I think I'm reaching the end of the rope. I really don't know how much more I can handle. A few days ago, I finally told dh to get some help because I know he's not doing well either. The doctor thinks it may be bipolar disorder; the councellor thinks it's sleep apnea. I'm certain he does have apnea; I've been telling him to get help for that for years. I actually get scared of him at night sometimes. There are times when he's fine and others when he's just not in his right mind. I've been fighting depression for a long time, but it doesn't seem to matter anymore. I have to take over all of the responsibilities because dh just can't handle it. So I'm pregnant and I have the flu, but I still have to take all of the responsibility for dd at night because I just can't trust dh. I've only been getting a few hours of sleep because I've been having trouble sleeping in between dd's night wakings. Last night I was so strung out that the thought of dying was a comforting one. I can't believe I'm admitting that, but it's true. And it wasn't emotioned-filled thinking like it used to be in my teens. It just literally feels like I can't take anymore. I guess it's time to talk to a doctor, huh?
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