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i don't want to be mommy today

post #1 of 27
Thread Starter 
i am having a really rough time right now. shosh is really getting on my nerves. i tried to go to a family event on post and she threw a major meltdown for no apparent reason. she just stopped walking and started screaming and crying. totally out of nowhere.
she won't take a nap, she's hitting me, she won't eat, and i don't want to be near her right now. i left her in the bedroom and closed the door because i am getting really angry and i am afraid i will hurt her.
my husband is not going to be back for 6 more weeks. i hate him right now for being in the army and for being away. i wish i could just drop shoshanna off somewhere and be alone for an entire day. i am so tired of having to meet someone else's needs and not getting my own met.
i am on the verge of making her CIO, cruel as it is. i want to run away right now.
post #2 of 27
hey mama.

This is so gd hard sometimes. Good for you for putting yourself in time out, sounds like just what you needed. Sometimes I have to do it. Esp when dh is not around. (Damn them to hell for having to leave to go to work. Not even kidding, really.) Is Shosh getting teeth? do you have any chamomile? sometimes I just dose her up to see if it helps. are there any mamas around you can trade with to get a break? I wish I could help you out, but I don't know where you are.

Sending you love,
post #3 of 27
Sorry you're having such a rough day. Children are such unpredictable little things sometimes, who knows what they're thinking. Yesterday I was super grumpy for some reason and realized I was snapping at my dd A LOT so I just took her to the park so she could be free of me for a bit.
Hope the day gets better for you soon!!
post #4 of 27
Thread Starter 
if you draw a diagonal line across the US, that would be how far i am from you! i'm way down south in the hot as hell state known as georgia.

she does have a shitload of teeth coming in. all the molars and 2 canines. i thought we were over the worst of it, but maybe not.

she really got worked up into a snit when i was out of the room. i was only gone a few minutes, maybe not even that, just long enough to log on here and release some of my negative crap. so when i came back into the bedroom, she immediately latches on and nurses to sleep in a matter of minutes. : just about lends the CIO approach a little credibility. except that i hate the sound of a screaming child. it's too painful.

i really have no one to ask for help. i have acquaintances, not friends. i do have her in a mother's day out twice a week, but i am starting to think she should be in full-time day care this fall. i'm just a shitty mother and i can't handle this. i just don't have anything left to give.
post #5 of 27
no no no no
A shitty mother would smack her and let her cry it out you are trying to help yourself and your daughter. It is incredibly hard being isolated like you are. Thank the Goddess she's asleep, yes?

hmmm. Can't fly to Georgia. Is there a children's consgnment shop in your area? Sometimes we just go there and Gracie plays and I talk to the other mamas cuz a lot of like-minded mamas shop 2nd hand. Gracie is in 2 days/wk co-op preschool, which could be an option, maybe? It's nice b/c we have like-minded parents (again) and we all have to work at the school part of the time, so we get to commune a little and we also get time off, plus we know each other pretty well and so feel more comfortable leaving our children with each other.

Do you have a car? Sometimes i load her up with chamomile and just drive til she goes to sleep...

btw, i think it was the nursing that helped her sleep, not the crying before it, although it probably wore her out. you did the right thing going back in, imho. She needs her mama when her teeth hurt.

love n stuff
post #6 of 27
You can come down to Atlanta and hang out with me for a day!

And you are not a shitty mom you are a wonderful mom.
post #7 of 27
Repeat after me "I am not a shitty mom. I am not a shitty mom..." I certainly have my days. : It must be so hard to not get a MUCH DESERVED/NEEDED break. On top of missing your dh, you are mothering 24/7. Go easy on yourself. Teething can be rough for everyone involved. Can you sleep when she does so that you can recharge a little?

I seriously do not want to make you feel worse, but I just want to acknowledge how hard it must be to be apart from your dh. In six more weeks he'll be home to help you with your dd and to meet some of YOUR needs that only a life partner can meet. Try not to think about fall when it is only May. I am not BSing when I say that I wish I lived closer (I'm in MA), so I could help you out a bit. Is a visit to a close friend or family member out of the question? I don't remember if you are a SAHM, but are you within driving distance from anyone who you can get some support from (even for a week)? Can you just get out of town?
post #8 of 27
Thread Starter 
thanks so much southercomfort, doulamoon, asherah and mamaoui. i was ready to just say f%^& it and give up on MDC if no one cared enough to talk me off the ledge.

everyone i am related to is over 1000 miles away. sean's sister is our closest relative, but she is 3.5 hours away, works full time, and goes to school and her husband is away as well so she visits him on the weekends. the next closest people are 5 hours away.
and while sean does come home in 6 weeks, he leaves again in september, so then i am right back where i am now, ready to be committed. right now i really think she'd be better off with pretty much anyone but me. i think being a crappy mom runs in the family. there hasn't been a decent one yet.
post #9 of 27
Are you in Augusta?
I could come see you on one of my days off...

I know how much you love your DD.
You are an incredibly devoted mom.. anyone would be going nuts in your position.
post #10 of 27
honey you are welcome! I am going to give some strongly felt advice -

REACH OUT TO YOUR LOCAL COMMUNITY. Find some kind of support group. Check out local community centers, food co-ops, kids' stuff stores, spiritual practice centers if you have one, anything where there are like-minded people.

Living in isolation in circumstances like yours only makes it worse. You feel like you're the only one who feels this way, like there's something wrong with you, when really anyone in your situation would have these feelings sometimes. It's easy to feel this way when you don't have contact with other single-livin mamas. But things are tough all over. No mamas should be doing it this way.

It's my biggest gripe with our society, lack of mama support. It affects everything about everything! The way we live and feel about ourselves and treat others, the way our kids live and feel about themselves and treat others, and EVERYTHING is related to that.

