adopted kids in the classroom - Page 2

[GruppieGirl]

Those projects always made me cringe. I still hate to think about it. Even though none of the other kids in the class knew I always felt like I had a big spotlight on me.


Third and fourth graders are way too young to have come to complete terms with thier adoption. At 31 I am still not there.


You know that there are two children who were adopted internationally, but there may be others who were adopted nationally that look like their parents (as in my case). These children may have a tough time dealing with their stories at such a young age.



As for assigning alternate projects, why not just put a big "I'm Different" sticker on their foreheads?



What about having each child focus on one country with the culmination of a multi-cultural festival in the classroom with food, music, history and possibly costumes from that country? That is what I used to do with my class.

[Potty Diva]

I love the alternative ideas offered and hope some may work in her classroom. Please also understand that this is an assignment that she MUST give, there are no was around it.

[Sarahbunny]

I think you could do a family tree and explain there are a lot of different types of families and allow the assignment to reflect that.

For example, I come from a very small family. DD's family tree would only have one uncle technically on my side, but in my mind and hopefully her mind (when she's older) she has a lot more aunts and uncles than that. I have several friends who consider her their "niece" for lack of a better word. I would want her to be able to put them in there.

Does that make sense?

[hhurd]

Originally Posted by Maggie05

As an adopted person (who was told from birth about being adopted) it would never occur to me not to use my own family (adopted family, although it is silly that I even have to type that) to do such a project. I would certainly be interested in my families background and family history. Because it is not a "genetic" connection would not make it any less significant. Learning about where your family came from and what struggles they endured is interesting and relevent. This family, of which I am a significant part developed in a certain way. I want to know how. We all have stories to tell, and I think it is important to learn our parents and grandparents histories.

I would be insulted if you didn't give the assignment and assumed that an adopted person wouldn't want to do a simalar family tree as "biological" kids
do. I would be embarressed if you mentioned "adoption" while presenting the project to the class, or if you spoke to me on the side.

My advice would be to give the assignment, a family is a family, different paths to the same concept. I enjoyed such assignments as a kid.

Speaking as a person who was adopted as an infant, that's well said and I totally agree with you. That's how I've always felt. My family tree would describe my family...the only family I've ever known or will know. To make a distinction would have insulted me, and implied that my family wasn't my family, kwim?

That being said, I know that there are multiple perspectives, and you're good to consider them.

[Maggie05]

Originally Posted by dharmamama

Kids who were adopted at older ages, who suffered abuse or neglect, lived through their parents' deaths, spent time in orphanages, are new to their adoptive families, etc., can feel very, very differently about things than the situation you described.

Namaste!

True, and agreed.

[mamarhu]

How would an assignment to do a biography of any family member do to meet the requirements for the curriculum? As much geneology could be included as the child chose, and I guess every kid has at least one family member. Comparisons with the historical biographies already studied might be interesting. I agree that family tree assignments are too painful for many kids, not only adopted, and I think a bit personal and intrusive in some cases (not intentionally but...)

[Jyotsna]

Roots, trunk and branches

I am just jumping in here and I don't know if this has been mentioned yet, but when my son was forced to do this in first grade (yes, his teacher said if he didn't turn it in, he would get a zero!

We checked with our India adoption support group and they suggested that if he had to do it, to use the roots,trunk and branches model.

In the roots, he placed his birthmother and some other birth family who we didn't have names for as well as caregivers from his orphanage. In the trunk, it was only HIM. In the branches, he placed the names of adoptive family members and close friends.

He was completely unruffled by the project ONCE he was able to put it together in a way that included his birthmother and caregivers. They are extremely important to him! We turned in the project. The teacher wanted to put his with the rest of the class outside in the hallway. We refused to have that done, since it was so personal, so my son just did another family tree and put our family names on it. He definately didn't want to be singled out as adopted, and have to share all of his personal information with classmates, and I supported him.

I was pissed at the teacher however.

[Altair]

I think the hardest unit I have ever taught as a teacher was a K unit on families. The majority of students come from non-traditional households at my school... I was extremely sensitive, thoughtful, and open-ended in our work, yet there was always a student who just couldn't handle it. It helped some students come to grips with the fact that their family situation didn't look like the story books, and other kids just couldn't stand the word "family" be used so often, no matter what the context.

[Buddhamom]

Have you talked to their parents? They would know better than anyone what would be appropriate. I know my daughter is still a baby. But we have put a lot of thought into how this would be handled. We are in a semi-open where b-mom would only know us by frist name if she ever wanted to. In fact she had SW choose and never even met or saw what we look like. So with Drihan we are going to teach her all about our/her family since her b-family isn't an active part of her life and never will be. We also will be doing the DNA swab testing to find out what her distant history is to give some part of her bio history that isn't so negative.

[mamarhu]

Talking to the parents sounds like a good idea, but perhaps it should be in the form of a letter to all parents. As PPs mentioned, some children in the class may be adopted, foster, or have other family situations that may be invisible.

[chel]

I vote to skip the project. My dd's kindergarten teacher did a "family" unit. At one time she had asked each dc to send in a picture of their family and noted that 2 pictures could be sent if the dc had 2 families. The teacher never did anything with the pictures and I think it was just too intense. Lots of adoption, divorce, and gay families. Like a pp said, not always something a dc wants posted on a wall in their classroom.

