adopted kids in the classroom

[ecoteat]

Hi, I've never visited this forum before, but I need some input...

I'm a third and fourth grade teacher (multi-age classroom) and I'm thinking about doing a family tree/family history unit. I have two students who were adopted internationally and I don't think they know much about their birthmothers. I know one girl's mother is very interested in celebrating her Vietnamese heritage, while the other girl's family is more laid-back about her being from China (although I think the girl is a little sensitive about how that is a difference between her and her friends).

Does anyone have any advice about how I can make this a comfortable and fun project for everyone? If you had an adopted child in my class, how would you want me to approach this?

Thanks!

[Potty Diva]

Well, for me personally I would think that adopted children would use their adoptive parents and family for the family tree. Afterall they are her family. family isn't defined by blood, but by those who love and care for you. Now if you were doing a geneaology chart or something on lineage, I think that would be different.

[lifescholar]

I always did my family trees on my adoptive family....I did know some basics about my natural family (how many siblings my parents had, some facts about their parents/grandparents).

If the child knows about their natural family, give them a choice! But, be tactful about it, so as not to make them uncomfortable.

If their parents are open with them about adoption, they will probably be totally fine with it!

[terrordactyl]

Originally Posted by Potty Diva

Well, for me personally I would think that adopted children would use their adoptive parents and family for the family tree. Afterall they are her family. family isn't defined by blood, but by those who love and care for you. Now if you were doing a geneaology chart or something on lineage, I think that would be different.

:

[Fyrestorm]

I can tell you as an adopted person, that this kind of stuff in school just made me really sad. I hated it and refused to do it. I already felt like my whole life was a HUGE lie and I refused to participate because I refused to purpetuate the lie.

Advice on how to handle it? Is there anything else these children can do, maybe about thier homeland, or make up a "fantasy" tree? I can tell you that I had all kinds of imaginary family growing up...who I needed to believe my family was. This kind of project may have given me the opportunity to express some of these feelings I had that would have been nonconfrontational or hurtful to my adoptive family.

[sunflowers]

I am adopted and I always use my adoptive family for any projects like that. I even use them for my geneology and lineage .

I did have a genetics project in college that almost stumped me. We were doing recessive and dominant traits and I had no blood parent to compare my traits to. Luckily, I had my son already and I just used him as the subject instead of myself : I don't know what the instructor would have told me to do if I didn't have any direct relatives, though.

[Leatherette]

I would definitely give kids the option of either including family and birthfamily (and show them different ways to map it!!), or only family. I would also give the parents a heads-up, and see what their preferences were, as well as give them a chance to talk to their kids beforehand if there may be issues.

Creating family trees can bring up issues for other kids as well (mine does for me!), not just ones who were adopted. It can be a great project, though - just needs to be handled with lots of sensitivity.

L.

[Sarahbunny]

I always used my adoptive families tree...it was never a big deal to me. I agree that it depends on the person though...

Wow, that's wierd for me to write..."my adoptive families tree". I just don't think of them in that aspect, lol.

[vermonttaylors]

Can I just say that I hope my kids have a thoughtful, loving teacher like you when they are at this point in school!!!!!:

There is a book specifically for teachers about incorporating adoption stories into the classroom when talking about families. I saw this book at www.tapestrybooks.com

I would give the kids the option of doing it any way they want. I personally would love my kids to acknowledge and honor their birthfamilies in a project like that. I also agree that family is not dictated by blood, but completely disregarding the birth-family connection takes the power away from the kids of still holding those people in their hearts and minds.

I realize that many kids have no idea about their birthfamilies. So in the case of those students, they may want to acknowlege their birth countries.

If you can make the project happen in a way that makes the kids PROUD od their special family circumstances, that would be so awesome. When I was a kid, I had the "weird" family tree because I have 2 moms and a dad. But my teacher did the project in such a way that all family dynamics were special and "normal" because let's face it, families come in every conceivable form!:

[dharmamama]

Honestly, if I were you, I would skip the unit/project. It can be way too emotional for some kids, and I think the "academic" benefit is limited. If my recently adopted child were in school (she's homeschooled) and encountered this, it would devastate her and she would probably be emotionally incapable of doing it, no matter how sensitively you tried to approach it.

If you feel you must do it, I would make sure to stress that "family" is a very fluid term that encompasses many different compositions and that families do not need to be related by blood or even by law to be a family. There are probably some kids in your class who are members of nontraditional families that you don't even know about and might not ever think of. Lots of kids live with relatives in informal situations; some kids consider a parent's bf/gf family; some kids are in open adoptions and would want to include both bio and adoptive parents. I would recommend that you make the project completely open-ended. Present your unit on family history or whatever and then tell the kids they can make whatever type of report, family tree, art project, poem, etc. that they want to commemorate their family. But be careful of presenting the project as a way to "celebrate" their family or family's history, because not all kids will want to do this.

