Are we wierd...like a minority?

[Nonie's mom]

I went to get a hair cut on Saturday for the first time since I was, oh, I don't know, about 5 months pregnant. The lady I usually go to was busy so I went to another lady. My dh and dd were there with me cuz it was just a quick cut and it turned out that the lady who cut my hair had a 4 month old. Oddly enough, her dd due date was Sept 24 and mine was Sept 18. Here is where things got weird. My dd was 11 days overdue (born the 30th) and she told me that her Dr. (a woman) induced her the day before her due date!!!: She said that her Dr. did not like her patients to go much over their due dates. That suprised me (not really and really) and I went on to tell her that I was 11 days over due and no one really batted an eye.: She asked how my labor went and I said that I stayed home and then went to the hospital and labored in a jacuzzi tub. She said "How did that work?" And I said well, I got in and I had the baby. She was like where was the monitor on your tummy. I said that I didn't have a monitor on my tummy. They did check dd every once in a while with the fetoscope thingy. Then she asked were my IV's were while I was in the tub. I said that I didn't need any IV's. She seemed very confused.: She asked how it worked with my epidural. I said that I didn't get an epidural. She stopped asking me questions. I kinda felt bad afterward because I felt as though I was bragging...which I wasn't. I felt badly for her because she wasn't informed about how it could have been. I had another lady ask right off the bat if I had my baby via c-section and I said no. And she was like OH? And she she said, well you got an epidural right? And I said nope. I wouldn't change a thing about how things went but sometimes I feel as though I am different. Why is natural seen as so different? Now that I know that my body works and works well, my dh and I want to do the next one at home. Then I will really be a wierdo.
Does this happen to you other mammas?

[Aliviasmom]

I sure hope not! I wish I had the guts to go natural! Plus, now that I've had 2 csecs, I was advised to have a repeat. I'm not sure which way I'm going to go...but anyway....Way to go!!

[krisw]

Nobody has much asked me about my labor except people who are either in agreement or in awe of my epi-free birth skills!

I envy you your birthing experience!

[MrsMike]

I reply honestly when asked. I didn't have an epi, labored in the water, no IV, no induction. I would have given birth at the birth center but they didn't have back-up that night. My midwife made the hospital as close to the birth center as possible. Some people tell me I'm nuts or that they could never be a martyr. Other people, mainly my ex-coworkers, think I'm trying to make them feel inferior. If I had a nickel for everytime I've heard, "you shouldn't expect a medal. It's the healthy child that matters." :

[*Aimee*]

I think in a way yes, because I know that I have very few friends who parent the way that I choose to. But at the same time I think that has to do with a lack of education. Some people honestly just dont know there are other ways to do things. I know I didnt. I know I'll be doing things way differently with my next baby, now that I've found MDC and know better

[Mrs_Hos]

Hi there!
I'm here in Dayton too! (Bobbi, I'm a LLL leader--been to any meetings?)

I definitely feel like I'm in the minority--I had my baby at home in water! NOPE, no epi, no IVs, no monitor! hahah Just good friends to 'watch' and make sure I don't have any issues!

We may be a minority, but we are the lucky ones...the ones that trust our bodies and our babies to get thru labor. Not talking down to epi moms etc, just it was wonderful to take control, stay in control, and feel the magic...
And honestly, it didn't hurt any more than my highly medicated 1st birth--when it came time to push, the meds weren't on board so much and that pain was WAY WORSE!

Congrats mama! Hope to meet you soon!

[OMama]

I've definitely had similar conversations, but mainly with strangers, like the hair stylist. Once this guy working at Costco in the check out line asked where I was planning on "delivering" when I was pregnant this last fall. I said at home and I had to repeat the word 4 times! He kept saying, "no, which hospital." I think he really didn't know that babies can be born at home. Actually I think a lot of people don't know this. When I was talking to a gynecologist a few weeks ago I told her that I had a great birth at home and she she seemed kind of shocked and asked if it was planned. I get this all the time.

I'm happy for you that you had such an awesome experience. I loved birthing both of my babes too -- one at a hospital with midwives, but totally natural, and one at home. By far, these were the best experiences of my life. I do feel that most women are cheated by not knowing their options and not knowing the power of what their bodies can do. We need a birthing revolution!