Keep on truckin'.

post #11 of 27
Elphaba, who is it that lives 5 hours away? I say go for it if you think it will help you in any way. Even if you and dd take off for a few days. How long will Sean be gone for in the fall? A long enough stretch where you could maybe plan to connect with a close friend/ family member for an extended stay.

My SIL lives in California with my BIL (dh's brother) and her 2.5 year old and he may be activated for 6 months to a year. If that happens, we will send for her, because she is isolated (they live in Cali because my BIL's 17 year old dd lives there). Consider asking a close friend or relative if they would be open to an extended visit. It is not a weakness to need other people.

. i think being a crappy mom runs in the family. there hasn't been a decent one yet.
How wrong you are, Elphaba! Man, I wish I could give you a big ole hug right now!
post #12 of 27
Elphaba, I have SO been there lately, just last week, I sat and cried for about 20 minutes, while Jonny was sitting in the exersaucer, also cursing the Army, DH, myself, life in general... The crying helped, and by then Jonny was fussing, so I nursed him to sleep, and we took a nap on the couch.

Ya know, it's too bad I didn't stay in Louisiana, we could've met halfway or something.

I know, it's hard when you're on a base, and you KNOW that most of the parent's aren't like you, and you have a toddler, instead of an older kid you can bring to the park and let them play while you just sit and chill. Take advantage of the mommy's day out stuff, heck, take advantage of everything you can while your DH is gone.
post #13 of 27
hey. i wanted to tell you, my ds has been a real pistol lately, hitting, saying no, i'm the boss, etc. today i told him to say he was sorry & he kicked me, so i smacked his leg. what does that prove? he is sleeping now & i can't wake him to tell him how much i love him, even though deep down i know he knows.

sweetie, shosh knows how much you love her. i have always been impressed by your posts & i think you are a GREAT mom. ita w/ those who said to get help from your community or go stay w/ family.

if there were no great moms in your family, rest assured, THERE IS NOW!! please take care of yourself!

love, jenny
post #14 of 27
Today I cried in the basement for about 15 minutes while saying over & over. "I hate my life...." I am a homeschooler to three & believe me, few understand that! My DH comes home every night so I cannot imagine what you are going thru....Today though, my DH told me to just stop complaining and do what I have to do...that helped because now I don't want to kill my kids, I want to kill him!!! Ha ha ha ha....
I always say this to my weary Mothering mamas - It's easy to be a bad mother, and hard to be a good one!!!
Keep on keepin on! Your little one knows you better than you think & can forgive anything!!
Love and thanks to those that part with their loved ones for our freedoms.
post #15 of 27
I just want to say I relate. I actually logged on today just to complain. Today's Mother's Day, and here I am wishing my 15 year old will stay asleep most of the morning because he has just been making life so da*n hard the last few days. And I am newish to my community, so I too don't really have any friends...just aquaintances...that makes it much, much harder than it has to be. (((Hugs)))
post #16 of 27
Ok I haven't read all of the threads so pardon me if this has already been said.

Could Sosh be afraid of you leaving her too. You said she threw a fit while walking to the post. She hasn't seen her daddy for a long time. Maybe she realizes that the post was the last place she saw him and she is afraid that you are leaving too. It is just a thought.
post #17 of 27
I have totally been where you are, on more than one occassion. My DH isn't military(although my brother is) but he works out of state and sometimes out of the country 8-10 mos out of the year. He's in Argentina as I type. Could you find a good drop in day care? That way she didn't have to go every day, but you could take her on the days you're ready to lock her in a closet and duct tape her mouth shut :LOL And maybe start looking for a good preschool for next year when she's 3? I have DS(4) starting a Montessori school in the fall, and dd enrolled in Mother's Day Out for the fall too. Sometimes mom's just need a break, and that doesn't make you a crappy mom. Being a parent is hard, even harder when your DH is away. I had a mom come to my house from AZ(about a 16 hour drive) and stay with me for a few weeks when her DH was TDY for 6 mos. Right now a 5 hour drive might not be so bad if it means you get a break and some help. If you need advice on traveling long distance with a toddler LMK. We travel to see DH whenever he's in the states, last trip was to CA(2 day drive) with a 1 y/o and 3 y/o :LOL
post #18 of 27
I'm up here in Minnesota, so too far for you to come visit or me to come help you.

I have no words of wisdom but just to let you know I'm thinking of you and can hardly imagine what you are going through. But I can say I don't think you're a shitty mom...not at all. Being a mom can be sooo hard!

I'll at least send you good thoughts...
post #19 of 27
Elphabela, Happy Mother's Day!

I hope you are doing something relaxing with your kids today. simple and easy--that's a single mama holiday! If you're inside and bumming--go get some take-out and have a picnic at the park. Buy yourself something online.

Like someone said, reach out to find other moms. They don't have to be the same as you in all parenting ways either. Just someone you/kids can get along with. Its really hard but worth it.

Take up those GA posters offers! PM them NoW!

love love love love love
post #20 of 27
I haven't read the other posts yet, but I totally understand/support you. I absolutely LOVE my job and am away from my boys 8 hours/day. It gives me a great perspective and I have full focus/energy to be w/them. But, there are stilllll times when I want to go bonkers. So, I escape to the tub while dh mans the fort. You NEED time away for YOU. Mom needs to be happy/centered for the family to function smoothly. Get some support. What about the gym on base? Is there a drop in daycare? An elderly matron down the street? Find someone to give you some time off. And, just remember, all this will pass. Who in the world knows what's going on in dd's head-it could be teething, growing, etc etc. It's just a phase and it will pass.

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