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Would you let a 13yo boy babysit? - Page 13

post #241 of 343
BelgianSheepDog spoke of dasiy picking, I was just riffing on it, cloverleaf. Irony was the only way I knew how to respond. Please.

And, its worth saying that 97 -99 MILLION men in this country will NEVER abuse anyone.
post #242 of 343
My daughter started babysitting when she was 13. But, I am down the street, and I only let her watch kids of neighbors or at least families I know.

My daughter is very mature, and can do a good job. My best friend's son is 13, and I wouldn't trust him to babysit. I am not worried that anybody would get hurt. But, he is just a big five year old himself, and wouldn't act responsibly.

For that matter, his Dad is 43, and I wouldn't trust him either. He's a big five year old too.
post #243 of 343
Quote:
Originally Posted by bebesho2 View Post
WOW. This is sad.

People have assumed DH was not DD Dad and been nasty in the past. A horrible incident happened when he went to pick up SIL and BIL from a hotel. They saw him and BIL with DD and automatically thought she could not be his kid and why are 2 men here with that little girl at a hotel. Meanwhile the real predators in suits and such just lurk and get a friendly smile and handshake! In our case this is also a color issue.

People ASSUME too much. We are conditioned to ASSUME any man or teen boy who likes children is a predator. Prejudice and stereotyping are dangerous. Follow your gut but grouping all males into the predator file is just as dangerous as assuming all people are good.
Wow, what a horrible thing for your family to have to deal with, and what a terrible thing for your dd to have witnessed. I am very sad for your husband.

I agree that it's the assumptions that are wrong. You really should not assume anything about anybody. There's that old saying about how when you ASSUME you make an A$$ out of U and ME....

I kept lurking here (for some reason I can't seem to leave this thread alone, even though my husband wants me to stop because it is stressing me out, and lately when I get stressed it triggers a nice round of braxton hicks and a gall bladder attack, he's starting to worry for my health), and was saddened that the posts became somewhat personal attacks.

For the record, I said DISCRIMINATING was disgusting. At no point did I say any one here was. And at no point did I (or anyone else) say you should dismiss your concerns and hire a male to prove you aren't a sexist. That's ridiculous frankly. Nor did I say anything, or read anything, telling anybody to ignore the statistics (which by the way, have not been sourced yet...except the Census count of men in the US, but I have yet to see a source for abuse stats) or dismiss abuse victim's stories as a warning to us all.

Tie-dyed: There are so many ways your husband could have handled that situation badly...I think he handled it with humour and hopefully that woman went away rethinking her prejudice.

My husband's ex walked out on him and my dss when dss was 2 months. Phil did encounter many people who thought him 'weird' for taking on becoming a single dad. I shudder to think what may have been their reaction if he'd had a daughter instead of a son. Prejudice sucks, plain and simple.
post #244 of 343
I really need to get off the computer.

I just want to say how sorry I am to tye-dyed. I completely misread your first response to me and jumped to conclusions. I am truly sorry I am so dense.
post #245 of 343
No worries. If debates didn't get heated, they'd get boring....

Thanks for being nice about it--I hate it when people are irked at me
post #246 of 343
Quote:
Originally Posted by hhurd View Post
And, its worth saying that 97 -99 MILLION men in this country will NEVER abuse anyone.
Thank you, hhurd. And with that I'm done with this thread. :
post #247 of 343
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tigeresse View Post
Thank you, hhurd. And with that I'm done with this thread. :
Yeah, me too. Off to go and give the wonderful men in my life a big bear hug.
post #248 of 343
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tigeresse View Post
Thank you, hhurd. And with that I'm done with this thread. :
Me too...really going to hit that "unsub" button this time...my baby does not need me to get this stressed out over something I cannot change.
post #249 of 343
I should probably unsub as well, but I did find the comments distinguishing between sitters we do and do not know well interesting. Somebody mentioned that they don't feel they should be questioned for not wanting to use a male sitter they don't know ---- I agree, but I can not imagine using a female sitter I don't know either.

I haven't wanted to chime in with personal experience because it seems so narrowly focused, but my brother was treated really poorly by a female home daycare provider we went to as kids. Not sexually abused, but belittled, hit, and locked in a closet. As a result, I would never be comfortable with hdc and would want the checks & balances of a childcare center and multiple staff members if seeking out care for my sons. What is odd to me about this topic/debate is the focus on sexual abuse in contrast with all the ways that our children can be hurt. I used to be a child welfare social worker and saw my share of sexual abuse, but my goodness care providers and other adults do other things to children that are also just terrible, ykwim?

If anybody doesn't feel safe with a boy they don't know, but would be comfortable with a girl they don't know they should really consider whether the only abuse they fear is sexual, ykwim?

