Is there a better way?

[~Megan~]

ds likes to get into things, I know its totally normal (and totally annoying). He doesn't like being restrained in any way so it makes it really hard for me to get chores done (he normally naps in my lap and wakes if I move him, I usually have to wait till dh gets home to get anything done).

I'm not sure how to handle this as I need to get things done during the day, even the bare minimum like cooking meals for us (though I'd like to be able to do a bit more).

He has some understanding of what is okay and what is not. Like he will point to something he knows is not for touching and say "Mo (no)". I do the redirection and repetition of "not for baby".

The last few days dh has been doing the above and asking him if he wants to sit in the highchair (doesn't like being restrained). ds will back away from whatever it is that he shouldn't be playing with and say "mo (no)". If he continues dh will put him in the highchair for a minute.

I know this is basically baby time out and it doesn't feel right to me but I have no idea what else to do. I'm extremely overwhelmed. Not only do I have normal cleaning to do but we are moving so I have to declutter and pack too.

Please help me come up with something better.

[mommy2abigail]

How old is your dc? I gather he's kinda little? Hmmm, dd never liked any kind of restraint either. What worked for us was putting up a baby gate. We have kind of an open floor plan, with the living room on one side, and the dining/kitchen on the other. Since we don't really use the dining room, we turned that into her play area, where her toys live. She's of course free to take them all over, but that's where they have a 'place'. I used to gate the living room off, because really, we didn't use that space. It only housed our tv and couches and my sewing machine, and I dont want her into any of that stuff anyway! I made the playroom side safe, and that way I could be occupied with cooking or something and know she was safe. I also close all bedroom doors and bathroom doors unless I am with her. HTH

[Chanley]

I used to put my dd in the bathtub with a pan of water and some clean plastic dishes. I would ask her to wash the dishes while I cleaned the bathroom.
I would put her bathing suit on and let her sit in the dry tub with with a tub of water. The bathtub toys would get thrown in too.

We have a bedroom adjacent to the bathroom and I could work in there while still being close. This was great.

Dunno if this helps but giving her a job to do would help me get some things done. Even if it was a little more work for me in the end.

[mamaduck]

I dislike the idea of using the highchair in that fashion for a number of reasons:
- Its unsafe, unless he is being directly supervised in a hands on kind of way. Especially if he gets upset about it.
- If the highchair is used for eating, he will form negative associations between sittin for a meal and sitting as a negative consequence.

I would be less uncomfortable with using a pack-n-play, but still not feel good about the underlying concept of "time out" as a consequence for normal exploration. His need to explore and pull things apart is an aspect of his psychological development that is a fact -- not something he can entirely control. He is *driven* to learn by unseen forces, and at this age -- learning happens by exploration. Its a GOOD thing.

Channeling this drive is hard though, especially if you need to accomplish things. Are you moving? Is that why you are packing up? For something like that, I would bring in reinforcements. Time with a mother's helper or with grandma for 2 days a week, or something along those lines.

I would also find ways to include him in your jobs around the house. It will be slower than working alone, but better than not being able to work at all. He can be "mommy's helper" though, by imitating whatever tasks you are doing on a smaller scale. For instance -- he can sweep while you sweep. He can stir water in a bowl while you cook dinner. He can pack a small box while you pack a big box. You may have to redo it later when he's not looking, but at least he'll be occupied.

[Cujobunny]

The idea of letting him help , giving him his own cloth, etc. is great.

You say he doesn't like being restrained, but what about if you were to wear him in a sling in a hip carry, or a mei tai on your back? He might really like being able to see what you're doing. Now that he's older he likes to stand on a chair at the counter and "help".

These have worked really well for me.

[~Megan~]

thanks for some of these suggestions. None of these will really work for me as we do not have a space that we can completely babyproof for him, at least not in our current home.

He is not quite 1.5 so he's not inclined to help with things like sweeping, well he is but his idea is to use the broom like a sword and for hitting his sister.

Unfortunately he's heavy enough that a sling hurts my back long term. As well he has some agressive behaviors we are working on so I would probably get beat up if he were on my back.

He is a completely different kid than dd was so lots of new challenges!

[WuWei]

Give him things to bang that make noise. It is irresistible (and annoying), but will engage him while you do other things. Turn the music up so that at least you don't go insane from the noise. Create boxes, drawers and cabinets that are for exploring, (like everything he can reach). Our son loved playing on the pantry floor with canned vegetables, unopened boxes of food, cooking utensils, pots, pans, plastic cups, plastic plates, plastic silverware, etc. Also, piles of books, soft blocks, and playing in water were the most engaging at that age. Oh, and a large collapsible tunnel/box is great fun for peek-a-boo.

Pat

[mamaduck]

He is not quite 1.5 so he's not inclined to help with things like sweeping, well he is but his idea is to use the broom like a sword and for hitting his sister.

I wish I could say that they outgrow this! I had my nextdoor neighbor in stitches last spring while they kids "helped" me plant a garden. "Boys -- stop! These are shovels, not swords! And there is no sword fighting in gardening anyway!"



I like Pat's suggestions. How hellish does he find the pack n' play? What if he had interesting things to play with, in a pack n' play, right in the same room with you, music playing, and mommy talking to him the whole time?

[~Megan~]

We bought one of those fancy pants pack n plays when preg with dd and never ever used it so we sold it.

[mamaduck]

Well, there probably is a better way. I'm sorry we haven't struck on it yet. Sometimes, you have to make major changes/restructure your life somewhat in order to make better method "doable." Only you can decide what lengths you are willing to go to.

