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My heart is breaking  

post #1 of 25
1/14/07 at 9:37pm
Thread Starter 
with joy, but still, time passes more quickly that one can imagine.

My oldest (homebirthed in joy, breastfed for years) is turning 18. The house is filled with teen friends, and family. He holds his baby sister in his arms. His little brother and teen sister are laughing, happy to to be a part of such a milestone.

His friends (mostly the girls) gather around the pictures from preschool and squeal with delight. "I remember that!" "I loved that dress!" "I can't believe you all had bowl cuts!" "That was so fun!" They are so sweet and kind. So big. They all used to be so little and I remember some of their food preferances from play dates.

Time flies and it hardly seems possible my first child has grown so rapidaly and so beautifully. The teen laughter, the pizza inhaled ...it all seems surreal. Yesterday he was born. Yesterday he was nursing night and day. Yesterday he weaned.

He is so beautiful and decent. I have to leave the room because I know my tears might seem misplaced to the party-goers.
post #2 of 25
1/14/07 at 9:40pm
Congratulations! I hope I will feel the same kind of joy in 18 years. She's only 7 months old right now but it already seems like someone hit the fast forward button on life.
post #3 of 25
1/14/07 at 9:43pm
Aww hugs to you, mama! It's a strange and beautiful thing to watch them grow isn't it? I totally understand. It's not at all what I thought it would be...having teens. I thought I would be terrible painful because everyone says that teens are terrible. It's been painful, but not for that reason at all. Watching them become young adults is both heartwarming and, like you said, heartbreaking. I worry so much about the people they will meet that won't be kind or honest, ya know?

I can hear how proud you are of the man he has become! Congratulations on raising a really cool human being. Take comfort in knowing that he loves you deeply. :
post #4 of 25
1/14/07 at 9:46pm


My oldest is 18 and 1/2 now. He will be leaving for college this fall. I find myself looking at him a lot, and getting teary-eyed. Where did my little boy go, you know?

Yes, my "job" is nearly done with my older son, but it is such a bittersweet thing. I figure there will be a transitional period, where he is mostly gone, on his own, and asks us for advice or reassurance once in awhile...he used to be my shadow.

's to you mama.
post #5 of 25
1/14/07 at 10:22pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by UnschoolnMa View Post
Aww hugs to you, mama! It's a strange and beautiful thing to watch them grow isn't it? I totally understand. It's not at all what I thought it would be...having teens. I thought I would be terrible painful because everyone says that teens are terrible. It's been painful, but not for that reason at all. Watching them become young adults is both heartwarming and, like you said, heartbreaking. I worry so much about the people they will meet that won't be kind or honest, ya know?

I can hear how proud you are of the man he has become! Congratulations on raising a really cool human being. Take comfort in knowing that he loves you deeply. :
Thank you.

He really is lovely. Please...knock wood...I have been beyond blessed with my teens. They have been wonderful. Their friends are so sweet as well.

I can't believe this fall these darlings will not be here each day. It's time. I remember how excited I was when I left for college.

I'm thrilled for him, and all I can say is that I eeked out the time with him as best I could. It's been an honor, a joy, and a privilege.

But i still have until the end of August! Time to snap out of it!!
post #6 of 25
1/15/07 at 12:18am
My own oldest is 18 1/2 now, and a college freshman. Having him grow up has been so wonderful - and so sad all at once. And one of the hardest things has been losing the close contact with some of the wonderful young people that were his high school friends as they've gone away to school as well.
I know you know this, but I just want to let you know that having a college kid has been as fun in some ways as those pre-school birthday parties. It is so much fun hearing about his classes, and the new friends he's making, and seeing him make grown up decisions so well. And between instant messaging and cell phones, we've had almost more communication than when I saw him every day because we make an effort to be in touch.
Every passage of motherhood has a little loss with it - birthing, weaning, growing, but so far every new stage has had new adventures and new thrills to make up for the loss. Congratulations to you for raising a son you can feel so good about!
post #7 of 25
1/22/07 at 3:35am
OMG, this made me cry. Mine turned 13 in dec and I could not understand how that happened. I don't want to freeze time but I would love to go back in time for one more shot to soak it all in.

