Originally Posted by riverscout
Once the deed was done, me voicing my disapproval or frustration to my child would serve no purpose other than to allow me to vent my feelings and to upset my child about something they could not change.
I agree with most of your post, & to be sure, there is a fine line between educating & being a nudge, but I DO see a reason to not give up beyond venting- there may be other children, there may be grandchildren, friends to convince, etc.
Some of the most wonderfully effective intactivists are the regretful parents.
The only bad analogy I can come up with right now... Let's see. My dd is visiting, with her cats. I told her it would be a bad idea to let them outside in a strange place.
"OH mom." 20 yr olds always know better, yes? So she let a cat out, & it disappeared for a week, & she was devastated
I had to tread that fine line- not in her face with a bunch of snide 'I TOLD you so's, but supportive of her grief & worry, while being close enough to her that she didn't have
to hear it from me. She knew. People make mistakes, terrible mistakes sometimes, when they are figuring out the world.
She could tell me herself how she regretted not listening to me & that if she ever got her back, it wouldn't happen again. (btw, kitty came back collarless & starving last night. Yay! She has new tags in case she escapes, but is now an INDOOR cat.)
Being an attached parent doesn't stop when they give up the tit.
If she ever chose to do something stupid like circ a child, I think she is informed & bright enough to not think it is 'ok' afterwards, & I want to be the one she knows she can come to & grieve over her bad decision with. There are future children in the world to think of (& an old friend of hers just had a little boy, & I pray GOD my own dd's teenage intactivism sunk in with her).