Anyway, back to my kids who I don't leave with teenagers. Period. I just simply don't need to get out that badly.

BJ
Barney, Ben & soon to be #3!!!
post #250 of 343
Quote:
Originally Posted by oceanbaby View Post
And what if we were talking about a 13yo girl and a 20 year old man? If we removed all these kinds of stats from the equation, the number of children sexually abused drops dramatically. No way is it fair to call it abuse when it's a girl but sex when it's a boy. Talk about sexism.

They "don't have an issue with it" that they know of. They are children. They have no idea of the impact these things have on them. That's why it is the responsibility of the adult to act in an appropriate way - we have an understanding about how these things can mess you up, without even realizing it.
I meant as men now. Dh is one of them. He doesn't feel like it was a big deal. Just shocking to me.
post #251 of 343
[QUOTE=lesley&grace;7026613]Chinakat....where did you get your statistic? I mentioned this to my husband and he said it seemed high, which I am inclined to agree. Just wondering so I can see the source, thanks!



I saw the statistic, too, somewhere back a few pages there was a link to molestation statistics and it was on there.
post #252 of 343
I haven't read many of the replies... didn't want to get sucked into the debate.

Just wanted to chime in to the OP that my home daycare provider has a 13 year old son. I would trust him to care for one or both of my children for a short time. I don't usually hire babysitters (outside of daycare) so it hasn't come up.

I wouldn't normally want a sitter that young. I was babysitting at that age and younger but somehow that seems different... different time I guess. I'd trust this boy though because I've known him and his family for 5 years. He's used to helping his mom with her daycare kids and my kids both adore him.

I'll confess that I initially had fears about a boy being interested in childcare. Now that I and my children have gotten to know him I no longer have those fears. I often tell his mom that he's going to make a wonderful husband and father when he's grown. I consider myself lucky that my ds has a chance to be exposed to such a nurturing young male role model.
post #253 of 343
post #254 of 343
Quote:
Originally Posted by mommytolittlelilly View Post
Yes, men are beating a path to difficult and low-paying jobs like childcare. Next, there will be waves of them competing with women to become secretaries and garment workers.
post #255 of 343
Quote:
Originally Posted by jdedmom View Post
Thanks.

I read this over twice. Then again. Then again just to be sure. The only thing close to a 1-3% of men are molesters statistic was this quote: "• Dr. Gene Abel estimates that between 1% and 5% of our population molest children
-CNN Specials Transcript #454-Thieves of Childhood. "

That's terrible. Scary even.

But to be a pain about particulars....1) Not specific to men 2) He is ESTIMATING. While I am sure that Dr Abel is an expert in this field, but he is not really accounting for actual data collected...therefore it's not a true stat, it's his opinion. All the other stats were based on samples of offenders, and yes, they were disturbing. But for me, they still do not justify making monsters out of all men.

Get to know, listen to your gut/instinct, then decide. That's all I am asking for.
post #256 of 343
Kinda late to the party, but this was crossposted in the Dads forum, and I just wanted to share my thoughts. I can understand the reservations people have about the potential for abuse, but I think that needs to be balanced with the potential good that could come from hiring a teenage boy as a sitter. I particularly liked what snuggly mama had to say on the topic:

Quote:
Originally Posted by snuggly mama View Post
Don't we want to raise our boys to be nurterers? Don't we want them to have concrete experiences in caring for young children? But if we tell them, subtly or explicitly, that we don't trust them to be alone with young kids, or we don't trust their abilities (but would trust a girl in the exact same circumstances), then how can we realistically expect them to assume involved fathering roles later in life?
I couldn't agree more. I did some babysitting when I was a teenager and enjoyed it a lot and now I'm a stay-at-home dad and find that immensely rewarding, so I definitely think it's valuable to give boys a chance to take on a nurturing role.

Jacob
post #257 of 343
I trust a man to be my kids' dad. I'll trust a man to be their babysitter as well. And just like I wouldn't trust just any man to be the dad of my kids, I wouldn't trust just any man to be their babysitter either. It's not an issue of gender to me at all. Anyone who takes care of my children will have to be someone I trust with them. Man or woman, young or old, doesn't matter.
post #258 of 343
I was just thinking, for those who choose not to use male caregivers because of your understanding of statistical probabilities- would you ever consider remarrying if you are single or ended up single? Because statistically, stepfathers are the real boogiemen....
post #259 of 343
No. I wouldn't leave my children with anyone who doesn't have a driver's license and reliable transportation. But gender wouldn't have anything to do with my decision.
post #260 of 343
I find it so odd how many people here wouldn't leave their child in the car while they walk 6 feet away to pay for gas, wouldn't take a pee while their kiddos are in a shopping cart in a grocery store, but would happily hire a male babysitter without any kind of extra intuitive screening process.
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