As said, it was only yesterday and yet, it seems so long ago.
post #8 of 25
1/22/07 at 10:57am
My oldest will be 15 next week. He's about four inches taller than me and is in a size 10 shoe. It's freakin' me out!

I know I'll be even MORE freaked out when my "baby" gets that big/old.
post #9 of 25
1/22/07 at 11:22am
(((hugs))) My oldest is 18 too! I'm really enjoying having teens! My sister lives right around the corner so between her kids and mine (and all of their friends) our home is always filled with teens!
post #10 of 25
1/23/07 at 1:47pm
This is making me cry and my oldest is only 4.
Sounds like you've done a great job and thanks for the reminder that the years fly by so fast. I will snuggle my babies extra hard today.
post #11 of 25
1/23/07 at 3:42pm
Such a beautifully written post.

.My oldest is 14.5 I am dreading /looking forward to his college days ..Many hugs to all the mommas here..


.I am treasuring every minute with my wonderful, tall glorious son.
post #12 of 25
1/23/07 at 4:01pm
It goes so fast! My oldest is 14 and I don't know where the time has gone.

Thanks for sharing the moment with us UUMom.
post #13 of 25
1/25/07 at 1:22am
A few days ago, I held ElderSon's newborn daughter in my arms. I watched him lovingly bathe her, and snuggle her, as I did with him.

The circle of life continues, and it makes me think of all the yesterdays, and all the tomorrows, as well.
post #14 of 25
1/25/07 at 1:48am
This post brought tears to my eyes. What a lucky son to have such a loving mama.
post #15 of 25
1/25/07 at 4:10pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by iamthesmilingone View Post
OMG, this made me cry. Mine turned 13 in dec and I could not understand how that happened. I don't want to freeze time but I would love to go back in time for one more shot to soak it all in.

As said, it was only yesterday and yet, it seems so long ago.
:

My oldest is almost 14, and I would SOOOO love to have that one more shot to soak it all in. I look back at all the time I missed with him, because I was working, because I was stressed, because I was sick...and I just want to cry.

OP: Thank you for such a lovely post. It made me cry, but in a good way.
post #16 of 25
1/25/07 at 4:42pm
omg ... i think i'm going to turn into a blubbering idiot over here. wow. my oldest is turning 14 this spring, i cannot believe it either! my kids are growing so fast and although that is life i know that this stage of mothering children in our homes is so incredibly short
i need to go cry now

i wish you all the best on your journey
post #17 of 25
1/25/07 at 7:16pm




Quote:
Originally Posted by mamarhu View Post
A few days ago, I held ElderSon's newborn daughter in my arms. I watched him lovingly bathe her, and snuggle her, as I did with him.

The circle of life continues, and it makes me think of all the yesterdays, and all the tomorrows, as well.
post #18 of 25
1/25/07 at 8:37pm
Thread Starter 
Thank you all for understanding.

I am so proud (I want a different word here...but that is the one that keeps coming to me) of the young man he is, and I enjoy him so much. He knows how to make me laugh-- always a good thing. :-)

I don't want him to be a baby again, but it is amazing how quickly times passes. I know it's time for him to go off into the world a bit, and so I am glad we had all the years of AP that we did. It's very comforting. I am just glad he has put up with me for all these years. lol
post #19 of 25
1/25/07 at 11:55pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by hottmama View Post
This is making me cry and my oldest is only 4.
Sounds like you've done a great job and thanks for the reminder that the years fly by so fast. I will snuggle my babies extra hard today.
My oldest is only 4 too and I can't stop crying. I already have trouble remembering the details of him as a baby.
post #20 of 25
1/26/07 at 1:49am
I am bawling right now, what a beautiful post! C. is only 21 monthes but I know I am going to be in your shoes before I know it. I already want to slow down time.

I am so happy for your happiness, I never thought I would understand where my mom come from and now I can only see in her eyes.
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