book rec's for preggo sis (very mainstream)

[vtgirl]

my older sister just found out she's pregnant. she's 38 (in april) and this is her 2nd pregnancy - the first was terminated when she was 19. she's sort of cautiously happy and excited b/c this was not planned and she's worried about her age and if she really "has what it takes to be a mom".

she has already indicated that she plans to have a c- section, circ (if a boy), have a separate room for the babe and "probably" not bf.
so, essentially, she rejects every choice i made and i guess i just feel like......what do i do? keep my mouth shut and just be supportive and try to get in little snippets of info where i can? the only thing she has asked for advice on is where to get maternity clothes. i shop in thrift stores.

she's pretty upper middle class and owns her own graphic design co. and she lives in CA. i live in VT so we just talk on the phone once every week or two.

i think my ? is - is there a book which i can send her to sort of gently opoen her eyes to "alternatives" to her ideas?

i am truly happy for her but she can be very "big sis know it all" even on subjects about which she knws nothing (eg motherhood!) and i hate to say it but i think she is not real impresssed with my dd (age 6) whom she has only met about 6 times. my girl is amazing and i have been told so by many people but my sis is just not a kid person (at least other peoples kids!) and i think she might feel llike she better do the opposite of what i did so she doesnt end up bfing for 2 years and cosleeping for 5years and rearranging her life and career for this baby.

help!! i really want to help her become aware of AP but i don't want to alienate her or make her thnk i am judging her for her differences.

thanks for any reccomendations!

[CarenSwan]

I always think that the Sears' books are a great way to introduce people to AP ideas. Also, their website (www.askdrsears.com) is very professional and mainstream looking! But quite frankly, the good-ole American Academy of Pediatrics (which I consider to be as mainstream as they come!) has some pretty good statements issued about things like breastfeeding and having the baby in your room (of course, they say not in the bed, but at least they advocate for sleeping along-side your babe!) So you might pass on some of those links to her. Or look on babycenter.com, another "mainstream" site that has some good things to say about BFing and sharing sleep.

Good luck to you! I know how it feels to be the "oddball" in the family!

[PiePie]

On pregnancy: The Pregnancy Journal
On child rearing/development: Terry Brazelton's Touchpoints

[abclan]

I second the Dr Sears books. I give them as baby shower gifts for my more mainstream friends/family. The fact that he is a DOCTOR is somehow really meaningful to them. I give "The Baby Book" but it included chapters on pregnancy, birth, nutrition, breastfeeding, babywearing, co-sleeping, toddlerhood, etc.

One gal I gave to who was stauchly opposed to breastfeeding, baby-wearing and co-sleeping changed her mind. Granted, she breastfed for five months but that's a heck of alot longer than zero months! She credited her change of heart to the fact her and her mom read the book and realized how important it was. (Poor girl - no living woman in her family had ever breastfed! Not her mom, aunt, mother-in-law or even grandma! )

Ina May's Guide to Childbirth is another good one. She has done (another) excellent job on documenting how good common sense is also good medicine.

Good luck! Remember, you really can't change people's mind. But, you can always give books!!!

[ColoradoMama]

I would give her "So, That's What They're For." I know you said she didn't think she'd bf, but this book is funny. When you give it to her, you could say, "Okay, I know you're not that interested in breastfeeding, but this book is really funny." I tell people it's like "The Girlfriends Guide to Pregnancy" except it's about breastfeeding, and it has accurate information.

[elanorh]

We've been struggling with the same issue with SIL and her husband. I recommended books to her -- she seems more committed to bf than we'd thought she'd be but she's definitely going to try to do everything the hardest way (no cosleeping etc.).

1. So That's What They're For - so funny, and well-written, and doens't come across as pushy at all but has the information there -- very accessible mainstream (bf book).

2. No Cry Sleep Solution -- comes across as a bit more AP, but has good tips for helping babies sleep without being unresponsive to their needs, if she's not planning on cosleeping (and good info about cosleeping that might change her mind ).

3. Our Babies, Ourselves -- Anthropology book. Very accessible reading, but definitely difficult to argue against the biological and archaelogical evidence of what babies need, in terms of bf, responsive caregivers, cosleeping, etc. And might open her eyes to how much of what she may be assuming babies "need" is actually a cultural construct -- especially good suggestion if she's intellectual. I tell people that mom and dad should read this book together! I think it can pave the way for the rest of the AP approach very well.

4. Sears books, as mentioned above.

Not books - but I'd say it's great to simply assume that she is intending to breastfeed, and leave it up to her to say "no." So, tell her what your friends who bf while WOHM did to be able to pump etc., etc.

Send it as a care package for pregnancy -- with some other fluffy things you think she'd enjoy (I don't know, chocolates or something ) - some baby gifts, etc. I send my sisters these books with baby blankets when we know they're pregnant. And recommend them to all my expecting friends.

[vtgirl]

thank you all so much for your responses! i will definetly check out these books and try to figure out which ones will appeal to her ..... "so that's what they're for" might be a good start and like a pp said *any* bf for her babe is better than none!

[Sustainer]

The Birth Book

What Your Doctor May Not Tell You About Circumcision

So That's What They're For