I really would strongly caution you against doing this, however. To me it seems like an outdated idea.

Namaste!

[Starr]

We did a similar project in school, none of the kids were adopted that I know of but alot had unique family situations. To make it a little easier, less emotional for some and more educational we had to pick a country that we had some nationality in. I chose Ireland, and we had to do a project on that country going over the foods they ate, pets they have, and a typical day for a child. I don't remember anyone having a problem.

[m9m9m9]

Originally Posted by dharmamama

Honestly, if I were you, I would skip the unit/project. It can be way too emotional for some kids, and I think the "academic" benefit is limited. If my recently adopted child were in school (she's homeschooled) and encountered this, it would devastate her and she would probably be emotionally incapable of doing it, no matter how sensitively you tried to approach it.

I agree with this sentiment. I am not sure I know the educational value in the assignment. I also think it can impact those children who are not adopted but do not have the "traditional" family structure and may have trouble getting the informaiton. I think discussing the idea of geneology is great and probably interesting but doesn't necessarily need an activity to go with it.

I always figured if this came up for my DD that she would do my family tree - sad as it is as I am not adopted but couldn't realistically fill one out myself as I have very little family knowledge or contacts - and that there would be a dotted line to a dotted box from her name to a box that has her birthparent information.

Maggie

[sunflowers]

An alternate exercise might be for the kids to pick a historical or famous person and do a short genelocical chart of that person. They could use the internet as a resource. Maybe even choosing a literary character might be fun.

I, personally, can see the educational merit in such a project. It teaches the kids that families are all unique and different. They learn to research family information using resources available- the internet, their parents and gparents, they learn how to make a connection to the past. I would cerainly support such a project if it was presented in my child's classroom. But I can understand how it might be too difficult for some kids.

Maybe you could offer 2 versions of the project and let the kids choose. Some may do a family tree, others can do a "day in the life of a(n) ____ (insert chosen country here)". I think some parents may be surprised what their children would pick. I think my parents would've assumed I'd rather do the general country option but I would have certainly chosen the family tree...

[vermonttaylors]

[QUOTE=dharmamama;7019031] But be careful of presenting the project as a way to "celebrate" their family or family's history, because not all kids will want to do this.QUOTE]

This is a really good point. And it isn't necessarily the adopted kids who won't want to "celebrate" their family trees. Some kids have some pretty awful things in their birthfamily pasts.

However, I still think you are awesome for thinking about the adopted kids in the first place. So many teachers do not.

[EFmom]

I agree with the others who say to skip this assignment altogether. It is going to be uncomfortable for the kids who were adopted and for kids who don't have traditional family backgrounds, no matter how you word it or no matter if you offer alternatives.

Thank you for thinking about this, which is more than most teachers do.

[ecoteat]

Thanks for all your suggestions! Some of you questioned the need for such a project; comparing your own life/family to those in history is in the state learning results. We've already done bios on "important" people in history. I'm thinking about making this project more open-ended. I think I'll have the kids choose a person in their family that is important to them and do some sort of project on that person. Hmmm... So much to think about...

[Potty Diva]

I understand you are required to do the project and think it is wonderful that you are attempting to find a way to approach it that is as painless as possible. Thank you mama.

[Maggie05]

As an adopted person (who was told from birth about being adopted) it would never occur to me not to use my own family (adopted family, although it is silly that I even have to type that) to do such a project. I would certainly be interested in my families background and family history. Because it is not a "genetic" connection would not make it any less significant. Learning about where your family came from and what struggles they endured is interesting and relevent. This family, of which I am a significant part developed in a certain way. I want to know how. We all have stories to tell, and I think it is important to learn our parents and grandparents histories.

I would be insulted if you didn't give the assignment and assumed that an adopted person wouldn't want to do a simalar family tree as "biological" kids
do. I would be embarressed if you mentioned "adoption" while presenting the project to the class, or if you spoke to me on the side.

My advice would be to give the assignment, a family is a family, different paths to the same concept. I enjoyed such assignments as a kid.

[dharmamama]

Originally Posted by Maggie05

I would be insulted if you didn't give the assignment and assumed that an adopted person wouldn't want to do a simalar family tree as "biological" kids
do. I would be embarressed if you mentioned "adoption" while presenting the project to the class, or if you spoke to me on the side.

Kids who were adopted at older ages, who suffered abuse or neglect, lived through their parents' deaths, spent time in orphanages, are new to their adoptive families, etc., can feel very, very differently about things than the situation you described.

Namaste!

[RedOakMomma]

This is a great site with alternatives to family trees:

http://www.adoptivefamilies.com/articles.php?aid=4

I like the idea of roots and branches.