[rredhead]

Second Recommendation

Originally Posted by RedOakMomma

This is a great site with alternatives to family trees:

http://www.adoptivefamilies.com/articles.php?aid=4

I like the idea of roots and branches.

Adoptive Families magazine always has articles about how to deal with the family tree assignment. Their November issue was especially focused on this topic, as November is National Adoption Month. Their site is pretty easy to navigate and they have great downloads.
We did an autobiography in the 3rd grade, and we did family trees in a few different grades. The one I remember was in 6th grade.
I think there's a lot of value in an assignment like this.
- History: Your great-grandfather was born in 1904. What happened that year? How would he have grown up?
- Geography: My grandmother came from Poland, from a town that was destroyed in WWII. Where is it now? Where's Poland? What would it be like to live in Poland? What do people do in Poland?
- Culture: Your ancestors (bio or adopted) are from China. What was China like when they/you came to America? What is China like now?

And that's just off the top of my head. I agree with the people who mentioned giving all parents a heads up about the assignment. If a lot of them disagree, then you may want to let go of or modify the assignment for everyone. But family trees are a truly awesome way to learn about so many different aspects of the world.

Good luck!
-Robyn

[MCR]

These family tree projects make me cringe even with my bio kids. We have family that I really don't want to mention and talk about that the kids have never met.
The other children to consider not feeling they can do this project are foster kids. Many have no contact or what they have is limited. Talking about the parents/family in that situation may bring up all kinds of feeings that belong in therapy, not the classroom.
I find this project to be of minor importance in education. More useful would be. Pick a "person" (IRL not a popstar) of great importance to you, and tell about them and how they are important to you.
That way they can pick someone who may, or may not, be family. A mentor, foster parent, adoptive parent, grandparent, Social worker etc etc.

[GalateaDunkel]

Reason #6,342,569 we are homeschooling.

And I'm not adopted, or involved in adoption in any way.

How are students' family histories/structures any of the school's business? I know that the purpose is not to pry into people's affairs, but it inevitably has that effect. Today's society being what it is, you are guaranteed to run into some touchy situation or other, raising emotional issues you are not trained to address. How that is supposed to promote learning is completely beyond me.

Novel concept: kids should learn about their family...from their family! It's not the domain of the schools.

[plates]

I agree that the topic should be different. Our family situation is unusual in and of itself, not even thinking about the adoption part.

When dd was in a special needs classroom at age 3, they had father's special day and had the fathers come in to the classroom to spend time. Well she has no father. So we skipped going on that day--her teacher said I could have a special male friend come in but it wouldn't have been the same to dd and mommy didn't have a "special" male friend anyways. The next school day, my daughter was in tears. Seems most of the fathers of the children brought their kids to school that day so dd was screaming I WANT A DADDY TOO!!

I don't like any project that shows one child different from others. It encourages ostrasizing the child from peers. Like my dd having an older (old LOL) mommy. And yes she did come home one day saying this to me "You are old mommy"!!! Not sure if the lesson of the day was on mommy's ages or what??

[plates]

Oh and yes..doing a family tree, dd would use her adoptive family roots. As we are her family. Yes we visit her birthfamily and have an open adoption. I think a family tree is about her home life, her mommy's mommy,etc. Learning about her mommy's grandmother & greatgrandparents.

It would be impossible to do a birthfamily family tree as she/I do not know but her birthmom, and birth-siblings and birth-grandma. That is it.

Not that we don't treat dd's birthfamily as family. They are like extended family to our family and we love them dearly! Just makes more sense to do a family tree on OUR nuclear family.

LOL I can hear dd now if we did a family tree on her birthfamily--but mommy where are YOU?

[Momily]

If my child were in your class I would ask that he be allowed to skip the assignment, and would probably keep him out of school the day it was presented. If the presentations were spread out over several days then he'd out until they were done.

My 7 year old is pretty shy at school, even doing a non-emotionally laden show and tell (this is a picture of my pet lizard) type thing takes a lot of courage for him, asking him to speak in front of a whole group about his family, or to answer questions about it at recess would be really difficult.

Even if he only did his adoptive family, his family would still look different, because there would be no father on his tree, and while he's very happy with our family the way it is, I know he's not comfortable answering questions about why he doesn't have a father. As far as including the birthmother, I think for my child it would be a choice between a rock and a hard place. On one hand, I don't think he's prepared to answer questions about where she is, why he doesn't know more about her, etc . . ., and on the other hand, leaving her off would feel dishonest. Finally, I have a sister who he has never met (her choice not mine), and I think he'd have a really hard time explaining that.

I'm a teacher and one year when I taught 3rd and 4th graders we did a unit on immigration. As part of the project we had each child come in and bring something that signified a country that they felt connected to in some way. We then found those places on a map and connected them with strings to our city. Before we asked the kids to chose a country each of the teachers presented a country that was important to us. My family was foreign service and I presented a country we lived in when I was little, my co-teacher who was African American spoke briefly about how because of the legacy of slavery he didn't know the country his ancestors had come from, so he picked Sierra Leone because it was in region where many slaves had come from and he had found it fascinating to learn about. When it was the children's turn to present kids found lots of different ways to make connections -- from ancestry, to friendships, to places they had traveled, to places they wanted to travel. It was neat to see those connection and strings spanning the world map. Maybe you could do something like that?