DS1 is a liar? You already know in your gut what really happened, believe in your son and stay away from this preditor.
I really don't understand this line of thinking (re: bolded part). Is EVERYONE here forgetting that part of the development of three year olds (and surrounding ages) is "pretend" and "make believe" and learning to separate fact from fiction?!? How is that the same as lying??? I'm not saying that the incident did or did not occur. I have no idea. I'm just suggesting that there might be another explanation, or that we (collective 'we') should try to refrain from jumping to conclusions, or labeling it as a "someone is lying, and it's either the 16yo, or the 3.5yo!" situation.
The whole thing sends up red flags for me too. Follow your gut. But try to keep some age appropriate perspective.
post #47 of 157
Quote:
Originally Posted by moondiapers View Post
If the police show up first she'll know licensing is coming and be ready.
Ahhh, I see.
post #48 of 157
Thread Starter 
soygurl, I understand what you are saying and that's partly why I've decided not to file a report. Even though my ds1 has never made up a story like that, I can't help but to think that perhaps his recollection is partly true and partly pretend.
post #49 of 157
:
post #50 of 157
Unbeleiveable. You're not gonna report this? I don't care, how you feel about this woman, or her lively hood, what about the other potential victims? Do you think it's all gonna end here? I bet not. If other childern continue to go to this DCP and they aer molested then you should feel just as guilty as the DCP. I have not read the other posts, as you had an update in the OP. Please re-evaluate the situation. Do what's best for all of the childern, not just your own. I don't think I have ever made such a serious post here on MDC before, but this time I feel like it is extremly warrented. :
post #51 of 157
Have you spoken to other parents of children at the daycare? Perhaps you can find a way to discuss this with a couple of them and see if their children have anything simlar to say? Personally I don't think a child could "imagine" a french kiss. JMTC
post #52 of 157
For the record, I would always beleive my child, no matter what in a situation like this, I couldn't imagine even a possibility of this kid ever having contact with another child.:
post #53 of 157
Quote:
Originally Posted by kyndmamaof4 View Post
Unbeleiveable. You're not gonna report this? I don't care, how you feel about this woman, or her lively hood, what about the other potential victims? Do you think it's all gonna end here? I bet not. If other childern continue to go to this DCP and they aer molested then you should feel just as guilty as the DCP. I have not read the other posts, as you had an update in the OP. Please re-evaluate the situation. Do what's best for all of the childern, not just your own. I don't think I have ever made such a serious post here on MDC before, but this time I feel like it is extremly warrented. :
:
post #54 of 157
Thread Starter 
Nevermind
post #55 of 157
Ya know what, this kind of stuff this kid is doing is feeling your child out, to see how far he can go, and if your child well tell. :

It is classic predator/pedophile behavior.
post #56 of 157
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by kyndmamaof4 View Post
Ya know what, this kind of stuff this kid is doing is feeling your child out, to see how far he can go, and if your child well tell. :

It is classic predator/pedophile behavior.
mama, I've read Protecting the Gift. I know what you are saying. Believe me, I'm not being a "denier" here. Having said that, I just am not willing to report this when the CHILD is willing to take a lie detector test. In fact, he asked L if he could and she told him that she didn't think it had "gone that far yet." Perhaps he's only offering with the hope that we'll refuse. :
post #57 of 157
post #58 of 157
Quote:
Originally Posted by soygurl View Post
I really don't understand this line of thinking (re: bolded part). Is EVERYONE here forgetting that part of the development of three year olds (and surrounding ages) is "pretend" and "make believe" and learning to separate fact from fiction?!? How is that the same as lying??? I'm not saying that the incident did or did not occur. I have no idea. I'm just suggesting that there might be another explanation, or that we (collective 'we') should try to refrain from jumping to conclusions, or labeling it as a "someone is lying, and it's either the 16yo, or the 3.5yo!" situation.
The whole thing sends up red flags for me too. Follow your gut. But try to keep some age appropriate perspective.
You'd make a good defense attorney. :
post #59 of 157
Or maybe he knows that lie detector tests are not admissible as evidence in court...
post #60 of 157
Quote:
So I talked with L again on Saturday and she recalled a conversation in which she was explaining to ds1 and another daycare kid about "we cannot kiss babies on their mouths because our mouths and tongues have germs". After L was done talking with them, 16yo was near ds1 and the other child and ds1 asked more about our mouths/tongues having germs.
Was this before he licked your son's face, or before he tried sticking his tongue in your son's mouth? :
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Mothering › Mothering Forums › Childhood and Beyond › The Childhood Years › Oh My G*D! 16yo boy asks my 3.5yo ds to - UPDATE in post 129