Mother issues with homebirth - Page 2

[mykidsmom776]

I'm sorry that your mother is not being supportive. My mother thinks I'm a little nuts for sure, but she doesn't say anything to that effect. (She just gets an expression on her face when we talk about it and says, "ooookay". -- but she's supportive).

Of course, even though this will be my first homebirth, it's my fifth child. I'm not so sure that she would have kept her opinions to herself if I had done this with my first. It wasn't until after I had my first child that we had the whole, "Mom, you did a great job with me and my siblings, but I'm the mother now and you need to respect that."

I can't give you any advice that others haven't already given you. Good luck. Don't let her sway you from having the birthing experience that you desire!

[BrownEyed]

I talked on the phone with her today(as she will coming out to stay with DH and I for a couple weeks) and said quite frankly " You're going to be here for a long time and I want you and I to get along, for me, DH, and your first grandchild" that last bit was the cincher for her and she told me "I'm very excited to meet your MW and can't wait to see the u/s".

So I think that's a good step for now. One step at a time I think is key.

Thank you for all the replies.

[ColoradoMama]

You may just win her over yet! My mom was present for the births of #1 and #3 (first - hospital; third - home). She was very apprehensive about the homebirth at first (she relaxed a little after she met my mw), but after she witnessed the hb, she was a convert! Good luck.

[Marvelleaux]

Originally Posted by BrownEyed

I talked on the phone with her today(as she will coming out to stay with DH and I for a couple weeks) and said quite frankly " You're going to be here for a long time and I want you and I to get along, for me, DH, and your first grandchild" that last bit was the cincher for her and she told me "I'm very excited to meet your MW and can't wait to see the u/s".

So I think that's a good step for now. One step at a time I think is key.

Thank you for all the replies.

What a nice and firm first step

I feel very strongly that the time I'm spending being pregnant is really much more than just "growing a baby". It's so much more than that. One of the biggest changes I am going through is in my relationships with my own mother, and my MIL.

My own mother was very breezy about our plans to homebirth. She had a lot of questions initially but is very interested in how it works and is very supportive-even of my decision to not have her there. It has not been so easy with my MIL, whom I am also very close with and physically close to as well ( MIL lives 8 miles away). She's not unsupportive of homebirth, per se, but she has a difficult time being respectful of others' needs if they don't match her own, and will do all she can to allign the two in her favor. She can be very pushy and has at times caused nasty conflict between me and DH, because DH, until fairly recently, was unable to shrug off her pressings.

I figure that this behavior would only likely get worse once the grandchild arrives and I wanted to nip that bud PRONTO. I am doing my very best not to be mean but I do seize every opportunity to make a clear distinction between what she wants and what we're actually planning to do--at our birth and beyond. It has caused a few bumpy spots on the road, but I think our "springs" will be in better condition once the baby arrives.

Good luck with your weekend

[AKmoose]

I just wanted to add that you might want to have a copy of Henci Goer's "Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth" around the house for your mom's visit. Ina May can be a little "too hippie" for some, and Henci Goer is much more fact-based, here's the evidence style. It might be a good one for your mom to read. Best wishes to all of you!

[Mamatolea]

I feel your pain, my mother thinks I am crazy too for doing homebirth. She is scared to death because I was a forcep hospital birth and my sister was an E/C for cord wrapped. When I told her we were doing homebirth, she freaked out and went OFF on me. My father actually told her to STOP she was going crazy. We brought her to the midwives and she talked to them about E/T to hospital and other things and I think that she calmed a little bit. Now she is still not going to be here(which is fine, I need no negativity) but she will be nearby and is much more supportive as the months went by.

I suggest talking to her and letting her get out her fears by asking questions. Let her see that you are not afraid and you have done your research. I think my confidence has rubbed off on her and I feel much better that I think she feels better. But ultimately, whether or not she was on board, I KNOW I am making the right decision. YOU need to know that for you too!

[Kirsten]

My dd3 was a homebirth. It is pretty cool to have your own birth, the way you want it - without having to fight for it.

It is nice that your mom is sounding open to the whole homebirth idea now. But what you have to remember is that you don't have to convince her. She has no part in the decision at all. Support is nice but certainly not necessary.

It is YOUR birth. She got to make her birth choices. Do not let anyone else's fears, misconceptions, issues, control trips, etc affect YOUR choices. You do what you feel is best for you. If she can't be 100% positive and supportive about it, then just don't talk to her about it until after it is over.

[mendomidwife]

Hi....
It makes me sad that all of you have had to struggle with this issue...
I have been doing home births for >20 years...quite often, the pregnant mother confides to me that her own mother will "flip" if she knows about her birth plans. I think it is important to be honest - living a divided life is not good for our souls, or the planet.
I have found, that in most cases - parents will come to accept that this is the chosen path. In fact....if at all possible, I encourage the client to bring their mother to an appointment, to meet me, see that I am a caring, confident, experienced person. It gives me a chance to talk with the mother, ask her about her own birth experience (often the knock em out, drag em out story) - no wonder they are scared. They need to be educated !!!!
I can't tell you how many times - after the birth - that the mother tells me what a wonderful experience it was - how she had no idea that birth could be "this way"......and ultimately, it is the only way we can change attitudes toward birth.
Carla

[BrownEyed]

Again, all of your help has been great. My mom flies in on Monday so DH and I are spending most of this weekend preparing the house and ourselves for her visit.

I called my MW yesterday and got a really good list of books to pick up aswell as she will be sending me some pamphlets to better educate my mom.

I'm hopeful right now and just want to stay that way.