[wanderlost]

I sometimes feel like I am "bragging" too - and in a way, I guess I am - simply because my first birth was NOTHING that I planned. I was completley bullied into an epidural and had no support for my birth plan (I must have heard "No one will give you a medal for this" and "Your baby won't love you any more if you don't have an epi" and "If you were getting your appendix out you wuld want a painkiller, right?" a hundred times!) So my second baby, born 100% natural, on IV, no epi, no episiotomy, was everything I had wanted - it was perfect and I am proud! I don't go around blabbing, but when people ask, I am happy to tell them all about it!! AND, if the conversation goes on, I tell them I can't wait to do it again, at home....maybe even unassisted!!
They usally look like this: : and sometimes that is sort of fun.

[thepeach80]

People generally stop asking after they learned I had 2 VBACs. lol They're too much in awe over that most times. My births were pretty mainstream besides that though.

[popbaby]

I definitely feel like I am in the minority! Which is weird, I am in a major city, work in the music industry, have progressive friends and co-workers...BUT...Everyone, and I mean everyone I work with, and including some of my closest friends have all said, "so you're going to take the drugs right"? I sit there and wonder, do these people know me at all? The next thing they say, and I am serious... "DON'T BE A HERO - TAKE THE F**ING DRUGS" It's baffling! Don't be a hero?

I swore, the next person to say that to me, I would freak out on them..low and behold, my best friend told me "Don't be a hero"...I just laughed, I was was in too much disbelief that those words came out of her mouth, I couldn't do anything else than laugh and tell her she has no idea what she just said... she backpeddled, and said she didn't mean the way it came out. Whatever

[paisleypoet]

In my experiences, women who choose to go all natural are in the minority. At my childbirth class reunion, I was the only person out of 15 mothers who did not have an epidural. One had a C-section. They looked at me like there was something magical or strange about me. I did feel kind of proud of that, but I wasn't bragging. Everyone around me, family, friends, thought I was crazy to do it without an epidural, even the nurse at my delivery couldn't believe it. Of course, it was in a hospital. This lady at work was like, "So you had NOTHING? No shot or anything?!" Why is that so hard to believe? If I ever have another baby I want to have a homebirth (I probably won't have any more though). I can only imagine how crazy my family would think I was. It kind of makes me laugh. Thinking of birth as this medical, scary, terrible thing to get through seems to be the norm ( at least I thought so before coming here!).

[philomom]

Yes, I'm in the minority too. I always talk about birthing with a smile on my face. I had two hands-off, midwife attended in the hospital, no interventions at all, births. I must have two heads to most folks. However, I think it's important to keep piping up to tell ladies that there are choices out there. And to help influence young girls/women who are not yet childbearing age.

[hrutledge]

Yes we are def. the minority. When people find out dd2 was born at home I get all sorts of responses. Most implying that I'm: I had even had people imply that I was a bad/irresponsible parent for not having a c-section when dd went 12 days overdue: I feel sorry for moms who don't know or explore their options.

[quirkylayne]

I know that the epidural rate at my hospital is 98%. So I guess that puts you in the minority (I had an epi). I think it is the whole "the doc said" thing. People don't realize that they have a choice. My doc asked me at a regular appointment about pain meds and I told her I was going to try to do with out. She asked me why and I told her I prefered no intervention, it was just my choice, I wasn't trying to prove anything. She was fine with that - I did agree to an IV because I was GBS+.

[stacyann21]

My mom didn't think I could go med-free, she kept telling me I wouldn't make it past 3 or 4 cm. One of my friends said I was crazy and she wants "20 epidurals" :

[wasswifey]

Yes, definitely a minority. True, most people are just not informed about their options and think that drugs, IV, monitoring is just the way it goes when you have a baby. Even if they do know that its ok to NOT take drugs etc. they don't believe that taking them, vacuum births....can do any harm to the baby. I had a hospital birth because I couldn't have a home birth but I had midwives, which made me be able to birth the way I wanted. People were asking my husband who my MD was and he told them "she has midwives"...... they didn't even know what a midwife was!