[simplehome]

Along the lines of banging spoons on pots, my son at that age LOVED to take tart pans and spin/drop them on our tile floor. It makes an un-godly racket that you can't even think over, but would keep him entertained for 5 minutes or so. Or take all of your plasticware and put it in a cardboard box for him to dig through. Or if you want to put him in the highchair without negative associations, what about giving him something really fun to do up there? Finger paint with yogurt? I know this would end up in having to give him a bath, but you might even get as much as half and hour out of it. Just some thoughts.

[~Megan~]

I do let him destroy the cabinet with all the storage containers, unfortunately our cabinets are very old and not babyproofable (none of the kits we've bought fit). He will play with the tupperware stuff for a while but then he will quickly move onto resetting the dishwasher or pulling the things out of another cabinet that is not safe.

As far as making the highchair fun I did give him an old calendar and some washable markers the otherday. He looked like he ate a rainbow then puked it back up. He had a ton of fun for about 20 minutes and I scrubbed as fast as I could!

Right now he just ran in the kitchen and then back out and put the maple syrup and olive oil bottles in the laundry basket (his new favorite toys!).

So what do other people do when redirection doesn't work? When the desire to play with the dangerous things is too enticing to give up?

[Magella]

Regarding the dishwasher, I've seen many posters here say that letting they have let their little ones spend some time pushing as many buttons as they want and turning the dishwasher on and off to their hearts content-and after a day or two it's just not fun anymore, and they are no longer interested in the dishwasher and they have no more struggles about it. I've seen this happen with my kids, with other household items. It's worth considering.

I have set my kitchen up so that all my upper cabinets are filled with the dangerous stuff, and all the lower cabinets contain items that are safe for kids (even babies) to handle (pans, nonbreakable mixing bowls, food, plastic items). That means my little appliances with blades (blender, chopper), my cleaners, anything fragile, etc. are all up high. This has worked very well for us in terms of keeping kids both occupied and out of danger while we work in the kitchen.

Sometimes keeping baskets/boxes of fun things that are taken out only when mom has to be busy is helpful.

Having a variety of things at the ready can be very helpful. So if they are done with the tupperware cabinet, you can have something else to direct them to.

My kids all began standing on chairs to play with the water in the kitchen sink while I worked betwen the ages of 15 and 18 months. I'd put two chairs right next to each other while I worked within arms reach, and they'd stand there and play for a very long time.

Letting them do messy things in the highchair, at the table or sitting on the floor has always been a good distraction when I'm working in the kitchen. Painting with nontoxic watercolors (or just plain water on colored paper), playing with ooblik (cornstarch and water), playdough, bowls of water, fingerpainting with yogurt or homemade fingerpaint, playing with flour in a bowl (or other fun-feeling thing, cornmeal, etc.), and so on.

"Washing" surfaces with a wet rag and, when they are physically able to spray it, a spray bottle filled with water has long been a great entertainer for when I'm busy. Same with washing floors-yesterday my kids were pirates swabbing the deck with old diapers, on their hands and knees.

My kids also started helping to empty the diswasher as soon as they could walk, they liked it. They'd take things out that they could reach (we never put anything sharp in the dishwasher for this reason) and put them in a lower cabinet, or bring them over to us so we could put it away. This was fun, kept them busy, and we actually got something accomplished.

We moved when my oldest was 2 (a young 2) and we had a new baby. For packing and decluttering, I found it helpful to give the little one a box and things she could put in it so she could "pack" too. It was messy, yes, but it kept her busy while I did my thing. Needed to throw things away? Gave her a pile to put in a trash bag, so she could work next to me. Needed a cabinet, drawer or closet emptied? I told her to go ahead and take everything out (toddlers love to empty things), and I'd be right there to intercept anything that could be dangerous. She had tons of fun emptying things out and exploring stuff. Most of the serious packing got done when she was sleeping. Same approach for unpacking when we got into our new place, involved her as much as possible (emptying boxes, carrying stuff, putting things in cabinets, playing with boxes, unwrapping things, playing with paper) and did the rest while she was asleep or busy with something else (but usually she wanted to help).

I've found it's much easier to either pack up (and store away) things that I don't want the kids touching, put those things up high, or supervise so the kids can explore items safely until their curiosity is satisfied or they learn to use them safely/carefully on their own, than it is teach them not to touch. It's also much easier to get creative and wacky, to come up with fun ideas for keeping busy, than to try to teach them not to touch. Children have a natural and strong urge to explore and learn about their environment, which they do by touching and handling things. That's a very hard impulse to work against, and it's extremely difficult for very little ones to control that impulse. Creating an environment in which they can explore is not only easier on everyone, but allows them to learn so much.

Originally Posted by mamaduck

Sometimes, you have to make major changes/restructure your life somewhat in order to make better method "doable." Only you can decide what lengths you are willing to go to.

[swebster]

yes to everything sledg said....

stuff gets done in 15-20 minute increments in my home (dd is just 18 months as well). I use all the activities listed above and also have a few "emergency boxes" which are empty tea boxes filled with random small objects or toys. When she's hanging on my pant leg like a leech and I just need 10 more minutes to finish dinner, I'll hand her a box from the counter..."oooh, what is this! maybe you could open it for me and find out!"

a step stool has also helped a great deal, she spends a good portion of her day on that thing...grazing, pouring beans, drawing, poking playdough with chopsticks, "washing" dishes etc. First thing in the morning she heads over to where we keep it folded up asking "stool? stool? stool?"

make sure you mix it up too...the tupperware cabinet can get pretty boring so surprise him one morning by putting something totally unexpected in there.

When I pick up stuff in the evenings, I try to stage little "discoveries" throughout the house. Fun for DD to discover, but really great for buying myself little chunks of time the next day to get stuff done.

also, rotate toys. put half or more of what you now have out away in several small boxes. forget about them for a few weeks and then when some free time is needed, bring out a box and let him open and explore.