[sewaneecook]

Another one of the minority checking in! I wish more women would at least educate themselves before making the decision of whether to use an epi or not. Too often it's taken as a given that one will be used. I live in an area where anything natural is considered weird ... one of DH's co-workers told me that a "c-section was God's gift to women!" He was proud to claim that his wife had 2 of them (sure did save her from a lot of pain and recovery, he happily informed me ).

[Mamatoto2]

Originally Posted by Mrs_Hos

Hi there!
We may be a minority, but we are the lucky ones...the ones that trust our bodies and our babies to get thru labor. Not talking down to epi moms etc, just it was wonderful to take control, stay in control, and feel the magic...

Just wanted to post a little food for thought (incidently, I'm noy offended by this statement, just want to give a little perspective). Sometimes bodies (even the bodies of the most ardent crunchy AP moms) don't work "right" even when we trust them to do so and it can be beyond our control.

Mt DD#1 was a MW-assisted drug-free waterbirth. Maybe that looks like a success by AP standards, but what you don't see is that I had a lightening fast labor, birthed 45 min. after getting to the hospital (I arrived fully effeacd, dilated to 10 and at +1 station) and couldn't have had an epi by then even if I had always wanted one (which I didn't). I almost missed my waterbirth because they didn't think they'd have time to fill the tub. Would that have made my birth less AP had there not been time to involve water? Oh, and then my magical body hemorrhaged (even though statistically that's really really not supposed to happen) so I got pit, and other drugs, an attempted manual extraction (ever had one? It's really not magical) After 2 days of dangerously low bloodcounts I had a transfusion, and then what magic did my body do? It hemorrhaged again. More manual extractions, another blood transfusion, and then a D&C to scrape off the piece of my placenta that had adhered to my cervix (that's not supposed to happen) and another blood transfusion. Had I trusted the magic of my body to do exactly what it is supposed to do, I'd be dead.

Birth #2 was supposed to be another drug-free MW-assisted waterbirth, but at 32 weeks baby was still breech, and not any good kind of breech, the transverse kind where they are diagonal across the tummy and no part of them is engaged so you have to do a c-s because if you go into labor the cord can prolapse and the baby can die, that kind of breech. So, I tried to do anything and everything I could do. I went for accupuncture (moxibustion) four times, I went to 3 different chiropractors for adjustments using the Webster method for a total of 17 times, I took homeopathic pulsatilla to relax my uterus and help baby turn, I bought an inversion table and hung upside down every 2 hours, I put hot packs on my lower abdomen and ice packs on top, I played music/shined a light between my legs, ran an electric toothbrush by my belly, visualized, prayed, contacted a "Birthing from Whithin" mentor to theraputically address any emotional roadblocks that might have prevented the baby from turning....and then my water broke. It was 11 days before I was due and for all of my efforts, AP ideals, and prayers for a "normal" birth I got to have an emergency C-S. I even asked if they could do the kind of incision to allow for a future V-BAC, but in order to turn baby full around to get her out, they knew that was not safe/possible so I knew (pre-surgery) that despite Bradley courses, MWs, waterbirth ideals, CDing, non-Vaxing, extended BFing, organic food eating, Waldorf schooling, all the trust in my body to birth the way women have been for thousands of years, and on and on and on my body just can't be trusted to birth naturally and safely. It makes mistakes when it comes to birthing. I'm sure that it doesn't mean to, and I know that it's by no fault of my own, and I know that teh way I birth in no way says anything about the way I parent.

You really are the lucky ones. Some of us have been equally trusting and well-intentioned, just not lucky. I really wanted to go with the beautiful empowering "Mothering" notion that if we trust our bodies in birthing we will be rewarded with a beautiful magical birth. That just isn't the hand I was dealt. I tried (twice) but for me, trusting in magic alone would have meant death in childbirth twice over. Cherish the luck you have had in being able to birth in a way that reflects your values. Reconsider the assumption that the way other people have birthed necessarily reflects their values.

[faerierose]

My conversations usually go something like this, Them "where was he born" Me "at home" Them "ON PUROPOSE???" me "yes (trying not to laugh)" Then I get some comment about how nuts I am and the subject gets changed. I really feel like a minority, I can't really talk to anyone irl about how great it was because I just end up explaining why I am not crazy for not wanting to be in a hospital.

[annettemarie]

Moving to Birth and Beyond.